I can relate, too. Sounds to me like you know what you want, you’re just asking for permission.

Go ahead. Throw it all away, just for the unknown. I think the unknown has what you need.

(And don’t let his mother get into your head about the choices you make about your life! Sheesh!)

When you agreed to work out your differences and get back together, what was it he agreed to, exactly? I take it these issues you list (and they’re pretty serious) were the same issues that drove you apart, so what kind of indication did he give that things would be different? And how is he living up to his side of the bargain in “working things out”?

Imagine things won’t change, at least not dastically. Is this, what you are expriencing now, the kind of marriage you want?

I find guided meditations easier too. I think they are a good way to train your mind in returning to the focus of your meditation, and to experience what different states of meditation feel like. I think guided meditations would have the same effect as still meditations where you do the same kinds of things as the guide would lead you to do.

Perhaps meditate with guides most of the time, and now and then see how still meditation feels. You’ll soon be able to feel the differences for yourself, and decide which you prefer.

Aida, I’m not sure what you should do, but it sure sounds like he’s not the right guy for you. You feel like he’s not putting any effort into having a relationship with you. Of course you feel bad now, you’re going through a breakup and he’s trying to manipulate you into staying.

Don’t stay with a layabout dope-head who can’t be bothered to make any effort for you simply because you fear to be alone. Meeting more people will be easier once you’re not tied to him.

You’re going to be all right. Just because you love him doesn’t mean you should be his … (you know).

Okay, you should definitely tell him how you feel. But if this is how much he gets in touch while you’re in the same country, how much is he going to talk to you when he’s abroad for 9 months?

I know you really want it to work out, and that’s natural, because you clearly love him. But don’t tell yourself you won’t be able to handle the sadness of a break-up. Break-ups are tough, and it will be sad, but most people handle them fine given a bit of time and perspective.

The alternative is to continue waiting and hoping and begging for him to just talk to you when he clearly doesn’t have time for you. I think that’s going to be much more painful in the long run. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have time for you, when you could be in a relationship with someone who actually loves and supports you?

You can give him another chance, if you feel it may pay off. You can give him as many chances as you like.

I’m serious: you know the risks here. You’re not naive to the cycle of abusive behaviour, you know this may just him playing honeymoon behaviour until you reconcile and then he can mess with you again. Or maybe he realises he made a mistake and will make a genuine effort to change.

What you risk is time – the time you spend trying to make it work with someone who may never be good for you. But you have a lifetime. It’s ok to risk losing some time sometimes. The only other risk is that every time you listen to his honeymoon patter and forgive him and give him another chance, you get enmeshed a little more deeply in what may be a spiral to heck. Will it be easier to say goodbye next time he’s driven you to the edge? Can you look in your heart and say honestly, this is really his last chance?

You deserve better that what he’s been giving you. Much better. Know that, and use it as your compass now and in the future.

He may say he loves you, and he may think he loves you, but if he’s not interested in talking to you, what does that love mean?

If I hadn’t talked to someone in three weeks, unless it was because he was undercover in North Korea or something, I wouldn’t call that person my boyfriend. Why are you sitting around waiting for him to pay you a scrap of attention?

Sometimes relationships end not with a big fight or infidelity, but just because there’s been no effort to maintain it. If he can’t be bothered to text you on valentines, he doesn’t care enough to be worth staying in a relationship with. Go find someone who actually cares about you and appreciates you.

All my love to you.

Inky’s take is intriguing, and I think I’ll second it. It’s worth a try.

The phrase “furiously happy” comes to mind, I think that was a thing on the internet a while back. You may still find some ideas about this as a philosophy.