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I know someone who has Schizophrenia and also some areas where work is given to people.
But for that I need to know where are you located and what education details you have.
What can I do to avoid this, my reaction is so involuntary that I dont get time to think before I react.
Yes this happens for a lot of people. It is due to the old conditioned mind to act out in the way it is used for some many years (or lives if you believe in past lives).
So then what can you do to break the pattern? Mindfulness is the best option for you. At the beginning try being mindful about very simple actions in your day to day life. Right after getting up in the morning start your mindfulness practice. On the bed after you open your eyes watch your foot going from the bed to the floor. Then watch your other foot. Then watch your steps. Each step walking towards the washroom. Watch your hand reaching the toothbrush. Feel the toothbrush touching your hand. Watch your other hand reaching the tap to open it. Feel the bristles while making it wet. Feel the water touching your hand. Watch your hand along with the toothbrush reaching your mouth. Feel the toothbrush touching your mouth. Do everything in slow motion like an action replay of any sport on television. Whenever possible practice this for the other activities in the day.
When you are able to do this for simple routine activities like these then you will be able to apply the same technique for emotional or anger, or behavioral issues too. And finally you will be able to live in moment-to-moment awareness of everything happening around you and inside you – which is the secret of all life.
I have gone through all of your posts. Yes it is true and most of the times talk therapy doesn’t work.
I recommend you to take a look at EFT for PTSD. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques.
There are several free articles and videos available on EFT itself. Its a self help technique and you simply to do it yourself. But if you aren’t then you can take help of a EFT practitioner around your area. If you are unable to go out then lookup for anyone doing it online too. There is also a book on Amazon “EFT For PTSD: Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (EFT: Emotional Freedom Techniques) ” by Gary Craig.
It can assist in changing the neural pathways of the brain, it targets the areas where traumatic memories are stored and hence rewire our brains. This happens because you tap on certain acupressure points while addressing your issue. I found it simple and I was able to do it myself. But if you think you are not in position to do it yourself then yes please take help on it.
I’m sure you will come out of it.
Take care dear.
I’m sorry for the late reply.
You need to chant the words either slowly or loudly or mentally however you are comfortable. You are definitely not saying to the guy you mentioned in the post. But then don’t bother about whom you are saying this. You just need to simply say out –
I’M SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME THANK YOU I LOVE YOU.
Please take a look at these links –
If you prefer an audio then there are lots of videos on YouTube too. And if you don’t like the tune or the way of rhythm there, you can create your own rhythm too.
take care 🙂
Are you able to share which country (sounds to me an Indian name) and which part of state/city you are so that I may suggest something I know.
Thanks for getting back. Yes please go through the self worth website. And another suggestion is to work on being assertive (and not aggressive). I see most of the issues mentioned are about not being assertive. About saying/doing right things at the right time. There are lots of books, online articles and videos on it.
Take good care of yourself, buddy.May 9, 2020 at 8:40 pm in reply to: Confused and seeking guidance on an unconventional relationship #354232
Thank you for getting back to my post.
Incompletion is whole and sadness is a part of it. All other negativities are the part of the same whole.
I am in full agreement with you about our innate need for companionship, intimacy, longingness.
“If I am not worth 5 minutes a couple of times a week, then what am I worth in his eyes?”
But this is what I am trying to explain. You are making your self-worth based on him and his actions.
“…down, this does not justify his failure to take 5 minutes”
Every expectation is about him, he not emailing, he not finding, him not writing the way he used to write earlier.
And Expectations lead to frustrations, most of the time. But if it is a “detached” one it won’t be difficult and if its an “attached” one they are going to lead to issues you are facing now. But its an inner work and right now you may not be ready just like you said.
“I do not know how to.”
This is why I am here. To suggest practical healing techniques (long term) and not just comforting words (temporary) where you feel lighter just by speaking/writing out.
I suggest you to practice the ancient Hawaiian technique of Ho’oponopono of self healing and forgiveness to work on your sadness, or even any other issues of the “spiritual” heart. There are articles on the web and videos on YouTube. I suggest you to NOT allow the mind to get into how/why it works. Just start doing the simple practice continuously for 21 days and I will be happy to know your progress.
Ok Deblina, do practice the simple technique of Ho’oponopono to help you heal quickly out of the situation. There are lots of articles and videos on YouTube where you can find lots of information about the technique and about its benefits.
When you see those kinds of deformed faces what do you do to get rid of them?
You can’t do anything as one cannot stop their thoughts, images in mind.
But we can surely replace it with something else.
Why don’t you open up your mobile phone or laptop and see happy smiling faces.
The other thoughts and images may come again but again you will need to replace it with happy, smiling, cheerful, face images .
I have read your post. Maybe I do not know your entire story. You mentioned that you miss the single life so I am considering that you are at a different location than where your wife is. Please tell me if that is not the case.
But what are your chances/possibilities/options of-
i. going back to the location where your awesome wife is
ii. having your wife to the location where you are currently (if that’s not a suitable location then point no. iii.)
iii. both of you move to a different common location where you could be together?May 8, 2020 at 8:34 pm in reply to: Help. I'm having trouble processing my emotions alone. #354098
I have gone through your entire post. You don’t need to worry about telling anybody else and expressing your frustrations to them.
I suggest you to lookup for “EFT tell the story technique” and start doing it. EFT stands for emotional freedom techniques.
It is about the same thing. Whatever you are writing in the post the same you can speak out loud even if you are alone, but while pressing the acupressure points on the body. Which points are those you will get it from the internet. You don’t need to worry about saying anything in a particular way. Just speak out absolutely whatever you want to say, but while pressing those points.
This tapping of pressure points will remove the charge of the emotions and you will fell a lot better. Even if your “outside” problems may or may not be there, but your “inside” problems will have dissolved.May 8, 2020 at 8:21 pm in reply to: Confused and seeking guidance on an unconventional relationship #354092
Maybe I will say something that you already know and some others in the past may have already told you about “your relationship with yourself”. That sounds common but there is a meaning to it.
Just for a moment think of yourself without this person (P). How does that make you feel? Based on what you have mentioned in the post it doesn’t look like you feel complete without him. Truly speaking there is nothing like the ‘others complete us’. We have to complete ourselves.
Is there a written guarantee that when both you and P are together that you will again have that “Reassuring. Warm. A feeling of the chest warming up in his presence.” May be it will be there initially but later on?
“I feel like a drowning person who has finally found a buoy to hold on to.”
Will this mean that if this person is not with you then you will drown? Then as I said above there is no guarantee and this can happen again. Then you are back to square one. The same feelings, the same frustration, then the need to have someone else in our life and the cycle continues. I can understand that its a human feeling but if someone else is causing us to drown then we are not on the right track with ourselves.
“I guess that I should give myself time.”
Yes I believe this is exactly what you should do but without having the need to make or break the relation with P. Maybe when he writes and email you can respond too and when you decide to meet you can meet too. But this time there will be a “detached expectation”. Meaning – even if he writes an email or calls me to meet or NOT, I am still fine with it, with myself, because now I love myself, now I am going to be happy with myself and nobody else will complete me. Being with him is beautiful but even without him I’m good. In that way nobody else can make or break you.
“Any advice on how to find the courage to end this relationship with my friends-with-benefits would be most welcome.”
So if you do as stated above, then you do not need to do anything. Because if you have “detached expectation” and if you guys interact again, interaction with him will be effortless. And if he does not contact you again, you are still effortless in love with yourself. And you won’t need any strong emotions like “courage” to break things.
“I am afraid that I will not find someone else”
I wish I could sugar coat things and tell you that “No no this is not true you will definitely find someone again”. Instead I will tell you the realities of life. There are so many people out there (including famous celebrities) who are good looking, have money, a good career, but are yet single even at a later stage of life. Nowhere I am saying that you won’t find anyone. But there is no guarantee. And even if we find, life will again throw its own challenges. It is not necessary we will have a nice, blissful, peaceful, loving relationship. But the only thing that would matter is a nice, blissful, peaceful, loving relationship with ourself….and then another person in our already existing beautiful life may come or go.
If you would like to see anyone else’s response too then please do read below.
“…then I sit here and replay things over and over to try see what I did…..It is a never ending cycle.”
I’m aware that just comforting words won’t work on the actual “healing”. That is only temporary. You will have to implement any of the many heart/soul healing techniques for a permanent healing to happen. You mentioned about giving a try at Ho’ponopono and according to you it didn’t work out. I won’t ask you like how was your practice, how many times did you do it, for how many days, how was the method done and for which issues……but I suggest you to do it once again this time. You should be doing it when the thoughts come to you like the one mentioned in the beginning of my post in italics. Why don’t you give a try. I am sure it is going to benefit you. Just keep chanting like a mad person when those thoughts/feelings come. 🙂
right now i need someone to help me cope up this situation.
I suggest to practice the simple technique of Ho’oponopono at other times of the day and especially when those thoughts come in the head or when you feel sad. That will only be your true “healing” of the heart.
Thanks for sharing your experience about the article on TinyBuddha. I hadn’t myself completely read it and thought from the title it might be of any use to you. Good that you took up a few improvement points from it. Regarding the title of that post it is actually the other way round. It does not ask us to be unkind to anyone. 🙂 It says that – we think that saying “no” to someone means we are being unkind but that is not the case. Anyways you can take what benefits you and ignore the rest.
I will suggest a website – increasingselfworth dot com
(Replace dot with an actual dot and remove the spaces before and after that dot just like a website address)
Please go through it. There are lots of good articles and free kits. I am sure they will be of help to you.