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thanks, i’ve kind of gone into super cleaning mode in the past hour so i can tell myself ‘see? i’m super busy, so i shouldn’t feel bad.’ [its a habit i got from my mother lol] happy Mabon to you Inky [unless you’re in the south, so Ostara in that case i think]
sorry that happened to you. my carrier texts me my total balance and emails me the bill, and i freak when it’s even 5$ more, i’d probably die if i saw 700$
it does serve a good lesson for many things. i know when my boyfriend was out of work and the bills were being paid by credit, i kept going ‘for my own stress levels, i’m not going to look’ he’s got a job now, and we’re not too far gone, but i’m starting to get back on budget and it’s painful to look at. [our cards are thankfully separate, but he’s going to credit canada and has gotten on a payment plan and thankfully he’s no longer being hit with 30% interest] i remember at the beginning of the summer the bank was offering credit cards and i kept turing it down because i liked my card, but the once zero balance slowly grew, and i decided a 25$ annual fee was better thank the zero annual fee card i had because of the interest.
sometimes you need to check in with stuff, financially, spiritually, mentally, physically, you just need to stop, get everything in order, and focus. life can get so busy, it’s a good idea to stop for a moment. i know my plantar fasciitis means i have to warm up my feet in the morning and stretch every day, but some days i’m running late, or i go ‘oh, i feel fine, i can skip today’ but it always gets worse. [three days of no stretching and the pain is right back to before i got my orthodontics] i think we just get lazy and use ‘busy life’ as an excuse.
i know the feeling of frustration once being ‘normal’ and now a medical thing throws a wrench in life [for me it’s my feet, but my anxiety does cause me to hyperventilate] i suggest diet and exercise, don’t go off the medication, but destressing yourself, as well as diet and exercise can help. by diet i mean keep a food diary, try various foods and record if they effect you in any way. if they cause your stomach to become more upset, cut them out [main reason i don’t eat pork] for exercise, pick things that help you release tension, relax and/or unwind. eventually you should find a way to manage your stress and your acid reflux, but don’t stop or it will return. that’s something i do, i’ll stretch daily for 3 weeks then shrug one day thinking ‘feeling fine, i’m going to skip it’ only to fall out of my routine and less than a week later my feet are being a pain again.
- This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by Nekoshema.
you enjoy travel? perhaps look into a career that includes travel. writing for a travel magazine for example. i know how hard it is to pinpoint what you want to do when you’re stuck in something you hate, try making a list of things you like and dislike about the job you’re in. also research jobs that require travel [flight attendant, working on a cruise ship] see if any of them interest you, talk to people in that profession, see what types of requirements are needed and give it a try. to quote Up: adventure is out there! i would speak with a professional about your depression, but also try and figure out what work makes you happy.July 15, 2016 at 8:52 am in reply to: Turning 25 and SCARED of everything!!! Pleas help me! #109736
aww, surprisingly i know the pain. it was the summer i turned 24 i worked with a really cynical person, and something inside me woke up, i wondered “who am i, and what do i want?” so i began carrying a journal around and writing down anything i came across [a thought, something that caught my eye, a funny moment, or an aggravating one] but it wasn’t until the summer i turned 25 things started to get rocky [and another year before i heard the term ‘quarter life crisis’] i remember a week before my birthday i wrote a list ‘reflections on 25’ and i listed a bunch of ‘accomplishments’ in my life, but i wound up looking at the list wondering ‘that’s it?!’ [i was also now working with the cynic and her even more judgemental sister. long story, but the two would either not listen to me, or stand around berating my life choices up to that point. one was going to be a teacher, the other was about to graduate and become a chiropractor, and then there was me, still in the same crappy town working a dead end cafe job. what a loser. ha. ha. ha.] so i spiralled, i began questioning why i was so far behind, and everything began to seem hopeless.
anyway, one day i decided to put a filter on my life. [the two left in the fall and i stopped listening to negative influences.] if there were people who weren’t serving me, gone. i stopped watching the news [because it’s mostly death, death, death, natural disaster, cute aww moment, weather] but i started watching a lot more documentaries [always loved them] i also cleaned up Facebook big time, only keeping pages and following people that were informative, but also made me happy [TinyBudda, Kelly-Ann Maddox, The Cottage Witch, Sarcasm Society for a laugh] while i don’t ignore the news, i filter it so it’s news that matters to me. being flooded by everything will end badly. shut off the tap and slowly turn it back on. journaling really helped me, i would give it a try. meditation also helped, as well as deep breathing.
now i’m Canadian so we don’t carry guns for protection, but why do you feel you need to protect yourself? precautions are one thing [thumbs up moving in with your friend if you didn’t feel comfortable alone] but you were fine on your own before this metamorphosis. while you should be aware of your surroundings and keep at least one eye open [don’t leave your drink unattended, don’t walk alone down the dark alley, make sure your phone is charged and on you] you can’t control everything, you have to learn to take a deep breath and accept unforeseen things can happen regardless of how cautious you are. take precautions but don’t let danger rule your life. [to use one of my favourite Simpsons quote: people die all the time, just like that. why you could wake up dead tomorrow. goodnight.] i would take calculated risks to ease yourself back into a safety zone [like your friends go to a random new restaurant none of you have been to, or explore the city in the middle of the day, or sign up for a random class]
best of luck to you.
i don’t believe in the Christian God, i was raised Anglican, and while i was was devout for my childhood, i lost the connection, which caused me to question, which resulted in my soul searching and i concluded Christianity wasn’t for me. however, i’ve always been a very spiritual person so i kept looking until i found the path that completed me. I’ve been Wiccan for 12 years now [and counting] and i’ve connected with my God and Goddess, so to me they’re real because i’ve felt their presence.
spirituality is personal, so no one can tell you it’s real or not, you need to discover your own path. research other faiths, go to other spiritual leaders and speak to them, meditate, journal, pray, go to church, read The Bible, go to other holy temples and observe a service. just be open. there is no one true path [in my view anyway] and they all lead to the same divine energy. i personally believe in reincarnation, but no one really knows what happens, find what speaks to you. God is always listening, you can try speaking with him if you still feel Catholicism is the right path.
while i converted, my mom and sister are still Christian, and they say it’s thanks to my spirituality they decided to return to church. my mom had some major low points in her life, but she decided to focus on the things she wanted to, and she chose to be optimistic about everything. so if aspects of the world has left you jaded, cut them out. i don’t want you to be ignorant to the suffering of the world, but put a filter on your life. constantly reading stories about how horrible people do horrible things will leave you raw, try subscribing to a newsfeed that talks about charity work, or people helping others. heck, try joining your local church for any volunteer work. [i’m not Christian but it never stopped me helping the Anglican church when they were low on volunteers.]
sorry to hear about all of that. i had depression as a result of my anxiety [and 90% of my problems stemmed from hating my town, my job, and almost every aspect of my life] so i too moved [thankfully things are better with my depression, anxiety is still an occasional struggle] so i know the desire to just start over. thing is, why do you wish to hit the reset? while your first move sounds like a good one, this second move for you sounds more like running away. what do you hate about the person you feel you’re becoming? perhaps sit down with a pen and paper and write out everything you feel you’re becoming, why you don’t want to be like this, and ways you can turn it around. even if you move again, it’s a quick fix, you need to confront the pain.
if you’re not talking to a therapist i highly recommend doing so and they can help you work through your emotions [even if all you wish to do is vent and have someone quietly listen.] journalling, meditation, mindfulness and TinyBuddha all really helped for me. [you could also try affirmations and posting positive quotes around your home] also, healthy eating and exercise can be a great mood booster. the frustration and pain is a tough one to deal with alone, but i journalled and made lists, like what i want to do, where i want to go, who do i admire, what do i want to be, stuff like that along with random quotes, ideas and events. it might help you. good luck.
stick to your morals in the end, but if someone did a good job at work, you should say ‘good job on that report’ to be nice, instead of turning up your nose at them because they’re kind of a jerk. you wouldn’t want that planting a bitter seed inside you and it slowly grows until you’re grumpy and don’t know why. some people will overlook things because the person can make them laugh or help them in times of need. i wouldn’t try to be buddy-buddy with the guy, but at least be civil. best of luck to you.
you seem to be on the right track, it was a 7 year relationship, you’re bound to feel numb, lonely, and sad after it ends. meditation and journalling can help you work through the emotions. if you really don’t feel the meditation is ‘clicking’ you could always try a guided meditation or two [there’s a bunch on youtube] also consider a cleanse of the old. you need to release the old to find the new, and you seem to be doing just that. i would suggest in the times of loneliness [even when not] have someone to talk to, or hang out with friends and family. perhaps join a class to have an activity to look forward to. keep on at your own pace, you’ll be just fine.
i know the feeling. i wanted to get out of my town for years. the plan was finish college and leave. well college ended 8 years ago and i just moved away in March. i couldn’t move out on my own until i was 24/25, and thanks to my anxiety i was having a huge freak out. i’m the type that saves every penny, so to suddenly hand over 2000$ for first and last rent on top of paying bills, buying groceries, and being an adult, scared the life out of me, but it’s what i wanted to do and i’m glad i did. it’s also a good idea to do it in 6 months for a number of reasons, i packed and moved in a month, and trust me, some days i was energetic and packing, other days i was hyperventilating and terrified i couldn’t find work, lost my job, boyfriend couldn’t find work, we couldn’t pay rent, blah, blah, blah. having a 6 month window you can work towards the goal of moving. you can calculate costs, figure out a moving date, research moving companies [or just rent a UHaul and ask some friends to help. that costs gas money and pizza] you can also start de-cluttering and packing at a slow pace, and you can also begin handing out resumes so you have a job lined up for when you move [if you’re moving far away i mean]
but i also get that feeling of being stuck. it feels horrible, and it is the universes way of saying you should do something. ultimately it’s your call, you could go logically and wait, or throw caution to the wind and do it. talk with your sister [and your moms friend if you want] and do what you guys feel is best. you really don’t have anyone to answer to but yourself. yes, it’s wise to be considerate of others, but if you feel moving now is best and you simply cannot wait any longer, go for it, life’s an adventure after all.
deep breathing really helped me. occasionally throughout the day i would go to a quiet place and take ten slow deep breaths. focus on your breathes, count them ‘one in, one out. two in, two out’ this should bring you to the present and calm you down, even if slightly. journalling and meditation also helped me, you might consider a psychiatrist or something to talk to about your anxiety. if this happened 4 years ago because of bullying, i would also try letting go and moving on somehow. [easier said than done, i know. it took me a long time. try writing a letter to the bully and burning it, symbolically releasing your feelings along with it.] i’m no expert, so don’t do it unless you want to try, but perhaps you should face your fear. purposefully fail a test, or skip one class. it’ll be scaring, but take note of the results. one F didn’t end your academic career, one missed class didn’t kill you. [personally my anxiety came from a number of places, some of them were ‘what if’ so i did thought scenarios picture the worst case scenario, and then the most likely outcome, so you could also try that if you want.]
sometimes there’s nothing you can do. if you haven’t already, you should sit your father down and calmly explain the situation. many people who’ve never experienced mental/emotional issues like panic attacks won’t understand [what do you have to be depressed about? you’ve got all this stuff, so stop being so sad] on the other hand, try seeing it from his point of view, here’s his child in pain and there’s nothing he can do and that’s frustrating. a family counselling session might help. try to be civil and work through it if possible, if you’re only planning to stay one more year, but if it’s really terrible for you, you might have to consider moving early.
i can kind of relate, i’ve dealt with panic attacks, anorexia, anxiety, depression [at one point i would punch myself because the physical pain would distract me from my emotional pain] my mom never understood, she would normally ignore it, or she would try to help but if i didn’t get better within a short period of time she would explode and demand i stop being depressed, anxious, eat my dinner. [i have foot problems and i sometimes can hear my mom in my mind demand i stop limping and walk normal.] i’m not upset with my mom, she just had her own issues at the time, as well as my grandparents don’t really talk about emotional/mental problems [i found out once i was diagnosed that a lot of people in my family have anxiety, depression, even some bi-polar, they just say the persons ‘blue today’, or they’ve got ‘mountain disease’] coupled with being upset her child was hurting and there wasn’t anything she could do. it’s not the right response, but you can sympathise somewhat. i don’t live at home anymore, and my mom has started a lot of self-love, so she no longer snaps at me, and things have improved.
try and focus on the good times with your father, and when you feel an attack coming, go into the other room for a moment, or explain to him you need a moment and will return. you might still have the occasional outburst, but if the two of you can sit and talk calmly i’m sure things will be better.
i’m not really new, but i’ve been gone for a while so i wanted to say hi. i’m busier so i don’t have as much time to go on the forums as i use to, but i still check the new articles daily, or every other day. lets see… since last i was on i’ve moved 3 hours away form the old town [and i kind of told myself to leave my negative emotions there so i’ve been doing a lot better] i love my new job, new apartment, and new city. i haven’t been effected by my depression in a long time, but money’s really tight so my anxiety crops up from time to time, but my boyfriend just got a job about a month ago so we’re slowly wiggling our way out. [still have a few months until we can breath again] my work schedule is different every week, so i’m currently trying to figure out a schedule to do stuff and i really need to just let it be. i’m use to a strict schedule day in and day out. now, i could open one day, but work the afternoon the next day so i’m like ‘well, i can’t meditate today, i’m working 3-close’ which i need to change my thought process on that point, i’ve gotten lazy lol.
*singing* just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.
i know the feeling [i kind of had a quarter life crisis a few years back] it took me a few years to get out of the funk [had to hit rock bottom. anxiety and depression. not fun] the first thing i did was start journalling. i carried one with me wherever i went and would write in it whenever i had a moment. sometimes it was recaps of my day, other times a comment someone made or a random thought. i’m artistic, so i would also doodle in it, as well as make random lists and write quotes that resonated with me. every couple of months i would read over what i wrote and write notes on certain entries because i was far enough ahead i could look at the problem from a non-emotional state, i would also begin to see patterns [like when i said ‘maybe’ i didn’t really want to do something] i also had another notebook i still use, but it’s hard to describe exactly, the first thing i did was make a list of 100 things i wish to accomplish in my life [from eat a tube of cookie dough to visit Japan] i go back through that list occasionally and change some things, but it helped me figure out what i value and want out of life [mostly some fun adventures, spiritual and artistic gain and stupid things to laugh at later] i also wrote lists about people who inspire me and why, designed my dream life, and a few spiritual things like chakras and meditation experiences i wanted to remember. again, reading over it later brought some perspective.
meditation and mindfulness also helped me [as well as reading TinyBuddha daily for a little inspiration/motivation] and talking with the people around me, specifically my boyfriend. it’s kind of a long process, and there are days you’ll feel stuck and stagnant, just take small steps. one day you might clean out the attic and feel you did a lot, other days you might just read a book on gardening, everything you do will lead you to figuring out what does and doesn’t work, the key for me was to journal so i could look back later, and understand why i was doing something. with the attic example, you’re de-cluttering, but you should also make a mental note of things, like you wanted to become a great chef so you bought a ton of books, only to pack them away, unused, so maybe you just like the vision of being a great chef, but cooking isn’t your interest.February 23, 2016 at 7:38 am in reply to: anyone have tips on changing a negative mindset into POSITIVE? #96886
It takes time. Try journaling and meditating to get through your thoughts, notice any thought patterns or triggers and try to reframe them.
Affirmations and positive phrases can help but you need to be in the right head space. I remember rolling my eyes at a lot of affirmations [still do] but after a while you may find one or two that help you.
I would also try cutting out negative things and people. Make a few exceptions if you love them [say a best friend or a website that makes you laugh] but really think about how it makes you feel. Facebook for example, it’s great to stay in touch with old friends, but it’s a time sucking vortex and a place filled with negativity as well as perfect pictures of happy people which can make you feel bad you can’t go on this amazing trip, have that body, or be with this person. Try to find what leaves you sluggish and down and cut ties with those things. Be sure to replace them with things that make you smile!
I also suggest eating right and exercising. I guess this falls into mindfulness, but like with situations, websites and people, observe your energy and mood through the day, did you feel happy after sitting outside? Did you feel drained after eating a bag of chips watching tv? Life is balance, find the perfect balance for you.