Dear needsomehelp,

The first thing that came to mind when reading your post was a cycle of social anxiety, and you mentioned something similar yourself:

Feels awkward > no confidence to engage with others > having no friends makes you feel worse about yourself > strengthens negative beliefs about yourself that you’re awkward > repeat.

Something that might help is remembering that it’s a cycle, and no-where in it is there a chance to meet new people. Need to break the cycle! Maybe something like:

Feels awkward > lacking confidence but tries any way > first meeting is somewhat awkward but persists instead of backing out because of negative feelings > finds more people to talk to > builds positive self beliefs > continues moving forward.

You said you leave the groups hating yourself more. Do you ever return? Once people see you as a familiar face, a fellow stranger interested in the group subject, they’ll say hello or you might say hello to them. You’ll learn each others names, and over time things have a chance to grow.

I don’t know how much time you spend online, but I have found the internet to be very helpful in making friends, especially on websites with shared interests. For example, we are a little tinybuddha community here, and you seem like a very nice person. I hope to see you around more!

• This reply was modified 7 years, 11 months ago by norit.

Hello mariamoto!

I’d just like to say, I admire your attitude, tackling your fears despite how scary this all sounds! Will you be able to call them, or use Skype, or send texts?

Some things that have helped me deal with my anixety include reading up on exactly how anxiety works, learning I have control over it and it doesn’t have to overcome me. Learning breathing/relaxation techniques and practising them once each day while you aren’t feeling anxious, as this will help them come to you more naturally when you ARE feeling anxious. Mindfulness, as Anita mentioned, is very helpful.

Would it be possible to do small trial runs to see how you manage? Do you get anxious being away from them if you’re going out shopping for example, or staying with a friend or distant family member? Would it be possible to do some smaller ‘practise’ runs e.g. going away for a day or a week (your own pace, whatever feels comfortable for you!) using the techniques you’re learning? This might help build up some confidence before the real thing.

I imagine you will also be distracted by studies, new friends, and new opportunies, when the time finally comes, which might help too! 🙂

norit