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Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,321 through 1,335 (of 2,508 total)
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  • June 29, 2016 at 5:46 am in reply to: confused about my subconscious motivation? #108459
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi shadeinthesummer,

    If you’re going for a degree, get that. It will be on your resume, and no one can take that away from you. For example, our daughter is majoring in Material Sciences only because more doors will open for her (that she would enjoy) than if she had another major. As you’ve seen, what you are doing has already led you to another path related to your first path.

    I say get the degree and do both.

    If you already have finished your studies, then follow the newer path. Seldom do we do what we’re trained to do, but we are often led through it to do what we will do.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    June 28, 2016 at 4:20 am in reply to: Need help dealing with the stress of art #108405
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Ben,

    I was an Artist back in the 90’s before any of this techno-stuff came on the scene. Now I get in the mindset of “Why bother”? If you know what you’re doing, you can make a pencil sketch on a crumpled napkin look like a masterpiece with the right programs. (I don’t know what I’m doing LOL)

    Yes, my work had been rejected, and I was all So why did you hire me in the first place? The problem is art is so subjective!

    I got stressed out and still get stressed out if I try to produce any art for other people.

    Now I’m a Mom and I view my art as a hobby only. I do feel like I “failed” as “Artist” was my identity for so long.

    I wish I had better advice. I like the Web Designer path. Also consider Social Media Consultant, where you set up businesses’ social media sites and update them. I have another friend who is making a killing transforming other people’s photos into art. Again, techno stuff, BUT the person will see kind of how it will turn out if she’s seen one.

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
    June 27, 2016 at 9:05 am in reply to: Emotional Rollercoaster. Thoughts please? #108344
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Lauren,

    This guy gets weirdly over the top jealous (Strike One).

    Then he can’t understand that you were grieving your father’s death (Strike Two).

    Now this Craig’s List guy gives you nothing emotionally! (Strike Three).

    OK, people get all hung up on their “stuff”. Leave the stuff if he’s unemployed (that is the ransom you pay for getting out). If he has a job he goes to, call a moving company and get the stuff into storage. Fast!

    Then, fall off the grid. Don’t let him know where you’re staying at. I don’t care if you stay at a Women’s Shelter, that’s what it’s for! Let your boss know what’s happening. Lose your cellphone. Change your email. Deactivate Facebook, etc.

    The longer you are Out and Gone, the less likely it is that you will be sucked back in. He WILL try to stalk you again. Stay strong!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    June 26, 2016 at 5:27 am in reply to: Not enough time? #108289
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Janine,

    Sadly, it is possible not to have time for someone you love. Of course, if it’s a real excuse (military service, doctor, mom of five) you “get” that. If you’re angry about it, you must be suspecting that someone doesn’t care as much as they claim. Or, you feel guilty for not seeing someone.

    Let go of your “shoulds” and you will be much happier.

    If it bothers you, make a point of seeing people. Every month and a half I FORCE myself to have people over and entertain. I am always happier when I do this afterwards. Yet I am a rabid introvert. Maybe you or your loved ones are too??

    Best,

    Inky

    June 25, 2016 at 9:37 am in reply to: friendships #108197
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi iamfree,

    It’s at the point where you kind of know she will not change. Any demands or requests you place on her will only be met with guilt and/or annoyance (by her) and sure disappointment (by you). After HS it will only get worse as she will be genuinely busy then.

    Spend time with other friends now and cast this one loose.

    Best,

    Inky

    June 24, 2016 at 4:41 am in reply to: Letting go of jealousy and being overprotective #108094
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi iamfreee,

    A not fun reality is that some teenaged girls will drop everything and everyone when a boy comes around. She WAS busy ~ with him! And she didn’t tell you her plans to come to the States because she just wanted to be with him ~ with no distractions! She can say “No” ~ to you!

    If you do indeed see her for the trip to France, make the best of it.

    But you should realize that this is NOT your “Best Friend”. You may be a best friend to her, but she is not to you. Give the title to another friend ~ one who deserves it.

    Don’t dump her, but let her contact you first for a while. And don’t mention the BF. And if she mentions him, be all Neutral about it or say (Nicely) that you have to go now, catch you later!

    Best,

    Inky

    June 23, 2016 at 4:37 am in reply to: Moving on from the past #107999
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Kelly,

    It helps me to have one main focus. Something you can physically or mentally do that you can cross off your to-do list every day. i.e. Write a page a day for your novel or work on a training program in anticipation of a marathon. If you are passionate about it, even better!

    Do that.

    Of course, The Past will bubble up in your mind. Regard it, but don’t give it any reality for today. Say, “Today is all about (fill in the blank). The Past will still be there to think about tomorrow. But it’s always an optional choice.”

    If you must deal with The Past, hire a good therapist. Then you’re “done” with that for the day, after your session.

    Best,

    Inky

    June 22, 2016 at 5:08 am in reply to: I just want to move on #107923
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Esmeralda,

    1. The Boy: He is just that. A boy. JUST a boy. He may be an adult, but he is not grown. I would not take anything he says or does personally. At all!

    Consider that subconsciously he is in a relationship power position for the first time in his life. As a real friend, he knows that you would never dump him for another friend or a relation. So you are “safe”. Now he gets to be the dumper and the one sought after! And you can’t be mad at him because he doesn’t even know he’s doing it!!

    What I would do is take his calls and texts. But say you “have to go” after only five minutes talking and a few short lines of texts. And return his texts/calls a day later… at the end of the afternoon… then you have to leave for dinner. And don’t see him physically until NEXT year. You’re busy. (You will be). You are changing the dynamics. And don’t hook up with him again. Until maybe the year after that. But then it would have to be in the context of a real relationship.

    2. I agree with the post above. You found love once, so you are bound to find love again! And most people have some dysfunction in their family. Totally normal! (It’s people who come from perfectly loving families I get nervous about LOL!) You will find love, and it will find you!

    Blessings,

    Inky

    June 21, 2016 at 5:40 am in reply to: Anger #107828
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Name,

    My medicine cabinet is currently bare, but I do believe there is a time and a place for medication. If your anger is controlling and ruining your life and relationships, what would you think of talking to your doctor about it?

    Blessings,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
    June 20, 2016 at 5:24 am in reply to: Growth or denial? #107740
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Nekoshema,

    It doesn’t matter, really. I mean, it’s good you’re calm. But, the important thing is to find a job. Or invest $$. Or put an ad in for yourself (tutor, dog walker). Or rent out a room. Or become an Uber driver. Get the $$!!

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    June 19, 2016 at 4:56 am in reply to: Tips on better discipline #107639
    Inky
    Participant

    You can also use the Streaks App, or a Habit App. Something about marking everything “done” is compelling!

    June 19, 2016 at 4:54 am in reply to: Tips on better discipline #107637
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Nina,

    I’ve noticed that my life works best if I boil it down to one or two things.

    Studies: I would read a chapter, write a page, and review my notes every day. (Read, write, review something every day) I would also study in a group.
    Sleeping: Bed by 11, wake up at 7
    Exercise: After studying an hour (enough to feel virtuous) I would use exercise to take a break and integrate the mental with physical movement. Then you can finish up if any studying is left when you are in that calm post-exercise state. Review notes then?
    Chores/Errands: Do on the weekends or when you don’t have class the next day.

    Basically my advice is study for an hour first thing in the morning/when you’re able every day. Then Exercise. Then do whatever else you have to do.

    Best,

    Inky

    June 18, 2016 at 5:42 am in reply to: Why am I bothered by this persons judgments #107578
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi learningeveryday,

    It’s only natural to want to gain approval in the eyes of someone you admire.

    And it’s *because* they are so awesome that their words carried more weight.

    Then, when you later respectfully disagree, you are putting yourself in a weird way “higher” than them… But that cannot be, can it? says the voice in your head.

    Also, there is the shame of being seen as so two dimensional that someone else thinks they have “your number”.

    Lastly, there is the small part of you that agrees with them, otherwise it wouldn’t bother you so much. (If they called you a striped giraffe, you wouldn’t take it personally, you’d think they were nuts!)

    If you really care what they think, is it possible to write them your family’s REAL story? Say you’re writing an article for publication, and want them to edit it, and that there’s MORE! Then you’re setting the record straight AND showing them that you are multi dimensional.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
    June 17, 2016 at 4:48 am in reply to: Accepting others love and concern #107502
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Teresa,

    … And/or you feel shame that you NEED love and care? Some people are afraid to show any signs of weakness. Your ego wants to “the strong one”.

    Best,

    Inky

    June 15, 2016 at 4:42 pm in reply to: Dont know what to think of this relationship.. please would love opnions #107398
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Karene,

    They call people like the two of you: Friends!

    TBH, as I had written before, he is incapable of being in a (True) relationship ~ with anyone!

    In fact, congratulate yourself on sleeping on his couch alone watching movies while he “grunges” about!

    This is as good as it gets!!

    Have fantasies about him, but realize that they are just that: fantasies. Have fun crushing on him, but in real life move on and date other guys. He will call and you can say yes to platonic movies ~ but only if there’s nothing else going on!

    It’s time for HIM to be your back up plan!

    Best,

    Inky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1,321 through 1,335 (of 2,508 total)
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