Hi Jarier

The challenge of the practice of stillness is to remain engaged with life as it is, detached to ones thoughts and feelings (you are not your thoughts or your feelings you have thoughts and feelings) but not indifferent or apathetic to the thoughts, feelings, experiences you have.

 Maybe the saying is right, you need pain and dark days to appreciate life to the fullest.

I might say we need the tension of opposites to become conscious of our experiences.  The appreciation is that we Get To notice and Be  The appreciation of the bitter and the sweet does open one up to all the flavors… but I will still avoid the overly sweet and the overly bitter as I learn better 🙂

I find it helpful to know others have similar struggles and how each road though different is also the same.  I know that sounds odd but I enjoy a good paradox. They  provide my thoughts room to play so that I might not attach myself to them.

Some times I imagine my mind or thoughts (its difficult to separate the idea of mind and thought.) as a pet dog. I walk down a street or in a trail and watch as the dog  sniffs every tree, run about, checking out everything and then I call it back to heal. To quietly walk beside me.  Their is a time to allow one thoughts to roam about and play, to leap and engage… and a time to heal and walk quietly.

Other times as I walk I imagine my self as a wheel and moving the point of which I view the experience from different parts of the wheel. As a point on the outer circumference. One moment I’m rushing forward the next the falling towards the ground, the next  everything is passing, the next I’m looking up towards the sky.  A bit of a roller-coaster feeling. From that perspective its understandable that I  might feel overwhelmed.  Everything either rushing towards me or a way from me. Flying towards the sky or falling towards the ground.

Then I imagine the point of focus moving down one of the wheels spokes. Its scary because as I move down everything appears to be happing even faster. Closer to the ground and further from the sky, everything happening with less and less time to notice and respond to the moment. Everything even more overwhelming and scary. I want to retreat back to the top of the wheel, to what I ‘know’… But if I keep move toward the center of the wheel a strange thing happens.  The wheel has never changed speed yet from this center point everything becomes ‘still’. The up the down the future and the past viewed all together in the moment. Nothing has changed yet everything has changed.  Nothing rushing away, nothing rushing towards me. This is the still point of the turning world. A point from which I can respond (dance) to the moment as it is.

At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.” – TS Eliot

At the still point their is the dance… I enjoy a good paradox. They provide my thoughts room to play so that I might not attach myself to them….

Hi Emma

 I find myself struggling to even comprehend what’s written in a job description.  Corporate language doesn’t make sense to me, after years of working in small businesses and speaking vernacular. I’m told I should apply for jobs even if I don’t have all the experience they ask for, but it makes me anxious. I don’t know how to market myself well and doing what people tell me to – puffing up a resume or lying about experience – feels slimy.

Corporate language can difficult especially as each company may use similar words differently. Doing some research on a company your applying to will help

Yes apply for jobs your interested in even if if  don’t have all the experience they ask for. This does not mean falsifying your resume which would be slimy.

Focus and highlight the experience that does match as well as a ability to learn.  Things change so quickly today that what most employers really want is someone that can learn and adapt quickly even if they don’t mention it in the job description. The ability to learn is a major skill to have and be able to communicate.

You are not wasting the companies time by applying to positions you don’t have all the qualifications for. Most likely a computer will be used to parse your resume looking for key words before a human will look at it.

Learning to sell yourself in a cover letter and resume is important and their is a lot of online help available. I liked to use the personality tests like myers briggs to help find creative wording for specific qualities. Even the astrology, numerology, what color am I… can be helpful in thinking out side the box in describing abilities. You don’t have to believe in such things to find the way they word things helpful especially if your not great at such things.

Writing a effective cover letter and resume is a skill which can be developed. Every job you apply for is a opportunity to practice. I ended up creating a spread sheet of my skills and abilities with multiple ways to describe and communicate them. This way I could pick which ones fit the job description the best – words I used to describe my skills matched words the job description.  Again this is not lying or padding a resume. It is about selling the skills you do have.

I hope some of the above helps.

but I worry I am not good enough

No buts allowed! You are good enough and have every right to apply for positions that interest you and that you can see yourself succeeding in putting you best foot forward. If the company doesn’t respond or say no that is not about you it wasn’t the right job for you.  It really isn’t personal. They have no idea what a wonderful person they passed on.

A healthy detachment from outcomes is a key skill to develop when job hunting. Believe in yourself, be kind, be honest, be flexible, be creative, imaginative, open and go for it.  No but’s

I truly believe the following

“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”
― Joseph Campbell

Be open to opportunities you never imagined

It sounds to me that you have a mature experience and relationship to what it means to Love.  Hating someone who can’t be the person you want him to be would most likely be the ego demanding it could control what it can’t.

Its understandable that your disappointed even angry as you mourn the end of a relationship. In my opinion Hate is not necessary to experience disappointment and mourn the end of something that mattered to you not to mention the imagine future that will no longer be.   That said as Elizabeth noted all emotional reactions/responses are valid.  A contemplative practice would be to feel what you feel and allow them to flow.

The TV show 911 had a story line that dealt with this situation.  I liked how the writers worked through the issue which felt authentic to me. Anger, disappointment,  distance followed by a kind of reconciliation that leads to a extended family. It shows that it could be done when those involved allow what they are feeling to flow and not block them.  In that case the couple involved had children so creating and accepting the situation made sense. The path to accepting involved,  tears, anger and a lot of tough conversations. The key I think was maintaining a safe space to have those conversations.

I was reminded of a quote by Kierkegaard – “The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you’ll never have.”
I suspect this is where many people get stuck, unable or willing to let go of what they imagined the future might have been… If Only… and that they often hide that disappointment behind a emotion like Hate. So my feeling is that you are in a good place to feel what you feel and move forward. I wish you well.

I woke up thinking of WORM’s and want to see if I can articulate my thoughts and not make a mess of them.

In programing WORM’s are pieces of code that are Written Once Read Often.  Its efficient as multiple sub-systems can access the same block of code, saving time, memory, and energy.  WORMs are often embedded deep and not always tested to verify if the output remains relevant as the system grows. Badly coded WORM’s are often self validating.

Programmers tend to forget and overlook WORMs which are often created early in the development, influenced by others, and before fully understanding how each subsystem using the code are intended to function and interact with the system as a whole. What mattered in the early stages of development is that the WORMs worked and kept the system “Safe” in that moment and time…   with a assumption that the code will continue to keep the system functioning and “safe”

As you noted Murtaza, such “programs” provided the same input and conditions will always return the same result. Change and choice within such a WORM let alone an experience of control isn’t posable…. Well maybe if you change the inputs to the WORM, someone might argue…  not if the inputs are also defined by the self referencing WORM….  WORM’s within WORM’s, an infant loop infecting memory and performance.

Under the same conditions the same choices will be made.  Even if you had control over the variables (outer and inner)… under the same conditions and moment in time you could only choose to define them as they were defined, even if the choice was left to be random choice, the result can only be the same.   

I desire different and then the WORM, created by the mind, answers, different isn’t possible.  Even the desire for different which initiates this loop within the WORM is a hard coded variable built into the system. I do no choose the desire for different, better, change… I am set to desire different, better….

Such reasoning can’t be disputed. Such a WORM validates itself. – On the question HOW to change the WORM rebuts all suggestions. Such a choices can’t be made by me!

The stuckness and disappointment of an infinite loop. IF A then B If B then A…. To break out of an infinite loop a new third variable C is required. Note C does not replace A or B but works with A and B to initiate a reaction where together the three create as something new, D. That is the Law of Three.

How to not to find C: The consciousness that created the WORM can’t fix the WORM. The WORM will always be bind to C.  A new way of knowing and allowing is required to find C.

There are three kinds of ‘Knowing’: The mind, the heart and the gut.

The problem above was created by the Mind and so will not be resolved by the Mind. The task is to develop and allow other ways of knowing. Oh, but the WROM screams such a way can’t be my way, the system is set…  Quite worm, be still and wait… (I am not out to destroy you)

Its true we are born with a leaning to one of the ways of knowing, which in our first few years before “knowing” better can itself be incased into a WORM…. The minds way of knowing is the only why of knowing! screams out the WORM…. Quite worm, be still…..

A programmer might try to delete the code only to discover its so embedded that removing it creates system failures down the line. An act of will is not going to work.

Becoming aware of the WORM space could be created to notice how it is affecting the system. Asking: why was this code created, what did it serve? Thankyou for your service. What does it serve now? A path forward to quite the “affects” of the worm. Giving  the permission to allowing a different way of knowing that was always present but hidden behind the certainty of the worm?

A Riddle 
We work for that which no work is required.
The first step in a the exercise of free will is surrender.
Our head, our heart, our gut already “knows”.

Your mention of wishing you could rewind time reminded me of a new TV show – Ordinary Joe – about a guy who wonders what would have happened had he made a different choice at his graduation. The choice was a minor one, who to celebrate with, but it turns out one that creates three very different time lines. Actually Joe is the kind of Guy that panic’s when a choices is required and seems to prefer when others or situations makes the choice for him.  Of the three paths the show explores, all of them have their problems and missed opportunities.

Also reminded me of a Book THE MIDNIGHT LIBRARY by Matt Haig
Its about a woman who life has been full of misery and regret. She feels she has let everyone down, including herself and decides its time to end things. Between Life and Death she finds herself in the Midnight Library  where she gets to sample every timeline that every choice might have created, she gets to undo every one of her regrets and work out her perfect life…

Hi Murtaza

Five minutes after posting the bit about what I was working on I wanted to delete it. A attempt to understand my own thoughts, it was a mess and embarrassing.  Been such a weird headspace these last few months.

I do remember ‘No Country for Old Men’. So many people thought it was such a great movie and I hated it as I found it nihilistic. Giving up to the idea of fate, luck, chance whatever you want to call it is my kryptonite.

I hated the movie because a part of me feared it reflected a truth and my greatest fear. That accepting that as a truth, I couldn’t see how it couldn’t end in despair. And if that the case I want off the ride…

The above actually matches my Enneagram type, both its hope and fear. Observation/Investigation and Detachment is my gift but also my weakness. A healthy detachment and engagement can so easily turn into Indifference, apathy and disengagement. (odd how one’s gifts are also one’s curse, the thing to overcome. Batman is partially responsible for the creation of the Joker. You might argue that one does not exist without the other. But that may be binary thinking)

I also tend to let things happen but then become upset that things haven’t worked out as I think/demand they should have. My challenge is to remain engaged even ‘knowing’ at some level that thigs are and will be as they are and must be. That we are more influenced by things that our outside our control then that we have influence over. (As above so below having more influence then as below so above… still the latter is possible)

I don’t know Murtaza…. Do I think change is possible?

I’ve observed others that appear to do it….  Albert Einstein noted that “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” That a binary either or problem  requires a third “force” , a new level of consciousness, to create the new.  I think that is true but is a something that you can’t ‘will’ into being , one can allow it… A act of will which is  a letting go of ones will.  That is scurry which I guess is why most never do it. (The letting go of will is not passive but very much active engagement which feels like a paradox and likely why its so difficult. )

What are we accepting when we don’t choose… even if an illusion, is still a choice? Another paradox.

Like you I desire to have all the info before making a choice. Unlike you I don’t feel quilt when, as I almost always, get it wrong and desire a do over.  I do though often feel shame which has me wanting to crawl into my hole and disengage. Shame for being a something that is wrong more then shame for having done something wrong. So many places to trip oneself up.

What keeps me from crawling into a hole or immerging when I find myself in one…. I guess I still have a kind of hope. Hope that the “third force” (new level of consciousness is possible) might break the stuckness and point to a Fourth Way.

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” ― Albert Einstein

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

Hi 03

I think its good to remember the difference between like and love.  I’ve always thought that it was a good thing that the ask was to ‘Love one neighbor as oneself’  and not ‘Like one neighbor as oneself’  as it it always possible to Love someone (or ones pets) in those moments when you don’t like them. (even when Love requires a relationship to end)

I might argue that it is precisely in those moments of dislike when we lean on Love.

Liking and disliking will always  ebb and flow while Love is the one thing that can be practiced as a constant.

Jackie – So sorry for the struggle you find yourself in. Thank you for sharing as I think many can relate.

I read the following from Matt Haig today

A thing my dad said once when we were lost in a forest

We had gone for a run. About half an hour in, my dad realized the truth. “Oh, it seems that we’re lost.” We walked around and around in circles, trying to find the path, but with no luck. My dad asked men – poachers – for directions and they sent us the wrong way. I could tell my dad was starting to panic, even as he was trying to hide it from me. We had been in the forest for hours now and both knew my mom would be in a state of absolute terror. At school, I had just been told the story of the Israelites who had died in the wilderness and I found it easy to imagine that would be our fate to….

“If we keep going in a straight line we’ll get out of here”, my dad said

And he was right. Eventually we heard the sounds of cars and reached a main road. We were eleven miles from the village where we had started off, but at least we had signposts now.

I often think of that strategy, when I am totally lost – literally or metaphorically. I thought of it when I was in the middle of a breakdown. When I was living in a panic attack punctuated only by depression, when my heart pounded rapidly with fear, when I hardly knew who I was and didn’t know how I could carry on living.  If we keep going in a straight line we’ll get out of here.

Walking one foot in front of the other, in the same direction, will always get you further than running around in circles. It’s about the determination to keep walking forward – The comfort Book by Matt Haig