Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Thanks for your advice 🙂

Hi Anita,

No I don’t believe there was. Our relationship is very much based on humour, again why I guess talking to her about ‘serious’ stuff is always done in a playful way. We have never had ‘words’ with each other about anything, our relationship has never been strained. I missed a bit of information.. when I went round on Christmas Day & she said she had forgot to get me one, she went out to her back room & wrote me 3 little cards & gave them too me, again as her funny gesture. I guess this is just what we do.

I think sometimes I may need to assert myself, in terms of when we had arranged to do something on a certain date, with a months notice, yet cancels on me instead of the new arrangement she has made with her work colleagues. To me she obviously sees that cancelling me has less of an impact on her, than cancelling the other people. Or that she’d prefer to go to Bingo, than for a few drinks with us?

• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Poppyxo.

Hi Anita,

Yes I guess I do hide it with humour, but I guess it makes me feel awkward being serious, and also I don’t find using humour to assert a situation as a negative, as it then doesn’t hold the seriousness or awkwardness that a proper conversation would? As long as I don’t beat around the bush & for example ignore her texts for days because shes pissed me off or anything, then I think I see humour as a more approachable tone to use. No? I wouldn’t even necessarily say I’m angry either, if she doesn’t want to bother or see me then that’s fine – we don’t see each other a lot anyway, never have. It’s just the lack on her part.

Hi Anita,

I agree with most of what you’re saying. I just believe that if someone asks you to meet them half way (get them a card because that’s what they like) & you do meet them half way, surely they should meet you half way too? To be so sure of something that you pretty much ask someone to change to be the way you want, but not bother yourself? I think it’s a little poor. If a partner done that it would seen as narcissistic or controlling, so how come it’s ok for a friend to do? I just feel like I go out of my way alot & not get a lot back. As I said it’s always me texting, never the other way round, then it’s “you haven’t come round for months”.

Nextsteps I think you’re right.

I do try to allow that she is her & who & what she does & I am me & I know I cannot control her or anyone for that matter, but I’ve made quite a few changes to ensure her happiness. I just feel like when I make plans I’m not “put on the calendar” & when another event comes along she says yes & always lets me down, regardless of the amount of notice I’ve given … Why can’t she cancel the second event, the one she made after ours? Strange