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HelcatParticipantHi Arie
Sorry, I think I actually misread something that lead me to falsely believe that he left shortly before the marriage was arranged. I have memory issues and it is hard to keep track sometimes.
It sounds like there is a lot going on. However it turns out, I hope you get some closure.
HelcatParticipantHi Arie
Did he push for legalising the marriage? Or did he only push for the Nikah ceremony which isn’t enforced by law. My understanding is that some men not all, use the Nikah ceremony as religious permission to have sex with an individual.
I agree with Anita about finding out his intentions. Good luck figuring everything out! You do indeed have a lot to think about.
HelcatParticipantHi Arie
It occurred to me, that in a traditional relationship (only) 3 months. Hooking up is pretty normal. You’re both really strangers. In my opinion, what made him run was the idea of getting married after 3 months. Would you be open to slowing things down and having a more traditional relationship where you take the time to get to know each other without the pressure of legal commitments at such an early stage?
HelcatParticipantHi Arie
I’m really sorry that this is dragging on for you, extending your heartbreak.
My understanding is that he is staying in a different state from you? Has he expressed an interest in moving back? Otherwise it sounds like he wants to establish a casual relationship where he uses you for sex.
It is very easy to be polite and express interest in people’s lives. Personally, I wouldn’t trust his intentions. Because he wants to have sex, doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to get back together.
HelcatParticipantHi Eric!
Sorry I was taking a break from tiny buddha.
It sounds like you have been very busy! I was glad to read that you are working on developing new skills and hobbies. Spoke to a member at the gym and became interested in a girl.
It sounds like you are making healthy decisions regarding no longer pursuing that girl since she hasn’t shown interest.
Regarding the graphic design. There may be local charities who need help with graphic esign, if you don’t mind volunteering. It’s a good way to build a portfolio.
You are right, relationships and finding a partner are very tricky. But not impossible!
Something that has been helping me recently is visualising what I want to happen in detail.
Apparently, it triggers the same brain cells etc as if you were doing the task.I am learning to drive at the moment. I have been learning for a couple of years now, but I have a learning difficulty that makes it more difficult to do so.
I have been making notes of mistakes that I make after lessons and visualising doing the action correctly. I find that this practice has been helping. I’m finally at the stage where I’m preparing for my practical test.
We learn by making mistakes, but it can lead to success!
HelcatParticipantHi Rammi
I’m sorry to hear about your heart break. I believe that you keep going back because you care about him and seek his love.
Unfortunately, I don’t think he has any to give. You mentioned that he said he felt pressured to say things that would make you happy. To me, this means everything he said while he was drunk is a lie. A convenient excuse. It was something he said to avoid blame. To permanently end any expectations of the relationship progressing any further, while at the same time saving face and pretending like he is a good person because he claimed to love you.
When I was younger I had similar issues. But I set a rule. No going back. If we break up it’s over. I’m very clear with people about this. It avoids game playing.
In time, you will heal from this. You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t treat you poorly, who doesn’t hide you. Who doesn’t disrespect you by leading you on. Please let yourself be open to that wonderful future and stick to your guns. Never pursue a relationship with that man again.
HelcatParticipantHi Neha Gupta
What a wonderful analysis. I’m wondering, what kind of family do you have? Is there anything that you would like to discuss?
The world can be cruel and full of injustice. By the time we are adults many of us have suffered in one way or another. It can be rare to meet people that care about being consistently kind to others. More often you meet people that are kind sometimes, other times not so much. Or people that take glee from treating others poorly.
Personally, I like to be away from family drama and keep to myself. I’m certainly much happier when I do so. I much prefer the company of consistently kind people.
HelcatParticipantHi Marija
Are you seeing a therapist at the moment? If not it might be a good idea to reconnect and discuss this situation. It might ease your anxiety. I think that your concerns are very healthy. But perhaps we are not the best people to discuss this with due to circumstances that occurred with your last relationship.
Wishing you all the best! Take care x
HelcatParticipantHi David
Spiritual practices, practiced without guidance can lead to issues such as psychosis, chi sickness, Shen / the mind breaking -whatever your prefer to call it. My advice, stop whatever practice you are doing. Seek a mental health professional for advice. When you are recovered seek a teacher so that you can practice safely.
If you are taking any mental health medication or have withdrawn from it that could explain any electrocution sensations. Then again, these sensations could be related to whatever is going on. Visiting a TCM practitioner might be a good idea too if you feel that your energy is out of balance.
HelcatParticipantHi JemJem
Thank you for explaining!
I can understand that you didn’t want to be controlling. The time might have passed to ask Emma to cease contact with Tara, since now they have been friends for years.
Do you think it might be worth having a conversation with Emma about these feelings that you have been having?
HelcatParticipantHi JemJem
I’m sorry to hear that you’re in a sticky situation.
I have a question. It sounds like Emma and Tara have been friends for a few years. Why is it now bothering you to the point of ending the friendship with Emma. I’m curious as to what changed?
You mentioned telling Emma about Tara’s bullying. Did you ever directly ask her to stop seeing Tara and explain how uncomfortable their relationship makes you?
I think the answer to these questions might give you some idea about how to handle the situation.
HelcatParticipantHi Cal!
I think it would take time and treatment for her depression to help her find her confidence.
It sounds like you care for your ex a great deal. It is understandable that those feelings do not fade quickly. Give yourself time to heal and process the ending of this relationship.
If there is anything else you would like to share, please do!
July 16, 2022 at 5:39 am in reply to: My nightmarish day. I want to have a strong heart and a strong future #404105HelcatParticipantHi Ivygrl!
Sorry for the extreme delay in the reply. I was taking a break from tiny buddha. I don’t really use social media, apart from imgur. My username for that is: usernamealgorithm
I understand what you mean about stress and burn out. I think managing this is a lifelong challenge. It is okay to take breaks when you need them. Taking the time to do relaxing activities is important. It sounds like you are trying really hard! Things will still be okay if you scale back the effort say 10%. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes and that is okay. Making mistakes is part of learning. When we make mistakes we can reflect on it and recognise what isn’t working, what is and then we try other things which can lead to success.
I think your dreams are very achievable. I’m sure that you will go to college and do things on your own. You are already writing so I definitely see you pursuing that as a career. Travelling to South Korea sounds amazing.
The only thing that I would add is that it can take a while to become a professional writer. So it’s important to have an additional career plan for saving up money in the meantime.
What steps do you think you will need to do to begin to work towards your goals?
HelcatParticipantHi Cal
I’m sorry to hear about the break up. How are you feeling about it all? Your writing was very much focused on her with not much said about you. Would you like to share a little more about how the break up is affecting you?
It sounds like your ex was very depressed. I can only guess, but maybe she was trying to protect you from that?
Personally, I don’t see the harm in reaching out, only if that is something that doesn’t harm you. But I wouldn’t expect things to change. If you want to be there as a friend, for someone who is very depressed and she is also open to that, it might be worth reaching out. It is understandable if either of you are not able to do that though.
July 15, 2022 at 12:18 pm in reply to: Does anyone have experience overcoming habitual thoughts of suicidal ideation? #404046HelcatParticipantYesterday, I had a ptsd trigger, it carried over into today. It wasn’t too bad because I still managed to sleep. But the feeling did linger. I realised this morning that I was consciously trying to avoid dealing with those feelings. Which of course, is how ptsd takes hold. Ignored feelings worsten, trying to demand attention. Thoughts become intrusive. So this morning I sat with the feeling as described in a Buddhist book.
The book describes thoughts as a lie and recommends focusing on the feeling in the body. Allowing it to be, slowly ease and pass.
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