Hey anita

Yes, i lost the will to connect with her (and with others aswell) and i can’t find meaning in any relationship right now, be it friendship or romantic.

No, noone did and it seems very strange to me that noone did.

What do u mean exactly? I didnt get it.

Yeah thats what i was thinking, maybe she is (without intenting to) finding things that aren’t there..that’s why i am considering stopping the sessions, i don’t feel like she is much help..

If it was just me falling out of love, why would it affect all the areas of my life? Why would i cry/shake in the thought of losing her forever? (like i was some weeks ago)

Hmm, idk about that, i woke up feeling bad and not wanting to do anything.. I can’t find any reasons for my attraction to vanish overnight for this girl, really..

I didn’t mean that she is forcing it, it’s rather that she stays firm on her belief that all this comes mostly from childhood stuff. The other time she told me “well, is it a coincidence that you were longing for what you never saw in your parents (a love story/romance), and when u got it, u didnt know what to do with it?”

She said “well, could be that your feelings got locked there to be protected from something, what could it be?” And i couldnt think of anything other than “not losing them”, but she asked me to take time to answer it.

How can they be addressed? It seems very weird to me, this whole thing..

The psychotherapist that i am visiting is pretty young but she insists that all the things that im going through right now are related to my parents/mother.

Oh so all it took was someone to listen to you.. Idk if that would be the same for me

Hmm, that i dont “belong” with her or in the family, something like that, but it was confusing and disappointing too.

I think i tried sometimes to express love towards her when i was a kid (6-10) but she would rarely reciprocate and sometimes she would get suspicious of me that i did something wrong or wanted to ask for favors. She also apologized/hugged me sometimes after hitting me.

No no i mean your feelings in general (i thought u didnt have feelings for anyone mostly)

“Oh, that emotional attachment felt like starving for oxygen, and she- my mother- was the oxygen. Separation from her was unthinkable, like a certain death.”
maybe this is how im feeling/felt for this girl too.

No no it’s fine for me to read. So with cbt-mindfulness u achieved the unlocking of your feelings? Interesting

Hey anita, i was at work, just saw your posts!

Yeah, i stopped “feeling” mostly at 13, when i started playing online video games, i got sucked into that world. (mmorpg mostly)

But how can it happen in a day? What can trigger it? Because i woke up one day (12 november) and i read her texts, my stomach was repulsed and i felt like “i dont have anything to say to her, what am i doing”, like our whole year and bond vanished 🙁

Did you do that through therapy? U were suppressing love? (dont answer if u dont feel like it)

I hope it goes away for me too, but some days i feel like giving up on those efforts..

It’s a very strange feeling because we shared a year of our everyday lives (even if it was online) and it hurts!

How can i know if it’s F for me? (even though i had the dreams/flashbacks)

I am fine with it, i make peace with death pretty quickly. She died of cancer (well, the chemos wore her down). I took it well because i was with her most of the days and i saw where this was going, so i “prepared” myself better than the rest of the family, i was the one that found her not breathing. Well, i don’t feel like i had a strong bond with her, i was pretty much disconnected from my parents since the age of 13 i think. I still cried and mourned, at my own pace though.