Forum Replies Created
Welcome to everyone new here! 🙂
The first thing that came to mind when reading your post was a cycle of social anxiety, and you mentioned something similar yourself:
Feels awkward > no confidence to engage with others > having no friends makes you feel worse about yourself > strengthens negative beliefs about yourself that you’re awkward > repeat.
Something that might help is remembering that it’s a cycle, and no-where in it is there a chance to meet new people. Need to break the cycle! Maybe something like:
Feels awkward > lacking confidence but tries any way > first meeting is somewhat awkward but persists instead of backing out because of negative feelings > finds more people to talk to > builds positive self beliefs > continues moving forward.
You said you leave the groups hating yourself more. Do you ever return? Once people see you as a familiar face, a fellow stranger interested in the group subject, they’ll say hello or you might say hello to them. You’ll learn each others names, and over time things have a chance to grow.
I don’t know how much time you spend online, but I have found the internet to be very helpful in making friends, especially on websites with shared interests. For example, we are a little tinybuddha community here, and you seem like a very nice person. I hope to see you around more!
- This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by norit.
Hope you BB, and everyone here, had a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 🙂
Oh, and also.. thank you, anita. It’s overwhelming, hearing someone say they accept me, and that you’d like to keep talking. I’d like that too. 🙂
I’ve been trying to, but I feel like i should be punished. I’m not sure why? I just want to shout and rage at myself all the time.
Whenever anyone (or I) says anything nice to me, my first instinct is to tell them to stop. I’ve been trying to accept it gracefully and calmly, but instead I get emotional.
On a positive note, I went to a group therapy into session. It’s based on ACT. It was terrifying but I did it!
I’d just like to say, I admire your attitude, tackling your fears despite how scary this all sounds! Will you be able to call them, or use Skype, or send texts?
Some things that have helped me deal with my anixety include reading up on exactly how anxiety works, learning I have control over it and it doesn’t have to overcome me. Learning breathing/relaxation techniques and practising them once each day while you aren’t feeling anxious, as this will help them come to you more naturally when you ARE feeling anxious. Mindfulness, as Anita mentioned, is very helpful.
Would it be possible to do small trial runs to see how you manage? Do you get anxious being away from them if you’re going out shopping for example, or staying with a friend or distant family member? Would it be possible to do some smaller ‘practise’ runs e.g. going away for a day or a week (your own pace, whatever feels comfortable for you!) using the techniques you’re learning? This might help build up some confidence before the real thing.
I imagine you will also be distracted by studies, new friends, and new opportunies, when the time finally comes, which might help too! 🙂
But what if I’m wrong about what I’m feeling? Or if I don’t know? 🙁
Thank you for your continued help. I’m so grateful.
Not everything all the time, but often yes. I don’t question sleepiness as that’s also physical so it’s clear I’m feeling very sleepy. If I’m angry I don’t doubt that I’m angry. Happy feelings and my anxiety are usually the ones I question or doubt. I think. Im a bit muddled.
I’m worried, because I question and don’t trust myself. I always end up thinking “what if I don’t actually feel that way” or “I shouldn’t feel that way”.
TPractising here would be helpful. Talking to a psychotherapist isn’t an option currently.
I usually overthink what I’m feeling, or expect myself to feel something different to what I actually feel, or tell myself I’m feeling a certain way when I’m not.
So with practise, these habits will go and I will recognise easily what I’m feeling?
I think that made even less sense than usual, please forgive me it’s 5am and I can’t sleep. 😛
Firstly, thank you reading the forum. I’m amazed you have, I imagine it’s mostly me whinging and not very interesting!
I also read your thread, and am interested in talking further. However, I haven’t got a good microphone at present for voice chats, nor the privacy in my home to talk about the sensitive matters, or even confidence to talk out aloud most of the time! Would typing on skype be any good?
Thank you for your time,
Thank you for your reply! I’m glad to hear you’re off the meds that made you worse. As happymoon said in his post below, finding aspects about myself to write a list of has proven to be difficult and I am struggling to find anything, but I hope things will come over time. 🙂
Thank you for your suggestions!
I wanted to reply sooner, but I’ve been uncertain of what to say. Thank you for replying once again. I see what you’re saying about a third dimension. Is this something most people go through when becoming an adult, or is more obvious in myself since I’ve been so dependent on my parents lives rather than living my own? Or both? I do not know how to make myself important in my own mind.
In regards to my parents – sort of wallpaper, yes. Mum is sort of codependent, obsessing over how others or myself live our lives, and whether it’s right or wrong in her point of view, and doesn’t seem recognise my own feelings or listen to me really. I don’t know a better word than codependent so will use that for now!
Thank you for replying again, anita. I’m a bit calmer now. Sorry for replying when I was so worked up.
When I was younger I never thought about my own hopes for the future because my plans were suicidal, and I thought I was just existing for my mum’s benefit. My dreams were things like going into acting, travelling, experiencing life to the full, and surrounding myself with lovely people, and hopefully becoming a lovely person who likes herself. More recently, when feeling better within myself, I hoped to go back into education, and study something. I never took my studies seriously when I was younger, and the idea of applying myself to something and working hard is very appealing.
I recognise they are point of motvation in themselves, but I still, ultimately, just don’t see any point in anything?
I’m in a bit of a bad space and will aim to give a more competent reply, but just wanted to thank you for sharing own experiences with me and for linking the article. I’m glad to hear you’ve overcome it and hope you are feeling better in yourself.