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Hmm… I think you’re right about the fact that his peace-of-mind state is his number one priority.
Altough, when my steph mom lived with us, all he did was care about her emotional wellbeing. He talked to her for hours and hours to solve her troubles.
What would you do? Accept him the way he treats me and try to not care about it?
“Even if you don’t remember anything, write “cannot remember dream.””: Interesting… This also helps? I didn’t know that.
“Go back to sleep but try not to drift into unconscious sleep, repeat the pphrase “this is a dream” as images start to appear.”: I will try this tonight! Thank you 🙂
Are you experienced with lucid dreaming?
I recognize my personal thinking pattern in your situation. My brother can be very mean sometimes but still, when he says something to me it gets to me more than it would if the same thing is said by someone else. I think it has to do with respect. I respect my brother because he’s smart, everyone knows he is. Therefore, when he says: good job Regi! it feels better than when anyone else would say: good job Regi.
If you find out how to change that, please tell me 😉 but like anita mentioned, it’s part of human nature. What I think is that this need of approval from certain people has a direct link with the amount of respect you feel for them.
Yes I still enjoy it, ofcourse 🙁 I’ll try again to make her stop.. The blushing will probably get worse but this bad relationship should end anyways.. No one can end this blushing and this relationship except me, by having the right mindset.
Thanks alot for your vision Anita
“I want to let you know, tshat he knows how much the porn affected me from the past, so he knows how much it huts me now. The problem is, if he had not searched for “big ass moms”, and just looked at normal porn with normal girls, with normal body types like me, I would forgive him. It is because of his specific interest in butts, moms and teachers. Everything that is not me.”
The fact that he searches for big asses and older women is nothing to be afraid of. This doesn’t say anything about you are your relationship. It’s just an innocent fetish 😉 Altough, the fact that he keeps watching porn is not ok. Do you have sex? Perhaps he’s having blue balls.
Also, it’s hard to know when he’s watching porn because you can’t always know when he does. Your trust is damaged, it’s hard for that to recover since you can’t always check his history, he can delete it.
At this point my mental health isn’t harmed (except for the blushing, but that’s not her fault), but from the moment I fall for her temptation she changes and my feelings change also. I get jealous at her boyfriend and she becomase manipulative.
I personally think I’m still the one controlling my mental health. As long as I don’t kiss her I’m cool.
You haven’t had the easiest life, but admire your spiritual growth at this point.
I’m a little confused because I don’t see a specific question but Christine, I think you need some time being single. Being single you can even further improve your mental growth and happiness. Being single I mean also stop having contact with boys who show they want more of you than friendship. Make fun with friends, focus on your bachelors degree !
I need to convince her that she can’t get me back because otherwise she won’t stop. She knows I’m weak for her temptation so she keeps trying to win me over. Eventually she will win.
Example: When I say that I don’t want her to talk about how much she loves me, she’ll talk about being lonely and being desperately in need of love. (This makes me want to give her love because I still have feelings for her. Not that intense but still)
Another example: When I tell her to stop touching me she will tell me that she wants to touch me. (Which I also like)
When I tell her to stop saying she wants to kiss me and have sex with me, she will talk about that she is in need for physical attention. (Which I also like because I want that too and she confirms that I can get that attention)
With every rule I set up, she finds something else to make me want her… I don’t want to ditch her as a friend, because I know we can perfectly be friends. I like her as a friend because she’s an entirely different person then. Right now I can laugh with her and she’ll support me with any problem I have.
When she’s conviced that she can’t get me back, she won’t try to win me over. I know her, she’s to proud of herself to flirt when she knows she has no chance for any result. I’m not saying I don’t like her flirty behavior but it’s to dangerous for someone like me. I really want to feel loved by a girl, but her love is bad for my mental health.
I’m only 22 years old and my life experience is lower than yours. But I’d still like to share my opinion.
I think you should tell her since it’s not the first time. If you don’t tell her she will do these things even more, because she thinks it’s easy to lie.
Depending on her personality she will react either defending or appologizing. In your situation I would approach her by explaining your feelings and her avoiding these tasks. Don’t ask her why she did that because she may feel threatened. Also, you know perfectly well why she did that, don’t confront her with that since there’s nothing to gain for you here. End the conversation with a smile. Don’t wait for her to defend, just say what you need to say. Rather show a kind face than signs of anger.
Hope this might help 😉
Since you don’t have that many friends I understand that you worry about it, I feel sorry for you.
At this point it seems like she has other important matters in her life. Perhaps you can try to be part of those matters? What is she doing all the time? And what did you used to do?
Altough, I’d try not to depend on this friendship, expectations can dissapoint you. Not that I am good at it :p but it’s worth trying.
“The functional purpose of shame is to point to a behavior that needs to be examined, and if found wrong, then to correct it.”: I think you’re right there.
To answer your question: It’s been a month and a half since I’ve kissed/touched her. She’s trying to win me over again, she says she regrets everything and wants everything to be like it used to. It’s very hard for me to resist her, she’s clever and very beautiful.
The next time she’s texting sexy stuff again I will try to tell her that this sexting has to stop. I need to convince her aswell that this madness has to stop.. Otherwise this will never end.
The blushing itself may not be my fault, that’s correct. But I shouldn’t have touched someone else’s girlfriend. Doing that left me nothing but this curse. I will do my best to not blame myself for this, I’ll try and remember that.
My brother said: “You can’t do any better than someone else’s girl”. If I could convince myself otherwise I think the blushing would stop, not sure tough. Don’t know how either..
Do you have any idea’s ?
Perhaps you’re right about that, fault may not be the right word. But still I feel like I only have myself to blame for this anxiety.
I discovered that my self-confidence is related to this anxiety. My low self-esteem is caused by not having a girlfriend when all my friends date wonderfull girls, even if they’re being a dick to them. That’s what my brother pointed out that saturday. So whenever a girl makes me feel good, the anxiety vanishes and I don’t think about it anymore. That’s pretty messed up because I’d need a girl in my life to fight my anxiety. This disturbs me :s
“I wish I helped others. But I don’t know if I am helping anyone.” You are 😉 solving someone’s problem is impossible, they have to solve it themselves. But you are helping, for sure. Your answers are neutral, mature and understanding. You can’t do more than you’re already doing. At least, that’s how I see it.
Don’t worry about missing this post, no problem at all 😉
Well, I did hate him for what he said but not anymore. This phobia is all my own fault, he just triggered it. Now I have live with that.. I hope it gets better in a month, I’ll have to defend my bachelor thesis in front of teachers and people from big companies. I can’t be in that situation with this blushing-anxiety…
Is your own anxiety the reason why you’re helping people on this forum? Because you don’t want them to feel bad?
When trying to lucid dream you repeat a specific sentence over and over again in your head. While doing this you imagine waking up and remembering your dream. You also focus on visualizing dreams you’ve once had. You also count the times you repeat the specific sentence. Doing all this you won’t have time to think about other things. And the next day you will probably remember what you’ve dreamed. In stead of waking up and starting your day with a negative thought, you think: “Wow, this dream was intense!”
This is probably not a helpfull tip for you, I’m sorry :/ I only wanted to share this because this technique helps me very often.
Good luck abubin, I wish you the best