I have a feeling no one really does ALL those things and find the time to feel happy about it. The trick is – as long as you keep yourself busy – you have no time to think about how sad or happy you are, either.

If you don’t let relations take too much out of your time and you are not struggling with ANY kinds of addiction (phone, computer, sugar, coffee, love, home), setting a schedule for work, education, staying fit and sleeping well (and some time off for self or socializing) is a question of time management.

A lot of people who try to work full-time and also attend university will quit one or another at some point because it is impossible to put maximum effort to both. Most people who did this quit school because without work they really would be incapable of paying rent.

Also, people in that time of life tend to rent one apartment with several other people who also go to school and work – it’s a bit cheaper and might also fend off the feeling of loneliness in a way.

If your family and friends do not understand how busy and tired you are – well, it’s on the family and friends then – you can’t let anyone keep you away from your goals.

I’d think you’d want to give yourself exposure to these distractors, little by little, like building resistance to it.

This one was good and thorough, though:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/phobias-and-fears.htm

My healing started with learning the theory of mind and other thinking tricks.
http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/negative-thinking-patterns.htm

I learned how thoughts, words, sentences – how these all affect our emotions and how our emotions make our mood.

I started reading up on neurology to figure out how emotions like fear and love happen.

I picked up mindfulness and studied a bit of meditation.

And I have learned a great deal and most of the time I feel I am in control.

We will forever be constantly challenged by fear – but once you master this knowledge – you will be more powerful than you have ever been. You will SEE people for the first time, you will know how to actually love another person for the first time, you will know how to enjoy every moment of your life for the first time…

The important bit – don’t give up, there is a way. No matter how deep in you are now – there is a way out, just don’t stop trying. I don’t think I can tell you the exact path to take as I believe each has their own – we come from different places, we need different sources.

Be brave o/

Hello

I feel sorry for you. There is not much I can say that you will consider help, in your position, but I will say it in hopes that something maybe will strike you.

Astrology and personality tests will not help you. They will only add another diagnosis to your disorders lists – namely that would be Schizotypal personality disorder. Drop this, if you are willing to. These things are a scam (no need to start an argument, go google counter arguments).

What you need to read, if you wish to, is something that is completely down to earth.

Talking therapy is fine but if this has been going on too long and you don’t get any tasks from your therapists then you might as well stop going to that therapist because – proven – talking about your problems again and again will only convince yourself in your helplessness even more.

Did your therapist ever give you any tasks?
Learn how you think, feel – and how this all affects your moods. How this all affects your whole life.
http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/negative-thinking-patterns.htm

From there on you might want to read a few articles about mindfulness meditation. Or watch videos. Pema Chödrön, Mingyur Rinpoche, Thich Nhat Hanh – good lectures and good books.

Be brave o/

By “living the same life” I mean that the norms and rules of the society will still apply to us. Of course, operating without fear and worry will enable us to make different decisions from those who operate with them.

Hello nathalieace

Maybe this will inspire you somehow. Maybe not.
Essentially – what I think is going on with friendships, relations – people seek for partners because they feel the very same thing you have just described here – and their friendships and such are an attempt of making that feeling go away. Let hop a step ahead and reveal the big secret – that feeling doesn’t go away when you have friends.

People who are constantly surrounded by other people, friends, partners – they still feel that too – even though they might not be thinking about it as often as they keep their feelings and thoughts busy. So, sure, it leaves us the impression that they have friends that make them happy. You can imagine this idyllic night out with jokes, laughing, games and all that – but these are just some fun moments, not happiness itself. The night is over, they fall asleep and where they have no power to distract themselves from this inner feeling, they feel it – they are alone, again.

Some of them can’t even really enjoy the night out as they keep themselves distracted with negative thinking, here’s a few examples: “what if this is the last time I see this person,” “these people probably don’t really like me,” “what did this person mean when he made that joke about me,” “I am still worried about that fight last weekend…” “did i choose the right clothes to wear,” “i’m gonna gossip xyz in order to try to connect with these people – that story is too good,” “if i got drunk like a blind bat, no one would help me home,” “fck it i get drunk anyway, i’ll put that friend to a test.”

I think, we sometimes wish we had friends we don’t have and then we put some very unrealistic expectations on them… Problem is we are not failing with having friends – but we are failing with getting in touch with ourselves.

* * *

Now, why you dislike feeling ALONE, what I think is happening here, is due to you thinking that this feeling is like pain – and what does pain essentially do? Pain is a signal of something being wrong. A stinging feeling from your toe – you hit it or step on something sharp – your head aches – you are dehydrated or are suffering with other chemical imbalances etc. Your hearing is going worse – earphones too loud maybe (to be honest, there could be other reasons. Stop wondering and go see a doctor about that one :3)

Now, being alone is not pain. Yet there is this other feeling – loneliness. And what you described sounds a lot like it.
And why do we perceive loneliness as pain? Because we think it is a signal – a pain that signals that we are doing something wrong. A pain that signals that we are insufficient.

While each and one of us can learn a ton of lessons to become great social creatures (there’s books, start with Dale Carnegie – he has written some amazing stuff – and since the books are from like 30s, they are cheap too (you could also go to library I guess)) – that FEELING of being insufficient is something we make up in our heads because we sort of have learned to be this way.
This feeling can’t be taken care of by seeking validation in finding friends and partners. This feeling is an insecurity and the only way to get rid of it is to LEARN what it is and where it comes from. It takes a lot of effort to go down that road, face yourself and such. But once you have figured it out, you’ll get peace from it.

So – the first idea you might want to savor a bit – you being alone is NOT a signal. It is not a measure of your worth. It’s just the way the universe has it for you, for now – out of all the odds, you are on your own. And you are owning it 😉

The feeling, though. You can get better! You can try to “learn” yourself out from feeling this way – and that is something each of us has to come to do on our own – having friends and partners will not help in many ways. But if the resources from the internet aren’t enough, you could try seeking out a therapist.

Here is something what you would learn with a therapist:
http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/negative-thinking-patterns.htm

Another thing that helped me a lot was learning about Buddhist philosophies and mindful meditation. Mindfulness helps you fight with stress and other unpleasant feelings. It is one of the greatest tools I have come by. And the guy in the video is the most adorable human being I have layed my eyes on.

Just to add – I have no idea what the things that we are supposed to enjoy, would be – I’m just lurking around forums, chatting, eating ice cream on my spare time :c

Welp, I waste time – don’t look up to me.

Uhoh, and dating websites are fun too – but if I’d use them – I’d use them to MEET PEOPLE, learn what kinds of stuff they do, who they are, what they like – doesn’t matter if we will never meet again or not – I think meeting with people 1 on 1 would be a really fun way to pass time – so you do it just because it is nice to meet new people and let them talk about themselves, not to specifically find a partner :3 But you might hit a good one after you have met enough of them (just don’t choose one randomly to make the insecurity to go away! that’s slow hell, I swear!)

I am alone for a whole lot of time and I learned to cope with the feeling of loneliness as soon as I realized that being alone is not a sign of something being wrong.

It is not a good neither a bad thing to be alone – it doesn’t mean anything – it’s just a way of being.

When I was trying to reason (very negatively) – I am alone because I am worthless, I am alone because nobody loves me etc – that’s when I felt lonely. When I changed my point of view, “decided” that I am alone because that’s how the universe has it, for now – I made my peace with it.

I wouldn’t mind having friends or partners to live together with, but I don’t mind not having them either.