Trolling around means messing with each other/kidding, not meaning what we saying.

I dont know if thats the case for her, but she was hung up on our jokes @ march about “not having a relationship”, she took those words seriously because she wasn’t joking when she said “well u never properly asked me to be in a relationship with u” and i thought she was messing with me, that’s why i said it. This stuck with her and over time made her feel bad like being in a situation that doesn’t fit her, but it was all a misunderstanding.

If what she said is true, her main issue is that she can’t get over what happened back in september. I asked her how can i rebuild trust with u? She said i dont know since ive never done it again, i dont know where to point u at. I told her that this can’t be, if u really want to rebuild with someone u should know what hurts u and what u can’t trust and pinpoint it and ask from the other party to fix it. If u can’t find it then maybe u don’t truly want it? Or u just can’t get over it? She did appreciate all my efforts from what i remember.

Well, when we started texting again yesterday i started crying, then by the hours going by and us keep texting i felt my feelings shutting off again, like i am “comforted” now that we talk again or something like that. But later at night, we were wondering where we lost it and where it went wrong, what we did wrong maybe, and i cried again and told her “i just want us to be happy together, like we were before all these”.

Maybe it’s overwhelm or maybe i feel safe with her and my feelings turn off? Very weird

Hey anita

Oh i didn’t notice.. why would someone bother doing something like this?

Yeah, AI can’t guess or know anything, all it does is speculate according to researches and situations that may fit somewhere.. human replies are much nicer.

Yeah, so i figured.. she’s very very hurt by me and she said that this time apart gave her some clarity to reflect on things that were bothering her for months and she wasn’t communicating them because she didn’t want to upset me and she exploded at some point.. guess who did the same thing 🙂
She said that she wrote 7 pages of “inaccuracies” and “misalignments” on my actions/words and what was keeping her on her toes, why she can’t trust me since September, how i violated her boundaries many times and so on and she wants us to discuss them in a videocall.
I told her again that i never lied to her except this one time, explained to her how it was dumb of me to lie about something i knew she already knew and how that proves even more that this was a panic lie. Told her i “wish” i would have lied about something that mattered, like hiding stuff from u or cheating, etc so this would justify u leaving me, but i lied over something so stupid that i knew u were already aware of.. There is also a problem with my memory… i have serious memory gaps/issues especially since November. She was telling me about some stories i told her that were involving one or two of my exes and i dont even remember that. She said that i crossed her limits on this one.. i explained to her that i legit can’t recall a lot of things and maybe my mind is so occuppied with her that just erases other things, she laughed. Also, another huge misunderstanding since march/april was that in a convo she said “well, i’m single, u havent asked me for a relationship yet” and i thought she was joking so i went along with it and told her that “we are not in a relationship yet, we’ll see how it goes” and she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to lose me so she went with the flow and thought we have a “situationship” which none of us likes. I was dumbfounded today that she told me those things and we saw how differently each of was was thinking and that we were in our own worlds/heads. I told her that ofc we were in a relationship since June 2025 that we discussed about us trying to meet and take it seriously, but in her head she thought i wasn’t committing to her and we were just “seeing how its going”, LOL. Turns out i was in a relationship by myself for a whole year because exclusivity and all those things we had with each other could just be “situationship” for her if we don’t have a specific date or me not having asked her “officially” to be in a relationship. That could explain so much of the misunderstandings..

Hey Lu

I dont remember u replying before, maybe because of my bad memory but well done for reading along, it’s many pages! Yes, sometimes it feels like it’s even harder because u invest heavier on the emotions when u’re LDR since that’s the only thing u have mostly.. She gave my heart so much meaning 🙁

I know she was angry and hurt and she was looking for things to make her leaving easier, but still, i think after all these, our chances right now are close to zero sadly..Thank you for your words 🙂

I cry while looking at her amazing gifts sometimes, my worst dream came true, looking at her presents without having her.. such special gifts made with so much care and love from her, i will never forget it..didn’t want it to end like this 🙁

I think it’s mostly to escape my existence, since i can’t find any comfort in anything at all, nothing i do gives me any pleasure, ever since November almost, everything feels irrelevant and pointless, perhaps this was my issue all along, anhedonia.

Hmm, i do all these but nothing changes, i go to work but nothing helps, my mind circles back to her and everything feels empty and meaningless.

I don’t care about since she’s gone tho, it doesn’t count to me, i wanted to do this with her 🙁

Hey anita

Yeah, i don’t think i can commit more than keep pushing through and staying with someone even after hardships that u’ve only met for 3 days and have gotten so many obstacles from them already.

Hmm, the emotional was there 100%, sadly the practical never got to happen 🙁 She has told her parents and everyone by now so i guess she’s not coming back.

I know but most of the times i am trying to see things from another POV and think differently, but sometimes its so hard..

Nope, radio silence, been three weeks, my gift will be reaching there tomorrow or in 2 days i reckon, i hope she gets it and opens it, even tho idk what im expecting.. I can’t believe how one panic lie was enough for her to just walk away like that and not regret anything..i wonder, doesn’t she miss us?

Hey anita

Hmm, i think most of the times i get that with being defensive, i get emotional too but it starts with defensiveness.

No ofc not, actually marriage doesn’t make any difference to me, like i had said to her in a convo, if i decide to be with u then i am with u marriage or not, we marry if u want only, i am fine with either. And she didn’t like that response, she said “then u compromise”, i said no, comprimising means sacrificing something, which i am not.

Idk anita, i was easily seeing my future with her, i even thought of us working together somewhere to open her own dental office, decorate it and stuff and i liked this idea, i imagined taking her to trips right after work, preparing dinner for her, bringing her flowers and coffee at work, all these stuff i imagined only with her, idk if that counts.

Yeah, i don’t think i was loving the idea, i was slowly falling for her the more i was getting to know her..

But then again, regarding my last question, i suppose i wouldn’t be grieving so hard, nor would i stay in the relationship or show her so much love and care if it wasn’t for love, i wouldn’t be this sad, i would look at other women.

I think i loved her so much that i fumbled.

I doubt i can do that anytime soon, since i never lie and this time i did out of fear and lost something dear to me, lost experiences, fun, connection.. Idk if she forgives herself tho.

I definitely learned from this but why did it have to happen like that? It breaks me 🙁

It was a bit of anger but a lot of fear that september will repeat..

Haha u picked up on that!

But what type of thing could have happened to her in the past and got triggered? Also, can’t she differentiate?
I dont remember her ever telling me that someone lied to her in the past, worse things happened to her yes, but not this.

I know, i agree with u but if we could work it out at least like this i would be happy, we will have opportunities to meet each other in the future, the thing is she can’t feel safe with me now..

Yes u are right, that would be my first term if we were to get back together, that she can move on from this or ask her how and if i can help with it going away somehow.But i figured that she never really trusted me ever since september and i told her, she said “its ur fault that u bring up ur ex all the time”, meanwhile i never mention her