@anita

I didn’t pay much attention to that at first, because i am romantic and i like those things. But the truth is, i have only known how to be the one that is more invested in a relationship, never experienced the opposite. And with her i felt like i am “responsible” for something fragile (her feelings and trust) and i can’t handle such pressure/responsibility (responsibilities drive me away like crazy) because eventually i was afraid i would let her down. Also that being the one that invests more, kinda lets me “control” the situation a bit and if things go south i can’t be blamed. I know it sounds nonsense but i think this is how i feel in a way.

Weirdly enough, i didn’t feel cringe with my mother/grandma hugging or kissing me. I feel it strongly now with my father (he expresses his love every day, very intensely) and when my sisters hug me, i freeze and feel like i want to push them away. They know that i have this thing so they find it funny haha.

@Thomas168

I have never had any issues with going all-in with the previous girls, but it has never been this deep connection like the one with the current girl. I guess going all-in includes being vulnerable with them (which was the first time i did now, never did i share my fears with anyone else). You mean like the shadow self or the inner child? I think thats what they call it. By pulling back u mean ur feelings got suppressed and u became blank/empty like me? I am glad things worked out for you, i wish i could say the same 🙂

I think it could be, because ive never moved in with another girl before (just staying for vacation) and i know that i am kinda strict on needing my space in the house. Also the first time flying out of the country aswell.

Therapist said that i have a lot to untangle, it goes really deep, and its just our 2nd appointment.. She asked me if i find it strange that i lost feelings days after the girl confessed hers to me and i felt that she is more into me than i am into her.

I think i am afraid to lose the potential that i didnt get to explore with her yet, the dreams, the plans. Also a caring, trustworthy and deep-feeling person that i saw on her. I dont wanna be left with the “what if” because now im numb.

Alright i will try that when the rumination gets strong. But i dont know why it happens

Hello anita, i will get back to you soon, got to go for now 🙂

Yeah i guess thats for the best. Until i figure my own things out..

Hey anita

It did ease it a bit, but didnt bring my emotions back. I feel like im emotionally burnt out. Its not just her, its with everything and everyone, i feel like i cant give right now.

I will see psychiatrist for the first time in 15 days. and 2nd session with therapist in 2 days, still nothing.

Yesterday i opened her xmas present (i couldnt bring myself to do it earlier) and as i was going through half the gifts, i felt like my heart was gonna break and my chest will drop so i left it.

Hey anita

My timezone is GMT +2 🙂

Hey Alessa
We were fine, but she moved 200km away to work during the summer months (June-September) and around August she started pulling back a little, we started arguing and broke up by September. Wasnt toxic or anything, she probably realized she didnt want a relationship at that point (6 years later she has never been in a relationship ever since)

Yes for some reason it feels very important to me, having a person to connect and share my life with.