Hi Janine,

Sadly, it is possible not to have time for someone you love. Of course, if it’s a real excuse (military service, doctor, mom of five) you “get” that. If you’re angry about it, you must be suspecting that someone doesn’t care as much as they claim. Or, you feel guilty for not seeing someone.

Let go of your “shoulds” and you will be much happier.

If it bothers you, make a point of seeing people. Every month and a half I FORCE myself to have people over and entertain. I am always happier when I do this afterwards. Yet I am a rabid introvert. Maybe you or your loved ones are too??

Best,

Inky

Hi iamfreee,

A not fun reality is that some teenaged girls will drop everything and everyone when a boy comes around. She WAS busy ~ with him! And she didn’t tell you her plans to come to the States because she just wanted to be with him ~ with no distractions! She can say “No” ~ to you!

If you do indeed see her for the trip to France, make the best of it.

But you should realize that this is NOT your “Best Friend”. You may be a best friend to her, but she is not to you. Give the title to another friend ~ one who deserves it.

Don’t dump her, but let her contact you first for a while. And don’t mention the BF. And if she mentions him, be all Neutral about it or say (Nicely) that you have to go now, catch you later!

Best,

Inky

Hi Esmeralda,

1. The Boy: He is just that. A boy. JUST a boy. He may be an adult, but he is not grown. I would not take anything he says or does personally. At all!

Consider that subconsciously he is in a relationship power position for the first time in his life. As a real friend, he knows that you would never dump him for another friend or a relation. So you are “safe”. Now he gets to be the dumper and the one sought after! And you can’t be mad at him because he doesn’t even know he’s doing it!!

What I would do is take his calls and texts. But say you “have to go” after only five minutes talking and a few short lines of texts. And return his texts/calls a day later… at the end of the afternoon… then you have to leave for dinner. And don’t see him physically until NEXT year. You’re busy. (You will be). You are changing the dynamics. And don’t hook up with him again. Until maybe the year after that. But then it would have to be in the context of a real relationship.

2. I agree with the post above. You found love once, so you are bound to find love again! And most people have some dysfunction in their family. Totally normal! (It’s people who come from perfectly loving families I get nervous about LOL!) You will find love, and it will find you!

Blessings,

Inky

You can also use the Streaks App, or a Habit App. Something about marking everything “done” is compelling!

Hi learningeveryday,

It’s only natural to want to gain approval in the eyes of someone you admire.

And it’s *because* they are so awesome that their words carried more weight.

Then, when you later respectfully disagree, you are putting yourself in a weird way “higher” than them… But that cannot be, can it? says the voice in your head.

Also, there is the shame of being seen as so two dimensional that someone else thinks they have “your number”.

Lastly, there is the small part of you that agrees with them, otherwise it wouldn’t bother you so much. (If they called you a striped giraffe, you wouldn’t take it personally, you’d think they were nuts!)

If you really care what they think, is it possible to write them your family’s REAL story? Say you’re writing an article for publication, and want them to edit it, and that there’s MORE! Then you’re setting the record straight AND showing them that you are multi dimensional.

Best,

Inky

• This reply was modified 9 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi Karene,

They call people like the two of you: Friends!

TBH, as I had written before, he is incapable of being in a (True) relationship ~ with anyone!

In fact, congratulate yourself on sleeping on his couch alone watching movies while he “grunges” about!

This is as good as it gets!!

Have fantasies about him, but realize that they are just that: fantasies. Have fun crushing on him, but in real life move on and date other guys. He will call and you can say yes to platonic movies ~ but only if there’s nothing else going on!

It’s time for HIM to be your back up plan!

Best,

Inky

Hi afraidofeveryone,

Of course people let their inhibitions down when they’re drunk! In fact, expect it.

That’s not what worries me. What worries me are:

1. Driving while intoxicated
2. You getting hurt (falling in a pool, off a balcony, etc.)
3. Getting alcohol poisoning and being taken to the hospital
4. Someone taking advantage of you (slipping something in your drink ~ or not!)

My dear, the first two happened to me and the last almost happened. And I’m a moderate person!

Have no more than one drink an hour and only have, say, three.

For you the light weight I would say: Have your friends look out for you and tell the bartender to cut you off at *your* limit!

Blessings,

Inky