Forum Replies Created
THANK YOU for sharing a part of your life that definitely scares you
Do not believe you are alone…
Many have had to deal with this same trauma and keeping it bottled up and nurturing SEPARATENESS is the fastest way to sink
Imagine you are drowning and your fiance comes to save you.. will you kick him away
Your anger is killing you!
I wish to write more here when I have time.
Thank you for showing such incredible courage to come here and ask for help!
The Love you are now will reward you 100x over..
Thank you for raising a child with Love no matter how it was created.
Loving Your Enemies.
by Martin Luther King, Jr.
The following sermon was delivered at the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama, at Christmas, 1957. Martin Luther King wrote it whi1e in jail far committing nonviolent civil disobedience during the Montgomery bus boycott. Let us be practical and ask the question. How do we love our enemies?
First, we must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. It is impossible even to begin the act of loving one’s enemies without the prior acceptance of the necessity, over and over again, of forgiving those who inflict evil and injury upon us. It is also necessary to realize that the forgiving act must always be initiated by the person who has been wronged, the victim of some great hurt, the recipient of some tortuous injustice, the absorber of some terrible act of oppression. The wrongdoer may request forgiveness. He may come to himself, and, like the prodigal son, move up some dusty road, his heart palpitating with the desire for forgiveness. But only the injured neighbor, the loving father back home, can really pour out the warm waters of forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means, rather, that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship. Forgiveness is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning. It is the lifting of a burden or the canceling of a debt. The words “I will forgive you, but I’ll never forget what you’ve done” never explain the real nature of forgiveness. Certainly one can never forget, if that means erasing it totally from his mind. But when we forgive, we forget in the sense that the evil deed is no longer a mental block impeding a new relationship. Likewise, we can never say, “I will forgive you, but I won’t have anything further to do with you.” Forgiveness means reconciliation, a coming together again.
Without this, no man can love his enemies. The degree to which we are able to forgive determines the degree to which we are able to love our enemies.
Second, we must recognize that the evil deed of the enemy-neighbor, the thing that hurts, never quite expresses all that he is. An element of goodness may be found even in our worst enemy. Each of us has something of a schizophrenic personality, tragically divided against ourselves. A persistent civil war rages within all of our lives. Something within us causes us to lament with Ovid, the Latin poet, “I see and approve the better things, but follow worse,” or to agree with Plato that human personality is like a charioteer having two headstrong horses, each wanting to go in a different direction, or to repeat with the Apostle Paul, “The good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.”
This simply means that there is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. When we look beneath the surface, beneath. the impulsive evil deed, we see within our enemy-neighbor a measure of goodness and know that the viciousness and evilness of his acts are not quite representative of all that he is. We see him in a new light. We recognize that his hate grows out of fear, pride, ignorance, prejudice, and misunderstanding, but in spite of this, we know God’s image is ineffably etched in being. Then we love our enemies by realizing that they are not totally bad and that they are not beyond the reach of God’s redemptive love.
Third, we must not seek to defeat or humiliate the enemy but to win his friendship and understanding. At times we are able to humiliate our worst enemy. Inevitably, his weak moments come and we are able to thrust in his side the spear of defeat. But this we must not do. Every word and deed must contribute to an understanding with the enemy and release those vast reservoirs of goodwill which have been blocked by impenetrable walls of hate.
Let us move now from the practical how to the theoretical why: Why should we love our enemies? The first reason is fairly obvious. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multi# plies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.
So when Jesus says “Love your enemies,” he is setting forth a profound and ultimately inescapable admonition. Have we not come to such an impasse in the modern world that we must love our enemies-or else? The chain reaction of evil-hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars-must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Another reason why we must love our enemies is that hate scars the soul and distorts the personality. Mindful that hate is an evil and dangerous force, we too often think of what it does to the person hated. This is understandable, for hate brings irreparable damage to its victims. We have seen its ugly consequences in the ignominious deaths brought to six million Jews by hate-obsessed madman named Hitler, in the unspeakable violence inflicted upon Negroes by bloodthirsty mobs, in the dark horrors of war, and in the terrible indignities and injustices perpetrated against millions of God’s children by unconscionable oppressors.
But there is another side which we must never overlook. Hate is just as injurious to the person who hates. Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man’s sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.
A third reason why we should love our enemies is that love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity. By its very nature, hate destroys and tears down; by its very nature, love creates and builds up. Love transforms with redemptive power.
The relevance of what I have said to the crisis in race relations should be readily apparent. There will be no permanent solution to the, race problem until oppressed men develop the capacity to love their enemies. The darkness of racial injustice will be dispelled only by the light of forgiving love. For more than three centuries American Negroes have been battered by the iron rod of oppression, frustrated by day and bewildered by night by unbearable injustice and burdened with the ugly weight of discrimination. Forced to live with these shameful conditions, we are tempted to become bitter and to retaliate with a corresponding hate. But if this happens, the new order we seek will be little more than a duplicate of the old order. We must in strength and humility meet hate with love.
My friends, we have followed the so-called practical way for too long a time now, and it has led inexorably to deeper confusion and chaos. Time is cluttered with the wreckage of communities which surrendered to hatred and violence. For the salvation of our nation and the salvation of mankind, we must follow another way.
While abhorring segregation, we shall love the segregationist. This is the only way to create the beloved community.
To our most bitter opponents we say: “We shall match your capacity to inflict suffering by our capacity to endure suffering. We shall meet your physical force with soul force. Do to us what you will, and we shall continue to love you. We cannot in all good conscience obey your unjust laws because noncooperation with evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good. Throw us in jail and we shall still love you. Bomb our homes and threaten our children, and we shall still love you. Send your hooded perpetrators of violence into our community at the midnight hour and beat us and leave us half dead, and we shall still love you. But be ye assured that we will wear you down by our capacity to suffer. One day we shall win freedom but not only for ourselves. We shall so appeal to your heart and conscience that we shall win you in the process and our victory will be a double victory.”
Thank you Hanadi
You are an inspiration to others who may believe they have no hope after such a traumatic experience…
I asked the most beautiful woman in the world once
“Who do you love more your children or you”
She said “Myself of course because I am their strength.. for now I must do all I can to keep myself strong for them”
“to decide, determine,” literally “to cut off,”
Cut off those old habits out from your current energy and exchange them for new empowering and loving habits
unpleasant – neutral – unpleasant
unpleasant – neutral – pleasant
One thing I really like about Buddhist Philosophy is we are not told about a boogeyman hiding who will get us if we do something or do not do something
a really cool movie that sort of gets into Buddhist and Eastern Philosophy in a drama style
I did want to add something that I recently took notice of
“FUN” forum.. last post FOUR WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKs ago .. YIKES
People get stuck focusing on the problem instead of the solution imho
Hi Z 🙂
Perspective and Definition
Why, then, ’tis none to you; for there is nothing
either good or bad, but thinking makes it so: to me
it is a prison.
I can only add perspective.. no authority here
You are seeing deeper than ever before because you have never wanted to see all inside you before
I think something that could help is a story that I will type to practice my typing..
**Gentle old wise man in the park… who ****legally renamed himself after a Buddhist named Tilopa but told me “but, I am not a Buddhist”
I tell him
“I have all this stress and frustration about the way I was raised.. why still do I have this at 40+yrs old.. ”
He replies Because you like to feel that way.
So, I tell him
“I need to have compassion for my parents childhoods and how bad their lives must have been to ignore their child etc”
He replies No, you need compassion for you
I bring up that story because it is very possible you are looking at what you see inside you from a “Wrongful Perception”
unpleasant – neutral – unpleasant
The foundation of happiness is mindfulness. The basic condition for being happy
is our consciousness of being happy. If we are not aware that we are happy, we are
not really happy. When we have a toothache, we know that not having a toothache
is a wonderful thing. But when we do not have a toothache, we are still not happy.
A non-toothache is very pleasant. There are so many things that are enjoyable,
but when we don’t practice mindfulness, we don’t appreciate them. When we practice
mindfulness, we come to cherish these things and we learn how to protect them.
By taking good care of the present moment, we take good care of the future.
Working for peace in the future is to work for peace in the present moment.
——Thich Nhat Hanh
Depression is repetition
the best buddhism I have ever listened to is from an awesome woman who is very old also
Pema Chodron – 2 divorces and all the other pains and disappointments led her to be one of the most loved Buddhist Nuns in the world
Thich Nhat Hanh – born in Vietnam and was a young man when the bombs were dropping killing people all around him.. His work during the war led Martin Luther King to nominate TNH for a Nobel Peace Prize .. he surely does deserve it
Buddhism is thinking… thinking differently for sure… contemplating everything … turning it to joy because the opposite hurts…
Buddhism helped me see a “Sameness” in all of us.. we all work to overcome our culture and conditioning and programming…
Please. Just 6 minutes
55.5 to 101.5 minute mark
I have struggled much with this religion that dominated us culture and slavery and wars and money
Buddha is the only Buddhist
Jesus Christ is the only Christian
Buddha would not want Christ to become a “Buddhist”
Christ would not want Buddha to become a Christian
I think both only offered knowledge and teachings to assist their fellow species members to see pains for what they are and how to heal them
I do not understand how anyone can claim their cultural and of geographical origin stories/tales are the absolute fact of the whole universe
It is difficult but know their intention is of good
I have trouble with the “some being unseen and outside of me is always listening and roots for my team with me and helps my president win and …”
This is a good conversation..
Never regret the chance to share time with a person whose qualities and character are of your liking…
You cannot possess him nor he you
Be thankful for the opportunity
Do not overthink the situation…be happy the situation exists…
Supporting why “The Now” is sooo so very important… Enjow now because everything ends.
Dishonesty isn’t a relationship quality you are currently seeking 🙂
It may take him too long to learn what he has done for him to be the one for you.
I sense you allowed him to lie a few times too many?
You are saying Pema is wrong? Seems Tonglen is not something one waits to do once something else is “achieved”
She really nails the naysayers and escape artists at the end of the article
“So on the spot you can do tonglen for all the people who are just like you, for everyone who wishes to be compassionate but instead is afraid, for everyone who wishes to be brave but instead is a coward. ”
Tonglen is how one finds and understands compassion for themselves by seeing and looking at the struggles all of us face.. by recognizing our sameness we are no longer alone in our struggles
Mindfulness.. just even brief exposure to it will help tremendously
learning to calm a moment .. cool an ember 🙂
Good morning Rahul
My first link was incorrect
Fast forward to approximately the 57min mark… It is about 4 mins long iirc… About a mirror
Find the ingredients for a nice day and get busy making one! 😉August 15, 2013 at 1:50 pm in reply to: How do you stay connected with the world while dealing with anxiety? #40562
I was reminded this morning about a cool event in my life
I stayed up all night working really hard packing the moving truck and cleaning our rental
I drove to the new place and was exhausted and totally focused on sleeeeeeeeeep
My girlfriends car had a nail in the tire and was leaking air..
no choice.. drive it now to plug hole or change the tire etc later.. sigh
so.. off I go on the drive to the tire place
I felt a bit like mr magoo
I noticed a pleasant happiness all within me
I was too tired to focus on anything but driving right and thinking right..
I didnt have enough energy to give to anything but my priorities..
Physically and mentally I was exhausted
I could only focus on being kind to others and driving safely 🙂
I get tired of reading the nonsense in the media.. I hit news.google.com for a few and then let it all go
^^ Apathetic and Distrusting… is how I am.. the domestication of homo-sapiens has not gone so well.
While our citizens were upset at the approx 3-4k dead on 9/11.. now we have killed over
our species has big problems..
Those numbers are just Iraq…
Pakistan drone strikes
<<<I have much trouble staying out of media and news.. it only upsets me that we allow ourselves to stay the same.. very very little evolution of the human heart in all these years..