Hi Edoardo,

Loving yourself isn’t the trashy part – not loving yourself is the trashy part.  What you are doing to yourself and your body is not love – it is abuse.  You may have misunderstood what I said.  Bringing someone to the table is benefiting two people and surely that imaginary other person is entitled to have a say in whether or not he wants to take your needs on board.  Is that all part of your control strategy – if I keep everyone away because I am too needy/selfish/what? my personal life will never improve.

Who are you?

I was just checking through your first post and found this:  “I do feel great and I want to keep the fat and the weight off”.  Are you still at that point?

As I said from the outset, I am not trained in eating disorders but I do know that it would be extremely irresponsible of me if I was to collude with you on this.

Peggy

Hi Edoardo,

At the moment, I want to keep this short as I need to go through all that’s been said and that’s a lot.

Love:  Love is love regardless of what box you put it in.  Romantic love is just as valid as any other kind.  Selfless love is such a rarity that it is almost non-existent.  We all want our needs met – we all want a loving, supportive network.  Lessons in love are what we are put on Earth for.  Self love is crucial.

Self love is crucial.  Our essential character is defined at birth.  Who are you?  Who are you when you are not the sickly child who nearly died in infancy?  Who are you when you are not the child who was brought up by his grandmother and received the nurture that he needed?  Who are you when you are not sabotaging your passions?  Who are you when you are not being rejected for your sexuality?  Who are you at your core when you strip away all your life’s experiences?  Who are you?

I’ll post again in about 12 hours time – thank you for giving me this opportunity.

Sending you healing light and love.

Peggy

Hi Edoardo,

Just touching base – I need a little time to absorb what’s been said and a few hours sleep – very tired.  I’ll come back to you when I am refreshed.

Thank you for answering my question.

Peggy

Hi Parker,

I’m glad you are taking on board the suggestion made by Elle and myself regarding Yoga or Tai Chi.  Both disciplines have their own great merits.

Can I just say here that I’ve only been offering my advice on Tiny Buddha for a couple of weeks yet I’ve already found out that 80% of people who post problems don’t even bother to reply to the Forum.  Maybe ingratitude and time wasting is what caused them to have problems in the first place.  Anyway,  congratulations to you for genuinely wanting to resolve your current difficulty – top 20%.

Some people are just more sensitive to the energy being given out by others than other people.  If you do have the belief that other people are criticizing you, then maybe you could work on your self-esteem and confidence (plenty of books available).

It also occurred to me that you might like to spend some time surrounded by nature – it’s very energizing to be near trees and water.

Also, when you’ve completed your studies, would working with animals in some way be an option.  Just a thought.

Peggy

Hi Edoardo,

I’m feeling slightly out of my depth here.  I’m drowning under all this technical stuff.

When I talk about counting calories it needs to be in conjunction with the three main food groups – carbohydrates, proteins and vegetables/fruit with their many and varied vitamins and minerals, roughly a third of each on your plate.  Once you’ve got used to what normal portion sizes are, the calorie counting can stop.  Ideally, you should be in tune with what your body needs but you are not at that point.

Can I just say that calorie counting did not push you into a low calorie regime.  You did that to yourself.  Had you been on top of a cliff when you had your passing out moment, you wouldn’t be here to tell the tale.

Fat is good.  Fat as I understand it converts to energy which we burn off as fuel.  If we eat too little, we burn off our fat reserves, if we eat too much we store fat.

Every “body” is different and if we want to be healthy, we must respect our bodily needs.  Your craving over food, power and the body beautiful is difficult for me to understand.  I would rather be healthy and happy even if I am carrying a few extra pounds than make myself miserable by denying my body its nutritional needs to achieve some kind of self induced image of external beauty.  Anita has a much better insight into anorexia than I have.

I do know that somewhere down the line, if you want to beat anorexia, you have to make changes to your current thinking/perceptions.  Do you have the will and the power to do this?  Strange thing, I’m wanting to control you right now even though I know that you are the one who has to do all the work.  The frightening part for me in your post is that you think you have to get your body used to burning off fat in case it needs to do it at some point in the future.  It does it all the time!  Now!

Peggy

Hi Lost (and nearly found) Soul,

I’m glad that you felt better after taking your Bach Flower Remedy.  I sound like an advert here but there is one specifically for when you feel overwhelmed, either Oak or Elm I think.  Also Rescue Remedy is a great standby.

It’s interesting that you say that you were shy and sensitive – all that criticism must have really hurt.  That kind of abuse is just as damaging as the physical stuff but nobody sees the bruises.  Children respond to what is happening in their environment hence the way your siblings treated you.

It’s good that you can see the positives in your upbringing.  Your mother showed she cared by her actions – home baked cookies, making costumes, driving you to places.  There was food, shelter, clothing, sports and music.  People aren’t trained to be parents – they’re just thrown in at the deep end with little guidance.  The majority of people just copy the way they were parented because it’s what they know.  There is room for compassion here.

It’s easy to put other people in an ideal bubble – happy, successful, lovingly married with 2.4 children.  My life’s experience tells me that the inside story is usually nowhere near like that.  “Successful” might not be spending enough time with his/her family.  “Happy” might be crying inside and suppressing his/her own needs.  And so it goes on.

You set yourself a task of shampooing all your carpets whilst feeling overwhelmed and exhausted with what you have to do.  Impressive in anyone’s book.  Instead of feeling proud of yourself, you proceed to beat yourself up about the things you didn’t do which are clearly more important in your view.

Perhaps when you next write your never ending list, you could mark against each item level of priority, a) top priority b) medium priority c) low priority.  That way you can concentrate on top priority only and be flexible about the rest.

Anyway, I’ve gone on for much longer than I expected to so I hope that some of what I have said is helpful to you.  Bye for now.

Peggy

Hi Parker,

I can also relate to being highly sensitive and grew up being very shy (introverted).  I see it as a protective device where we recoil into ourselves.  The original reason for doing this has probably long since passed yet still we do it.  It might be worth checking that you don’t have an under active thyroid (or any other condition) as this can have the effect of making you feel tired.

Also, if you are basically glued to your computer in your spare time, I am wondering if you get enough exercise in the fresh air.  Exercise, strangely enough, is energizing.  Therefore, I agree with Elle that walking could help.  Tai Chi also helps energy move through the body.

With regard to your on-line studies, could you possibly write down a few bullet points on a card and take these out with you so that you are combining studies with movement.  This will have the added benefit of helping with your assignments.

Do you get much time off at the week-ends.  Will you be getting a Summer Break from your classroom studies.  I’m just wondering if there will be a chance for you to recharge your batteries over the coming few weeks.

Peggy