It is so trite, but:

1. Time heals all wounds and

2. Living well is the best revenge.

Nicole, I can almost promise you that in a year he will talk to and treat his current girlfriend as badly as he has to you. And that in a year after that, they won’t be together. In fact, in five years don’t be surprised if you run into her and you compare horrible notes.

Two stories to make you feel better:

My first love had treated me a little shabby and at his worst would say things like, “Go back to the people who love you” and crap like that. He, of course, was gorgeous. Cue fifteen years later. We see each other again. He had lost all his looks, and it looked like life had treated him about as well as he had treated me. He had a chip on his shoulder because the world may give good looking people a free pass on bad behavior, but ugly looking people the world will usually give no pass at all. I’m there with my tall, blonde, handsome, kind husband who loves me. He mutters sarcastically, looking at him: “Who wears a tie?” and stalks away.

The second story.. Me and my sister are in a bar and my ex-brother-in-law’s now ex-girlfriend is there. We start comparing notes. We say, “No, it’s not your imagination, he is really like that”. She says he had dumped her last year and she will still get texts from him, giving her crap. At that moment her cell phone chirps. It’s him! She says, “Oh, by the way, I’m sitting here with your old sister-in-law and your ex-wife!” He hears us three burst out laughing at him! He was all, “Why are you friends?!?” He never called to bother her again!

Chin up! You are all that and he knows it! Otherwise he wouldn’t have tried so, so hard to bring you down!!

Karma will work out in your favor for you to see it, you’ll see!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Inky.

Hi Again,

What I mean by your loneliness/isolation being excuses:

We feel our feelings, and instead of reaching out to others or being comfortable in our own skin, we say “BUT”. i.e. “I feel isolated BUT the people around me are not very open” (therefore I’ll do nothing and stay miserable). That’s all I meant. Basically I’d rather you stay busy and active, and meet new people rather than stay depressed.

Make a plan for people to see, things to do and places to go this very weekend.

Good Luck!

Hi anita and everyone!

I think of my mom and step-dad when I hear “Have your goal be Here and Now”.

So this is their life: The Grandkids, Travel, and the Power Squadron. That’s it! Every month they see all the kids/grandkids. They go on a trip for two weeks every season. And they do all their club’s activities. That’s It, Man! When nothing is going on they have their routines. No stress. No “arriving”. No “ambition”. They love those three things and they schedule them in.

They are utterly happy. They have their goals here and now.

Hi jw91,

You are not alone! For the job ~ my friend had that. Over and yet under qualified. She was only brave enough to get retail jobs. (Which is also OK!) I kept encouraging her to have her own business. Even if you’re a gardener, you go to people’s houses at 5 AM and leave before they wake up. There is a demand for that. Or if you hear about people complaining or wishing they had something ~ fill it. For example, there is no one (NO ONE) in our area who can fix pool filters/motors. They can shock your pool, sure. But fixing the tiles, etc.? Forget it! So find a little niche and fill it! There is a “Bat Man” ~ a guy who is on call 24/7 to get raccoons out of your attic. These are just a few examples. Make business cards and do part time stuff until something else comes your way.

As far as the family, I’m telling you this story to make you feel better. At family reunions there was one of my dad’s cousins. She was my absolute favorite. I loved her, and I thought she loved me. Five years later, after a particularly painful breakup, I decided to “reset” by visiting her. Well, I wasn’t as beloved as I thought! (Even now, twenty years later, I have a sneaking suspicion that another relative planted a bad seed in the cousin’s mind towards me.) The first day was wonderful! The second day was great! However, by the middle of the week I could see the collective family staring at me like, “Why is she here?” I was confused. What had I done? What hadn’t I done? Did I say something? Not say something? By the end of the week the favorite cousin yelled at me and accused me of yelling at her! She went nuts. I promptly went home and told my dad that his cousin was crazy. He was all “I know”.

Unless you are born in a culture or raised in a particular household you will never pick up on every nuance that will make you gel right in. And believe it or not, but the program you were in WON’T let THEM take on another boarder. They lost a person because of them and YOU can give the PROGRAM a bad review! (This you CAN do!) The family is now labeled “DIFFICULT”. In fact, you can warn people via the internet about how they wouldn’t help you with the family. They could have at least helped you find another. You can even sign off, “Nothing Personal”!

And, believe it or not, the family might be feeling some guilt. They failed to have you, after all. Maybe some of them are thinking “What’s wrong with US? Are we so set in our ways we can’t even have a guest from another culture in our house?”

With the crazy cousin, years later I could tell she felt incredibly guilty because she was all nice to me at the next reunion. I was all grown up then, dressed up like an elegant lady and that made her second guess herself too.

Best,

Inky

Hi Sutton,

Yeah, your spelling is non-existent.

Right now, if you’re pregnant, it’s all about the baby and not about him. And if you aren’t pregnant, lose this guy anyway, he sounds like he’s no good for you.

Best,

Inky