Yes exactly, like being high for months and then suddenly, boom! everything crashed..

I guess it ends badly 🙁

Hey Roberta, i will check it out tonight, thank you very much 🙂

Hey anita

We ended up watching a movie and in the first 30 minutes i would keep checking in my mind how much i like her, if im bored, etc and i would get uneasy, but i think i let it pass. We ended up video-calling for 7 hours straight. We laughed a lot, we also talked about some stuff and i told her everything about my black & white thinking, about the avoidance when i wanna text her, she said she feels the same.. think i self-sabotaged a little, tried to push her away and i would realize that i was doing it. She also mentioned something about guys from her job sending her follow requests on social and i got a dry mouth when i heard about it. I think it was jealousy reaction.
Damn, she is exactly the kind of girl i would fall for (and i did but where is it now 🙁 ), the humour, the jokes, her laugh, the playfulness of her character. I don’t realize how everything just fly over my head and i can’t feel elated 🙁
I would also be annoyed by the fact that i wasn’t feeling like the last time in the videocall, which i know is not possible but i still hold such high standards.

Yes i am trying to focus on the good things now, like bob ross was saying 🙂

Thank you anita, i enjoy talking to you too 🙂

I am gonna go to bed now though, let’s see what tomorrow brings!

Hey anita

I used to be like that before, many nights before going to sleep i would think of what i have and i would feel grateful and happy. Not anymore though 🙁

Today was a sad day full of ruminating but now i am calmer. How was yours?

That reminds me of a 2pac song!

You are right but the problem with me is i can’t let go of the thoughts, i grab onto them and i analyze them to death. Especially when its for a matter so concerning. I also believe that whatever it is im feeling now, is what im gonna be feeling forever.

Damn, i used to be so romantic, dreaming of finding a girl like her, a connection like that, and now i can’t feel a thing. Life is so unfair 🙁

Hey anita

Yes it’s like i am doing now with my feelings, therapist says i am intellectualizing them a lot, but idk how im doing that..

So what changed after u felt empathy for the little you? Also, you mean the dissociation, shutdown lifting and allowing u to feel?

I didnt see your last post before mine.

I suppose its normal but i’ve never given much thought to them. Can/should we change that?

I think i was/am the same as you, feeling alive through romantic relationships. How can we find that balance? Have you found it yet?
Hmm by music? Sadly i feel nothing when i listen to music nowadays 🙁

U mean the people pleasing or cutting people off? I’ve always found it to be weird when i would think about it.

Hmm, i do make scenarios in my head, that’s what u mean?

Yes but my mind still downplays this and thinks obsessiveness and jealousy/infatuation is the only way 🙂

Haha thats how i mark the beginning of all this just so we can understand better

Exactly, it would either be very low, almost no excitement for anything or very intense and of course intensity was more preferable for me, because this is the only time i would feel “alive”.