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PearceHawk

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 218 total)
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  • in reply to: daily letter of mina #169705
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Mina what amazing strength you have in the way you are handling this.

    Pearce

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Joshua Denney.
    in reply to: Descartes Square #169703
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Kevin it’s good to see you back as well. My trip was beyond amazing. What I experienced is something that I wish everyone would experience. How exciting, the home buying experience. The you get it you should have the obligatory new home move in gathering. Of course you don’t have to be there. Got ya covered. Scary image, huh? Please keep all your posts coming. I enjoy them.

    Pearce

    in reply to: Friends post relationship #169699
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Steven B so true the words of Anita. I would like to offer that for anyone achieving any kind of degree does not reflect the morality  of that person. Look at much of the leaders of this country. Many have advanced degrees yet many of them have a poverty in the moral department. Make what I call a correction in direction in your life. Not doing so will only delay many good things in life that you deserve.

    Pearce

    in reply to: My straight boyfriend's gay best friend- what's going on? #169697
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Dreaming I hope that when all here on Tiny Buddha have offered their opinions about your concerns that you are well on the way to a better relationship with your b/f. Not that the relationship is bad but what seems to be influencing it is not good, IMHO.

    Your b/f’s best friend may be his best friend in high school, but people change especially when alcohol is involved. When you said, “My boyfriend told me that his friend was coming into town and made reservations- but unfortunately his friend could only get a reservation for two, not three, because they were “booked.” So I had to miss out on the restaurant.” sounds like total and 100% BS on the part of the best friend. The question then becomes why did your b/f  agree to go to a restaurant with a guy that is interfering in your relationship? Let me see here…hmmm…go to a restaurant that includes you, or go to the restaurant with a guy who has no issue with interfering with your relationship without  you? To me that’s a no brainer. If I was your b/f I’d tell my “best friend” that either my g/f goes with me or we don’t go at all. I am struggling with where the confusion lies. I would like to offer that you step up, because it looks like you’ll have to be the one that does, and tell his best friend that the relationship you have is between you and your b/f, not him, that what he is doing is not welcomed and you will no longer tolerate it. I have a feeling that to tell your b/f you will no longer tolerate what this guy is doing will elicit a very interesting response. I say all this because I detest the behavior that people engage in that drives a wedge between me and my g/f.  I have no problem in preserving the sanctity of my relationship and the very personal constitution that defines it by stepping up and lay down the law.

     

    in reply to: Long Distance Relationship Woes #169693
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Emily I’m very happy about you filling that void you had in your life by dating this guy you are “crazy about.”  I hope it grows and grows. There is so much going on in your life right now that it is easy for me to appreciate your concerns. I am sure you have heard this before and equally sure that you will here it over and over, but LDR’s are very difficult to nurture. That comment was not meant to provoke you into second guessing your desires and expectations. I would like to offer that you try not to push ahead too much until the “partying, drinking etc.” concerns are addressed. At what level do you think his drinking is at?  You said, “…when we talk about it and he wants to change, it happens not even days later.”  When people say they want to change, to me this means change will happen but not right now, as evidenced when you said “it happens not even days later.”  Does he want to change because he wants to change to make his life better? If so why wait for better? Does he want to change for the better for both of you? If so why wait for better? I have had friends tell me pretty much the same thing about their relationship, one of the persons saying I want to change because those are the right words to say at the time, often times giving rise to false hope. All I’m saying is address the concerns you have first before you go much further. Move in together with reason to believe the drinking will subside drastically, or, move in together without the change and deal with your concerns while you live together.  To me that sounds risky. I am certain you are a very intelligent woman to not allow yourself to live with someone who wants to change his drinking habits but will do it when he is ready. I take issue with drinking because an alcoholic step-father destroyed my family. It was a drunk driver who killed two of my sisters in a car accident, with neither sisters being the one drunk. I admit it, I drink, water and almond milk. I also have a glass of wine maybe 3 times a year.

    In your opinion, could it be his lifestyle is what resurrects memories of your “fear of abandonment ?” You said, ” The fact that I can’t always be there to go with him or for him to come home to me is starting to have an affect.” In what ways does that effect you? How frequently are you affected by this? My advice is consider the things I said and please feel free to correct any misconceptions I may have. It won’t offend me. I can only learn from it.

    Pearce

     

    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Matt I respectfully disagree with your opinion that “Therefore, if you were someone poor who struggled with depression and you had a very slim amount of positive emotions in your life, then your life would not be that good.”

    “You would be experiencing very little good value and worth in your life and towards the helping of others regardless of how much you have made the best of your life and helped others. So, basically, I am telling you that if you are a depressed or miserable human being or artist, then your life can only amount to ****.”

    After returning from a year of rehabilitation to help me walk again from an injury I got in the Middle East, You cannot imagine the amount of profound depression I had. Paralyzed from the waste down for 9 months, learning to walk again took a year. Returning home from rehab in Germany I was homeless for almost 7 months. No job, poor, depressed, feeling worthless for YEARS, justifiably so, with a barely measurable amount of feeling positive. But the very small amount of feeling positive was the one thing I held on to. As a result of making a choice to not accept all the negativity I had I became stronger and stronger. It was not all those negative emotions that defined me nor did they define who I was going to be. It was I who decided who I was going to be and how I wanted my life to be. As a result of nurturing that strength, I am a very successful person both professionally and personally. I agree with you, my friend, when you said, “Therefore, if you were someone poor who struggled with depression and you had a very slim amount of positive emotions in your life, then your life would not be that good.” However, you are not correct in your assessment that “if you are a depressed or miserable human being or artist, then your life can only amount to ****.” with the operative words you chose “your life can only amount to ****.” My life did not turn out to “only amount to ****.”


    @Peter
    …My friend would you mind helping me understand what you said about “… reality is… illusion.” During the past few years I am learning more about reality being an illusion. I find that to be an exciting concept but I have a hard time understanding it.

    To both of you…recently I was in a discussion with a friend of mine about judgements. He said that judgement is based on perception and that is where prejudice is derived from. My friend did not limit prejudice to race but clarified that by saying we often times are prejudice toward something else as well. I found his comment to be interesting. I did not agree or disagree with this because for me the jury is still out. I am interested in what both of you would offer about his statement, and everyone else on Tiny Buddha as well.

    Thank you both for an exciting post.

    Pearce

     

    in reply to: He wants to take things slow #169463
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hi Lilly,

    What Anita said, “Isn’t it admirable if he didn’t say them because he takes them seriously, and he takes you seriously by being cautious this way? If so, you have a quality man which is something way.. way, way more of substance than a few words.” is solid gold. It can’t be said any better than that, IMHO.

    You said, “So we went away last weekend and it was so amazing.  It just keeps getting better and better.  I finally got the L word too! I was pulling back on how much I say it because it was a bit uncomfortable with him not saying it back.  But when we were away I told him how much I loved him, and he said it back, and then said ‘I’ve loved you for a while but i’ve been scared to say it’.I’m so happy, and he has said it on his own a few times since.  I really do love him and I haven’t really felt this way about a partner before and it’s so amazing.”  This is what you have been looking for. It is what you deserve. When you said, “… I told my friends that he said he loves me, and their responses werent exactly what I was looking for.” Their responses may not have been what you were looking for, but please remember what they told you was their opinion. What matters in your search for a lasting and loving relationship is what you think. Allow people their opinions as just being that, opinions. It is exciting to share what you deserve. I don’t think that opinions such as your friend’s are what validates the excitement in the quality of what you have found. What validates your relationship is you, your heart, and acceptance of allowing your new relationship to evolve into a happy and loving life together. Your “abandonment issues” are legit as well. I recently read something on this site that I think is pretty cool…”Your past was a lesson, not a life sentence.” I read this perhaps 2 days ago and those words helped me let go of some bad memories. How powerful, to have those words affect me so positively in such a short time. Reflect on your weekend together then think of how the opinions of your friend’s and how they made you feel and you will know which is more important to you. Embrace your new found love with an open heart and soul and watch it grow. Isn’t that exciting?

    Pearce

    in reply to: Looking for a Community? #169395
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Sharon I’m on it!!! I live in a sleepy village in California called Malibu.

    Pearce

    in reply to: Looking for a Community? #169391
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hi Sharon 🙂

    Thanks for getting back so quickly. I do appreciate it much. Thanks too for the clarification. I was just wondering.

    Anyway I am interested in joining. I can do this soon but not until the chaos of moving settles down-maybe in a week or less. I don’t see any need to change the graphic at all. It works and it’s perfect. Speaking to your question of “If the graphic were altered, would it increase the likelihood of you joining?” I kind of wish I didn’t ask about why men aren’t mentioned. It makes me sound like a whiner and I am the last person on this planet to whine.

    Thanks again Sharon. I’d wish you luck on your project but I’d be implying you need it. You don’t need it 🙂 I’m looking forward to seeing it grow, as it surely will.

    Pearce

    in reply to: Looking for a Community? #169381
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hi Sharon,

    Great idea that you have going. On the indiegogo site I saw the algorithm that I assume that you created. I am curious about one part of the algorithm. One of the questions asked is, are you a woman. Is this project meant for women only? Why was the question “are you a man” not included? Not to worry, I am not going to start bashing the project just because the question whether or not is the person a man not included. I don’t find that omission insulting. I still love your project and just noticed that.

    Pearce

    in reply to: Money owed by inlaws #169347
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Adrienne I could learn to be more patient from you. May I suggest that you send them a contract spelling out the terms of repaying the rest of the money. Send it registered of course. I would suggest adding to the contract a stipulation that renegging on their promise, or coming up with an excuse why they won’t be able to pay it this week or next will nullify the contract and a lawsuit will be filed. I hate to be a hard ass but if being one is what it takes to get that loan back then so be it. This may do some damage control on your relationship with them, providing they honor that contract. Should this come to fruition, I am confident they won’t ask you for a loan again. I don’t like having to get more assertive when it comes to asking for a loan back. You should NEVER HAVE TO ASK for payment. BTW what was his wife’s reaction when you expressed your being upset about their recent purchase? I would hope that they will acknowledge their responsibility of repaying you and avoid legal action. Unfortunately sometimes that is what it takes. I hope it doesn’t come to that either.

    I appreciate the response you gave. I wish you much success not only in this but in all you do.

    Pearce

    in reply to: Descartes Square #169341
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, my friend it’s good to see you my friend. As usual a fascinating post for I have never heard of Descartes Square. It seems to me that this is indeed a viable tool for decision making. Having no knowledge of this, on the surface it seems to have it’s limitations in that it is more useful in the corporate world. This is not to say it has limited or no value in our personal lives. For example, with me not being a part of the corporate world in any way, I think that the “higher ups” on the corporate world have an advantage in that they have more time to utilize this practice. They have more time to ask/ponder these questions in the corporate milieu such as the many meetings they attend. On a personal level I think it has great value when we consider “things” that we can afford to take the time to think about. Things such as taking time for a vacation, buying/selling a house, buying a cell phone for our teenagers. NOOOOOOOOOOO! But again on a personal level I think it has limited utility when it comes to a fire fight at home, that “spirited debate”, aka the fights all relationships have. I don’t think we have the time, or take advantage of the time available to us, to go through Descartes Square when engage in that all too familiar spousal fight. I prefer the term spirited debate.

    I would like to offer one other option that since I have now discovered Descartes Square. I call it Pearce Hawk’s Pentagon. In this scenario, unlike the square, this is a pentagon where when the issue at hand concerns a serious problem that affects me directly, there is one question I would add that makes it a pentagon. The question being, what is my contribution to the problem. Adding that can, I believe, enhance the questions in Descartes’ Square.

    I can assure you that I am going to include in my agenda today to get more familiar with Descartes Square since I think it can be something valuable I can add to my madness in looking at things differently.

    Good to see you again, my friend. Looking forward to what you think as always.

    Pearce

    in reply to: Problems #169335
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hi Jasmine,

    I hope that when you read this you are well on the way with a solid plan to make your life so much better. I found out many, many years ago what it means when someone says you don’t really know someone until you live with them. You post is riddled with describing the amount of anger you have. You also mentioned that, “he hasn’t been so kind to me over the 2 years…”. What is paramount is that you address the source of your anger first. Being that angry for as often as you say you do is operating from a very weak position. Being that angry over “stupid stuff ” does not allow you to interact with your b/f  in a more positive way. When you said, ” I know I should go see someone and tell them and maybe get help but I can’t do that, I am far too stubborn…” can you agree that the ways you have been handling your anger don’t work, and that anger doesn’t work? I do not mean to make my response seem to be me picking on you my friend, and not your b/f.  I don’t know what his issues are. My words come only from my heart. It’s just that when anger becomes the default response there is a tendency for that to spill over in to your other relationships, i.e. work, friends, etc. If it is true that you do in fact want to address your anger and discover how to have better ways to react yet you don’t want to see a professional for help, consider various books on the matter as a start. Anger in relationships on the level you describe are one of the many reasons for relationships to end yet we don’t see that possibility while are in that moment.

    I hope you have not taken my words in a bad way. I am not good with words to begin with. I just want to reach out to you just as you asked and hope that you are well, doing fine, and that your life becomes consistently more happy. Let me know…

    Pearce

    in reply to: Money owed by inlaws #169331
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hi Adrienne,

    I am sure you have heard it before, even seen it happen to others, now it happened to you. Money deals with family have been proven time and time again to be a very risky and even a dangerous proposition. I had been in that same situation with 2 family members to the tune of 6 figures. Like your family members, both of my family members are well off. As a result of my persistence in asking for the loan to be returned, my relationship with those 2 family members has been completely destroyed. The action I took was met with a hostile”how dare you threaten me” response. That threat was in the form of a lawsuit. 20k is a lot of money to let slide by. It is money that I bet you worked very hard for. For family members to get defensive when they are reminded of their obligation is totally unacceptable. I highly recommend you mention something like, ” if the remainder loan I gave you you is not repaid in full by _______ there are other avenues available to me that I am not hesitant to use to ensure I am paid what you borrowed.” Something like that. Here’s a caveat in doing that. When I presented my family members with a lawsuit, I never recovered the money because they declared bankruptcy. I didn’t see that coming. What I should have done was be more aggressive in pursuit of my 6 figure loan and retained an attorney in lieu of my threat.

    As much as you may not want to go that route, I would highly advise you to make that threat. Here are some scenarios I see:

    (1) For some strange reason they repay you immediately, unexpectedly, in full but I doubt that will happen. (2) You let the $11,600.00 slide, just forget about it, then you have sealed the deal of volunteering to be a victim. (3) You make good on the threat of a lawsuit, get your money back, and the relationship remains as it is, unrepairable. For some time now the relationship has been based on money, not an honest and trusting relationship. In any event, I wish you all the very best.

    Pearce

     

    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Leocube,

    I hope that today you discover peace and happiness in your life and that you find more people in and around your life that will embrace you with the love you need.

    The title of your post, “This is a rant, but please feel free to comment, I love to hear what you think.” raises a few questions I have that I hope you don’t mind answering. The first question is, what does your doll think about your “rant?” My other question is, if you prefer to adopt a lone wolf mentality, why would you “love to hear what” people think? Why would you care what others think my friend? I understand the lone wolf metaphor you use, however what Peter has posted, some insight by Lou Kavar, is a something I hope you consider, and, I am interested in your opinion of Peter’s post. As I peeled back the layers of your post I got a strong sense of much anger imbedded in your life. It reminds me of a story I was told many years ago…An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

    The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

    The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

    I think you have been feeding an angry wolf my friend. There is no use for such anger my friend. Sure I have been angry in my life many times. But that moment of anger allowed me the opportunity to question myself, as to why, of all the possible reactions available to me, why would I, why did I, choose anger. It’s about ownership my friend. I owned that choice. Not a good choice either. In the final analysis I realize anger does not serve me well, in any way. You said, “I want to move far away and leave everything behind and just live out the rest of my life with my doll, who understands me the most.”  In moving far away, to wherever you wish to go, realize that nothing will change. Life will continue. With reference to what you said about your doll being the one thing that “understands me the most,” one thing I got from that is that you have a long standing history of isolating yourself so much that for any person to understand you, it really isn’t a question of why people don’t understand you, it is more of a question as to why you prefer to isolate yourself. If you truly want an answer as to why people do not understand you, all you have to do to see the answer is to look in the mirror my friend, and there you will see your answer.

    Am I correct in guessing that you getting professional counseling is out of the question? I ask that because in doing so, getting professional counseling, would require you to trust someone to understand you. I am not sure why having other people understand you is a threat to you.

    I wish you the best.

    Pearce

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 218 total)