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Hi Everyone!
Today I read the parable of the jewel in the robe.
This resonates with me quite a lot.
I do not want much. Part of me wants for more but another part is content with a sliver of happiness.
Deep down I am afraid of asking for more, afraid of being free enough to be truly happy.
I feel like society is not concerned about happiness. It is concerned with how we should behave. Perhaps that is what I am concerned with too?
I guess, the truth in that text is that what we need is within us all along.
Some good news since I have been on this path, I am noticing a decrease in habitual suicidal ideation.
Thank you for your thoughtful post and sharing your insight! This is definitely something that I need to work on. Acceptance can be difficult for me. I am very stubborn and I believe in my ability to change things. This has lead to me attempting to change and overcome difficulties throughout my life.
But perhaps the nature of change itself means that I do not always have to try to force my way through a situation. All I have to do is wait for the anxiety to cease.
I would say that I experience something similar to what you described.
I agree, and it is as important to apply those guidelines to ourselves as well as others.
How is the cat?
Hi Dude
No people don’t usually experience similar circumstances. There is a reason why this experience makes everyone but you uncomfortable.
There were cameras involved this immediately suggests two things a) a sexual connotation b) bullying. Attempting to coerce him by offering money to bounce directly reinforces these connotations.
What happened was wildly inappropriate. I don’t think that he will ever forget it.
That being said, this is the first time you have expressed remorse about what happened. Finally understanding the harm caused however painful is a step in the right direction.
Hi Kyle!
Was there a reason that you didn’t see your father for months? In a typical co-parenting relationship the time with each parent would be split 50-50.
How did your mom respond when you asked as a child to spend more time with your father?
It sounds like you were bullied in high school. Would you agree? Children and teens can be very cruel to each other.
I don’t know if what you surmised about how your friendships ended is true. I’m not suggesting that you are lying. But relationships come and go a lot in life. Perhaps no matter how you behave they would have ended? It is unfair to blame yourself for that. There are at least two people in a friendship. The other party is also responsible for keeping or ending the friendship.
Sometimes in school we have a limited choice of friends and we are just with anyone who will accept us. They might not even be good friends.
Did you know that you were adopted as a child? Do you have any feelings about being adopted?
I don’t think it seems like you are painting your mom out to be a bad person. Quite the contrary, you are defending her. I am not trying to suggest that this is your mom’s fault. But there generally reasons behind the way we behave.
You mentioned that you feel shame and that you break your mother’s trust when you make mistakes.
Are there any other mistakes that you’ve made relevant to your mom other than the false report and the difficulties with school work?
You mentioned that you feel shame about these situations and that lying is your mom’s pet peeve and she gets mad. More and more as time goes on.
A common reason why we learn to lie or hide our behaviour is when people respond poorly when we tell the truth. Another reason could be that it was your father that initially encouraged this behaviour.
Personally, I can understand why a little boy who barely gets to spend any time with his father can be coerced into saying something untrue in the hopes that they would spend more time with their father.
What happened was unfortunate, but it also wasn’t wholly your fault. It would have never happened if your father hadn’t coaxed you into action. You were manipulated.
I think you have a lot of good character to want to change this behaviour stemming from childhood.
Honestly, you aren’t the first person to lie about difficulties with school work. This is understandable too! It’s not ideal, but it’s not the end of the world.
Did your mom put any pressure on you to succeed in school?
It sounds like you carry a lot of shame. The difficulty about emotions is that sometimes we believe emotionally, something different from what logically we know to be true.
But when a mother rejects you because of mistakes it is easy to internalise that. In your mind her being mad is understandable, but in your heart you feel shame and mistrust.
It can feel like love is conditional, something that we don’t deserve when we make mistakes. What do you think?
Hi Kyle!
I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in what you shared!
Couple of questions if you don’t mind? How old were you when this thanksgiving trip happened?
You mentioned that your father coerced you. How?
Have you ever experienced any difficulties with your mother?
How do you feel about the coercion and filing the false report about your mother?
Sometimes when we lie it can be because we are afraid of being vulnerable with people, this can include being afraid of showing people who we are. Does this resonate with you at all? If not do you see any reasoning behind this behaviour?You mentioned that lying can be a defence. A defence against what?
Please feel free to share whatever you would like to. Sorry if the questions are difficult. You don’t have to answer anything that you are uncomfortable with.
It’s funny you say that because it’s directly related to the next story in the Lotus Sutra which is about Buddha’s students and enlightenment.
I would agree, not being able to imagine or understand the possibility of a different future is a large problem in the world. We live our lives while experiencing a fascinating phenomenon: we know what we know, we know what we don’t know, we don’t know what we know and we don’t know what we don’t know.
There is a certain safety in what we know, even if it ultimately harms us. Depression can provide a measure of comfort. If we tell ourselves we are going to fail so there’s no point in trying we don’t ever have to put ourselves through the stress of trying.
We all need to keep our minds open to opportunities as they arise and make an effort to expose ourselves to positive new experiences. As well as being open to discomfort that arises with the new opportunities. Sometimes it is hard to make changes. But that is okay!
I do think other people have a large influence on how we perceive ourselves and our environment. Having a supportive network is beneficial for any kind of growth. Different people have the benefit of exposing us to different perspectives.
I’m glad that thinking of fun relieved you of stress! I have really enjoyed discussing this with you. 😊
I hadn’t thought about it that way. It is a nice way to think about it!
But I wonder if living skilfully in this metaphor would be the father who knows to use this way to coax his children to safety outside?
I think also, whilst the benefits of Buddhism might be what lures us to initially practice. Perhaps fun is a happy side effect? Sometimes it will be present, sometimes it won’t, since one theme of Buddhism is overcoming desire and attachment.
I do think practicing Buddhism would include fostering good experiences and being open to happiness and fun. Freedom from suffering sounds like a nice idea.
In the version I am reading the ending is different. This version, the father is wealthy and gives the children beautiful carts after they agree to play outside and leave the burning house.
Yes, I would agree that the carts represent the gifts of Buddhism.
The children were coaxed outside by their desire to play. Much like I became interested in Buddhism after learning that psychology has been heavily influenced by it and surmising that I may benefit from learning more. Unsurprisingly, I’m learning quite a lot and benefiting from these practices. So there is the cart that was promised!
I’m afraid that I don’t know much about Mahayana Buddhism. Only what I can glean from books.
Hi Danny!
I’m glad that you find affirmations helpful!
I agree with Anita, these affirmations are personal to you so only you will be the best judge of how your affirmations will help you. Clearly, you put a lot of thought, meaning and effort into creating them.
Good luck! My only other thought, is as well as the affirmations have you come up with some achievable goals to work towards related to the affirmations? It could be nice to track some tangible results alongside these affirmations.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 