Hi Carly,

Wow, parents who underestimate your achievements – how familiar.

First, no matter how hard you’d tried to find compassion in them, that wouldn’t work out. They even accused the priest gave you the “wrong” advice. So, they think there’s no other point of view than their “right” one. That happens because parents are afraid to admit mistakes they made when you first asked for help. Imagine a situation when person A tells person B what to do but then realizes those actions lead to a collapse. Person A had better say sorry and help person B to get out of this. But that could have been seen as a defeat (even if we all know this is not). So, person A chooses to turn it into a giant snowball of wrong pieces of advice. Now both person A and person B need to get qualified therapy. But you’re not a therapist, so you can’t help your parents to admit their wrongs. That’s the truth you need to learn to live with.

Your parents seem to be those people who consider having a husband as the only purpose in life. Could you tell us more about the family model you saw when you were a child?

And to your thread topic: you didn’t ruin your life. Your marriage wasn’t a mistake. You did what you did. Yes, this now seems like an insoluble problem. The thing is, the only insoluble problem is death. Immortality is impossible. All the rest has the resolution. You just take your time to find it. Care for your health, pick up the pieces, and start from there. Maybe there are some centers for women in difficult situations near you.

Hi blue,

I already replied to you in some other thread. But I forgot to mention an important thing! 😀

Never block your feelings! You’re absolutely free to feel less confident as losing virginity is a huge step. You have the full right to think about it like that. I found this thing somewhere on the web:
https://custom-writing.org/blog/emotional-intelligence-for-students-why-is-it-important

If you scroll it down, you’ll see a part with tips. Most of them are general. But here is the second tip I’d have placed on the top of the picture in big letters: THERE ARE NO WRONG EMOTIONS. What you should do now is to transform this feeling into the opposite one.

I’d be happy to hear more from you.

Hi Priscilla,

I know it’s a bit late to discuss your topic. But I couldn’t find my passion too. Well, I still can’t. I didn’t even have a proper hobby. All I had was my job which was good but not really satisfying. The thing is it stopped bothering me after my therapist asked me to write some kind of autobiography. It was hard for me to talk about myself on the consultation, so I decided to give it a shot.

I had to Google some tips on how to write it because I didn’t have any writing skills. I remembered all similar school essays “About myself” and it gave me creeps. 😀 So, I went with this one as it was one of the briefest, but you can use any other source you find.

Then I started writing. It took me almost a month to finish it. I always struggled the feeling I had nothing to write. Every time I tried to start a new part, I was confused. So, I spent several days thinking about every point and making notes when I remembered something worthy.

Finally, I collected all my notes and combined them in a single long text. What I realized was I had lots of hobbies and activities that were still interesting for me. That’s when I realized I just didn’t have time for them. I understood that I didn’t even read a book for two years! But I love it!

So, now I read a lot again. Yes, I can’t call it a passion, and it doesn’t fully cover my expectations. But I started with a small step, and it helps me to believe I’ll find anything else later. I sometimes re-read my “autobiography.” And now I plan both money and time to spend them on activities I like. For example, I also started donating some money to an animal shelter. It encourages me and makes me truly happy.

I hope you’ll find your passion. <3

Hi Ashmitha,

Well, I don’t think there is a particular amount of time that applies to everyone. From my experience, my two past relationships were full of resentment because I couldn’t understand my exes not texting me each time they had free time. I was like “what do you mean you’re busy with your FRIENDS, don’t you want to spend all your free time with me?” That was horrible. 😀 But I was young and not really clever. Now I see, it was because I considered my romantic relationships are above friendship. And I don’t say it’s wrong. The problem was my partners thought about it differently. It took me a lot of time to realize that not only my BF wants some kind of respite, but I also need it sometimes.

So, here’s my opinion: as we’re all grown-up people with interests that don’t always correspond to other people’s interests, it’s absolutely normal to not connect all the time. That doesn’t make our love weaker. It gives us some new experience to discuss with our partner. We must respect other people’s personal boundaries, discuss any inconvenience, and act so as we’re both comfortable.

Hi Marisa,

I’m new here, and I’m not competent enough to give you worthwhile advice. But I want to say the only thing regarding your thread title: THIS IS NOT WRONG. I’m from Russia, and women there are often told to raise the child in a nuclear family. It’s considered “wrong” to live without a husband. But what’s really wrong is your child seeing the disrespectful father humiliating his wife’s feelings.

You’re the only person who can answer your question. And there is no “right” or “wrong” decision. Just go for your heart. I think it always leads the right way.

Mary