Love this poem by Rilke, thank you for sharing I added it to my diary as a poem to remember  …. it reminds me of Eckhart Tolle’s view on words ..

The word honey isn’t honey. You can study and talk about honey for as long as you like, but you won’t really know it until you taste it. After you have tasted it, the word becomes less important to you. You won’t be attached to it anymore. Similarly, you can talk or think about God continuously for the rest of your life, but does that mean you know or have even glimpsed the reality to which the word points? It really is no more than an obsessive attachment to a signpost, a mental idol. The reverse also applies: If, for whatever reason, you disliked the word honey, that might prevent you from ever tasting it.

You are correct , you got me on a bad day . I am preparing to live to 100, if it does happen I plan to be the best 100 year old I possibly can be. I think this lockdown has removed my social and professional network, I was always the optimists , I think this lockdown is a taste of retirement and it is not for me. I like the smell of cut grass in the rain, I love the smell of freshly baked bread in the morning , I adore the magic of a double rainbow and the golden sunset on a calm ocean. …… my 50s have been the best decade of my life, why can’t my 60s be even better . I wise man told me that your 50s and 60s are you best decades as you have sorted out your @#*” and now you are no longer holding yourself back.

Juanita

If you are looking for a real man , suggest you let him find you. Focus on being a competent independent woman, this will attract real men.
Best relationships are partnerships with 2 independent people , as no one can fulfil you.

I know many men like your ex-husband , as most men worship woman , and falsify who they really are to justify the woman’s attention , thus the woman is fooled that he has meet a kind attentive man .

More to write ..

Tony

Chris deBurgh , The Head and the Heart …. wow that a blast from the past , 1984 and The Man on the Line Album.

Chris is another talented English singer, I have a few if his albums .

Do you connects songs with emotions, memories and people ? , I do. Lady in Red came out in 1986 and was a favourite of Helens, she wore red on our first date , but the association came later as we started dating before the Lady in Red was released. This song reminds me of Helen. The song that I associated with Susan is “Cowboys and Angels” by George Micheal , this was released in 1991, again long after I had “finished” with Susan. I used replay Cowboys and Angels” as every word meant captured Susan……. I have not listened to this song in years .

Over time another song captured the complete essence of Susan and what she means to me, I will not share it here as it is an obscure song that people that know me , know I love this song . It is about love and a painful void, the void could be death or time .

Breaking up is hard , is there a good way to break someone heart ?

<h2><span style=”font-size: 16px;”>Juanita</span></h2>
Thinking about what it is like to be a man, I have focused on weak men, who don’t show respect and are not capable of true love.
Let’s me know if I am on the right track in attempting to understand your husband.

All men have one or two of these traits, but weak men attempt to have most of them: Givers, Caretaker, Seek approval from others (especially from women), Conflict-avoidant, Seek the right way to do things, Try to be perfect and avoid mistakes (so people don’t think they’re bad), Repress their feelings, Want to be different from their fathers, They’re more comfortable being with women, They exert tremendous effort to make their partners happy, but fail miserably. Weak men constantly give because they think that’s what makes them good ( impress their mothers) they tend to put others first, they put everyone’s needs ahead of their own, becoming utterly miserable along the way.

Weak men are afraid of conflict, so this may be why your husband ignores you when you ask for something or raise a topic he does not like . Since your husbands avoids conflicts, nothing ever gets solved with him. He might disagree with you, but he doesn’t say it or he might even pretend to agree, just to avoid conflict and arguments. He is passive aggressive.
When he disagrees, he still tells you what he thinks you want to hear. But, then he reverses his words and decisions to please someone else.

Even thou he thinks he is a saint , the is actually the opposite ,he lies telling people what they want to hear, hides his true intention, uses indirect ways and manipulation to get what he needs-wants, he can  be very controlling. Ultimately he only gives  to get which will brew resentment and anger

He needs to grow a pair and be a real man, he must have total acceptance of who he really is, he must like himself,  he must take care of his needs,  he must be comfortable with his sexuality, he must value integrity, he must speaks up, he must set clear boundaries and is not afraid of enforcing them, he embraces and his Accepts his flaws.

These are questions for your husband :

• Does he know how please yourself first?
• Does he enjoy sex with you ( it has he other out let’s , ie porn)?
• Is he honest about his fears ?
• Does he Eat well ?
• Does he play sport ?
• Does he spend quality time with men ?

Intimate relationships require people to look within themselves and open up about who they really are. If your husband is always wearing a mask and always hiding his true self, it is a downward spiral. Male boundaries are crucial for good emotional health and a positive social life. If has no boundaries then he is pissed when you try to set them for him, becoming a mother and child relationship and not a partnership of

From chatting with guys, generally weak men are ashamed and uncomfortable with their sexuality. Ultimately, intimacy  it not enjoyable for weak men and often not enjoyable for the woman either.

He needs to become confident , competitive and putting him self first, including his own pleasure. Only then can he truly love you.

This a bit of a brain dump, but it is food for deeper discussion … if I am off the mark, I apologise.

Tony