“In my life whenever I get close to someone I lose interest and want to run away and always do. But he was different”

No. He wasn’t.  You did the exact same thing to him. Also, from all your write ups, it’s clear you never really loved him and probably never will if you get back with him. You’ll only ruin the good thing he has going on now with someone who values him.

“I miss him so much but I do not know if it is because he is with another woman now. She could be the “one” for him. He appears happy. It is killing me, my heart is aching”

Again, you never really loved him. His happiness is killing you and aching your heart. You’d feel better if he was emotionally in pain and suffering after you left him.

“It was a very intense, obsessive relationship. I felt as though I was being smothered at Times. Our sex life suffered as a result. He was a passive person which irritated me sometimes. He would agree with whatever I said if I pushed it enough. However I loved him as a person. He loved me, we had good communication, we talked all the time, we were true partners”

This appears contradictory.  A relationship with good communication as you claimed above isn’t one that is intense, obsessive or lacking in sex life I believe. It’s really hard to tell which is which as we can’t hear his own side of the story.

You also mentioned your friends didn’t support your relationship with him even though you claimed you were happy and loved him. You need to ask yourself what kinda friends you really have.

You don’t love him, you ended the relationship, he’s moved on and you should as well. Now you’re free to try out other experiences with guys, be individual and single like your friends so, it’s actually a win for you. However, what’s behind door number 2, 3, ….n might not be what you expect in a relationship.

Try seeking therapy as the issue might be deeper than we think. But most importantly,  be honest with yourself.  Don’t play with the lives and emotions of others. What goes around,  comes around. Move on. Go out on dates, meet new people and you’ll see, once you find someone else you think is mr right, again,  you’ll no longer be bothered about you ex.

Hi there,

You’re in a relationship with a great guy, very attractive as you mentioned, so why not sit back, enjoy it and see how things turn out? There’s no guarantee that any relationship will last, attractive guy or not.                             Also, you never mentioned how you knew he was swiping. Did you go snooping on his phone? You see, insecurity in any relationship is a huge problem, add low self esteem and it’s a recipe for disaster. Yes, he was wrong but he explained why and showed remorse, doesn’t that show some commitment?                                                                                                                                               Focus on yourself and learn how to be happy on your own terms while enjoying the added benefits of your relationship with this guy. Who knows, maybe he’s the real deal, maybe not. Give it a chance, that way you’ll know for sure.

Dear Elle,

thanks for keeping us updated on your situation.

There’s no point being in a relationship with a significant other who makes you afraid. That’s why you felt suffocated, you couldn’t think or act normally in his presence for the sake of not doing something wrong to upset him. Yes, he was an amazing guy or still is maybe but, weigh the good and the bad, do you think it’s worth it to continue?

Try to communicate with him via phone or email and explain in details how you really felt in the relationship and why you think it would be mentally unhealthy for you to continue. Highlight the good and bad sides of the relationship as well. I think by doing this, you’ll have a clear conscience and free mind which will enable you to move on. It is his obligation now to decide if he wants to fix himself and fight for you but, how long will the change in his attitude last before he reverts to the usual? How long are you willing to keep waiting?

As mentioned previously, you may never know if you made the right choice but hey, at least the future brings hope. What if there’s an amazing guy, with very little or no emotional baggage waiting for you somewhere? Without moving on or taking the risk, you’ll never meet him. Also, there’s no guarantee the next guy will be any different. This is life.

The key thing to know is, there’s hope for you. Take the risk, move on and give yourself a shot at real happiness. You deserve it.

Dear Kate,

What you suffer from is simply low self esteem and yes, its that simple. But here’s where it gets worse, if you don’t take control of your life and appreciate yourself, its gonna turn into a more severe form insecurity and low self esteem.

Appreciating yourself; You’ve been blessed to be born in a upper class family, and if you’re a 6/10, I’d say you’re way luckier than someone from a low class family, and a 5 or 6/10.

Go for a walk on a popular street around your area, you’ll notice couples from different walks of life. Its either the bf is better looking that the gf or the other way around, yet, they’re holding hands, smiling and happy. They’re not better than you because I’m 100% sure you can have that too.

Leave your bf, he doesn’t deserve you with such rude and disrespectful comments made at the party. Dude has low self esteem, you don’t need more of that.

Try to be more outgoing with people. Don’t be afraid to initiate first contact and most importantly, stop giving a damn what others think about you.

Note: People easily sense when they’re around someone who’s shy and not outgoing. Don’t look downwards and nervous when in social circles, just feel free!

Hi Chris,

Does age matter? Yes! Of course it does, especially with a 19 year age gap.

Some people will tell you no and go on about how Mr A did similar, but what you hardly hear is what happened in the long run. You see, just because something works out for Mr A, doesn’t mean its going to work for Mr B given the same conditions.

However, you need to know that a 20 year old will never have the same level of maturity or experience as a 39 year old. Assuming you’re seeking something long term.

If you’re seeking something casual or not serious, I’d say that’s not a good thing to do to a girl that young. You’re only gonna leave her with heartache and trust issues. You’re better off with some 27-39 in my opinion. But ask yourself this, why am I interested in a girl 19 years younger than I am rather than a 30 year old? Kinda says a bit about you doesn’t it?

Elle Bee,

One thing that struck me from your posts is, so far, you’ve been giving us just your side of the story and mostly making accusative statements. Yet, the headline of your post reads “I left my awesome boyfriend”. Are you going to take any responsibilities for the break up?

All relationships have their ups and downs. If you’re looking for a perfect relationship where its all rosy and Hollywood cliché like, I’m sorry but that’s pure fantasy. Your Ex is human, just like we all are and not perfect. Is he truly controlling as you’ve described? Maybe, maybe not but I’m certain, sitting down and explaining your feelings to him as you have on Tiny Buddha can help enlighten him on his wrong.

In relationships, running away solves nothing because no matter who you meet next, you’ll simply be changing one set of problems with the Ex, to a new set of problems with Mr new guy.

Pause for a moment, realise your own contributions to the breakup, his contributions as well and ask yourself if the relationship was or is worth fighting for. Wrong or right choice, it is you who’ll have to live with your choices in life. We all are.

Lastly, not everything can be related to childhood trauma and psychology. Sometimes, it simply is what it is. Maybe he opted out of wooden utensils because hey, they get wet easily, absorb water, attract fungi and easily breakable as compared to plastic or metal.