Dear anita,

maybe I would want to substitute sugar with fruit. Or I am o.K. with a little bit of chocolate, but not having a bar of chocolate every day or worse, eating several sweets / unhealthy things in a very short time and then feeling bad about it. It helps to go to the grocery store fewer times a week and it also helps to have other options available like yoghurt with fruit or unsweetened cocoa powder to make a milkshake. Maybe stevia could help with extreme cravings, like when I actually want to go to the store just to buy sweets!

About thinking well about myself: I am trying to think more positive thoughts instead of dragging myself down. Sometimes the old thinking patterns come back, but I try to think more favourably of myself. My thinking well of myself is still very attached to accomplishments and therefore there is room for self-criticism. But when I fully accept myself, things will get easier, I think.

And thank you for thinking well of me! It has helped me to know that despite all of my flaws you accepted me. And I also appreciate you and think well of you! You give your all to help people in these forums!

Today the day started slowly, but later I did get some things done. I started a new illustration. Usually, I feel a lot of resistance when starting something new, but then after a bit of sketching and the first few strokes, it gets easier. I have to remember that, to just start. There is nothing to lose… I can use cheap copy paper so it doesn’t even matter if the sketches are bad! Why is this always so hard! The good thing is that I made some progress today.

Later I also talked to my roommate and we get along quite well. Hopefully, it stays like this and I did not say something weird.

Tomorrow I want to work more on the illustration I started today and get some exercise too.

Until tomorrow!

Dear anita,

sometimes I like rainy days 🙂 Good that you are still feeling good!

Today I am feeling quite content with myself. As some of my colleagues are on holiday, I went to work today. Everything was o.K., I did not feel any major embarrassments. But I was already feeling quite well in the morning. My thought a few days ago was that I should unapologetically love myself and accept myself. And this morning I was feeling it.

And after work, I even did 38 minutes of yoga and finished the page I started yesterday. If only I could be so productive every day or most days.

What was not so good today is that I ate a lot of sweets. At work clients brought cake and at home, I ate sweets from a package my parents sent me. Sometimes I have some sort of binge eating attacks and I feel bad afterwards… I would like to improve and not eat so much sugar.

Tomorrow I want to eat more healthy and not buy any sugary things either. Then I want to work on project C and other uni stuff, do yoga and maybe go for a walk.

Overall it was a good day today. During the last days, I felt like my passion has reignited and the feelings of shame are less.

Dear anita,

yes, I am also relieved that things are becoming more normal again in the U.S.

And it is good to hear that you are feeling good after your vaccination! Please stay healthy and safe from the virus!

Today I drew and did yoga, but I also got distracted. Tomorrow I want to stick to my routines and work for uni!

Maybe I can find another way to get feedback, maybe that would be a better idea?

Dear anita,

you are right, we need connection. At the moment, it’s a bit hard to make new ones and even without this situation, it has always been hard for me. Maybe I could volunteer at something, but I am also worried that it will become too much in the end… Making new connections is something I usually avoid so much! I have a lot of resistance when it comes to meeting new people. Usually, I want to stay in my cozy home and just spend time by myself. But like this nothing changes… I guess sometimes we have to also do uncomfortable things!

Today I cleaned my room did my laundry and then drew for a while. I am feeling better than yesterday, but am still not getting enough done. I am always self-sabotaging…

Tomorrow I have to be more active, it will make me feel better in the end!! It is not so bad once I start. I can do it! I will not look at the phone in the morning instead immediately get up. I will work on project C, even if I am a bit lost there at the moment. Maybe I can start with an easier part of it, to get into it. I know that I can focus and work a lot!

Hope your day is good! Please take care!

Dear anita,

thank you for your good wishes! Hope your day was also good!

Indian crepe with potatoes onion and mustard sounds great! I love Indian food! One day I would like to make a whole meal with curries, bread, dal, and chutneys… And then eat it together with friends. Maybe in the future…

Today I made ratatouille and it was good. My roommate also tried my cake and she liked it. So it was worth it 🙂

My day was o.K., maybe still too much distraction. But in the morning I did 40 minutes of yoga (but during some harder parts of the practice I paused) and I finished 3 pages of project B. Later I talked to my sister. I am feeling o.K. but think I should be more productive and disciplined.

Tomorrow I want to start the day with yoga again and then work in the morning and afternoon on my projects.

Until tomorrow!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Lily.

Dear anita,

thanks! I did not celebrate much, but at least I went for a walk. Then I cleaned our place and later I painted. Also, I tried to make the caramel cheesecake but failed with the caramel sauce. It turned too brown and then tasted bitter.

Maybe I can do small things during the next few days to celebrate spring. For example, repot my plants, go for walks or do something with herbs.

Tomorrow I still want to work on uni projects, maybe journal and stick to the times I set for myself. Also, do yoga in the morning.

Now I am feeling very tired. Last night I did not sleep very well and then I read a book that wasn’t very helpful. So this morning I felt anxious, but now am feeling much better. Just tired and I will go to sleep soon! Have a good day!

Dear anita,

hm, the accountability thread is more than one month old. Often I don’t get so much done. I wish that I would take the goals I set for myself more seriously. But the good thing is, my mood has improved a lot since the beginning of the thread. Now I am ruminating less, feeling less like a horrible person… The anxiety feeling has lessened on most days and I am back to my normal self again, feeling calmer. Also, I finished project A, something I wasn’t able to do for a long time. Project B is also almost done. Only 10 pages left. The next step is to become more active, to take me and my plans seriously. I can do it at work, so why not with the projects that matter most to my heart?

Oh, I can understand about the cougar being scary! We had a house cat and cats are quite unpredictable. Meeting a cougar in the wild is sure something I would like to avoid, the same for bears. Well, here they don’t exist anyways. Yesterday I googled dangerous animals in Germany and there are a few. We have a fish, snakes, and jellyfish that are poisonous, but most of the time these animals are too shy and you seldomly encounter them. And I hadn’t even heard of the fish.

Today I have finished one of my drawings for project B and there is not too much left to paint! I am very happy with the project and will be proud when I finish it. I am slow as a snail, but at least I am finishing the things I started. That’s something, right? Maybe with time, I can become better.

Also, I went to therapy and it was o.K. I will miss my therapist when therapy is over! For the goodbye, I plan to gift her a portrait of her.

Tomorrow is my workday. But after work, I still want to work more at home, so best to work on project B.

About being offline: yes, it is very good for me. I want to become more grounded in the real world, instead of distracting myself. It makes me feel so much better. When it is possible, I would like to find more human connections in the real world and live more fully than before. Now I have learnt that people who like me do exist and that I am o.K.

Have a good day and until tomorrow.