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LilyParticipant
Dear anita,
maybe I would want to substitute sugar with fruit. Or I am o.K. with a little bit of chocolate, but not having a bar of chocolate every day or worse, eating several sweets / unhealthy things in a very short time and then feeling bad about it. It helps to go to the grocery store fewer times a week and it also helps to have other options available like yoghurt with fruit or unsweetened cocoa powder to make a milkshake. Maybe stevia could help with extreme cravings, like when I actually want to go to the store just to buy sweets!
About thinking well about myself: I am trying to think more positive thoughts instead of dragging myself down. Sometimes the old thinking patterns come back, but I try to think more favourably of myself. My thinking well of myself is still very attached to accomplishments and therefore there is room for self-criticism. But when I fully accept myself, things will get easier, I think.
And thank you for thinking well of me! It has helped me to know that despite all of my flaws you accepted me. And I also appreciate you and think well of you! You give your all to help people in these forums!
Today the day started slowly, but later I did get some things done. I started a new illustration. Usually, I feel a lot of resistance when starting something new, but then after a bit of sketching and the first few strokes, it gets easier. I have to remember that, to just start. There is nothing to lose… I can use cheap copy paper so it doesn’t even matter if the sketches are bad! Why is this always so hard! The good thing is that I made some progress today.
Later I also talked to my roommate and we get along quite well. Hopefully, it stays like this and I did not say something weird.
Tomorrow I want to work more on the illustration I started today and get some exercise too.
Until tomorrow!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
well, I am still working on it. My thought was that even if somebody has a bad opinion about me, in the end, it doesn’t matter. It matters more what I think about myself.
Yes, you had already mentioned the stevia. I will have to look for it next time I buy groceries. It will be worth a try! Thank you for the tip!
Today was so-so, the good thing was that it was a sunny day and I got to go out for a walk. Then I spent too much time worrying.
Tomorrow I want to continue to work on my projects and do my best.
LilyParticipantDear anita,
sometimes I like rainy days 🙂 Good that you are still feeling good!
Today I am feeling quite content with myself. As some of my colleagues are on holiday, I went to work today. Everything was o.K., I did not feel any major embarrassments. But I was already feeling quite well in the morning. My thought a few days ago was that I should unapologetically love myself and accept myself. And this morning I was feeling it.
And after work, I even did 38 minutes of yoga and finished the page I started yesterday. If only I could be so productive every day or most days.
What was not so good today is that I ate a lot of sweets. At work clients brought cake and at home, I ate sweets from a package my parents sent me. Sometimes I have some sort of binge eating attacks and I feel bad afterwards… I would like to improve and not eat so much sugar.
Tomorrow I want to eat more healthy and not buy any sugary things either. Then I want to work on project C and other uni stuff, do yoga and maybe go for a walk.
Overall it was a good day today. During the last days, I felt like my passion has reignited and the feelings of shame are less.
LilyParticipantDear anita,
how good that you are feeling so well after the vaccination! I think it will take some time before I get vaccinated. At the moment the high-risk groups are still up for their vaccination. I am also kind of confused about the whole AstraZeneca thing…
Today I was doing a little better and feeling better. In the morning I did yoga for 20 minutes and then I cooked some food. Later I worked on project C and almost got a whole page done. Tomorrow I want to finish that page and I want to do my best to do yoga every day now!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
yes, I am also relieved that things are becoming more normal again in the U.S.
And it is good to hear that you are feeling good after your vaccination! Please stay healthy and safe from the virus!
Today I drew and did yoga, but I also got distracted. Tomorrow I want to stick to my routines and work for uni!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
that’s amazing that you got vaccinated! Must be a relief. It seems like the US is doing better now, since the new president is in office. That is wonderful!
Here we are still in lockdown since November and the vaccinations are also going slowly. But thankfully my family and friends are still healthy! Hopefully the situation will become better with time.
About the uni situation: well, I am not too happy with myself. But it could also be a good thing to finish all my old projects before starting something new. Still, I want to think about other ways to get more feedback and learn more and connect with others…
My day at work was mostly o.K., even though I had some awkward moments. After work I did yoga and talked to my roommate. Also I used the internet.
But tomorrow I have to work on project C. And it would be good to go outside for a bit. Now I will probably read a bit and then go to sleep. goodnight!
LilyParticipantMaybe I can find another way to get feedback, maybe that would be a better idea?
LilyParticipantDear anita,
thank you for the advice. It is a good idea to spend time alone after lots of social interactions.
Today I wanted to sign up for a uni class, but I am too afraid to do so. You can only sign up until today. I am also not sure if it would be the right thing to do. On one hand, I would like to get feedback and learn. And I could become more connected to my uni again. On the other hand, it could distract me from finishing my projects, and then it could take me even longer to study. Also, the social side scares me, that the other people would dislike me and that I was too strange to the professor in the past… Also technical issues, at least I got finally a new PC last winter, but still am missing some equipment.
I guess I will continue to work by myself.
It went better today. I got up early and went for a walk, it made me feel better. Later I drew and also worked on project C. Now I am seeing a solution to the problem that kept me stuck. So I feel more hopeful.
Tomorrow is my workday and I also want to do some yoga and work on project C.
LilyParticipantDear anita,
you are right, we need connection. At the moment, it’s a bit hard to make new ones and even without this situation, it has always been hard for me. Maybe I could volunteer at something, but I am also worried that it will become too much in the end… Making new connections is something I usually avoid so much! I have a lot of resistance when it comes to meeting new people. Usually, I want to stay in my cozy home and just spend time by myself. But like this nothing changes… I guess sometimes we have to also do uncomfortable things!
Today I cleaned my room did my laundry and then drew for a while. I am feeling better than yesterday, but am still not getting enough done. I am always self-sabotaging…
Tomorrow I have to be more active, it will make me feel better in the end!! It is not so bad once I start. I can do it! I will not look at the phone in the morning instead immediately get up. I will work on project C, even if I am a bit lost there at the moment. Maybe I can start with an easier part of it, to get into it. I know that I can focus and work a lot!
Hope your day is good! Please take care!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
yes, the ratatouille was pretty good 🙂 Today I ate it again.
And how nice that you saw nettles! Spring is also coming closer at your part of the world!
Today I did paint two pages for project B. Also, I did some yoga but didn’t finish the session. It was more of a slow day. I think I know what I am lacking: it’s the very thing I was so afraid of and therefore avoided: human connection.
Tomorrow I want to try to stick to my routines and work on my projects.
See you!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
thank you for your good wishes! Hope your day was also good!
Indian crepe with potatoes onion and mustard sounds great! I love Indian food! One day I would like to make a whole meal with curries, bread, dal, and chutneys… And then eat it together with friends. Maybe in the future…
Today I made ratatouille and it was good. My roommate also tried my cake and she liked it. So it was worth it 🙂
My day was o.K., maybe still too much distraction. But in the morning I did 40 minutes of yoga (but during some harder parts of the practice I paused) and I finished 3 pages of project B. Later I talked to my sister. I am feeling o.K. but think I should be more productive and disciplined.
Tomorrow I want to start the day with yoga again and then work in the morning and afternoon on my projects.
Until tomorrow!
- This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Lily.
LilyParticipantDear anita,
you are right about the caramel! Today I tried again and heated up the sugar on lower heat. It worked and the sauce tasted perfect, just like the caramel bonbons from the store. The cake also turned out fine. A bit sweet, but I guess this is how it’s supposed to be. Actually, I prefer preparing a cake instead of eating it. Something about it just feels so homely.
Last night I slept well and how nice that you also slept well! It is a good feeling to wake up refreshed from sleep!
In the morning I also did yoga for 40 minutes. I really want to do yoga every day now. It makes me feel better, as often my upper back hurts, and after yoga, it hurts less. It’s also good for my mental health and for staying flexible.
Later I also finished two pages for project B. Only 8 pages left now, over 100 done! I am feeling positive that I can finish it soon and there are a lot of quality paintings in the sketchbook too!
Tomorrow I want to start my day with yoga again and with no internet. Then I want to work on project B, but also on C. Later I want to journal about my goals and cook a healthy meal.
Until tomorrow!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
thanks! I did not celebrate much, but at least I went for a walk. Then I cleaned our place and later I painted. Also, I tried to make the caramel cheesecake but failed with the caramel sauce. It turned too brown and then tasted bitter.
Maybe I can do small things during the next few days to celebrate spring. For example, repot my plants, go for walks or do something with herbs.
Tomorrow I still want to work on uni projects, maybe journal and stick to the times I set for myself. Also, do yoga in the morning.
Now I am feeling very tired. Last night I did not sleep very well and then I read a book that wasn’t very helpful. So this morning I felt anxious, but now am feeling much better. Just tired and I will go to sleep soon! Have a good day!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
yes, I knew that your words were meant positive. I did not think you were criticizing me. It was just that I felt I didn’t deserve that praise. Instead, I thought that most days I did not stick to my goals and wasn’t really accountable. Then I thought about what I actually accomplished: getting myself out of that bad mood.
What s true is that I see myself in a very negative light and there are people that see me in a more positive light. Often, when people know me better, some like me and a lot accept me and the ones that dislike me are not for me… But my negative thinking about myself gets triggered very easily and I still have to work on it.
About the cougars: good to know that they usually don’t attack humans. I hope your walks will be safe and relaxing for you!
Today at work everything was o.K. Some interactions were awkward, but I did my best in trying to help people. Now I feel very tired and will read for a bit.
It is the beginning of spring tomorrow! My plan is to celebrate it in some way! Other than that I have to clean our flat and work on my projects.
Until tomorrow!
LilyParticipantDear anita,
hm, the accountability thread is more than one month old. Often I don’t get so much done. I wish that I would take the goals I set for myself more seriously. But the good thing is, my mood has improved a lot since the beginning of the thread. Now I am ruminating less, feeling less like a horrible person… The anxiety feeling has lessened on most days and I am back to my normal self again, feeling calmer. Also, I finished project A, something I wasn’t able to do for a long time. Project B is also almost done. Only 10 pages left. The next step is to become more active, to take me and my plans seriously. I can do it at work, so why not with the projects that matter most to my heart?
Oh, I can understand about the cougar being scary! We had a house cat and cats are quite unpredictable. Meeting a cougar in the wild is sure something I would like to avoid, the same for bears. Well, here they don’t exist anyways. Yesterday I googled dangerous animals in Germany and there are a few. We have a fish, snakes, and jellyfish that are poisonous, but most of the time these animals are too shy and you seldomly encounter them. And I hadn’t even heard of the fish.
Today I have finished one of my drawings for project B and there is not too much left to paint! I am very happy with the project and will be proud when I finish it. I am slow as a snail, but at least I am finishing the things I started. That’s something, right? Maybe with time, I can become better.
Also, I went to therapy and it was o.K. I will miss my therapist when therapy is over! For the goodbye, I plan to gift her a portrait of her.
Tomorrow is my workday. But after work, I still want to work more at home, so best to work on project B.
About being offline: yes, it is very good for me. I want to become more grounded in the real world, instead of distracting myself. It makes me feel so much better. When it is possible, I would like to find more human connections in the real world and live more fully than before. Now I have learnt that people who like me do exist and that I am o.K.
Have a good day and until tomorrow.
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