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norit

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 80 total)
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  • in reply to: Ex boyfriend problems #290305
    norit
    Participant

    Hi anita πŸ™‚ Thank you, you too. Have you been doing ok?

    I have the keys yes. Have been getting the basics set up and am planning to move in this weekend. Very excited and nervous! Thank you for all of your encouragement with moving.

    & Yes. Well. I saw him as being so. He is a peer support worker, which he described as being “the lowest rank” of job there, “closer to a patient” he would describe it. However he has access patient’s medical information and would make notes etc.

    in reply to: Ex boyfriend problems #290301
    norit
    Participant

    Thank you for replying, Mark.

    It does help, but I still can’t help but feel like I’ve done something wrong, and I don’t know how to move forward.

    I feel like there’s something I’ve not communicated but I can’t quite pinpoint what it is?

    I’m sorry I’m not making much sense here

    thank you, for taking the time to reply to everyone, always

    in reply to: Struggling with anxiety #286943
    norit
    Participant

    Mark – I think you are right. I find it quite disheartening to acknowledge that my anxiety will always be there, whatever the life circumstances. I value finding the positive in things, yet my brain’s instinct is to look for the negative.
    Thank you for sharing your rule of thumb, and going to note it down. πŸ™‚

    Anita – Thank you for the welcome back. I looked back as you suggested on my previous posts; a bit surreal actually, reading how I was doing and seeing how much has changed in myself. Thank you for sharing the points you made, it gave me a lot to think about. πŸ™‚

    I thought lots on what you both said and decided to go for it. I got the keys on Wednesday. Can’t move in just yet as I need to buy some essentials first, but hopefully within the next ten days. I am nervous/excited, and feel very fortunate the opportunity has come my way.

    My brain is still worrying, and I’ve been getting suicidal thoughts still, despite something positive happening. All of this seems too good to be true – I keep waiting for something bad to happen. I feel guilty for thinking negative things when this is such a positive and lucky thing!

    in reply to: Friend jealousy #278269
    norit
    Participant

    Thank you both for the replies.

    I’m trying to connect to people in person. I’m not in paid work but am volunteering. Whenever I chat to anyone it’s clear I’m quite nervous – it makes me worried people feel like they have to talk to me or do it out of pity. I’ve found the same thing Mark, and tend to ask a lot of questions. It’s when the questions are reversed I find myself stuck as I don’t have much to contribute to the conversation. The last few years of my life have been wrapped around anxiety recovery and family problems. I’m doing a little more with myself now – volunteering, a class once a week – but ultimately I don’t have much to talk about, and the conversation seems to come to a halt? & My mind constantly goes blank, which doesn’t help.

    anita – I am prepared to move out and looking forward to it, but I can’t afford to just now. I’m volunteering in different places with the hope of gaining some work experience, and building confidence, to then move onto paid work so I can move.Β  I’m trying to build a life for myself, away from home, but it is small steps. Am I understanding correctly – you think that I’m focusing on him right now to avoid my home situation?

    I feel stuck where I am, and am taking small but gradual steps to improve it. I’m not sure what much else I can do, and having some friends, even if they are online, feels helpful and a bit less lonely.

    in reply to: Friend jealousy #278231
    norit
    Participant

    Hi anita. It’s nice to see you’re still here. How have you been?

    I am still with them, yes. Not much has changed sadly – the environment is still very volatile and uncomfortable.

    in reply to: Relationship anxiety #198659
    norit
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    Thank you – I’d been lurking the forums now and again, although not posting. It’s nice to talk to you again. I hope you’ve been doing ok?

    I recognise mental illness isn’t a life sentence, and for me see my anxiety as something I’m learning to manage and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I think he sees illnesses as a life sentence and sees himself rotten to the core.
    I keep telling myself I’m not responsible for other people’s emotions, but it truly doesn’t seem like that is the case. My actions have an impact on other’s emotions – if I had a difficult day he would in turn, some way or another.

    I went back to that post in regards to my mum. I think I meant it in how she can be quite judgemental, and also focuses more on other people’s lives so she can avoid her own problems. I’m not sure how to elaborate any more. She still does this and is still struggling with addiction sadly.

    – norit

    in reply to: Mom on Borderline Spectrum: Healing Yet Feel Alone #164824
    norit
    Participant

    Hello -Extra-ordinaryChica,

    I saw your other post about healing your disassociation and wanted to comment on it before as I have similar issues with it, but wasn’t sure what to say. I should have said thank you for talking about it so openly. I’m very glad to see you’re managing it better!

    Recently I also realised I can’t rely on my parents as I would like to. As anita said, letting go has been the most helpful thing for me. Accepting them both for who they are, and not expecting otherwise or trying to change them. This means I’ve been turning to my support worker instead more, learn to support myself a bit better, and trust that the support I give myself is just as valid as getting it from someone else.

    I was worried I’d feel more alone by letting go of people, but then I realised they’ve not really been there for me emotionally all along, and yet here I am. It has been sad to realise, but is reassuring to know it can get better as I invest in other new relationships.

    I think just acknowledging that I’m allowed to feel angry or upset, and that it’s okay, has been quite helpful too? And understanding my parents’ own situations better. They’re human, and have their own troubles that they’ve maybe not worked through.

    Hope this is helpful somehow. πŸ™‚

    in reply to: Life question #142221
    norit
    Participant

    Hi Harry,

    I’m glad to see you posting again, although am sad to see you’re feeling so unhappy right now.

    I struggle to have conversations in person as well, and don’t feel like I’m good at making conversation, due to anxiety. Please forgive my ignorance, but is this because you don’t know what to say, or do you know what you’d like to say but struggle purely because of your hearing?

    I wondered if you talk to people online much, aside from here? Talking online has helped overcome some hurdles for me, and build friendships. I’ve made close friends through playing video games and social networking. Thankfully it doesn’t include talking, so I don’t need to worry about the verbal communication side of things. (While I don’t have trouble hearing, my mind goes blank and I can stammer and stuff like that. Typing online helps the conversation flow more naturally.) I wondered if that would benefit you too?
    While I know it’ll never replace face-to-face communication, it might help a little.

    Again, sorry for my ignoranace about anything!

    – norit

    in reply to: When to give an opinion? #141033
    norit
    Participant

    ‘People don’t desire things that are overly-available but seek for what is rare.’

    So very true!

    I’ll give it a try. Thank you anita. πŸ™‚

    norit
    Participant

    Hello Henry,

    My thoughts:

    In order to be your best for other people, would it not be good to love yourself first? Focus on yourself, show yourself love, spend time and energy on yourself. That way you can be your best self for others.

    E.g. My mum has spent several years putting everyone else first. She’s now exhausted, has no life of her own, is very depressed and lost. She doesn’t know herself as she’s too busy focusing on others. She’s seriously struggling. I wish more than anything she would care about herself and focus on herself. I miss the person she used to be when she had her own life and hobbies — and seeing her joy made me happy, so she is happy and I am happy too.

    In answer to your question, personally no I don’t believe so. If someone were to think of me all the time, and put me first all the time, I wouldn’t feel like we had an equal relationship. (It’d make me quite uncomfortable to be honest.) If it were a friend acting this way, they wouldn’t feel like a friend, but more like a servant. Would they tell me about themselves at all? Would I get to know them at all? I want to get to know them, because they’re my friend, but if they’re spending all their time thinking about others then how do they know themselves?

    – norit

    in reply to: When to give an opinion? #140055
    norit
    Participant

    You did anita, thank you.

    Everyone I know usually gives an opinion whether they are asked or not, the exception being therapists. Very rarely does anyone ask for my opinion, except for professionals, or on here (you!). I have very few friendships, but they share their opinions whether asked or not. Even in general conversation, I don’t really know when to talk or just listen.

    I’m over analysing I think!

    in reply to: asocial or anti-social? #135391
    norit
    Participant

    Hello Joe,

    I think I can relate to everything you’ve said. The “cheer up” one epsecially drives me mad – my internal reaction is usually ‘I was fine, until you said that!’

    Do you tend to talk more when it comes to things you have strong feelings about? I’m not very good at small talk, and enjoy listening usually. But gimme something I feel strongly about, or a book I love, or things to be passioniate about, and I could chat for days.

    I love finding a friend you can have a comfortable silence with. There’s not always a need for chatter. πŸ™‚

    norit

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by norit.
    in reply to: Boundaries #126648
    norit
    Participant

    Dear greenshade,

    I am still learning about setting boundries myself. The most influential one I’ve had so far is learning when to stop listening to other people’s problems, because it’s having an impact on my emotional health. My mother used to come to me with all her problems, and it got to the point where I knew more about her than I did me. Simply recognising that I usually often others first at the expense of myself, has been huge!

    Another is learning that I am allowed to say ‘no’ if I’m uncomfortable, and that’s okay. I found this article very intersting:

    The Power of “No”: Better Boundaries Lead to a Better Life

    Please share more details if you’d like to!

    norit

    in reply to: How can I love myself? #126203
    norit
    Participant

    Ive stumbled upon a dilemma. I went to my first group therapy session, it was fine. The second,I got upset and had to take a moment outside. That’s ok.
    But the kindness and support people were showing each other or myself made me cry even more. And when trying to calm down, trying to be gentle and understanding towards myself. That made me cry even more and I ended up leaving.

    I’m not sure how to get past this crying. Its deseruptive to the group and im so focused on not crying I’m not listening to what’s being said.

    And then in the long run I feel hopeless. What will I do once the group is over? I will receive no more help from my understanding. Im scared to be on my own. Them helping me is the only thing tthats kept me going.

    in reply to: How can I love myself? #126202
    norit
    Participant

    Dear anita. How have you been? It seems like you are always listening to others talking, is it okay for me to ask you how you’ve doing too.

    I’m very grateful for your message above. I get very nervous responding to other peoples threads, as I have nothing helpful to say. But to know you thought it was empethetic and gentle is very reassuring. Thank you for reading it and telling me.

    In regards to your question in your second to last post, about believing something to be true, did you mean in reference to myself feeling that something is wrong with me? Which turned out to be untrue.

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 80 total)