I recognize my personal thinking pattern in your situation. My brother can be very mean sometimes but still, when he says something to me it gets to me more than it would if the same thing is said by someone else. I think it has to do with respect. I respect my brother because he’s smart, everyone knows he is. Therefore, when he says: good job Regi! it feels better than when anyone else would say: good job Regi.

If you find out how to change that, please tell me 😉 but like anita mentioned, it’s part of human nature. What I think is that this need of approval from certain people has a direct link with the amount of respect you feel for them.

Regi

“I want to let you know, tshat he knows how much the porn affected me from the past, so he knows how much it huts me now. The problem is, if he had not searched for “big ass moms”, and just looked at normal porn with normal girls, with normal body types like me, I would forgive him. It is because of his specific interest in butts, moms and teachers. Everything that is not me.”

The fact that he searches for big asses and older women is nothing to be afraid of. This doesn’t say anything about you are your relationship. It’s just an innocent fetish 😉 Altough, the fact that he keeps watching porn is not ok. Do you have sex? Perhaps he’s having blue balls.

Also, it’s hard to know when he’s watching porn because you can’t always know when he does. Your trust is damaged, it’s hard for that to recover since you can’t always check his history, he can delete it.

Regi

You haven’t had the easiest life, but admire your spiritual growth at this point.

I’m a little confused because I don’t see a specific question but Christine, I think you need some time being single. Being single you can even further improve your mental growth and happiness. Being single I mean also stop having contact with boys who show they want more of you than friendship. Make fun with friends, focus on your bachelors degree !

Greetings

Regi

I’m only 22 years old and my life experience is lower than yours. But I’d still like to share my opinion.

I think you should tell her since it’s not the first time. If you don’t tell her she will do these things even more, because she thinks it’s easy to lie.

Depending on her personality she will react either defending or appologizing. In your situation I would approach her by explaining your feelings and her avoiding these tasks. Don’t ask her why she did that because she may feel threatened. Also, you know perfectly well why she did that, don’t confront her with that since there’s nothing to gain for you here. End the conversation with a smile. Don’t wait for her to defend, just say what you need to say. Rather show a kind face than signs of anger.

Hope this might help 😉

Regi

When trying to lucid dream you repeat a specific sentence over and over again in your head. While doing this you imagine waking up and remembering your dream. You also focus on visualizing dreams you’ve once had. You also count the times you repeat the specific sentence. Doing all this you won’t have time to think about other things. And the next day you will probably remember what you’ve dreamed. In stead of waking up and starting your day with a negative thought, you think: “Wow, this dream was intense!”

This is probably not a helpfull tip for you, I’m sorry :/ I only wanted to share this because this technique helps me very often.

Good luck abubin, I wish you the best