Hi Weiword

“Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy. The warrior’s approach is to say “yes” to life: “yea” to it all.” ― Joseph Campbell

Every myth and religious tradition has struggled with the question you asked. (often related to the question of why is their evil, pain, suffering in the world) The answer of the mystics is ‘YES’. However many will argue that the answer is No, get me off this ride and end the cycle.  Others that we broke Life (sin) and so must fix it.  (and we fix it by following the rules… and following the rules will be rewarded )

You have already noted that you have little influence on the majority of the suffering in the world you are witness too, and a intuition that a answer of No is causing you a great deal of discordance.   That a answer of No is really a ego thing, a attempt to control life and shape it to our will.

What if Life is not broken?

The reality of life is that it ‘lives’ off life, life eats life, that is its wonder and horror. (each breath you take is a sacrifice of life, a birth, a death and a reresection)  Is is possible to say Yes to that wonder and horror? I believe there is.

A No tends to go against the flow, against life, leading to resistance, tension, anger and fear. While a Yes enters into the flow where you actually can influence it. Think of the sky diver that has learned to use slight body moments to influence how he falls and avoid tumbling. Either way the skydiver is falling. They can fight it and tumble or relax, influence what they can an enjoy the ride.

The challenge is the temptation to allow the Yes to turn to indifference and a disengagement with life. (which would be a No)

A authentic Yes ‘sees’ life as it is, opening the heart to gratitude and compassion. A authentic Yes will avoid adding to the suffering of the world, alleviating the suffering that is within their power. This presents the challenge of learning how to be fully engaged in life as it is and “detached” from outcomes. (again not indifference) The tension between being contemplative (still) while active and engaged.

Many of the mystics talk about the ‘stillness being the dance’  the ‘ darkness the light..  It will feel like a paradox. How can one be still and moving? How can the dark be the light?  (the way out is not up but down, into the pain)? How can one enjoy ones gifts while at the same time participating in the suffering of others, of life? (without the need of anger and hate to drive the movement?)

Mindfulness, contemplation, gratitude, compassion…. action

Hi Felix

Sounds like you have a good plan in how to move forward. I also find that when I spend to much time following the news that I get disappointed, frustrated, angry. I wonder where is the compassion, the ability to listen. Why have so many hardened  their hearts as comes to the idea of forgiveness (I suspect many equate forgiveness with no longer be able to hold people accountable. A very unskillful concept of forgiveness). What happened to the idea of learning better and doing better. That we are more then the sum of our parts, more then a single moment in time, more then a single experience? Has the idea of zero tolerance lead to the idea that people are defended by the worst thing they have ever done.  No tolerance, no forgiveness, no room for learning better.

I can get very worked up and lose site of my own center. My challenge has been to maintain my center, the still point, while staying engaged in the world as it is. To accept the world as it and engage in and detached. That has always seem to be a paradox, the art of being engaged and detached at the same time. Their are times I can hold that paradox but more times then not I slide into a detachment that is really indifference. A work in progress

Anyway I came across the following the other day and it reminded me of this conversation

Yearning for a new way will not produce it. Only ending the old way can do that. You cannot hold onto the old all the while declaring that you want something new. The old will defy the new; the old will deny the new; the old will decry the new. There is only one way to bring in the new. You must make room for it. – Neale Donald Walsch

Easier said then done. I’ve notice that when I do spend to much of my attention on the news I slip into my ‘old ways’

A unlived Life will be projected onto others to the extent that it is unrecognized. What you devalue and reject in yourself you will criticize and castigate other for. What you fear in yourself you will flight or flee in others. What you lack in yourself you will depend upon others to provide. – Living your Unlived Life – Robert A. Jonson.

When I do fall back into the trap of my ‘old ways’ I am doing just that. As I pay attention to the news I find myself projecting my disappointments, my desire for control, for things to be other then what they are on others. A distraction  and in a odd way though wanting control my projections actually are a surrender of what control and accountably that I have.  Probably why I do it.

Anyway keep at it, what more can we do.

Hi Felix

The movie did simplify Campbells work focusing mostly on the surface of the Hero Journey and only hinted at the deeper question all Hero’s face. How to respond to Life As It Is.  Campbells work looks through the words of myth (symbolic language, transparent to the transcendent ) for deeper meanings. Objective language tends to be liner and limiting.

I would argue that the world we ‘live’ in isn’t the objective “real” one of the five senses. but a subjective inner one.  We have experiences that are of the five senses but then filter them through our expectations, fears, hopes… turning them into a subjective inner personal experience.  What is real? The actual event in which we actually have very limited knowledge of (we just think we have all the facts), or the inner one which we actually engage with. In trying to understand our experiences we turn them into stories and like dreams, when we look through the words we use, point to deeper truths. Chose the better story.

We work for that which no work is required and so we go around in circles. We experience both the objective and subjective worlds and live in neither. Demanding that only one be ‘real’ trying to force Life to conform. It is easy to experience inner peace sitting alone quietly by a lake… and then we have to prepare our supper only to discover we forgot to bring food. Life has demands on us regardless of our desires and intentions. We must eat.  The trick is to remain sitting quietly by a like while fully engaged in Life as it Is. This is the still point of being which is dancing with Life. Those words won’t mean anything unless one heads the Call of the hero journey, allowing the stories we tell (our way of being) to be transparent to the transcendent. It is the still point where acceptance is already and always present.

Hi Ashmitha

Is it normal to feel on and off about your significant other? Yes it is

My observations have been that many couples panic when they experience these “off and on” feelings and ‘feed the wrong wolf’  even when its a part of every relationship experience. I think its related with confusing the ideals of Love and Like Is is possible to Be in Love while at the same time not always be in Like? Yes.  I would argue its actually more difficult to Like someone 24/7 then it is to Love them 24/7 .  If I love someone I must also always Like everything about them. This type of relating often comes with a relating to the idea of Unconditional Love as being Unconditional allowing  similar to  the misconception that Forgiveness means the person forgiven is off the hook and can’t be held accountable.

The experience of Love and Loving is very much connected with the experiences of accountably, responsibility, meaning, purpose, sacrifice… so much so I don’t think the experiences can be separated.  If such is the case it would be very normal and likely to feel on and off about ones significant other.  A practice of Mindfulness and discernment might be helpful in determining if boundaries have been crossed that need to be addressed.

Hi Weirword

Its a great question.

There are those that argue that only the objective world is real.  If we can touch it, smell, it, see it, measure it, it is real. But when I see, smell, and touch an object the experience is filtered through memory, emotions, associations, and the experience something more, the inner world often at apparent odds with the objective one. What is real? Where is the Wonder?

To navigate these waters, we become story tellers – ‘At our most basic nature, we are social creatures who love to tell stories. Stories that may or may not be true, designed to be taken into deep consideration rather than believed.’ – In Ireland when asked if a story is true the answer might be a some Yes, some No and you are left to discern which is what. I’ve always liked that answer. Their may be an objective truth, yet the best stories touch something deeper, a inner truth.

How to teach a child to believe in a kind, helpful, and wonderful reality?

Your question reminded me of 1897 book ‘Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus’. A kind of question every child faces at some point in life.  ‘Does Santa Claus exits?’ is the question of what is real, the objective reality of sight, smell, touch, measurement… or that which touches something beyond measurement?  (is it a either or? I trust not, however society of late seems to prefer a imagined certainty of all or nothing… In other words the death of wonder) Is Santa Claus a true story?  Some yes, some no… what is it you wish to connect to? The wonder of generosity and Love or a reindeer flying not as metaphor but an impossibility.

At our most basic nature, we are social creatures who love to tell stories. Such stories often become Mythic, the “dreams of the universe”, stories that may or may not be true, designed to be taken into deep consideration rather than believed.

I might argue that a door to wonder is becoming conscious (mindful) of the ways in which we relate and engage in stories.

Joseph Campbell suggested that there are Four Basic Functions of Mythology.  Four ways to engage with story. In my opinion learning to be conscious of ‘which lens’ we are engaging with a story is the key to wonder.  – “It would not be too much to say that myth is the secret opening through which the inexhaustible energies of the cosmos pour into human cultural manifestations.” ~ Joseph Campbell

Joseph Campbell’s “Four Functions of Myth” From Pathways to Bliss

1. Mystical Function: The first function of mythology [is] to evoke in the individual a sense of grateful, affirmative awe before the monstrous mystery that is existence
2. Cosmological Function: The second function of mythology is to present an image of the cosmos, an image of the universe round about, that will maintain and elicit this experience of awe. [or] …to present an image of the cosmos that will maintain your sense of mystical awe and explain everything that you come into contact within the universe around you.
3. Sociological Function: The third function of a mythological order is to validate and maintain a certain sociological system: a shared set of rights and wrongs, proprieties or improprieties, on which your particular social unit depends for its existence.
4. Pedagogical Function: the fourth function of myth is psychological. That myth must carry the individual through the stages of his life, from birth through maturity through senility to death. The mythology must do so in accords with the social order of his group, the cosmos as understood by his group, and the monstrous mystery.

The second and third functions have been taken over in our world by secular orders. Our cosmology is in the hands of science. The first law of science is that the truth has not been found. The laws of science are working hypotheses. The scientist knows that at any moment facts may be found that make the present theory obsolete; this is happening now constantly. It’s amusing. In a religious tradition, the older the doctrine, the truer it is held to be.

In the scientific tradition, on the other hand, a paper written ten years ago is already out of date. There’s a continuous movement onward. So there’s no law, no Rock of Ages on which you can rest. There’s nothing of the kind. It’s fluid. And we know that rocks are fluid, too, though it takes them a long time to flow. Nothing lasts. It all changes.

In the social realm, again, we don’t regard our laws as being divinely ordained. You still hear it from time to time, as in the current abortion problem: God is talking to Senator So-and-so, or Reverend  Thus-and-such. But it doesn’t seem to make sense otherwise. God’s law is no longer the justification for the nation’s laws. Congress decides what a decent aim for the social order is and what the institution is that should bring that aim about. So I would say that in this secular society of ours, we can no longer really think of the cosmological and sociological functions as a problem.

However, in all of our lives, the first and fourth functions do still play a role, and it’s these that I will be addressing. We are going to find ourselves far away from the old traditions. The first is the problem of awe. And, as I’ve said, you can have one of three attitudes toward it.

The fourth function now is the pedagogical. Basically, the function of the pedagogical order is to bring a child to maturity and then to help the aged become disengaged. Infancy is a period of obedience  and dependency. The child is dependent on the parent, looks to the parent for advice and help and approval. There comes a time, however, when the individual has to become self-reliant and not dependent but himself the authority. Now here we come to a distinction between the traditional attitude toward this problem and the contemporary Western one. The traditional idea is that the adult who has moved from dependency to responsibility should take over without criticism the laws of the society and represent them. In our world, we ask for the development of the individual’s critical faculties, that you should evaluate the social order and yourself, then contribute criticism. This doesn’t mean blowing it up. Nor does it mean blowing it up before you’ve found out what it is. ….

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Peter.

Though it still has me questioning whether or not I am doing something wrong and more specifically but maybe I’m trying too hard and that’s what’s putting people off and they disappear.

Hi Sofioula

I very much relate, and wonder myself if my own attempt at finding better ways to relate to expectations wasn’t really a attempt to manage them and avoid disappointment.  As in all things I guess a balance and healthy bounders are required. To have reasonable expectations without allowing those expectations to close the door to other possibilities.

I don’t know why it so difficult making and keep in friends. Why for some people it seems effortless while for others nothing seems to work. I hope you find your tribe and wish you well.

Hi Greg

It sounds like your really struggling and I’m sorry to hear that.
You may be surprised but I’ve meet many people who have had similar thoughts and feelings. Praying, wishing, longing to ‘just disappear’. I wonder if we all at some point in our lives haven’t had that thought as well as that longing to find the right person who will fix everything for us and make us ‘happy’. Its not a great place to find oneself but perhaps there is some comfort in that your not alone.

Am I correct is implying you are a person of faith? Early on in my own experience of belief I feel into the trap of magical thinking. I trusted that If I followed all the rules, did everything ‘right’  God would magically fix my life as I desired it. When things didn’t work out, well I must have broken a rule and was being punished. Life was not going as I hoped and I began to feel very bad about who I was. I couldn’t like myself so how could I expect others to like me… even God.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t working towards my goals and dreams so much as I expected God to do most of the heavy lifting.  I wanted to “win the lotto without buying a ticket”. I wasn’t saying No to life but I wasn’t saying Yes either. I was trying to fix life… well praying that God would fix it for me. The theology of reward and punishment was not working and I needed take a closer look at what I believed.

I have since come to develop a better relationship with Life, God and myself. My prayers tend to be more about listening then pleading as I attempt to enter into the flow of life. We are I think co-creators in our experience. We are influenced by life, often in ways that we wish were otherwise, but we also get to influence life. The intention is to spend more time focused on what I can influence.

So here is the question. What would life look like if you were able to stop pleading that it be different then it is and instead engage with it as it is in the moment? Eyes open for the path G_d is providing you? Could you take a breathe, accept were you are and take a step towards your dreams without forcing life to conform to our ego desire that it look and be a certain way? Open to possibilities to arrive at a place totally unexpected? Like will attract like and others are attracted to people who are able to flow with life while at the same time engaging it. That may sound like a contradiction but it isn’t.

The art of doing by not doing. The engagement between Contemplation, mindfulness, stillness and Action.  The holy grail. Imagine being able to fully engaged in the whirlwind that is Life and in the same moment be still, quite, content… God and life will provide plenty of opportunities the practice, more then we may want.  What we practice… is ours.