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  • #384597
    Murtaza
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>You dislike the idea discovering that others have already had similar thoughts and ideas as your</p>

    I dislike liying, which is what people do when they compare, if you gonna compare, provide evidence, the only evidence im gonna accept is that if you live the same way i do, think the same way i do, react the same way i do, act thr same way i do, do you?

     

    My evidence of being unique is clear in what i believe and what i value, and NO its not because i wanted to be unique, i didn’t exactly choose to be a Muslim then be an atheist then be a skeptic, dismissing any human made label because i don’t identify with i, i tried to fit in with society, not just in real life, online too, but i realized its full of shit, do you want more proof of my difference?

    #384607
    Peter
    Participant

    My evidence of being unique is clear in what i believe and what i value, and NO its not because i wanted to be unique, i didn’t exactly choose to be a Muslim then be an atheist then be a skeptic, dismissing any human made label because i don’t identify with i, i tried to fit in with society, not just in real life, online too, but i realized its full of shit, do you want more proof of my difference?

    You are very unique thought IMO not in the ways you think your are unique. No one choose their parents or heritage and in that we are all the uniquely the same.

    Your responses to everyone have never wavered which is unique. You say your are certain of very little while  your responses indicate come across as being very certain, a contradiction that not so unique.

    No one thinks or feels as you thing and feel – which is true of everyone, no one can know what another thinks or feels. A difference here is that  attempt at empathy seems to be experienced by you as a lie. Which I guess in away it is.  that you don’t relate well to these attempts at empathy does make dialog frustrating. I imagine those seeking relationship with you might also find that frustrating.

    You seem very linear, certain, and objectively reasoned with your sense of… can’t use the word self… how it is you view you? That seems to be leaving you if not unhappy, happy in your ‘you’ inflected victimhood?

    In general the advice most of those have given is for you to try to step outside this literal objective linear world view and ‘play’ with the abstract. That your relationship and philosophy to the concept of ‘normal’ is so unskillful, its off putting for anyone willing to engage with you. Life philosophies are not only objective, they contain a subjective abstract aspects as will. If your life philosophy seems to be making you a victim and miserable… doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result…

    If what your doing and the way you think isn’t working for you then do differently in whatever way different might look to you. If you don’t what to change then don’t’, but don’t look for others to take on your life philosophy, which you agree is miserable, onto others just so that you might not feel so alone. I wonder if that’s not your goal to get others to embrace your world view and joy you in your not so very unique victimhood and miserly.

    You keep asking for understanding but refuse to  attempt to understand others your so certain you know what they think and feel. Normals.

    The advice is always going to be the same from us Normals. If you don’t like your experience, try doing something different. Get help, don’t get help, but try different.  If you want to engage in ideas, detaching your certainty of this sense of you and enter into the abstract, (think outside the box you acknowledged you have put yourself in).

    You want better engagement then drop the condensing concept of normal and uniqueness.

     

    #384608
    Murtaza
    Participant

    I honestly didn’t understand your point, i feel your answer gonna be “because you don’t want to”

     

    You say your are certain of very little while  your responses indicate come across as being very certain

    Because i don’t look for validation from people (maybe i did sometimes, but not anymore at least) im very sure of what im doing is the only right way for me, and i will dismiss any advice, because no one knows my life the same way i do, and i didn’t come here to be “helped” my posts is as pointless as my existence.

     

    I have my doubts, i have lots and lots of weakness, but i learned not to show them, they would only reflect thier values and beliefs, no one would actually tell you the truth, that its maybe better to do it, i don’t need people to say it, in my above post, my only goal was connection, im so desperate for it, i don’t know how to get it, the only way i come across the feeling of being connected is when i argue with people about my life, i wish there was another way, i probably shouldn’t make any posts, waste people time, but i don’t care anymore about other people.

     

    a contradiction that not so unique.

    In this regard i very much look like any other iraqi, very troubled, very passmstic, i don’t claim to be unique in this side, my claims were always beliefs and values, i don’t believe in anything, i don’t value anything (just few things), this what makes me different, i don’t subscribe to any label or any human made philosophy, i don’t care to read any mans thought about anything, because i don’t believe there is any geniuses, or great men, just normal men, who was programed to do what theg did, if they didn’t do it, another will, everyone is replaceable, everyone doesn’t matter.

     

    No one thinks or feels as you thing and feel – which is true of everyone

    You seem to forget that thinking and feeling differently can interfere with how you live life, how you react to it, everyone live the same, they might think a bit differently, but not so much that it interfere with thier reality.

     

    how it is you view you?

    Two, one was programed to be someone, one that developed some logic and thinking on what to do, both were made by environment and genes.

     

    no one can know what another thinks or feels.

    I disagree, people do know, when you lose someone, or something, you feel sad, people understand this, come to make you feel better, i don’t feel sad easily, i only feel sad about the things i wanna feel sad about, when i lost my father, i wasn’t sad, i don’t respect him, and i don’t value him, i don’t respect my mother, i don’t value her, although she got no control on what she is and what she do, give me a person, one person that think or feel the same thing, everyone is so brainwashed about worshipping thier parents, not because any logic, but because society tells you to do so.

     

    I don’t value anyone or anything just because they happened to be my parents, no fuck that, everyone is the same to me.

     

    In general the advice most of those have given is for you to try to step outside this literal objective linear world view and ‘play’ with the abstract.

    Doesn’t matter how i think or feel, how i approach life, i will never get real love or real connection, just because im too aware of the fake ones.

     

    If your life philosophy seems to be making you a victim and miserable… doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result…

    So im not a victim? I live in iraq, a third world country, the people in it still believe in ghost and a man made 1400 year old religion, men see me as less, my whole life they always made me feel this way, women don’t even wanna engage with me, not because what i say or do, because of who i am, i can’t get a real connection even if i dream to, i can’t get real love, i hate wasting my time for moeny, i hate being prisoned in a work that mostly physical and hurt your body, for only minimum wage, just to live, im an introvert, in a country where men suppose to be very extrovert, and if you aren’t, they will shame you for it, all jobs requires you to have connection, all jobs requires you to have people that you know, to be extrovert, to be fake, basic needs is highly expensive, and i don’t dare to ask for them, i don’t dare to say i deserve them, i got a mother who knows nothing about life, a father who lived in his room the whole time i was alive, a brother that used to bully me, my childhood friend almost molested me, a teenage years where i did some horrible things, things i don’t even like to think about, i spent my whole childhood and teenage with shame, i don’t even wanna say for what, because its too unpleasant and no one wants to hear it, i failed at school and i blamed myself so hard, no one cared, my mother blamed me, shamed me, a god that tells you to be greatful for your awful parents, to be greatful for being alive, thankful, i had so much shame when i sinned, so much that i hated myself so much, i sadly got alive after three years of intese shame out of something very silly, after that life didn’t mean anything, i might as well did it then, lived the rest of my life, full of weakness, shamed by this weakness, alone my whole life, and i did something for myself, developed my own philosophy, developed my own way of living, everyone tells me its wrong, everyone tells me its bad, and i should do this and that, fuck them all, i live my way, or not live at all, i don’t care what you or teak or anyone think, you think im victim, sure, go ahead, it doesn’t change anything.

     

     

    #384611
    TeaK
    Participant

    Hi Murtaza,

    you were hurt and suffering as a child. Here you described it:

    i got a mother who knows nothing about life, a father who lived in his room the whole time i was alive, a brother that used to bully me, my childhood friend almost molested me, a teenage years where i did some horrible things, things i don’t even like to think about, i spent my whole childhood and teenage with shame, i don’t even wanna say for what, because its too unpleasant and no one wants to hear it, i failed at school and i blamed myself so hard, no one cared, my mother blamed me, shamed me, a god that tells you to be greatful for your awful parents, to be greatful for being alive, thankful, i had so much shame when i sinned, so much that i hated myself so much,

    Here is you trauma and your wound (described in simplified terms, but nevertheless): lack of love, compassion and understanding for you, inflicted upon you by your parents, your older siblings, your relatives (you mentioned your uncle), your friends, and the entire society. You were blamed, shamed, bullied and mistreated by people who were supposed to love you, and their mistreatment was condoned and encouraged by the society, because in your society, you need to respect the elders no matter what they do to you. And you need to become what they expect you to become, otherwise you are seen as weak and a loser.

    That’s a severe trauma and very hard conditions to live in for a young child and a teen. No wonder you broke down and developed extreme shame and anxiety. No wonder you felt trapped and helpless, because there was no one to turn for help, or the help you were getting was inadequate.

    You couldn’t bear the shame, you couldn’t live with it any more, it was killing you. And you also couldn’t bear the loneliness, the lack of love, affection and bonding – all natural human needs that weren’t met in your childhood. That too was killing you. So you found a way to help yourself:

    i did something for myself, developed my own philosophy, developed my own way of living, everyone tells me its wrong, everyone tells me its bad, and i should do this and that, fuck them all, i live my way, or not live at all, i don’t care what you or teak or anyone think, you think im victim, sure, go ahead, it doesn’t change anything.

    So you found a philosophy that helped you not to feel the intense shame and guilt, that helped you love and accept yourself as worthy, rather than worthless. In this philosophy, you’re not blaming yourself, unlike everyone else blamed you, but you are blaming your genes and the environment. And with this, you are actually loving yourself in a way, because at least you are not blaming yourself. You did find a way to protect your sanity.

    And so, I want to acknowledge here that what you did – inventing a philosophy and a worldview which enables you not to feel intense shame and guilt in an extremely shaming and judgmental environment – is something you did out of love for yourself. So yes, this was love, because it protected your sanity and protected you from the judgments of the cruel external world in which you were living.

    However, the problem is that your philosophy only dealt with your shame and guilt. You don’t feel shame and guilt any more. But it didn’t help you with your second biggest problem, which is having a loving relationship. It is counter-productive for developing a deeper bond with people, and it shows on this forum as well.

    So you would need to understand that what protected you from shame and guilt won’t get you the love you crave (you are trying to reduce your craving and numb yourself, but the desire for connection is still there, and it’s a natural desire, so don’t suppress it).

    Your “cure” has its limitations and its very bad side-effects. I and everybody here are suggesting a different cure. A proper cure for your problems, that will eventually help you have satisfying relationships as well. Because with your current approach, you won’t be able to have them.

     

    #384623
    Peter
    Participant

    I honestly didn’t understand your point, i feel your answer gonna be “because you don’t want to”

    I don’t know maybe. Your responses never change and you appear to deliberately misunderstand those who respond to you.  For example someone uses the word ‘self’ and you demand a definition and miss the point. It comes off as being initially obtuse.  Language is limited especially when expressing personal experience. Words like ‘I’ and ‘Self’, illusion or not, arise naturally in the attempt to communicate. Try talking about a experience you had without the word ‘I’

    That’s one of the difficulties communicating with you. You demand a term be defined, often suggesting that you are making a philosophical point but then reject any philosophical response as valid. As someone, the past, trying to tell you what to think… Its very confusing

    You post on a site called Tiny Buddha and reject anything related to the tradition even as you express concerns  as it come to suffering and such that the tradition has been attempting to answer for thousand of years.

    You pick apart every comment of those responding to you without it seems doing the same for your own where you often contradict yourself from sentence to sentence? I think this picking apart allows you to dismiss or not even see the point someone was trying to make.

    So im not a victim???

    And there we find your stuckness which you have turned into a life philosophy – you are a victim of your circumstance while no one else is  – the blessed normal’s.  Hate to break it to you but everyone one is a victim of their circumstances no one chooses.  The task is to live the life your given.  That you refuse the task because ‘poor you’, if only…  Its not a unique answer to the task.  I would even say it’s a valid response, if unskillful, but only if you own it. You can refuse the task without being a sad sack.

    So yes my answer is that I don’t believe you when you say you want different when your so intrenched in your victimhood and concept of normal. Life devours Life for Life, boohoo. I don’t believe you are looking for a way out. I think you want to pull others down into your life philosophy.

     

    #384634
    Peter
    Participant

    I posted in another thread – That I tend to respond to posts that I relate to. Where I attempt to understand my own thoughts by replying so recognize their is some projection on my part. I have had similar thoughts as you with ‘how funny life works’, stuck in my own victimhood, my own contradictions of wanting different but not doing anything different, loneliness, being misunderstood… And so in such virtual environments I often wonder if we are (I am) talking to myself.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by Peter.
    #384641
    Murtaza
    Participant

    And there we find your stuckness which you have turned into a life philosophy

    Yes, i expected that you gonna say that, you see it as something bad, i see it as the truth, my stuckness isn’t this, its lack of reward, lack of purpose, but don’t believe me

     

    you are a victim of your circumstance while no one else is  – the blessed normal’s

    I didn’t say that, but im gonna give you an example, a reality, anita suffering wasn’t only by her parents, i even dare say it wasn’t that at all, i like to imagine evil exist, and it could be infected to a child, what hurt her the most (in my opinion) is the normal people, the constant misunderstood and blaming and shaming, because she expected to be helped by them, because she expected them to be good, and they are, thier intention is good, society just brainwashed thier values and beliefs, that made them misunderstood and blame her for her own suffering, normal people who did those evil things to her, they aren’t so good are they?

     

    you think i feel im a victim and won’t do anything about my suffering, you are wrong, i think its the truth im a victim and i won’t do anything not because of that, but because life is shit, and i hate it all, and you know what, fuck connection, i don’t want it, you can have it.

    #384642
    Murtaza
    Participant

    But it didn’t help you with your second biggest problem, which is having a loving relationship

    It did, i don’t care anymore about that.

     

    It is counter-productive for developing a deeper bond with people

    No it isn’t, my apathy has no reason to be blamed for that, its them, i tried so hard with a friend of mine to have a strong relationship, i try so hard with my little sister, but she just don’t care, she just don’t want that, my friend stopped talking to me because i didn’t like how superficial our relationship is, how is my philosophy, my apathy, in the way?

     

    So you would need to understand that what protected you from shame and guilt won’t get you the love you crave

    Can you explain why? I still feel so proud that i developed apathy and this philosophy, it still very much needed.

     

    you are trying to reduce your craving and numb yourself, but the desire for connection is still there, and it’s a natural desire, so don’t suppress it)

    Oh Yes, so i can be so desperate and go online for connection, and then logically getting out with less connection and more feeling like a castaway, no thank you.

     

    Your “cure” has its limitations and its very bad side-effects

    What do you suggest? if my illness is apathy, how can i fix it  when if i try i have to care, there is no reason to do anything, its all bullshit, i first need evidence, a proof that its worth it, that life is good, and i should do something about it, first provide that

     

    A proper cure for your problems, that will eventually help you have satisfying relationships as well. Because with your current approach, you won’t be able to have them.

    Yes, because my apathy is the only reason why i don’t have relationship, not the ignorant people around me, i would think you are suggesting moveing, well guess what, no reward can make me accept being a slave, going to a work i don’t like, wasting my time, accepting society ideas and follow them, even if i want to have a relationship, i have to follow a certain rules, dating and stuff, saying certain things, no

     

    I perfer to choose my own suffering, i perfer to foucs my energy and time on something i control, myself, not other brainwashed people, get them to like me, act in a certain way, to be accepted

     

    You over and over suggest therapy, like its the ultimate cure, therapy only works for people who want to change, want to be helped, i don’t.

    #384649
    TeaK
    Participant

    Hi Murtaza,

    You over and over suggest therapy, like its the ultimate cure, therapy only works for people who want to change, want to be helped, i don’t.

    I understand that. But you also want connection, at least in theory. With your current attitude, with your apathy, with your belief that life is not worth living, it will be very difficult to find someone who’d want to have a deep, meaningful relationship with you.

    You say you don’t want superficial relationships. That’s fine. But how do you imagine to have a meaningful relationship with anyone, if you say there is no meaning and purpose in life? Following your own logic, there is no meaning in relationships either. And yet, a true loving relationship – which you haven’t experienced yet – can be incredibly meaningful and deep. It exists, and I believe you are capable of it – but you’d need to give up some of your stubbornness.

    I perfer to choose my own suffering

    Yes, when we love, we are vulnerable, and we depend to an extent on other people. Even in a healthy relationship it is so. I understand that you don’t want to adapt to “brainwashed” people to be loved on their terms. I understand you don’t want to betray yourself for a drop of someone else’s distorted love. I get that. But what if there are people capable of true, healthy love, and if you would make yourself capable of such love too, you could have a deep, loving relationship?

    You over and over suggest therapy, like its the ultimate cure, therapy only works for people who want to change, want to be helped, i don’t.

    Because you don’t think it would be worth it. And that’s where you are wrong, in my opinion.

     

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by TeaK.
    #384654
    Murtaza
    Participant

    But you also want connection, at least in theory.

    Not anymore, too expensive for me.

     

    With your current attitude, with your apathy, with your belief that life is not worth living, it will be very difficult to find someone who’d want to have a deep

    Sad, but true, guess i will be alone then.

     

    I obviously can’t change any of those because they are true, life has no meaning, relationships matters to me though, the cost of the relationship you mentioned is too high, it requires to sacrifice a lot, and with no guaranteed reward, only hope and more work, i live everyday like its my last, i have the intention of doing it in the future, so why bother?

     

    But how do you imagine to have a meaningful relationship with anyone, if you say there is no meaning and purpose in life?

    I don’t see how this belief is in the way of having love, even if i want to belief otherwise, you have to change reality, because life is truely meaninglessness.

     

    But lets follow your logic, you are saying that my belief is the reason why im not getting love, well i have been saying this for eternity, not because its bad, not because it can effect my relationship, but because people was tought to think its bad, if i ever be in a relationship, i would care, i wouldn’t let my beliefs kick in, the proof is my little sister, i care too much about it, to the point where she ask me to stop.

     

    if you say there is no meaning and purpose in life? Following your own logic, there is no meaning in relationships either

    No, there is meaning to relationship, i just don’t want to sacrifice my freedom and comfort for it, i see it as absurd, to pay for something that small, for something that basic, for something that can be the opposite of what i want, because it depends on the other person, something not under my control, so i there is 50%, no actually 70% of me ended up with a bad relationship, getting the opposite of love, suffering more, if you ever knew me, you know i don’t gamble to these odds.

     

    Even if i did, i can do it for a day or two, i can fool myself with false hope only a little until my brain gets tired, i simply can’t force myself everyday with these odds, with hope

     

    can be incredibly meaningful and deep

    Can it make me see life differently? No, i will always see it as a joke, waste of time, bullshit, no love will do it for me.

     

    and if you would make yourself capable of such love too, you could have a deep, loving relationship?

    Why im not capable right now? Whats wrong with me? Antia said to me, if i ever be in a relationship, the other party would be so lucky.

     

    Because you don’t think it would be worth it. And that’s where you are wrong

    Prove it, imagine paying the high price, and ended up with me seeing its not worth it, the odds says its 60% if not more, relationships aren’t something magical that cure you, i will always be me, and this me isn’t liveable of this world.

     

    Im so mad at myself, for still living, you have your definition of love, for me, if i truely love myself, i would’ve done it long time ago, this is what love to me, not developeding apathy and endure this shit, while seeing what i lost everyday, i obviously not gonna change or do anything, just suffer endlessly, this is my problem, not killing myself yet.

    #384655
    TeaK
    Participant

    Hi Murtaza,

     if i ever be in a relationship, i would care, i wouldn’t let my beliefs kick in, the proof is my little sister, i care too much about it, to the point where she ask me to stop.

    So for the sake of relationship, you would stop feeling apathetic and saying that life is meaningless? You would care, like you care for your little sister? You would make an effort for them?

    Why im not capable right now? Whats wrong with me? Antia said to me, if i ever be in a relationship, the other party would be so lucky.

    Perhaps she said it because you showed that you care for her, and also, because she refused to talk about suicide any more, so you stopped. So two things happened: 1) you showed you care,  you made an effort to understand the other person, and 2) you put aside your apathy and your philosophy in those moments. This Murtaza, with those characteristics, is someone who could be in a healthy relationship. But if you reintroduce the apathy and the sense of meaninglessness (i.e. your philosophy), you don’t have a chance at a relationship. Because no one wants to live with someone who is saying that life is meaningless. You know why? Because that means that they too – the person you supposedly love – are meaningless to you, which is a huge put-off.

    So you can’t have love and your philosophy at the same time. You need to sacrifice one of them.

    #384660
    Murtaza
    Participant

    You would care, like you care for your little sister? You would make an effort for them?

    For the person? Yes, in my life? No, that’s demanding too much.

     

    So you can’t have love and your philosophy at the same time. You need to sacrifice one of them.

    Love.

     

    Because my philosophy and apathy made me live comfortably, no person can offer such thing, such unconditional love, only me.

     

    Because that means that they too

    When i cared about anita, i still thought life is meaninglessness, but she isn’t, it doesn’t go hand in hand, i can completely set aside my beliefs and ideas, for someone i care about, someone that i think is worth my time, and i would help him in any way, even if that means i don’t talk to him, but if he asks me to change one thing about my life, to do this or that, then no, this is a boundary i expect him to not go over, my life is my life, if love means i should change it, then love isn’t worth it, i choose this kinda of life for a reason, and i still think this reason is valid, if a person doesn’t respect that, then its his fault, i can provide anything besides changing my life, care, attention, understanding, respect, love.

     

    But all those are meaninglessness when i don’t have money, when i don’t have the resources, if only i had the desire for it, without sacrificing, i don’t even ask for enjoying the job i have, just not hating my life so intensely while.

    #384666
    TeaK
    Participant

    Hi Murtaza,

    When i cared about anita, i still thought life is meaninglessness, but she isn’t, it doesn’t go hand in hand,

    Relationships are a big part of life. So if the person you care about isn’t meaningless to you, then this part of life – your relationship with this person – isn’t meaningless either. Then how come life as a whole is meaningless, if a big and important part of it isn’t?

    i can provide anything besides changing my life, care, attention, understanding, respect, love.

    And if your loved one is sick and needs money for a life-saving surgery, would you still refuse to earn the money? Would you say – I care about you otherwise, but don’t ask me to save your life, it’s too much of you to ask?

    You mentioned once that a girl friend of yours put an ice pack on your foot when you hurt it. Well, even to have an ice pack around, you need to have a fridge, you need to have a place to stay and access to electricity… and someone needs to earn the money for it. In order to provide some basic care for our loved ones, we need to have the physical/material resources to do it. Without it, we can just say nice words, but that’s sometimes not enough to help the person we love. That’s how love and willingness to work for example go hand in hand.

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by TeaK.
    #384686
    Murtaza
    Participant

    Then how come life as a whole is meaningless, if a big and important part of it isn’t?

    Every other thing is meaninglessness, i value people, if they matter to me, just not other things, and its not a big part for me, its just an extra, for me life, the normal life, is you being lonely, relationship are just extra things you pay for.

     

    And if your loved one is sick and needs money for a life-saving surgery, would you still refuse to earn the money?

    No, i would sacrifice and work, if her suffering is more then mine when i work.

     

    Would you say – I care about you otherwise, but don’t ask me to save your life, it’s too much of you to ask?

    Since this is a hypothetical scenario, expect hypothetical answer, if i love her more then my time and freedom, then yes, it all depends on the situation, if you gonna apply this logic to me working right now because this might happen in the future, then no, because there is no motivation to force myself to, if money buys relationship, doesn’t that tell you something?

     

    you need to have a place to stay and access to electricity

    I do have a place, a fridge, and everything i need for, so what would be the motivation to work?

     

    we need to have the physical/material resources to do it. Without it, we can just say nice words

    Sure, i would say those matters even more then the emotional ones, because without those, its impossible to have a relationship.

     

    That’s how love and willingness to work for example go hand in hand

    I won’t sacrifice my philosophy without a good reason, right now there is no loved one that is sick and want to me work for him, and i won’t put myself in such situation when i can not to, i won’t be in a relationship where money matters the most, i don’t care about money, i have enough of it to live, i don’t care about material things, but i know people do, especially females, most of them at least.

    #384689
    TeaK
    Participant

    Hi Murtaza,

    I do have a place, a fridge, and everything i need for, so what would be the motivation to work?

    True, you don’t have the motivation, and I get it that you don’t want to work if you can manage on your father’s allowance, at least for the time being. I just mentioned willingness to work as one example of making an effort for someone you love. But you don’t necessarily need to work to be in a relationship. There are such couples where the woman is working and the guy isn’t. It’s not a sin (maybe it is in Iraq, but not elsewhere). There are even couples who both live on disability. So having a job or not is not the main issue.

    What I was rather saying is that it’s unlikely that you can have a loving relationship considering your apathy. And your apathy goes beyond just your unwillingness to work. It’s the belief that life isn’t worth living. You aren’t saying: life here in Iraq isn’t worth living, but you’re saying: “life anywhere on this planet isn’t worth living. I’ve grown up with brainwashed, cruel people who mistreated me, therefore all the people (or most of the people) everywhere must be brainwashed and cruel and will mistreat me. Wherever I go, there is no point in trying because the result will be the same. I will be hurt.”

    Would you agree that this is what you’re thinking?

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