Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
ConfusedParticipantI think i wasnt ready and i hadnt processed that at this point yeah.
I understand what u’re saying, how i might have perceived her as a threat and such and i also agree that moving somewhere new is scary, but it was just a convo for the future, thats why i said “mistakenly”, it was something far from the present..
Hmm so anxiety made me numb and then depressed? Its sad because i cant feel any romantic excitement at the moment..not for her (well for her sometimes for brief moments), not for any of my exes when i try to think back (i mean the memory of the feelings) and not for any new girl. It’s like complete apathy..
Yeah she’s gonna be for the whole year. I think its supposed to be 2027 early but she said she would consider moving to me as well.
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Even tho scenarios dont benefit me, i still make them..
I know i should be prioritizing myself as #1 but at this point i cannot understand what’s good for me and why, or how it feels like, it’s very weird.
It was more like this order “i hurt her (which i would hate to do since she’s lovely and doesn’t deserve it) and then she leaves me”, so it’s kinda both, not something more than the other.
So, the scenario i made today is a classic actually: What if i wasn’t ready for the future talk (the moving to another country part) and i got mistakenly “scared” when she brought it up so my mind started seeing her as a “burden” or a “threat”, rather than the loving woman that she was (and still is) to me? It was just a convo but i did feel like she rushed things a bit there, but if that’s the case, how can i “undo” that? Or was it just anhedonia/depression and my mind looks for a scapegoat?
ConfusedParticipantHmm, even though that talk about the future and her responses did throw me off a little bit, it didn’t seem like a really big deal (even tho in my mind she looked like she’s sabotaging, which she wasn’t) because i still had the plan of “meeting first and see how it goes later”.
It might have been something like this: I woke up depressed/anhedonic/burnt out or something along the lines. I couldnt tell her because i was thinking she would be hurt and leave me, so my mind went to freeze mode/avoidance for protection? This is a scenario i’ve thought too but idk if it actually benefits me to make scenarios.ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Haha dont worry i wouldnt leave without telling u 🙂
Hmm, it started when i woke up feeling like shit (10-11 november) and especially in the 12th when i felt the repulsion, from then on i started feeling guilty for hurting her/leading her on and responsible, the connection suddenly felt like a “burden” in my mind, rather than enjoyment and i cannot understand why 🙁
I like emojis too (it’s also our “inside game” with the girl 🙂 ) so dont worry i dont judge anything haha
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
I didn’t use my PC at all that’s why haha. If i am about to stop posting i’ll inform u 🙂
So guilt affected me?
ConfusedParticipantYes i have been very guiltful 🙁
Another thing, why were my feelings/fantasies would last for a minute and then vanish in january? What is this?
ConfusedParticipantCould be the case but i woke up first feeling like i dont want anything at all, then i didnt know how to tell her so this followed.. I still wonder
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
Today i feel like shit, my body feels drained and exhausted, my mind too. I am noticing those things.
Yes exactly this, i analyze and search for reasons and stuff.
I am trying this but doesnt seem to help..
Today i was talking with a friend and i realized something.. When i woke up like this in November, i was feeling like i need something, could be space and time to myself.. (idk why since i was enjoying our connection very much until the previous night-could also be the onset anhedonia), but i never asked for it till this day. I couldnt ask for it because idk how much its gonna take, i know how she would feel and i would hurt her, so i stayed and stayed and maybe my mind rebelled against her.
My friend told me his example: He woke up some days ago feeling like he wants to be ALONE (he lives with his GF) and he has no mood for his girl. It took him a while to realize and he kept fighting with her because of his bad mood, but as soon as he realized what he needed and communicated it to her, he felt fine again. Perhaps this is what i had to do?ConfusedParticipantYes yes exactly, i am trying to control my feelings all the time and i am trying to stop it, but its hard.
Well, how would that help?
(haha drop it, go ahead)
ConfusedParticipantIdk the difference between those.
Oh i didnt know such a procedure existed. Maybe we have it here too but idk.
I think it could apply but i can’t let go of control
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
WA= Washington? I am gonna watch some videos of this place, i’m curious! Oh ok it makes sense.. Why would they be responsible for someone getting drunk in a taproom?
Yes it was like this for months but recently i was getting better until our “arguments” where i felt rejection and inadequacy (she didnt accuse me of anything, its just my mind is now prone to blame others) and she felt “hostile” again.
I dont know this movie but it sounds like hell 🙁
ConfusedParticipantHey anita
How come it closed for good? Retirement? Btw in which state did u say u live in USA?
Haha the emoji puzzle is really puzzling u.. i see the same emojis as yesterday tho.
Today i woke up feeling the urge to end things EXTREMELY strong and real.. I can barely even talk to her, i think the last conversations/arguments we had affected me too much (because i felt i wont be enough and she’s gonna leave) and now i just can’t even have fun with her chatting. Will it go away? I think it came and went many times but idk it always feels so real 🙁
ConfusedParticipantHaha is that u when u’ve had a bit too much to drink at the tap room anita?
Im off to sleep, talk tomorrow!
ConfusedParticipantSometimes i do the same as you!
Haha i like this scenario, two rooms seems to be fine to escape each other sometimes 🙂
Well, one room has to be for the PC for sure, but yeah that sign sounds good to warn the intruders!
I cant figure the 2nd emoji out, is it vomit?
ConfusedParticipantYeah i guess it needs small steps but sometimes i feel like giving up on everything.
I didnt know u believe in god anita, sometimes i do too 🙂
Well, i’m afraid to do so because idk how much space i need sometimes so it’s confusing even for me, let alone for her.
It’s not about personal space i think, it’s about me not being in the mood to talk to anyone, including her, and idk how long i’ll be like that for, so sometimes i just force myself..
-
AuthorPosts
