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ConfusedParticipantHi young!
Its ok to reflect, just dont give in to answering the thoughts/what ifs because then u spiral deeper.Hmm, sure, ask me anything that comes to ur mind since mine is all over the place. In general the experience with OCD has been very difficult, i think ive had it since the beginning (didnt know it back then because i was still in honeymoon phase) because i was constantly sending screenshots of some of our messages to AI asking for its opinions and see if there are any bad/hidden messages behind her words, how did i do/etc, which i think is still OCD but on another theme. As soon as i went out of the honeymoon phase it latched onto me “not feeling”, so i cried and cried for months, becoming bedridden, quitting my hobbies praying that “i feel like before again” and feeling like such a horrible person for leading her on and that i am gonna hurt her.
Ask anything else u want.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita, wow, you are making me blush with all those things haha 🙂
Oh sorry, by “this” i meant the whole situation that i experienced growing up yes, u got that right. Hmm, but how would that justify me hyperfocusing on relationships? Maybe that was my main source of joy or the thing i was missing the most?
Thank you anita 🙂 (haha this term i know)Yeah she’s amazing indeed, a lovely girl that loves me a lot too :), but today was a hard day for me, i felt negative feelings and had negative thoughts for her again and i dont know how they come up. I was with friends when she texted me so maybe when i am doing something else and i have to answer her? (she ofc tells me to drop the phone and text her whenever i can but i feel bad leaving her hanging 🙁 )
Hmm but what overwhelmed me? Those things used to not bother me at all last year for example..could be that my nervous system is a wreck. (its like a big bong that u put flavored tobacco on top and u smoke it, did it today again, felt the same afterwards, wow)
Thank you anita, i think its because i went through it myself (still am) and ive researched more :), haha your emojis are nice, sadly i can’t post them from PC.
Yeah she’s a sweetheart and i dont like it when people break her heart and disappoint her, but i know i SHOULD feel sad and empathetic but i dont 🙁
Oh im sorry anita but your mother (and mine) are proof that some people should not have kids, or should sort out their own issues before having them. Your explanation makes sense and im glad u figured it out but it seems so weird in my head because that’s all happening in the subconscious i guess so i can’t figure them out. I can cry with someone else and feel empathy but it takes a certain pattern of thoughts which feels like me getting through a labyrinth tracking situations/feelings back and slowly start feeling sad or whatever.
Haha, thank you anita i hope i become my old self again and be happy with her! 🙂 Today i saw another cute bear reel (that we have as our own inside-language),that they were too old visiting places they were younger at together having fun, reminscing and i cried again, then i thought of her but my brain went “do u think of her because ure used to her? out of habit? are u maybe crying to the reel itself?” .. its like what ure saying, sabotaging thoughts that dont let me enjoy anything and relax. But sometimes it feels like im too deep in this spiral and im doomed. Then the other thoughts start “u dont love her, it was just infatuation” but if that was the case, when we broke it off i should be happy and relieved, i was devastated.
But what u say could be true anita, i noticed myself like 10 days ago, almost feeling happy/relaxed/excited with her but then a thought would come and push those feelings away. A thought like: What if she drops u tomorrow? What if she meets another guy there? What if she’s pulling away? (Because she’s so anxious and burnt out nowadays that she can’t say many sweet-reassuring to me- words) and many more what ifs that were shutting down my excitement.
ConfusedParticipantHey Young, i am diagnosed with ROCD and suffering since November 2025 and anita with other members have supported me a lot through this whole time (u can see my posts and my history in the big thread anita mentioned). I dont know if u have it or not, me telling u this would be reassurance which is bad for ocd, but what rocd does is attacking the thing u value the most, for u is your relationship probably. And it uses your morality to distort things in your mind, then ego-dystonic thoughts (thoughts that go against our values/true self) make you feel anxious/panic/short breath and all those things. It also finds many many things to latch onto, the goalpost is constantly changing, so you answering your thoughts won’t help at all, it will just change the subject. U can check many videos with people who have many forms of rocd (harm/cheating/not feeling love enough-like myself-/leading them on, etc. The list is endless) but the best would be to find an OCD specialist if this thing starts messing with your head and your everyday life.
With that said, it’s not bad for you to look at other girls and find them attractive (not telling ur gf of course), what matters is what u do with your actions. Its funny because i had this theme too for the first time in my life. And while i was in the first year of my relationship (infatuation) i had no problems seeing other girls and feeling attracted to them but in my head i knew that i wanted the one i am with so i had no problem with this. But as soon as november came and i got struck by ROCD/burnout/depression, whatever this thing was, for quite a while if i would find another girl attractive i would feel bad because then this would be proof that i need to break up or that i dont love/like my gf enough, which is far from truth because of course u can love your partner and still find other people attractive, thats normal human behaviour, there are billion people out there, u think there is noone hotter than u/me/your gf? haha. My best friend is actually in a very healthy relationship for the past 5 years and he is usually the one that notifies me about hot girls around us, checking them out and stuff and at some point i thought “well, if he can check other girls out, like them so much but still love his GF and be loyal, caring and everything else to her, why can’t i?” and somehow through this chain of thoughts i’ve removed the guilt from this obsession and i’d say im 80% care-free on this matter now. Girls hit on me more often lately too and instead of me feeling anxious/guilty like before, i try to feel “handsome” and “a catch” haha.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita, glad ure happy hearing from me, same here 🙂
On the first post, u mean the hyperfocusing on the relationship is the cause of this?
Hmm, i would say the progress is mainly that i feel overall better and more “normal”, definitely less anxiety and obsessive thoughts (i still have them), but i am able to feel some feelings here and there, so i would say way better than last year..I think u are right on the part of chaos=connection and calm=nothing, maybe its the dopamine and the system being on alert that gave me that “feeling” and tbh yeah, ive never felt the safe kind of love and connection, always chasing highs, unavailable partners, adrenaline rush, through relationship, motorcycle and stuff. But ive always wanted a girl like her, with the morals, the intellect, the humour, and much more 🙂
Today, i was feeling like 40% lovey-dovey feelings for her while working, cuz i know she’s struggling a lot with her social circle right now, being responsible for many things at once and running some other things, she’s so stressed and burnt out and today i was imagining me preparing a hot bath for her, massaging her, then carrying her to bed and have her sleep in my arms, and that felt kinda warm/good 🙂 (not like last year, but maybe last year was the uncertainty, the chase)
But, after some hours of us texting, she got very very sad because of an unfortunate event that happened to her (it was never in the plans and kind of threw her off) and as soon as she got sad and i was reading her texts, my sister was speaking to me simultaneously, yapping about random things and i felt this sense of being overwhelmed, like my skin was crawling from under me, wanted my sister out of my room, all the lovey-dovey feelings evaporated instantly and turned into dysphoria. Idk if smoking hookah brought me some bad mood because the flavour was all done and i felt light headed, but i noticed the whole shift happening. It didn’t last for long though, i told my sister i needed to shower (didnt wanna shower yet), kept texting with my girl, listening to her telling me about how her plans failed because of unexpected errors and she was crying, but what bothered me then was the fact that i felt no empathy. I did console her but i did it for her, to be there for her, inside me i was not bothered and that seemed wrong to me. Tbh ive never felt bad for anyone in my life, its like my empathy skills only exist for innocent animals and sometimes for humans but thats rare (it has happened with my girl too but usually when i have done her wrong), its like i can never feel bad for people around me, like this is something out of my skillset. I did feel yesterday and today tho that i love her more than ever, i listened to a song with certain lyrics that happened to describe our situation (distance-love) and i teared up, sent it to her and expressed my love. Its like lately there are glimpses of me feeling positive feelings/love/joy but for brief amounts of time, then one question ruins everything, like: why am i not missing her? why cant i feel sad if i imagine losing her? why am i not feeling like i wanna get on a plane and go see her? why do i not wanna videocall her? And then those questions conclude the answer: then something must be wrong.I think this is the pattern, sorry for the long post but i wanted to throw it out here for u to see if u want 🙂
ConfusedParticipantHey anita! I am ok and im sorry for taking so many days off the forums, i was doing some forum-detox! I hope things are ok for u 🙂
Yeah, the relationship was going fine and idk what’s bothering me, i think when i don’t find pleasure in other domains of my life i “blame” the relationship because i expect it to give me joy like in the beginning, i think im looking for the infatuation but im not sure.
I dont know if i can do that since all that requires me doing things that dont give me joy anymore, like going to the gym, riding the bike, etc and idk what’s the thing that bothers me, it feels like all my past self is gone, wild.
Hmm by losing myself i mean mostly hyperfocusing on the relationship, analyzing every action, every conversation, every shift, everything, my mood becoming dependant on how good the relationship is going, etc.
(no no its not)
It’s almost been a year… i think ive made some progress considering how i was back then until February..it was hell.
I am okay now but there were still days that i was irritated and not in a good mood but im chill now.Today she hinted that she misses me and i told her i miss her too, but when i thought about it, i can’t “miss” anyone and never have in my life. I did miss her when we broke up for a month tho, badly, so it’s weird..
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Haha, i wasnt saying it in a serious manner but maybe i was spot on!
Well, that’s gone now, i feel like shit 🙁
My mind not only doubts and gets irritated by her in the past two days or so (she hasnt done anything wrong), but i get irritated by everyone, my sister sending me reels, funny messages/etc im like “ugh, not again!”, i find no pleasure or joy in anything but my mind keeps shifting the focus on her, even tho she’s the most loving she’s ever been towards me. Two days ago i found a book that she couldn’t find at cyprus and she loves it, i bought it, was feeling excited to go home and show it to her, felt happy with the fact that she felt overjoyed and then poof, felt irritated again. I think it’s severe depression in the works.
Hmm, what do u mean by that anita?
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
He’s a hipster then? haha
Hmm, i think i know what u mean but for me it had always been difficult to differentiate and set boundaries to myself. I would always lose myself in a relationship because of my excitement when i would be with someone id really like. I meant i was more active before this happened and i was most active with her, in the first year, i was getting more motivation and drive (always happens to me when im with someone) but then i guess burnout?
I wish i knew how to do that 🙁
Although lately i feel better overall and things are great between us, after that 11 hour videocall and us setting boundaries, expressing what hurt us/etc, things are smooth. I still get my occasional “do i love her? why am i not excited? why do i feel bothered sometimes?” and the rest of this circus/thoughts, but i think it’s a lot better.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Oh yeah i didnt notice the last post about the greek guy. Haha, i hope u enjoyed the conversation. Sparta and Athens are far from where i live, never been to sparta tho. He mentioned cyprus too? i guess he’s kinda old.
Well, idk how and why i do that but that’s me, i always go all-in, idk how to change it and frankly i dont think i feel like changing it because thats how i enjoy things.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Haha, 0.55% is so little, but ive had worse relationships which were 100% physical or 95% physical 5% distance so it doesn’t matter for me.
Hmm, the feeling of not caring i would say has been in my life since i woke up like this in november, on this magnitude. I was never that careless about myself, i would usually try to eat somewhat healthy/sleep/exercise and work often. Now it’s just nothing motivates me, everything feels dull.
To put it simply, i was more active in my life and i was enjoying things more. Rides with the motorcycle, sleep, work (i would get motivated by money, not anymore and im not rich), going for coffee with friends, hitting the gym has been a motivator for me in the past 10 years at least, love, romance, sharing moments (even online with her), planning and dreaming about things.. but everything lost its meaning, idk what this is, lack of chemicals in my brain?
ConfusedParticipantHey anita, took some time off forums and such, hope u doing well 🙂
Yeah, i feel like i dont care about anything, not my health, my body, my finances, nothing.. It will probably swing back on its own tho.
Haha it’s 3 days vs 18 months online. I know its logical to feel this way but still, i wasn’t like this before, thats why it annoys me!
ConfusedParticipantBtw, yesterday she asked me if i am waiting for her to finish her exam so i can tell her something important because she “had a feeling”. I told her im just waiting for ur exam to finish so u can breathe again and be calmer. She said “are u sure? u can tell me now”, i told her “haha u drama queen, stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, was this bothering u for long?” she said for at least 4-5 days. That would explain her being hot/cold at moments. Today i was thinking of us doing videocall and was like 10-20% excited for that, then i would think of us meeting IRL and i get this strange feeling like i don’t know “what to do” with her IRL, i guess that’s because we are mainly online.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
I use it because all this is new to me, even now.. this word fits perfectly.
Yes i was thinking of trying to end the analyzing/rumination of my relationship and everything, because i realize that i am in a bad spot in every area of my life, but for some reason my mind latches on to my relationship. This is the only forum i browse, ive stopped visiting reddit for like 20 days or something.. thank you 🙂
Today we didn’t text all day and i felt weird. I was thinking about her all the time and i thought “why didn’t she text me anything at all?” Maybe i missed her? I dont know it missing her feels like that. I feel so bad tho about everything, nothing gives me pleasure or motivation.. 🙁
ConfusedParticipantHey anita, i was thinking of taking space from forums/google/etc again too. Weird we thought the same thing haha.
Hmm, kinda but not exactly that, like i am faking myself or something? Idk how to explain it its weird.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Thank you 🙂 I think it’s my consciousness? I am not sure but nothing else comes to mind.. Maybe its the logical part?
I can’t do that, i feel like a fraud 🙁
ConfusedParticipantBtw, i saw a highlight back from July (she posted a story with a dress, heels, make up and such, seemed like she went out (i wasnt checking her stories back then) and i felt something like jealousy inside me, not sure tho, i felt bothered. But then i was staring at her photo and i said inside my head “U must not lose this woman moron”, then felt indifference suddenly.
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