Zoe, my heart is absolutely breaking for you right now. I can’t quite imagine what you must be feeling..

I think he is a coward for not being upfront and honest with you about anything. Had he been upfront and honest about his intention to move forward with his life (with or without his new fiance) he wouldn’t be having to explain himself right now. I think his behaviour is that of a cowardly, unsure and unsettled man and quite frankly I feel sorry for his wife to be as the foundation to their relationship is clearly built on lies. This is purely a reflection on him and who he is as a person.

I know this may be easier said then done however I don’t even think he should be given the opportunity to make that call. There is nothing that he can say or do at this point that will even remotely justify his actions. Nothing.

I know it hurts, I myself am struggling with a break up at the moment, but I do think perhaps this is all the closure you need… I mean how much clearer can he make himself than deciding to marry another woman?

My thoughts are with you in this difficult time!

I know exactly what you mean, there are definitely times at which you find your mind wandering more than other times. For me particularly it’s first thing in the morning and when I’m getting ready for bed. When im winding down and everything around me goes quiet my mind always wanders back to him and that’s when I tend to want to reach out to him the most!

We’ll see how the no contact thing continues. At the moment he sent me a brief birthday message yesterday which I decided it was best to not reply to and we haven’t spoken for a few days prior to that. We probably will continue to not speak however It would’ve been our anniversary on Thursday so I wonder if anything will happen on that day..

I think in some way a part of me hopes that he reaches out on what would’ve been our anniversary but then on the other hand I think what will it change? If anything, it’ll just take back the progress I had already made in the last few days. I’ve made a pact with my own self to block and cut contact past this point.. I think that’s the best thing to do as heartbreaking as it’ll be for me.

It is absolute torture, you’re absolutely right! I think the one thing I’m sure of is that we love one another. But perhaps love is not enough to keep a relationship together..

I think you made a very valid point in saying that you want him back because you can’t bear living without him, but at the same time you’re not entirely sure if the relationship would really flourish and progress how you would like it to!

I think we have to remind ourselves why we are actually in this situation in the first place because good things don’t just break for no reason right? Although it is difficult, It’s important to think of the negatives and use those as motivation to keep us going and working towards something better!

Shelby,

Thank you for the birthday wishes!

I couldn’t have said it any better myself when you say you don’t think you’ll ever not be sad about this. You’ll sort of just learn to live with it because you have no other choice. I can most definitely relate to that..

I actually read through articles which confirmed heartbreak and withdrawal from a person can be just as tough as withdrawals from a drug addiction! Just how powerful these hearts of ours are! Although going cold turkey is extremely difficult you’re absolutely right in saying that any contact does set you back in your recovery. I’m currently living in a state of ‘Will we speak at all today?’ ‘Will he think of me?’ And that in itself fuels hope and is hurtful. I am at the end of my tether with this as rationally I know this is not allowing me to move on.. to truly let go of him or the idea of ‘us’.

I think give yourself credit where it is due, you have done wonderful so far for not contacting him! That’s a major achievement! Well done girl!

I hope in a few months time we come back on here with healed hearts and laugh at this thread!

Tom,

Your story has actually brought tears to my eyes.

Also, thank you for sharing those articles! They were just the insight that I needed with what I am currently going through! Very helpful!

WI hope all works itself out for you!

Thank you ladies for taking the time to reply to me.

You both give me hope that I too one day can get to a point where I no longer picture my life with him, where simple things don’t remind me of him. Or even just to a point where I don’t cry and sulk every other moment of the day.

For now I guess I’ve just gotta accept that it is hard and it probably will be for the next few months!