Dear Julia

Welcome to the club, you should congratulate yourself for recogniseing the  problem & wanting to do something about it.

It is also so wise to have an aspiration as to why you want to change those habits.

I agree that boredom loneliness even tiredness/lethargy are some of the factors along with stress can make us fall into less than healthy actions. I first noticed this tendency in me some 30 plus years ago. My husband was away at sea for 5-42 days at a time, I too found the evenings once the children were in bed the hardest – you can’t even go out for a walk!

It may help for you to write down why you dont want to do these things to remind you when the urges come upon you along with goals /ideas/projects to counteract these tendencies.

Crucially be gentle and not critical with your internal narrative.

best wishes

Roberta

Dear Melissa

I am sorry that your family is having a tough time.

Your daughter is on the cusp between childhood/adulthood and many of the usual rights of passage were curtailed by the pandemic. Her needs will be yoyoing  between wanting independence and still wanting to be mothered and this will be very confusing both for her & those around her especially  if she does not realise this or how to communicate these fluctuating needs.

You have mentioned your daughters lethargy and weight issues – it is possible to be overweight & deficient in vitamins & minerals etc at the same time.

Of course there is no one single answer that fits all as most lives are complex & multi faceted but each positive step no matter how small has a ripple effect.

I hope that you keep on communicating on this forum & that you get insights that help

Roberta

Dear Janel

I live less than a dozen miles away from a nuclear power plant and a nuclear reprocessing plant (they are in another country) so there are times where I feel very vulnerable, but whilst waiting for something that may never happen, I do what I can to help those around me & my immediate environment to make the best of what is available to me here & now like offering to house Ukranian refugees, plus I am signed up to 38 degrees which can be loosely defined as a political & environmental pressure forum so that I can make my voice heard on worldwide issues.

How did your Quaker meeting go?….at our local meeting we ponder upon one of the advices & queries each meeting .

I hope that your anxiety eases.

kind regards

Roberta

Dear thedifferentgamer0:

I am sorry that you did not get to meet your online friend in person.

Often our on  line persona is a distillation of our best bits plus what we aspire to be. So we can feel that a face to face meeting can be frightening & or disappointing. its like if all the photos of you were of you in makeup & airbrushed & then that person sees you with no make up & bed hair and dog breath the reality does not match up to the fantasy!

Six weeks ago this person was not part of your  everyday life. Concentrate on your offline life and I can almost guarantee that in another 6 weeks you will have a different perspective on things.

best wishes

Roberta

Dear A Dying Light

I am sorry that you feel that your suffering is unendurable and to terminate your lifeforce in this body is possibly your only option and yet amongst your post I note you talk about worth & purpose, with each breath we take can carry purpose. There are many special people who send their day in prayer for the whole of humanity, they are not famous nor do they seek it. Others find that working for the benefit of others (there are a myriad of ways) gives their life purpose and satisfaction.

I find it interesting that you choose to write on a site called tiny buddha and you make references to god (this is not meant as criticism). What I like about buddhist teachings is that it hands control over how I choose to meet lifes journey back to me, using the tools of wisdom & compassion to help me navigate lifes ups & downs.

I have had 2 suicidal grandparents (1 succeeded) and an aunt plus my uncle did take his life and my own mother would have opted for assisted suicide if the cancer she had stopped her from being able to travel to where it was legal so I make sure that I take active steps to look after my wellbeing.

I hope that you keep on reaching out and this site has many wise and compassionate contributors who are more than willing to metaphorically hold your hand thru this darkness.

Kind regards

Roberta

Hi MJ

I think you are brave and wise.

Hopefully this guy will think long and hard about what he has said and the impact it had on you. If he is any kind of a gentleman he will apologize for his crassness and it may  take sometime to rebuild the friendship.

Some people are good with words or maths or music or art etc, just because people have a talent or think they have a talent, it does not make them any better or worse a human being than someone who struggles in these areas. Give me a kind and compassionate person any day of the week as a friend.

kind regards

Roberta

Dear Dana

Many people get compassion fatigue or burn out, even if they do not live in “harsh conditions”. My friend & I having being talking about this as part of a mini loving kindness retreat. Often we put all others before ourselves instead of giving ourselves the same compassion that we give to so many others. If a doctor said you need to rest would you & those around you listen? Why do we wait until some external authority gives us permission? Taking care of yourself is just as important as looking after others. You have to nourish yourself and it is not selfish, in fact it is a wise and compassionate action not only for you but in the long run others will benefit.

I hope you find the help & support, so you grow stronger.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Shari

A few years back I felt something brewing and it was coinciding when my period was due, so I knew i was in for a rough couple of days so I told my ego/pain body that if it did not behave I would hit it with every bit of dharma I knew.

I put my self into semi retreat and watched the antics,  thought & emotions unfold. Sometimes I could see them coming in the distance like the four horsemen of the apocalypse other times beautiful thoughts would sweetly dance up to me only changing into sneaky gremlins at the last minute & all the time Mara was in the background playing chess.

I was grateful that I had the dharma on hand to help me. I kept safe and caused no harm to myself or others.

It is true that without nourishing & replenishing our spiritual practice that we once again become absorbed into this samsaric way of living.

There is a lovely book called In case of Spiritual Emergency. It is well worth a read as many of its references are christian based.

Wishing you all the best

Roberta