Hey M-

I loved reading your story because I was in a similar situation a few months ago. Hopefully from my perspective (a guy) you’ll find some comfort moving forward. Just like you, I was preparing to move away and started to question the future of my relationship. I thought about what was best for the both of us moving forward and knew the answer in my heart. Basically, I am moving away into a professional career and she still has a few years left at college. We both talked about the long-term, but I knew if I moved away things would be difficult. I knew we’d remain in the relationship for the wrong reasons. I felt guilty staying in a relationship where we’d both eventually find difficulties being away from one another. My gut feeling was things wouldn’t work out even though I wanted them to.

I knew in my heart this girl would be a great wife, mother, and had a very bright future ahead. You said, “I know that breaking up with him now will prevent more pain for both of us in the future, and as much as I wanted to be happy in a relationship, I just wasn’t. I started feeling claustrophobic and wanting freedom,” and I want you to know that I felt the exact same way!!!! After the break-up I had alot of regret and still do at times. It’s hard because just like you, I’ve moved home where there isn’t a big social group I connect with. I wanted to remain friends, but the truth is, I hurt the other person by telling them we’d be better of friends and going separate ways. We were best friends and it was that hardest decision I ever made. We traveled across the country together last summer and I fell in love with this girl during my last two years at college. However, I knew what was best going forward. Like you said, I saved both us more pain down the road. I think its natural for us to question our decisions after the fact. We idealize the future if we hadn’t made the decision to move on. I find myself saying, “What if things would have worked out” or thinking I jumped the gun on this situation. I know what that feeling of guilt feels like and you’re not alone! Don’t say sorry, you made this decision because you realized what was best.

The important thing is, you did what was right by not staying in a relationship unhappy or uncertain. Sometimes we love someone, but its not the right time for us. You have a new chapter in life where you’ll go to grad school and establish new relationships. You’ll realize that this feeling is in the moment and it will overcome with time. You can’t fix anything now because both of you are hurt. Just like you did, I cut the other person out of my life and its very hard to deal with. You’ll only hurt each other more by reconnecting, so let go of any type of communication. I like to remind myself that if things are meant to be, God always has a plan. I’m not very religious, but I believe things happen for certain reasons. With time, he’ll remember the good memories and get past your decision to move on. He may feel betrayed right now, but that’s only temporary. I know its very painful now, but focus on improving yourself. Stay busy and be happy with your decision. You made the right decision. Remaining in a relationship for the wrong reasons would have only led to a similar scenario or much worse. If things were meant to be, you’ll appreciate one another more down the road. Right now, enjoy this time and freedom you have. Things can always be worse and you need to remind yourself everyday is special. We never know when our time is up on this earth, so don’t live in regret. Make the most of every day and just remember things will get better in time.

I hope this helps some! Thank you again for your story and I’m glad I could relate with someone else. I know this is hard, but I promise things become less painful with time. Don’t live in regret!!!!

I agree. Put your family first and communicate with him about how you feel. It’s obvious trust was lost, but considering you have kids it may not be worth giving up yet. Make sure he knows about how you feel and let him know he has to choose between his family or his own adventures. Make things clear to him that you have no other options but to leave if it happens again and make sure to act on it or else he’ll continue his habits and realize your too weak to follow thru.