Thank you 🙂

Local taproom? What is this? (oh okay i didnt think of that). I understand, i appreciate your replies, they might help me out too 🙂

Oh i dont know really. My guess would be chaotic house and relationships? I notice that i am anxious towards my relationships, avoidant when sensing rejection and completely avoidant towards my family/friends.

Hello anita

Its so hard for me to accept things that i cant change..feels really bad and hopeless.

U are right on what u said, we can only calm others to a degree. Cant be responsible for them or them for us..

Yes i think thats what i do.

I would just make the other person a little upset/angry but jokingly, nothing too serious, or spark some light/fun jealousy, but not in a toxic way.

Thats how i felt like and i dont understand why. The truth is, i did feel like she leaned heavily on me regarding her well-being at times, like she depends on me for her happiness and everyday mood, we became too codependant/enmeshed? what is the word i am not sure.

We are the same age yeah..I have the same experience as you..

Idk if that translates to fear? I didnt feel conscious fear, just a sense that now i “have to” response in a way to match that or that i am “responsible” for her in a way. Could this be it?

Hey anita, thank you very much for taking time to search all those things 🙂

Yes, i did have my mother up to the age of 22, but i cant find the connection between her and my female “partners”.

I don’t feel pressured at all dont worry, i just really can’t correlate my parents to my partners. I suppose it has an immense effect but i still can’t connect situations of the past to my present ones (for example the one with this girl).
I make a lot of excuses for my parents and for most people and their behaviours, i know that. I always see their side of the story and be quick to validate them, often leading to neglecting my own feelings and side.I feel like “the bigger person”.
Chaos feels so natural to me and i often thrive in chaotic work environments, i noticed that in most of my relationships, when things flow easy and calm for too long, i instigate some “drama” to keep the spark alive. Not anything serious though.

I really cannot consciously relate my mother to any of my romantic interests. Its really weird because people say that u seek in relationships the kind of relationship u had with ur mother but i really dislike conflicts..

I can’t remember if i ever felt like my love for her was a burden, was yours for your mother? How would you describe it?

Yes i’d wish that too, but i guess we had karma from previous lives haha

At times i also felt responsible for my parents feelings.

I am off to sleep aswell, talk soon 🙂

I am gonna answer later or tomorrow, didnt use the PC much today 🙂

Hey anita

I honestly cannot recall any of this about me (my feelings and trust being broken), i think its mostly a fear of being inadequate and not let her down. I was so anxious about hurting her, she felt precious to me.

Yeah he hugs and kisses us (me and my sisters) all the time. I know many people would long for that, but sadly i cringe with affection. I only want it from my girlfriend and maybe a little bit from some friends.