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Roberta

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Viewing 15 posts - 166 through 180 (of 337 total)
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  • in reply to: Please help me, my mind hasn’t rested in 8 months #421074
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle

    No-one person can fulfill all our different needs all of the time & even if they could they would probably not want to be with us!

    I have been in relationships where having a spiritual life was important and they still fizzled out romantically ( but we are still very good friends).

    Although I have taken a vow of celibacy I also have the vow “May I have integrity in all my relationships” basically anyone I encounter (physically & electronically etc) comes under this heading.

    I know I am fortunate that I have a varied set of friends, each contribute in their own different ways to our relationship, that way none of us become a burden and we support ourselves, each other and other people.

    I hope that your spiritual journey will improve all areas of your life.

    regards Roberta

    in reply to: Please help me, my mind hasn’t rested in 8 months #421059
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle

    It appears that you have met a gentle kind man, who supports your choices and is physically compatible, Yet this is not enough for you. you want to have your sense of self also massaged & pampered by him. Maybe you could swap him for someone who alternates between shallowly love bombing you and ghosting you!  You have a great base to grow & nurture a relationship that most people wold give their eye teeth for – it could also be that his lack of vocalising his emotions/ feelings could possibly be down to having a very mild version of autism who knows.

     

    in reply to: Is it okay to want to be happy? #420888
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Kodi

    I am glad that you do occasionally have access to a sanctuary. Now the trick is to create something similar at home, a sacred space can be as small as a niche on a bookshelf or as big as your own retreat hut in the garden. A person I know found the only place she could get away to was the toilet but she managed to put in a shelf that served as a mini altar.

    During lockdown I shared accommodation with my son & family i was suprised how quick they all got used to me doing my practices and my young grandson understands that “Buddha time” means that if he is in my space he sits quietly or he waits patiently else where for me to come and play with him when I & others are finished.

    I have never come across Hystamine intolerance what does that entail? One of my previous co workers had a reaction to bee products and it was amazing how many everyday items fell into this bracket.

    I wish you all the best in finding a peaceful & fulfilling life

     

    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear William

    How lucky you have been to have a mentor who has had such a positive influence both on & off the track.

    Yes change can be challenging especially when it involves loss of someone close. I hope that you have written a letter to him acknowledging all that he has done for you, this is a present that he can take away with him and look at when times are hard for him.

    There is a buddhist term called Muditta which roughly translates as empathetic joy –  which is the opposite of jealousy & grasping. Wishing him well in his new endeavors and how lucky his new students will be to have such a wonderful mentor.

    And now you are looking to broaden your horizons by building on the gift you had and exploring new options.

    I hope that you will find plenty of positive influences in your life,

    in reply to: Is it okay to want to be happy? #420756
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Kodi

    All beings want happiness and the freedom from suffering is the fundamental Buddhist teaching and the 8 fold path is the journey we can take to get us there.  The Aryuvedic system of medicine looks at the person as a whole and seeks to balance our systems that is in harmony with our dosha stlye.

    I wonder what kinds of narrative runs thru your conscious and do you believe everything you think?

    If possible can you expound what a horrible person feels like to you ie heavy hot tight.

    Adding guilt about the things that are good in your life is like drinking poison, where as, appreciation is like ingesting a  healthy tonic. it is your choice which bottle you choose to drink from, as you become more mindful of things moment to moment seeing that you do have choice will be easier to see & that in itself is empowering.

    So I am guessing that an introverted empath needs to be around quieter, gentler,  joyful people and a slower more natural lifestyle to help them flourish?

    in reply to: what do you live for #420753
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear I

    At the moment my life revolves mainly around family, caring for my father (92 dementia) and son, daughter in law & two grandchildren  under 5, it is a period of my life that I am pulling on the reserves of my previous spiritual learnings & remembering to find joy in the little things of the moment and trying not to hanker after the past or yearning for the future freedom which only causes me suffering.

    I am sorry that your life is hard & bleak for you at this moment on top of your ongoing struggles.  We are all worthy of love & support both from ourselves & others. I hope that both of you get the support that you need. I get voluntary help from friends & a carers foundation which has helped ease my burdens somewhat, there is no shame in asking for help, in fact it is a wise and compassionate action.

    Take care

    in reply to: I want to live, not just exist #420752
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Tey

    I am sorry that you feel stuck.  Yes homesickness & nostalgia are pulling at your heartstrings at the moment along side what seems a lack of motivation from your husband.  I guess some open dialogue needs to happen between you, about both of yours  hopes,  dreams & fears and how you want to grow & nurture the relationship etc. Does your husband suffer from depression or low self esteem or illness? You do not mention your ages. Also many relationships go into the doldrums at about this time span that why its called the 7 year itch.

    Also try to see other options not just the two  stay because I love him or go and enjoy life  surely there is a way to find some joy in Missouri. I think Ghandi said be the change you want to see and maybe encourage baby steps forward with your husband even if it is just to sit out side and share a cup of coffee rather than a 10 mile hike,  taking joy and appreciation in the small things help rather than putting one’s happiness in just the big things.

     

    in reply to: Unwanted & Inadequate as a grandparent #420668
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear SamC

    If feel your pain. My second grandchild spent probably 90% more time with her other granparents or at least if felt like that for the first year, mainly because I and her parents were working and so a lot of the child care was done by the grandfather who was retired.

    Maybe you could suggest that your son and his family come around say for Sunday lunch or an outing on a day that is suitable for your both.  Your son may even feel jealous/ left out that you spend more time with his sister and her children.  Another suggestion could be a big family picnic with all the grandparents and it would be lovely for the cousins to play together.   I voiced my needs to my son and now once a month they come with the children for a sleepover having 4 generations under one roof is a challenge but I am so glad that I was brave enough to talk to my son.

    Wishing you all the best

     

    in reply to: Lying Fiancé #420640
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Lunaryogini

    The reason he lied was because he was scared of my reaction because he knew I was very uptight about anything to do with his ex wife

    I have reread your original post. This man managed to have an amicable divorce ( major bonus points), which I think says a lot and it was you who took issue with the way that these two people chose to handle their affairs ( pets can have similar entanglement to children) which appears to led to him becoming secretive.

    It makes me wonder what trust issues you have had before meeting this gentleman?

    in reply to: Lying Fiancé #420631
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Lunaryogini

    Did he close his personal account and ask the bank to move all his standing orders & direct debits over to the new joint account? If so it could be an oversight that he did not weed out redundant debits.

    If you choose to continue with this relationship then you both may benefit from couples counselling so that your relationship can flourish and each of you heal these underlying problems that you each appear to have.

    in reply to: Break up hurt #420475
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Freddie

    Thank you for clarifying things. I have been in a similar situation a man I was involved with, his daughter was being brought up by his ex wife’s granparents ( his ex wife had issues around alcohol). It maybe that your ex may have suffered from postnatal depression. Like you I tried to initiate a relationship with the daughter and foster a better relationship between child and parent. My then partner did have issues and would sometimes talk about them, but he refused to follow the guidance given by his doctors even with my encouragement & support.  I brought a house with my parents and moved in with my 2 children, part of the difficulty was that my mother’s mother died when I was about 4 and I think my mum did not know how to be a grandmother only a mother, so there were some control issues.

    It appears that your ex is unwilling or unable to address the whys & wherefores of her families dynamics etc and therefore any relationship she has will have a shadow over it.

    I hope that you find someone to make a kind & loving family with.

    in reply to: Just gonna say what I need to say x #420462
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Chris

    Please hang on in there even though it is tough. If you can go and sit out in nature, look and really see the marvel of life on this earth and let it start to help restore and nourish you. Nature is non judgemental and a great companion.

    Please look after yourself, we are here to support you.

     

     

    in reply to: Break up hurt #420460
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Freddie

    Your girlfriend had waited patiently for 7 years for you to work thru your stuff and commit to a loving & committed relationship. I hope that the person she is now seeing is kind and gentle as she is still very vulnerable. You both deserve to be in relationships  where the important things like children & marriage are something that you agree on especially since women’s window of fertility is much narrower than mens.

    in reply to: How can I do what I wan’t to do with joy? #420286
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Beni

    Have you tried the Lovingkindness practice? There are loads on youtube both talks & guided meditations.

    There are so many different versions i am pretty sure that you will find a couple that will resonate with you especially if you start with the ones that focus on self loving kindness.

    wishing you all the best with finding your joy

    in reply to: Confused, betrayal and lies #420222
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Jenny

    I do not know how old your children are, but you definitely do not want this man anywhere near them ( drugs & soft porn warp the users perception of reality). It is hard to be a single parent but it is better than having the wrong person in your family’s life.  Your home is your sanctuary, a place of spiritual growth take time to cleanse it of his presence also study the buddhist teachings on relationships to help you spot a good person when they come into your life.

     

Viewing 15 posts - 166 through 180 (of 337 total)