[quote quote=453828]Hey Confused:

It makes sense that you feel torn right now. You didn’t string her along — you were genuinely connected, and then your system shut down in a way you didn’t choose.

Missing what you had doesn’t mean you did something wrong; it just shows that the feelings were real, even if you can’t access them at the moment.

What you’re feeling now is painful, but it’s also a sign of overwhelm, not a sign that you never cared.

You’re not supposed to be able to ‘force’ emotions when you’re numb. Give yourself some space and gentleness — your system needs time to settle before anything becomes clear again.

You’re allowed to take time to stabilize before trying to understand your feelings. Nothing about this makes you a bad person.

🤍 Anita[/quote]

Hey anita

I know, i wish i could give her a photograph of the feelings i have for her and the plans i had for us. Damn system/mind, how did this happen i cant understand, i can never have what i want 🙁

I wish they weren’t, i wish i could just erase the whole 2025 from my memory, that would be such a relief.
Its excruciatingly painful. How did i get overwhelmed? Never happened to me again.

I am giving time but the feeling of guilt and self-loathing is eating me 24/7.
I feel like such an unlucky/bad person, i guess my karma is due for something.

Its very exhausting, constantly feeling like i have some unfinished business in the back of my head.

I know but its hard thinking i was the one that caused this, guilt is eating me up.

I mean fear of losing the possibility of having her in my life, because i value her.

Hello anita

I want to say a huge thank you for taking the time and effort to do all that, i really really appreciate it.
All of those things are spot on, an hour ago i was imagining her leaving me and panic rushed through my body. I really dont wanna lose her but i cant keep her while being like this. I dont know how long its gonna take for me to feel good again.

I would like to analyze all of those actually haha

I am off to work, will check again later, thank you very much!

Then i wanna fix this, perhaps with her. I know how it seems and its not like we were making big plans for the future, thats why i still want to explore this connection.
No i know she’s great, i’ve seen many qualities that she has over the months i’ve been getting to know her.
I dont know yet, i have to give more time..

Same here, good night

Yes but how can i connect it to the girl? I cant fathom

Btw, just half an hour ago, i felt a sense of “relief” in my body, like i am back to my old self (before i met her) and everything i wanted from her, the things i wanted to have on my future girlfriend, gone like they dont matter. Mind you, 3 hours ago i was hurting in the thought of losing her from my life. I feel like my mind put her in the “ex-drawer”. I think i feel calm but devoid of love feelings.

I think the second one resonates more, but i can’t seem to connect the two events.

Yes i mean i was mostly anxious/chasing but this time i was the chaser/fixer UNTIL things got steady, she “confessed” her feelings to me and how i made her feel in a poem that she wrote (which made me feel like something inside me shook), then we had the conversation that felt weird to me, then i lost feelings/dissociated.

I’ve always had this scenario in my mind, that maybe some day it would come to this but that wasnt a problem with me, if we had built a real connection for a year or two and we would have to decide, but this was too soon.

They were all short-lived (longest one 7 months), most of them toxic and i’ve always been the anxious/chaser, definitely not secure.