Hi Lloyd!

Sorry for the late reply, it’s been busy!

What you shared makes a lot of sense to me. I’ve certainly had similar experiences with depression.

I think you’re on the right path! I have faith that you will be able to overcome the challenges that you are currently facing in time.

Considering the trauma that you have experienced the emotional pain you are in makes sense. It takes time to heal and recover from these experiences. It is okay to not feel okay.

My perspective on happiness is that it’s like many ordinary moments you experience in your daily routine. Except emotions and thoughts have settled and are clear. Without this weighing you down there is a chance to experience happiness and appreciate beauty.

Humans have a negativity bias, so it can be difficult to notice good moments when things are challenging. Gratitude practice can be helpful for drawing our attention to positive experiences throughout our day. Have you tried this before? If so, did you find it helpful?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Deci

What I discussed are Tibetan Buddhist beliefs. From the Buddhist perspective, due to belief in reincarnation these practices are done to help guide you to achieving a better reincarnation. It is said that if you achieve enlightenment you become a Buddha, yet most Buddha do not choose to walk the earth, many go to the Buddha realm.

The reason why dying helps certain people achieve enlightenment is because dying is a process that dissolves the ego.

It takes many lifetimes to achieve enlightenment. There have only been 20+ known Buddhas throughout human history. This is how rare achieving enlightenment is. Enlightenment is a rare phenomenon. Rare in death and even rarer still  in life.

I believe that practicing meditation can do a lot of good and enact a lot of change even before achieving enlightenment. The Dalai Lama himself doesn’t claim to be enlightened. Many masters do not claim to be enlightened. Yet, they still help many people with the level of spiritual attainment that they have achieved.

Personally, I am doing these practices to benefit my mental health. Psychology is largely based on Buddhist practices and I have reached the limit of what psychology can achieve.

I’m guessing that you haven’t read the Tibetan Book of the Dead or the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. Most people do not like discussing death. But there are Tibetan Buddhist practices that are heavily linked to death.

You’re right living and dying are reflections of similar phenomenon. Sleeping is considered to be a state similar to death. The quality of your sleep is considered a reflection of your practices.

Compassion is a big component that many masters discuss with building a level of attainment.

Hi Eric

Personally, I like asking questions about other people when I’m feeling anxious. This takes all of the responsibility off me when it comes to conversation. People love to talk about themselves. Not to mention, it encourages other people to ask questions which are much easier to answer than spontaneously coming up with conversation.

Also, letting people know that you are shy is helpful. Telling people your name is also helpful.

Or ask how their weekend was (if it’s near the start of the week) ask what their plans for the weekend are (if it’s near the end of the week).

The people at the gym seem really kind. Especially the guy who tried to share his food with you.

You could also bring in gum or a snack and ask people if they want some?

Maybe you could try setting yourself goals? Start out by picking one thing a week to say? You could pick something that you are most comfortable with. How do you feel about this idea?

Hi David

It’s good to hear that you are moving on.

Your situation reminds me in a round about way of a relative. Her husband beat her for 10 years. She finally had the courage to demand that he stop and he did. Then she started beating him. He complained and asked her to stop. She said I’ll stop in 10 years.

10 years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone and people say it takes half the length of the relationship to get over it. Your ex experienced a lot of pain throughout your relationship and despite that she was unwilling to let you go.

What you are doing now is the kindest thing you can do for both of you. When she is no longer in contact, in time you will both have the chance to move on.

This is a big step for you! Well done. I’m sure that you and your therapist will accomplish some great things together.

@HoneyBlossom

I empathise with the difficulties of changing a dog’s diet. Mine both have digestive issues due to their breed.

Fortunately, my boy didn’t end up with a tumour. It was one of those situations where the vet suggested he’s either got cancer or he’ll be fine in a couple of weeks because the lump is an allergic reaction. I was lucky it was a result of an allergic reaction.

Good luck with the infrared treatments and training! I hope it helps your dog.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Helcat.

@HoneyBlossom

No wonder you have been tired with everything that has been going on. I hope you start to feel better now that the tumour has been treat!

I feel the same way about my dogs too. My boy had a cancer scare the other year and I was distraught at the idea of losing him.

It seems almost like a role reversal of the situation now. Your pup is having difficulties and you are doing your best to support them.

You sound like a very loving owner that is doing the very best possible for her pets.

I have also heard that the ketogenic diet is helpful for epilepsy. Epileptic people use this diet when treatment isn’t helpful. It is good to hear that it is helping with dogs too.

Hi Shve

Learning to listen to that small voice in the back of your head is a good idea. Another way to detect abuse is to pay close attention to your feelings. It should be noted that not everything that is hurtful is abusive.

Do you feel sad or angry when someone is speaking to you or does something?

It can we worthwhile writing down what happened and figuring out how you feel about it and why.

Learning about different kinds of verbal, emotional and psychological abuse online can help you identify which behaviours others display are abusive.

If you would like to learn about assertive communication please Google “skills you need assertiveness”. It gives a lot of examples of how to communicate assertively and how to handle difficult conversations. I found this website really useful when I was learning to be assertive.

The good thing about assertive communication is that you can do it politely without being hurtful. For me, this eased my fears about how others would interpret it.

Hi Bee

How old was your sister when you left? Was your sister able to leave if she wanted to?

I left my brother when he was 14. He chose to stay. The reality in these abusive situations is that by staying you would have both been abused. By leaving, I’m assuming that you were not subject to as much abuse? You were protecting yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. You do not have to feel responsible for someone else’s abusive behaviour.