Hi Emelie

Reminded me of a book I read: Between Trapezes: Flying into a New Life with the Greatest of Ease – by Gail Blanke

“But what if we could learn to embrace uncertainty and propel ourselves forward with a sense of curiosity and adventure, rather than fear and trepidation?” – Gail Blanke

Sometimes, I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I’m either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments, I’m hurdling across space between the trapeze bars.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are the illusions we dream up to not notice the void. Yes, with all the fear that can accompany transitions, they are still the most vibrant, growth-filled, passionate moments in our lives. And so transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to “hang out” in the transition zone — between the trapeze bars — allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens.

It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening. Hurdling through the void, we just may learn to fly. Judy Banks

Looking forward to hearing what happens Next

stay calm and things will happen as they need to happen. I just need to be patient and wait?

More like be patient and engage in life as it shows up. This is not a passive waiting, but active being.

As you engage with life pay attention to what you allow your attention to attach to.  Notice, learn and allow the moment to flow by detaching your attention. Participation in the flow entails noticing whey you are attaching your attention on a memory, frustration, fear or some such. When you notice feel it and check into what is real. (Fear is more often then not False Evidence Appearing Real). Once you identify what is “real” you will be in a better position to allow your attention/focus to move on to the next moment. Eventually you will discover what you’ve been looking for.

(We think we can keep a moment from flowing by attaching and holding onto it but that is a lie. The moment flows regardless of what we do to try to control it so might has well respect that reality and participate vice attempt to stop the flow. More often then not its our resistance that creates the worry not the actually event.)

if I go through life always trying to do the right thing, why do I keep getting all this stuff back?

I’ve always struggled with the idea behind the theology of reward and punishment which as you ask is a belief that if I do all the ‘right things’ obey all the rules I will be rewarded. Such notions do not exist in nature where the rain falls on the “good”  and the “bad”.

Then there is the idea of “the Secret” where like attracts like, so if I’m positive, positive things will happen to me. The rub being that I must to my very core be “positive” which requires that I do the work to “”Know my Self” which requires embracing the negative and the positive within our selves. Misunderstood  we end up putting on the face of positively pretending all is well when we are hurting.

Or Karma mistakenly  associated with Justice. Good things must happen to good people bad things to bad people as that only fair. If I desire that “karma” will punish those that have harmed me… what karma am I putting into play?

I think it should be enough to do what is right because you feel it is right and that that is who you are. There are no mistakes other then those we don’t learn from. Learn better, do better what more can you ask of yourself?

Positivity is great however if your suppressing your feelings in order to do so that is not positivity.

One day the farmer’s horse ran away. His neighbor hears of his bad news and comes over to commiserate.
“I hear that you lost your horse. That is bad news and bad luck.” “Well, who knows?” said the farmer, “Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t.”

Well, the next day the farmer’s horse returns to his stable, but it has brought along a drove of wild horses
it has befriended and who make themselves at home. The neighbor across the way can’t believe what he hears about his friend. He decides to come over and congratulate him. “This is such goodness,” he says. “Well, who knows,” said the farmer, “Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t.”

The next day the farmer’s son decided to ride one of the new wild horses, to break it in. As luck would have it, the son was thrown from the horse and broke his leg. Of course, upon hearing this sad news, their neighbor came over to offer condolences. “This is such sad thing,” he said. “Your son has broken his leg. This is bad news.” “Well, who knows,” said the farmer. “Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t.”

On the following day soldiers came by commandeering and army. They took sons from most of the surrounding farms, but because the farmer’s son had a broken leg, he could not go and was spared. And well, maybe it was good news and maybe it wasn’t. Who knows what is good and what is not.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by Peter.

Paul

help me find a meaning and purpose to my life

Which come first the chicken or the egg, the fever or the cold, the depression or search for meaning?

It kind of ironic however its possible that it is the search for meaning and purpose is feeding into your depression instead of engaging you to life

The issue with meaning and purpose is that people think they know what they want when they use those words. The problem is that the search itself can be the very thing keeping us from experiencing the very thing we are searching for.

Meaning and Purpose do not exist in the natural world. Not in the way that we tend to think about those words. A flowers purpose and meaning be a flower. Growing is not the meaning or purpose, being is, the flower itself, as it is, is purpose and meaning. In becoming the flower gives meaning to Life, Life does not give meaning to the flower. And that is a big difference of perspective.

You, as you are, all your struggles and accomplishments give Life meaning and purpose. You are meaning and purpose. All that you do and are is done with purpose and meaning even taking out the garbage.

Reading your post, I don’t think the search of meaning and purpose is troubling you as much as being lonely and in a kind of rut. The experience of meaning and purpose are often tied to the experience of being in relation to others.  When we are witnessed by others it is more likely (easier) that we can accept ourselves as meaning and purpose.

My Advice for what its worth, is to let go of your “search” for meaning and instead engage in Life as it presents it self to you. Opportunities to engage with others will present themselves to you. Say Yes

In a dream, the dreamer is the creator, as such everything in the dreams, object and subject is the dreamer. At this level of consciousness the dreamer is both object and subject (the second vibration of Om)

In other words the dream is about your mother, not you and not your ex. If there is meaning in the dream your mother would have to dig into it.

Dear Udayachandru:

A search for Happiness is a sure way never to find it. The problem is that such a search tends to require us to ‘measure’ each moment and we suck at measuring our experiences. One we tend to focus on the negative. For example during a day four events might stand out, one we measure as bad and 2 measure as  Good and one measured as Great. Then when it comes to the question of am I happy we tend to focus on the bad event and so we measure ourselves unhappy or numb.

You might also find nothing ends the experience of being happy quicker then labeling it.  Oh look at me I’m happy,,, dang it where did it go, why can’t I hold on to the moment, how can I re-create it again… why am I so unhappy….

I assume as your on a Buddhist site, even though a tiny one 🙂 , that your willing to engage in practice. This practice might include noticing your attached to this idea of happiness, notice and then detach your ego consciousness from it. In this way you may learn to enter into the flow of life and spontaneity. I think you will discover that more often then not you will discover moments in which you are surprised by joy, grateful for the moment as you enter into the next.

Hi Tara

With regrades to the question:  What do you think would be the most helpful as you are learning about being mindful and actively seeking your life’s purpose? And How could I be the best instructor possible?

Let go of this idea of Purpose which is completely subjective and honorably misunderstood.

He has a new partner, a good life. Why does he insists on being friends?

Its possible that at a sub-conscious level your a safety net and or its a power thing. (I think its a power thing) Regardless he isn’t respecting your needs so no your not being selfish… he is. I suspect your angry because deep down you know this – its him… not you, no matter what he tells you.

Some doors are best left closed. If you keep It open, even just a crack he’s is going to try to open it.