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Hi S-Buddha,

I am sorry this happened, especially right before Christmas. From my own experiences, (or I should say, unfortunately, several, several experiences, online relationships rarely work out. I have had many, both long distance and local. Always ended the same. Either distance, or if they are “online” they like to stay “online” and are usually not relationship ready, preferring just to flirt or hook-up, date many women.

Also, he told you he did not want to be in a relationship. I usually take that as a red flag, because no matter what you do, they won’t change, and months later still not be ready for any kind of relationship, and you can’t change that person. Also, I feel it scared him off when you told him it was okay to go slow, but then told him you did not want him to talk to other people while you were away. He might have thought that “controlling” especially when he initially expressed to you, that he did not want a relationship. He is not emotionally available, which is why he did not seem interested in your day, or what you had to say. He just want to date and have “fun”. He felt you were getting too serious too quickly which is why he took the cowards way out and said he “felt a disconnection”. It had nothing to do with you. Like he told you, unfortunately, he did not want a relationship.

Best to meet someone in person, really get to know them before becoming intimate. Get to be their friend first. Take things slow. Try to meet them at church, coffee shop, dog park (lots of cute single nice men have dogs they take for walks). Try to stay off online dating sites. Too complicated. You deserve better.

Hi Matt,

You say you are Angry..could you share a little more about why and how this started? Are you angry with friends? Parents? Life in General? How long have you felt this way? You say you have people you care about, and I am sure they care about you too, and they would not want to see you like this. Are these people you can confide in? I am not sure how old you are, are you in school? What do you think is bringing about these feelings? Have you tried to contact a crisis line? They are trained volunteers that are there and want to help you. The call is anonymous. Please contact them. I am worried about you! Please post again..

Hi Katie,

Your post concerned me, about the “aggressiveness” this is never a good thing in a relationship and should not be tolerated. You didn’t state what type of “aggressiveness” he displays, but there should be none at all. This is very unhealthy and toxic. Be it emotion, psychological, any type of abuse, the relationship can not progress, until the person is willing to seek professional treatment.

Hi Uncertainty81,

Normally I tell people to go with their guy. If something does not feel right, then perhaps it is not. If you feel sick to your stomach, maybe something, (a force, higher power, the universe) is trying to tell you, that this relationship may not progress further. On the other hand, it could just be fear of the future, thoughts of uncertainty. Two years is a long time. Maybe you could jump right in..walk through the fire, and propose? Why not? If you love her and see a future with her, perhaps proposing will help lay your fears to rest, and make you think that things are not as bad as you are thinking they are.

Anytime a negative thought comes, don’t give it the satisfaction. Use a positive thought instead. Like how much you enjoy being around her, laughing with her, etc. Have you shared these fears with her? Sometimes just getting it out with the one you love helps you feel better, who knows, maybe she is feeling fearful to. Just try to concentrate on the present and not worry about a future you can’t control. However, if you still have these nagging thoughts day in and day out, maybe something is telling you, that the relationship will not progress further. I hope it all works out.