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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,066 through 1,080 (of 2,508 total)
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  • February 25, 2017 at 1:26 pm in reply to: Stymied by my Dad #129417
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Julia: Did you get a breakthrough with your own mom? And are you saying that my best course would be to feel totally at peace with my family relationship now and view it as happily whole/complete and then the dynamic would change via the Law of Attraction?

    Anita: Yes, I’m referring to the allowance thing. I jokingly told him that I was beginning to feel left out! LOL

    February 25, 2017 at 11:07 am in reply to: Stymied by my Dad #129353
    Inky
    Participant

    Very interesting about the $$, anita… My grandfather (very wisely), left the grandchildren as the “remainder men” when he died. Meaning that my father himself doesn’t leave us anything. But once my father dies, the grandfather has it so that the rest goes to me and my sister (1/4 each).

    So I will not get an inheritance from the father. But from the grandfather.

    Dad doesn’t think anyone in the family, sister and step-siblings (except me, apparently) can make it “in the real world” so has them on an allowance (from his half of the inheritance).

    I think/suspect that he knows I don’t need him (except when he’s dead??) and hates that on some level. But he loves playing the hero for everyone else. Maybe if I fabricate and illness or trauma he will gleefully put on his cape and spring into action, but I don’t want illness or trauma. :/

    On my birthday he called (three weeks late) and announced as if he were a hero “I’m calling you on your birthday!!” as if that was the gift.

    February 25, 2017 at 9:53 am in reply to: Stymied by my Dad #129343
    Inky
    Participant

    Julia: I would love to have that radical acceptance, and am working on it!

    Anita: No, my sister is not close to my dad. She makes an attempt, though. And I definitely feel like I’m last on his priority list ~ if I’m on the list at all! Dealing with my father and family members, any advice is appreciated!

    February 25, 2017 at 6:25 am in reply to: Meant to be alone? #129319
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi spring0108,

    The Facebook thing:

    1. I bet dollars to donuts SHE wanted to go on a trip, and SHE chose the restaurants

    2. Not only did she choose the trips and the restaurants but I also bet SHE paid for half if not all of them (because it was her idea)

    3. If HE chose to take her out and pay for everything it is ONLY because he was reflective or guilty (even subconsciously) of how he treated you and decided to treat someone RIGHT for a change!

    4. And the only reason to post fantastic, romantic things on Facebook is for other people to see them. Who in the world could that person be, hmm?? If he’s as bad as you say, I wouldn’t put it past him to post those things. If she posted those things, same thing, because she probably has her own no-good boyfriend in the background!

    Starting a Family:

    I didn’t write “Finding Love” because love can happen anytime. But if you want to start a family, you need to get assertive and proactive about meeting people and going out. If you go on 100 dates (one a week) within a couple years you WILL find someone to click with. Have your friends and family set you up and go on some dating sites!

    Best,

    Inky

    February 24, 2017 at 4:51 am in reply to: Trauma and emotional release techniques? #129169
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Crystal,

    One VERY therapeutic technique that people often overlook is writing.

    You can:

    1. Write down everything (EVERYTHING) and ritually burn the pages
    2. Journal about everything that happened and all your feelings
    3. Write a story (or novel!) about your experience, only in THIS parallel universe (which scientists now say are real) write yourself as the Victor
    4. Start a blog that supports others going through the same thing. Karma states that he will one day stumble across it and wonder if it’s “him” and if your online presence is “you”. He will probably learn some sort of a lesson and feel shame at that point.
    5. Write a letter to him. But don’t send it. Every couple months or years look at what you wrote and revise it. After you boil it down to The Essential Truth.. send it to him. Or not!

    That is what helped me in the long run.

    Blessings to You,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years ago by Inky.
    February 23, 2017 at 4:40 am in reply to: Caring for the inner child within us all! #128963
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi seek,

    Welcome to the forum!

    The culture here is to engage in meaningful discussions and ask questions.

    What is it you want to know?

    Inky

    February 22, 2017 at 4:53 am in reply to: Looking for "penpal" #128809
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi es,

    I think you should be the one putting your email on here, rather than dozens of strangers taking the on-line risk themselves.

    Call me paranoid, but.. “Call in the spam-bots!”

    Best,

    Inky

    February 21, 2017 at 5:09 am in reply to: He left me at my lowest point…why? #128645
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi dory82,

    Wow, this guy cries and cries that he loves you and six days later moves in with another girl. And as a bonus, in between those days tells you to leave him alone (b/c he has a GF!) as if YOU are the one who’s crazy!! Always remember: You are not crazy, he made you feel crazy because he is a Crazy-Maker!!

    Even if he comes crawling and crying back (always a distinct possibility!) do you REALLY want him back? No. Make believe you broke up with him, or even send him a note/text/voicemail not to contact you anymore. Bonus: His GF will probably read it or hear about it and assume that he’s talking to you.

    I am sorry he has had a psychotic break from reality.

    But you don’t need this kind of negativity in your life!

    Blessings to You,

    Inky

    February 20, 2017 at 5:26 am in reply to: Impossible transition from a pampered kid to being an adult. #128465
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi dhanush-rj,

    The transition from teenager to young adult is more traumatic than childhood to teenager. OK, so I am 45-ish. In the past decade my life hasn’t really changed all that much. But for 99% of young people they’ve gone from having someone take care of them and being told what to do… to figuring it out, living on their own, making a living, running a household, being in charge of their healthcare and taxes, etc., making their own decisions… and in some cases starting a family and taking someone else along for the ride. Tell me that isn’t traumatic for anyone!

    When our parents and grandparents grew up it was simpler times and you could get by on less. There was less paperwork, and red tape. You went home at a reasonable hour, had plenty of downtime. Friends and family were around more.

    I think we are all spoiled children deep down. I know I want to be one again!

    Best,

    Inky

    February 19, 2017 at 9:57 am in reply to: Traumatic divorce, remarriage of ex has brought out a lot of grief #128313
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi peacetoall,

    This woman has something seriously wrong with her. Like a mental illness, but that would be insulting people with mental illnesses. It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it. If she wanted to divorce you, fair enough. She would actually be doing everyone a favor, as she does not deserve you anyway. But the thing is, to act openly like she was single, to dress your son like soon to be husband #2, to groom him into saying “I love you”, to move in together and get married so soon after the divorce. That’s horrible!!

    One suggestion would be to move close to where they are for the sake of your son.

    And guess what? When your son is in college she will shed this one as well in an equally outrageous way.

    Blessings to You,

    Inky

    February 18, 2017 at 5:32 am in reply to: How important love is? #128195
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi lajlachicha,

    I had almost the exact same problem 20 years ago (The guy/family or grad school). I talked to our town’s minister and he said something very wise. He said, “Life is long. There is time to do both in your life.” I chose the guy (now my husband) and will do my graduate studies when our last child is in college, with lots of travelling afterwards. Sure, it’s out of order, perhaps, but the reverse is also true. If you pursue going abroad, if he is The One, it shouldn’t be a problem. But also remember The World isn’t going anywhere LOL! It will be waiting for you once you finish school as well!

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    February 17, 2017 at 7:21 am in reply to: I lost the guy I thought he's the one #128019
    Inky
    Participant

    Just say “It’s not working” and end it yourself.

    So example, I always assumed I would be the one to break up with my BF, but when he broke up with me first it blindsided me. And you are always on better emotional/psychological footing when you are the one to make the decision rather than passively wait for his decision to dump you.

    Like why would you let HIM decide on YOUR romantic future? Who does he think he is? Don’t let him give you a month of waiting around (how arrogant of him!). Tell him now that you see clearly and “It’s not working”.

    February 17, 2017 at 6:38 am in reply to: I lost the guy I thought he's the one #128013
    Inky
    Participant

    Disclaimer: People on the board hate (HATE!) when I tell people to lie.

    If you want to be honest, just use the “It’s not working” but please break up with him FIRST.

    He will be all “What the..?!” and might try to win you back.

    Let him.

    In The Future!!

    But I think you dumping him for another Brian (the old Brian he used to be) will be good for him. Just saying. 😛

    “Brian takes me out for beef bowls for lunch..”

    “Hey! I took you out for beef bowls at lunch!!” XD

    February 17, 2017 at 6:20 am in reply to: I lost the guy I thought he's the one #128005
    Inky
    Participant

    Another good line is “It’s not working.”

    Next month:

    Him: *tries to contact you*

    You: *radio silence*

    Him: ?

    You: (ten days later). “Hi Brian. I just want to let you know that I’ve met someone.”

    Him: “(!!) But I thought we’d agree to take a month and see where we are (??)”

    You: “Yes, I know, I’m sorry.”

    Him: “So who is this guy??”

    You: “His name is Brian too. I know, I know, crazy, huh?… Listen, even if I didn’t meet Brian, it’s just not working.”

    Him: “Stephanie, I..”

    You: “Goodbye sweetie. You were always such a good friend.” THEN HANG UP!

    That’s it! You have your dignity. You will be free to date someone new (probably not named Brian). Then radio silence on your end (I know it will be hard). And maybe, just maybe, in the distant-ish future you can start again.

    Best to You..

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    February 17, 2017 at 5:00 am in reply to: I lost the guy I thought he's the one #127995
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi mangomango123,

    The worst is when we decide to break up with someone and they give you 100 reasons why you shouldn’t break up and why you should stay together. DON’T be that person! Do you really want to be with a guy who kind of wants to break up with you, who will dread phone calls, and has one eye out the door? That you see only a few times a year if you’re lucky?

    NO!

    You want a guy who is loving, devoted and local. A guy who will run through the fields for you. Whose eyes light up when you walk in a room. And YOU are his five star card!

    When the BF calls, don’t respond for a week or so. When you finally respond to his call/text/video chat (give it ten days) say that you’ve met someone. (From the future but whatever.) He will be shocked, stammer, and be at a loss for words. Then you say good bye first.

    You will be the one that got away.

    Maybe revisit him in five or ten years if you guys are both single.

    He had his chance. (That’s what you say to him when he’s the one that asks “WHY?”)

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Inky.
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Viewing 15 posts - 1,066 through 1,080 (of 2,508 total)
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