Hi Tom,

If you really like her, ask her to talk to the real father first and see what she is going to do about the child. If she is going to keep it, keep in mind, that she is going to be a single mother and might not have alot of time to pursue a relationship. She will be busy having sleepless nights, changing diapers, is she financially independent where she can afford this, or will she be looking to you to provide? That is if the father does not step up, and she decides to keep the child. Then again, she may give it up for adoption. Then she has to think about another perhaps bigger place, for another room for a baby. This is going to be a heavy emotional toll for her. I would have her Talk to the father first, and then talk to her about where she sees her future with the child and perhaps you in it.

For example if she does have the child, you don’t want to become bonded with the child if she does not see a future with you. I would sit down and discuss all this with her before pursuing anything more with her.

Hi Mickey,

Has he told you he is talking to other women? Or has he given you reasons to distrust him? Although I don’t like his wording about you “being his puppet” not sure what that means, but it sounds disrespectful. You may want to gain a clearer perspective of what he meant by that comment. What he wants from you, where he sees a future with you, and is there any way you can elaborate on his “commitment issues”?

Hi Gagan,

I too felt like this. When these feelings came over me, I would think, “why do I want to do something permanent, when he is busy enjoying his life and moving on, while I am sitting here, thinking of ending everything, when something might just be around the corner? Something so much more beautiful, more fulfilling?”. Remember when you think like this, tell yourself “oh, it’s just anxiety and depression” “just thoughts” “I am the sky, depression are the clouds” the sky is bigger. Infinite.

One day at a time. Sometimes it may feel like you will take two steps back and want to call her or think of her” these are just thoughts, and like clouds drifting, the thoughts too, will go away. Be good to yourself and patient with the grieving and healing process. You are still very young. What is around the corner? Something so beautiful I bet. Stick around for it. Anita is giving you great advice. You have us here on the boards. Keep posting.

Hi Lea,

It seems we get all get caught up in a vicious cycle of punishing ourselves for past events that we no longer have control over. We can’t worry about it, because it won’t change anything, we just learn from it, accept that we are all human with faults, that the person we were with at the time also had their own issues and faults, and everything happens for a reason. When we live inside our head and keep thinking in terms of “if only” “should have” “could have” “what if I would have” we are just tormenting ourselves with thoughts that are not realistic. People move on, and grow. God has something better in store for you. Doors will be opened for you for a better future. Just live one day at a time, and in the present. When you start thinking about the past or negative thoughts, close your eyes and visualise a “stop sign” this will halt your thinking and distract you, because we can’t visualize a road “stop sign” and past events at the same time.

Listen to some relaxing music, volunteer with animals, join a book club, take a bubble bath, go to Barnes and Noble, get a cup of hot cocoa or espresso and immerse yourself in a good book. Just do whatever it is to be good to yourself. Focus on something you have something to look forward to. Keep us posted. x

Hi Gagan,

I am sorry I have not had a chance to post in a while. Just wanted to see how you are holding up? I have been reading through the posts, and it sounds like things are looking a bit better?

Hi Gagan,

I know you had a great and loving friendship with her. But was she *really* Your friend when she came over to tease you, sit on your bed, only to tell you how happy she was with another man? If it were me, I would be fuming. Sometimes, we tend to put people on a pedestal, see only the good, and none of the bad. I’m not saying everyone is perfect, but if you really look at it, there were times, she didn’t belong on the pedestal.

As far as being friends, no. I don’t think at this time any kind of friendship is possible. It would make it awkward with her new boyfriend knowing you two had a history together, he knows you still deeply love her, and you are highly emotionally charged at this time. It’s too soon to be thinking about any kind of friendship, as it will only prolong your misery to go on seeing her. Best thing, to make a clean break and move on as best you can. Remember, you were fine, single and happy before you met her, and you will be fine again. Just be patient with the healing and grieving process, join a support group, I know I did that after the loss of a love. Each day will get a little better, but no contact with her Is best right now. Keep posting with your thoughts.

Hi Heeartbrokengirl,

Thanks for clarifying. I am understanding things a little clearer now. I think what you have prepared to say to him sounds great. Please let us know how it all works out.

You’re welcome Gagan,

Stay strong, you can do this. And you have us here. Post anytime.