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He sounds like he is fully not emotionally available to you as he is extremely invested in his ex. For me this would be a hard no. Is this something you can live with? The fact that you wrote this post tells me that his actions are hitting a nerve. I hope you find a solution that works for you.
We spoke last night and he said that he has deep feelings for me, but doesn’t know how to open up and that long distance relationships do not work for him as he doesn’t feel the intimacy. He feels that we can pick up where we have left off when I move back next Spring. He still wants me to come stay with him when I’m in town as he wants to spend time together and offered his spare bedroom. I’m still on the fence about this and may get a hotel. I also told him that while I am open to trying this again that we are both free to date and pursue other people. Regarding your question about the illness, he is not seeing a therapist, but is on medication. I agree that he needs to receive counseling and he did receive it in the past, but boundaries were crossed by the therapist and himself, so he stopped (this was several years ago).
These are interesting points. Thanks Anita. I heard from the guy yesterday and he wants to talk tonight. Regardless of what happens, I know we will have our friendship.
It sounds like from your words that things may have gone extremely fast too quickly. Maybe she needs more space and time, but doesn’t know how to articulate that?March 27, 2017 at 1:35 pm in reply to: Still In Love With My Ex After A Year… Should I Reach Out? #142423
I would NOT reach out to him. It sounds like you know that the relationship you two had was not healthy. I wish you love and light as you spend some time focusing on yourself. Please give yourself time to heal without him.
Thank you both 🙂 I will update on occasion.
Craig, Thanks for sharing your story. I tend to pick emotionally unavailable people and am trying to rewire my brain now. I wish you the best of luck with your future and know you will meet someone more compatible.
This are all really good suggestions. I’ve been journalling some lately and that has been really helpful. I have also thought about getting back into yoga and rock climbing. I need to make time for these things again and will make it a priority.
I am trying to find appropriate activities to release the anger and eventually hope that the feelings will go away. Thanks for your input.
I already have one dependent and don’t need a second. 🙂
Here’s an update: 10 days ago, I called my friend to follow up on my email offering to help by paying for a service (movers, a medical bill, etc). She declined and asked if I could get her a prepay Visa card or if I could add her to my bank card. I really feel that was overstepping her boundaries and I declined. Today, she sent me a request asking for $2000. At this point, I don’t feel like helping at all as I feel she wants the money to pay her credit cards and that’s not how I want to help her. She has about $70,000 worth of credit card debt and until she changes her spending habits, I don’t see that changing in the future. I would rather help with one time expenses or not help at all as I’m not going to enable her spending. I’m pretty sure I am right, but feel a little guilty for sticking with my boundaries.
I agree with Anita. I’m glad you two are able to communicate these thoughts and feelings well.March 8, 2017 at 4:27 pm in reply to: He said that was it, but I'm too stubborn to accept that #137669
I know you’re going through an emotionally rough phase right now, but it sounds like he knows that he does not want to be with you. He has told you in many ways and provided reasons. It would be best to leave him alone and move on from the situation. Even if his reasons aren’t good ones for you, he is steadfast in his decision to end the relationship and that is OK. I am sending you lots of love and light for you to heal and move forward.
Yes. A small part of me feels obligated because I generally keep my word, but this is something I am OK with since its a much smaller amount and I don’t feel like I am enabling her actions.
Thank you both for the response. She has never paid me back and I have never asked. Honestly, I think of it as a gift, so she doesn’t need to pay me. I ended up telling her that I would prefer to help with a couple payments rather than give her the money. I told her I can cover her moving costs or pay her medical bills. My financial help will stop there as I have my own bills and family to provide for. Thank you for letting me know it is OK for me to change my mind. I love my friend, but she needs to figure her financial situation out.