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Anita yes I am anxious all the time and I have been basically all my life. Every minute consists of dealing with reality by putting a face on while I am kept away from my more interesting life in my head.
Yes I do not know how to relax unless something physically relaxes me like a supplement.
Yes I am always afraid.
I look around and see men bend over backwards to please the women in thier life…I didn’t think I was asking too much to want them to pay an ounce of attention to me and I mean me.
I never believe that anyone would want to be with me so they have to tell me that that’s the case otherwise I feel as if I am being pushy. They have to tell me or I won’t push.
My family were the only people I have made an effort even though I felt as if I was only cared about because I existed and not because they felt I was anyone special.
I won’t push myself on anyone. They have to show me or tell me that they want me to be there.
It is absolutely true that I am sensitive to criticism. It is because I have to do well, I have to be productive, I have to be doing whatever it is I am supposed to be doing in order to survive. I can not mess up and if I feel I have then it’s hard to bounce back. Messing up equals me out of a job, the conversation, my home, the group….I have to be perfect to just be able to exist. Forget about excelling. I am not allowed to be imperfect like other women are. I feel like I have to show inferiority just to be allowed to be in the room and steal the crumbs off the floor. Of course I highly resent this and express my frustration so it’s a no win situation for me.
My negative interactions with men have been mostly from talking to me like my body was the only thing that existed or attempts to intimidate me into having everything go exactly how they want it to go.
I’m a little confused about being afraid of criticism from men. I am basically non existent to them and don’t think they would love or hate me enough to have any strong opinion other than the only reason to pay any attention to me: physical or to intimidate me to make things go their way.
In my daydreaming the men I am involved with are critcal of me but because they either are bothered by my independence or they care about my personality and the criticism is constructive. They criticise me to help me. In reality they don’t care. So I have to say in my fantasies I am criticised but it is usually because they feel strongly towards me.
Believe it or not I am thinking logically about the too many coincidences in my life. Too many times things are just set up too neatly for me to experience pain or frustration.
I could go over and over about the moody women who have relationships and yet I do not and it is not only unfair it is mystery to me. I could but I have already said it numerous times.
You mention about the time you have put in to help me. I have always appreciated your time Anita and that you have tried to help me.
The thing is I often feel as if I need to help the person trying to help me because I know it is not a problem easily solved. I have been trying since I was a teen.
It’s strange that I said men criticise me when I believe my biggest problem is that men do not take the time to criticise me at all. I don’t know what I am doing wrong because they never care enough to tell me.
Men are not afraid of me Anita but saying so clears them of how they really feel which is after I really speak…nothing.
If you have ever seen the movie “Ever After,” I can definitely relate to the charactor Danielle played by Drew Barrymore. The anguish she feels when at the ball and she is attacked…that’s how I feel. Watch that scene and then imagine someone telling that charactor “well the way you are treated is all your fault.” Danielle is outspoken and it does cause her grief. That is certainly true.
I want to repost this paragraph to make corrections. The charactor’s name is Danielle not Ella and a couple spelling mistakes.
It’s so frustrating!!!!! I go online to find help. I can’t find help anywhere. Every article tells me it’s fine to be a single woman. Yeah if that is what you want, yes, I agree, if that is what you want THEN it is fine….but what if it is not what you want?
I have been informed since day one that I am to be alone. No one has ever been concerned that I’m alone. Just trying to get me to accept it. I either received no help at all or had people pushing me towards men who weren’t right for me or men who only saw my worth physically.
I can’t stand injustice. When I see spoiled people in this country getting their every whim fulfilled while others in the world are treated poorly it makes me angry.
I don’t understand it. I was a pretty girl. I had everything. I had everything. I don’t understand why no one showed an interest in me.
Don’t tell me how I should feel or what I should think. These articles act like I am single by choice. Some are but I’m not. No one ever asks or looks deeper to find out why something is the way it is. I can’t fix a problem if I don’t know what is wrong and I am on a lost quest for an answer.
Every article talks about how it’s fine to be alone. It IS fine if that is what makes you happy but for people trying to fix what they view as a problem…it’s not helpful.
I was a pretty, talented, friendly and bright girl who started out life not expected and then being continually rejected…sometimes with much disgust in thier voice or a roll of the eyes.
If I didn’t comply with what boys wanted they would turn on me and made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of any praise.
I have tried to get help but I am tired of being told it is ok to be single when it is NOT OK for ME to be single. They speak to me likes it an irreversible problem that I have to deal with.
I am good at researching and I can find an answer to many problems but I can not find an answer to this one.
In these articles people bring up how they are talked to sometimes about their singlehood but the most painful thing for me is that people, family never ask me why I am alone or feel as if there should be any other way. I seem to run into a few women in my life… mostly older women who are completely put off by me and seem to revel in me not getting ahead or receiving friendship or life of any kind. It’s very strange. I can not be myself around them because they try to knock me down. These are women old enough to be my mother. They also treat women younger than me like they are worthy of attention from other people, worthy of praise, promotion…it’s like they all represent the mother in “Ever After” thinking only her daughters are worthy of attention and Danielle must be in an obsessive way kept from ever being happy. She can not be happy and I feel like I have run into that mother in every situation in life I have been in. Like it’s thier job that my self esteem.remain low and that I am never to think I am worthy. She’s right there making sure I do not experience happiness because my happiness can’t happen.
If you have ever seen the movie Ever After I can definately relate to the lead charactor of Danielle played by Drew Barrymore. The anguish she feels in that movie especially whe at the ball and she is attacked..that’s how I feel. Watch that scene and then imagine someone telling that charactor well the way you are treated is all your fault. Ella is outspoken and it does cause her grief. That is certainly true.
I am sorry I am rambling but I can only talk about how I am feeling and my emotions regarding my problem because I have tried to think about it logically but it makes even less sense to me because there us no logical reason I am by myself all the time.
Ironically the only people who SEE ME are married men. A few rare women and also ironically men who are much younger than me seem to see my worth as a person.
I’m so tired. I’m so tired of fighting. I’m so tired of crying. I’m so tired of feeling lonely. I am so tired of not finding the answer to my problem.
Everytime someone has contributed to my thread I was thankful and courteous to them.
It’s a convenient excuse for people not to talk to me. Show me where in my thread where I did not thank someone. I do not want you to but I know I have not not thanked them and I am not giving anyone in this life a free ride to not acknowledge that they simply look down on some women and not others. There is no evidence that I would be anything but respectful to them so then what?
I always appreciate your input Anita but you are rare. Most people only talk to people uf something is in it for them. I’m obviously not important. I’m not important to people. I would like to find out why?
Success is the best way to deal with injustice and unfairness. I support strong women who against opposition became successful.
I’m really angry right now and I need to lean on these women because you convinced me I was/am nothing but you couldn’t and you can’t do it to them. Deal with it.
One day women all women are going to be required to be independent. Does that scare you?
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.