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Nekoshema

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Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 96 total)
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  • in reply to: Unresolved issues, change of values #93833
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Good question. I feel I’ve put the past behind me, I don’t know if I’m totally over it, specifically because people tell me I’m not. I’ll reminisce and they claim it’s me bringing up the past. Very confusing. I feel it’s when you can tell a story and not feel anything [beyond maybe nostalgia for the memory I guess] you’re over something.

    I also feel overwhelmed with life’s troubles at times. I suppose you should ask yourself which pain is worse, the pain of failing or the pain of regret. This is my last week at a job I’ve worked for 3 years which was torture emotionally and mentally [and I guess physically because of my foot/hip pains as a result of standing 10 hours] and I’m terrified but I know the fear of might not finding a job for a while is less painful than staying here. On top of that I’m moving somewhere I’ve never been, and again I’m scared. Some days I contemplate staying put, but I know how miserable I am here, the fear is temporary, give it a week or two and I’ll settle into my new surroundings and that fear will be gone.

    Life is about choices, sometimes they’re bad, but they help you in the long run, you just need to learn how to keep fear in check. [Lol, I’m one to talk, my boyfriend has to pay me on the head almost daily and tell me I’m going to be ok.] Maybe you just need some reassurance from a loved one.

    in reply to: Friends who never make an effort… #93829
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    I can kind of relate, I’m almost always the one to start conversations with my friends but that’s because we’re busy and don’t have much to talk about.

    Regarding your friend, it could just be her, she could simply be a private person, but I would talk to her about it and if she still seems to shrug and go “stuff happens” then I would reflect and ask yourself honestly if the relationship is worth it. If it feels one sided and each conversation leaves you drained emotionally you might be better off making new friends.

    in reply to: Fear of leaving #93101
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Well, while I’ve worked with people who have been in the industry for years it’s because they enjoy it, not because they are too scared to try anything else so they try and drag people down.

    I did work one job with someone who hated me. The first job I had out of college the owner decided to hire his friend to work the dish pit for some extra cash and he hated me. He even told me so. He also called me a lot of choice words [can’t say any here but I’ll let you guess what words one could use to insult a female] he was also mature enough to make faces and gestures behind my back [other people told me] he hated me because I was quiet and did my work, which to him meant he could call me names. [The biggest one was he would call me a virgin because he claimed the reason for my attitude was because I’ve never been laid.] Anyway I brought it up to management and because he was friends with the owner they just shrugged and said watcha gonna do? Thankfully he only worked there one summer.

    Perhaps make a promise to yourself not to return? You know you’re not happy, so even it doesn’t work out with this new job, go to a different restaurant, or try a different field. I know you say you enjoy who you work with, but they seem kind of negative and hurtful. I worked with these sisters for two summers, sure we could joke and talk and we got along, but they would not listen to me when I [as their manager] asked them to do things, or they would follow me around proclaiming how the place would close down. ‘Oh this place is going to close, I’m so glad I’m going to become a teacher and this is just a summer job’ ‘why should I sweep? This is just a summer job before I become a physiotherapist, what are they gonna do? Fire me? Haha’ yea. I got that a lot, it wore me down and made me panic.

    Have you ever tried asking yourself what’s the worse that could happen? If this job doesn’t work out what’s the worse that could happen? Once you figure that out, try asking yourself if this job doesn’t work out, what to I have time to do? Or what would I do? Just so you realize it’s not as bad as you fear. But, try focusing on the best case.

    in reply to: Fear of leaving #93025
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Right here my friend! Isn’t the food service industry fun? I’m in my mid-twenties but I know the feeling. I hate my job, it’s the main cause of my anxiety and depression, but I kept saying “next year for sure” or “if X happens one more time I’m done.” But that never happens because you’re beaten down and scared. I finally reached my breaking point and quit [two weeks left! Though my boss isn’t convinced, he keeps saying “I know you said February 5, but I’ve scheduled you until the 29.” He’s in for a surprise] if you have a better job, I say take a deep breath and take the plunge.

    If you really want to go to school isn’t there a government program [student loan] you could apply for? I’m Canadian so I don’t know your post secondary education funding. You could also try messaging people in your desired field and see if you could intern or get some sort of small job in the office. Is there any online courses you could take? Idk about that specific field but I’ve found a few affordable online courses. One friend is doing one for accounting and just has to drive to the school for final exams.

    Deep breathing helps my anxiety, mindfulness too. It’s hard to describe, but one day there was an ‘aha’ moment and I was able to control my anxiety, but the job I reached my limit which I don’t recommend waiting until then. It’s scary trying something new [I’m scared too with my plans] but I guess you should take the mindset that it’s better to take the risk. You’re miserable now, how could taking this better paying job be worse? Plus, you’ll look back on this moment one day, even if it was a bad idea [Which I don’t think you are making a bad decision] at least you tried and can have some story to tell. Good luck to you!

    in reply to: Nerves #92610
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Thanks I’ll try that tonight.

    in reply to: I don't want to depend on friends for happiness. #92531
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Well as to why someone can move and seemingly not care, it could be a sense of adventure, or [like myself] they may be miserable in their current location. I do kind of know where you’re coming from, my family moved from my home town 15 years ago and I still miss it. Plus most of my friends moved away years ago so I don’t get to see them nearly as often as I would like.

    It’s hard, but first you need to get comfortable being alone. Perhaps, if possible, you might consider adopting a pet. Doesn’t have to be a dog or cat. I’ve had many different types of pets, they can really lift your spirits. Try picking up a hobby. Think about stuff you liked growing up. [Think of all the adult colouring books!] While you shouldn’t rely on stuff to make you happy, perhaps you could collect things you like. [But don’t go too crazy or you’ll end up like me and suddenly realize you own 300 bookmarks lol] figuring out a hobby can also help you in the friends department thanks to forums like TinyBuddha.

    I say this a lot but journaling and meditation can be a big help. You need to get in touch with your inner self and become your own best friend. It’s not easy or quick but it’s worth it.

    Good luck to you.

    in reply to: Nerves #92527
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Thanks. I’m calmer now, I just noticed this is day two with a knot in my stomach, tense shoulders, and shaking arms, and I just know it will get worse. I notice it usually crops up around 10, so I might try relaxing with some tea around then if possible.

    I had planned things out [that’s me, to do lists everywhere] but I hit a bump on Monday and my nerves are up. I also decided last night to give some stuff over to my boyfriend, so that might also help. Really should start packing so it’s slow and not a giant scramble lol.

    Thanks again.

    in reply to: Anxiety #92494
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Sivi, you need to get in touch with yourself. I mentioned journaling above, it really helped me. I thought it was silly at first, and I would skip a day here and there when there was nothing I deemed note worthy, but it’s a good tool to help you work through problems. Example, if you have a knot in your stomach, you could read over the days events to figure out when it started, or you could note how you feel in given situations. [Out with friends, but feel nervous] slowly you’ll begin to realize why. Therapy is another option, it will give someone to talk to and help you with these suicidal thoughts. If you can’t for whatever reason, try calling a helpline just to have someone to talk to and offer advice.

    Meditation can also help you connect with your inner self. Don’t worry if your mind chatters away, the key is to let the thoughts flow. Some days you won’t think of anything and still your mind, other days you’ll have that annoying song you heard a billion times today playing on repeat, or your mind will recall events, just let it be. Keeping a notepad nearby can help should you realize anything. You also could do it whenever. Sitting on the bus or sipping your morning coffee [or tea in my case] just lean back and observe the world around you. No phone, no music, just let your mind go free.

    Also, while I don’t suggest cutting ties with everyone, you might consider making a list of people you can rely on, people you can’t, people who make you feel amazing and people who drain your energy. Think about spending more time with the ones that build you up [family for example, and friends you consider family] in high school I had a huge network of friends, we may not of been close, but I knew a lot of people and we would talk and hang out on a regular basis. It’s been almost 10 years since we graduated. I can count my close friends on one hand, and if I include online friends and friends I only see at conventions I’m up to 12. Yet I don’t deal with drama or people bringing me down. I was sad when I realized I only have a handful of close friends all these years later, but I’ve come to accept and in fact love this. Friends aren’t trading cards.

    Good luck to you.

    in reply to: Anxiety #92113
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Well, I don’t know how bad your anxiety is, but myself, whenever I feel very anxious or sense a panic attack coming I go somewhere quiet, close my eyes and take ten slow deep breaths. If you can’t find a quiet place [I know that’s not always plausible] just stop and take some slow deep breaths.

    Meditation, journaling, and mindfulness has also helped my anxiety. Specifically you should try meditation and journaling. Meditation can help calm yourself after a busy day, journaling can bring insight. My first journal I would carry with me and whenever I wanted to remember something I would write it down. After some time, go back and read though the journal. You will find some things that might help you. My one journal I have had for almost 3 years [I started August 2013 and I’m down to my last couple pages] I would go over it on new year’s because enough time passed I could observe my thoughts better. 2013 i was very bitter, still mad at my ex, even though I have an amazing boyfriend and the breakup was 3 years prior. I felt I moved on, 2013 i started journaling to find what I want to do with my life, and reviewing I realized a lot of my goals at the time were fueled by a ‘I’ll show my ex’ attitude. 2015 ended and I’m finally over the ex hurdle, but I noticed other ‘problems’ I wasn’t aware of. Point is, you might be able to pinpoint where to ‘start’ through journaling.

    When I started my journey of self discovery [hate that term but I guess it works] I made a list at the beginning of what I wanted and why. [And reading it years later I can’t help but shake my head at what a fool I was] a list might help you find your first big ‘complaint’ with yourself. After I found mine I read a lot of articles on the subject which usually branched into similar fields, and I would slowly shift my effort from one problem to the next. So, I feel you shouldn’t focus but flow. One day your energy might be all about weightloss, the next day you might want to finish a book you started 6 months ago. While you are still eating right and exercising more, it will eventually become second nature, so juggling goals will help you.

    Granted, that’s just stuff that helped me and I simply stumbled into it lol ^_^; if you feel you can’t do it alone, talking to friends, family, or perhaps a councillor might help more. Good luck to you.

    in reply to: What has 2015 taught you? #92102
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Words cannot describe how horrible 2015 was and how happy I am it’s over. But I never thought of any lessons, so let me see…

    First I learned life is precious and you could die at any moment. Not to sound like Chicken Little afraid the sky is falling, but the first person who died was my friends little brother who was riding his snowmobile and ripped his jacket, but he didn’t notice, and died of an infection due to his frostbite. If he was 20. Another friend died along with his father in a crash, he was a year younger than me and his father was 50. And of course there was my 11 year old cousin who died from cancer. I’m not scared that I could be next, but it does make me want to live my life since 2015 was a year of me griping about my job and one day doing something.

    I also learned despite not being an Olympian, I miss working out. Also, good shoes. No matter how cheap you are, wear good shoes. It’s almost been a month since I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis and I’m going insane having to sit and not jogging or walking anymore. Hopefully I can start easing myself back into it in the coming weeks.

    I also learned even if you have nothing important in your life, still text/call/email people to see how they’re doing. 2015 was mostly bad news, so I didn’t call people because it was the same old stuff. When I finally did call my grandmother we spoke for almost 3 hours. I have started getting back in the habit of calling every Sunday.

    I guess those are the lessons I’m carrying into 2016 and I plan to make this year better.

    in reply to: It just blows my mind! #92101
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    I kind of know what you mean, it’s like telling a depressed person to think happy thoughts. If it was that easy we wouldn’t feel so bad. ‘It wasn’t meant to be’ it’s just an easy thing to shrug and say, and while it may be true, doesn’t really help.

    As to why the relationship ever happened, life is a journey, not all experiences are meant to last forever. The breakup hurts, and you might be recalling only the bad times after a bad breakup, but it wasn’t all bad, and you learned from it. It happened because it’s what you wanted at that moment. It might not be a ‘forever love’ but it was perfect for that moment. Maybe these two people will get back together one day, maybe not, but one day you might look back on that time and smile because of the memory or lesson.

    in reply to: On Homosexuality: #91826
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    I know the plural of army is armies. The Salvation Army however is a religious organization [fun fact] I’m just not sure what you would use.

    in reply to: Am i growing #91813
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Little confused by your typing but I think your issue is comparing yourself to your peers, coupled with a lack of social interaction. Everyone is on their own path, one might focus on career while another on relationships. You may not notice you’re comparing yourself, but one day you will look back and notice it. At my low points I felt like a failure because I’m [age] years old and I’m still here while my friends are there. [Heck, I’m 26 without kids and the local paper has a photo of two friends from high school who had their first kid on new year’s day.] At some point something will just click.

    Don’t get discouraged you didn’t make the list. You could do a number of things from here, you could study more, evaluate what needs your attention, and work harder towards your job goals. You could view your life as a whole and figure out what you like and don’t like and work on improving them. You mentioned how you miss your friends, try setting up one night a week [if possible] where you guys can hang out. In person is always best, but if there’s an online game you like, or Skype or whatever. All but one friend lives at least half an hour away, and the friend who lives in town works long hours and has a 2 year old. I work equally long hours and don’t have a car, but I text everyone once at week. You might need to find this balance in your life. Another option is to find a circle of like-minded people to hang with and strive for similar goals. You can still have both groups of friends, but it never hurts to make new friends.

    Good luck to you!

    in reply to: Struggling to get over a break up #91289
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Sorry to hear that.

    Did he explain why he doesn’t “feel like himself” anymore? If it’s something to do with him, you need to figure out a way to accept this or it Wil drive you crazy. If it’s something like you rely on him too much emotionally [example] perhaps you should try some emotional mastery and take this alone time as an opportunity to grow as a person. While it’s nice to have someone to talk to and help work through emotions with, the other person can get drained. Idk if you call a helpline or seek a counselor but it might help you and take the pressure off him.

    Another point you should do some personal care for yourself, not because he might come back. This situation is a blessing in disguise. It’s sad, and I know it won’t be easy, but one day you’ll look back and be grateful. Good luck to you.

    in reply to: Pointers on Achieving Goal #91288
    Nekoshema
    Participant

    Thanks everyone! I’ll cross my fingers and toes we all succeed in our plans. That vision board sounds interesting K8tyB, gonna look into that.

Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 96 total)