Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
Peter
ParticipantYou are the purpose of life so wherever path you chose has purpose. Therefor the question of purpose is unskillful and will not help you decide what you ‘should’ do.
In life there is no should’s only what you do and do not do. Reading your post, you have already decided that you will regret not choosing the choice you don’t make. It is not you’re your choice that will lead to regret but your decision to experience regret in the imagined future. To make your choice based on a imagined future is unskillful.
The imagined future is keeping you from seeing the trees from the forest leaving you overwhelmed by fear. Fear is more often then not False Evidence Appearing Real. The task then is to identify the trees and focus on one issue at a time. You will find that you know what you need to do. Trust your intuition and don’t look or hold back. Your future cannot be controlled so to fear uncertainty and doubt is unskillful. Trust your deeper sense of self and doors will open… “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us… If you follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ― Joseph Campbell
We must put our confidence in truth. But that doesn’t mean sitting back, and waiting for the truth to shine from above, as one might sit back and wait for the day to break. It means following with devoted obedience the truth we have seen as true, with an entire confidence in G_d, that it will correct, clear and redirect our vision, to the perception of a freer and deeper truth. Go with the truth you have, and let it carry you into collision with the hard rocks of fact, and then you’ll learn something. – Austin Farrer
Peter
ParticipantNot all paths are suited for everyone. The anger your experiencing suggests that a break from spiritual seeking may be called for.
Are you able to enjoy life without needing to explain it or following religious teachings and practices? If you can avoiding all such teachings and practices may be your path.
I wish you well on your journey.
Peter
ParticipantThis may sound strange to you however you are just where you need to be to get to where you want to go. Part of the difficulty in realizing this is the tendency to only see the forest. In your post you have identified all the area you want to work on but when looking at them all together its not wonder your overwhelmed.
The trick to moving forward from where you are (which is the only place you can move from and will move from regardless of the direction you go) is by taking one step and then the next. I don’t mean for that to sound trite but that is a truth most people overlook because we want to leap forward to some imagined future where all is as we desire. Yet even a leap requires taking a step.
A step you could take is taking your post and breaking it down into a list of things you would like to work on. Avoid labelling them with words like impossible, never, difficult. Avoid attaching past memories and stories to the list. You will know your doing that if you tart getting lost in ‘if only’s, or should’s or could of’s. This is only a list of areas in your life you would like to improve. The next step would be to select something simple on the list that you can start to improve on and then start. (don’t start with purpose – you are purpose) Stay focused on the one step and avoid getting paralyzed from looking at too much all at once. If you can a life coach could be a great help to keep you on track. Avoid beating yourself up when you falter, and you will, (if you didn’t you wouldn’t be learning) so insure to celebrate the victories as they will come.
Change happens slowly then all at once. Your post indicates you have it within you to achieve something that you have yet to imagine.
“Follow your bliss.
If you do follow your bliss,
you put yourself on a kind of track
that has been there all the while waiting for you,
and the life you ought to be living
is the one you are living.When you can see that,
you begin to meet people
who are in the field of your bliss,
and they will open doors to you.Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”― Joseph Campbell
-
This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by
Peter.
Peter
ParticipantRecommend the book ‘How to Be an Adult in Relationships’ -by David Richo
We change in relationships but we don’t make the other change. When two people see the other, really see them and say yes they are empowered to become their better selves. The selves we sense we could become, like the feeling at the tip of our tongue, but are to afraid to trust. As with all things the seed of the opposite is also present in relationship where the fear of change, fear of the other leaving, just fear of fear and love turns to control and stagnation.
Peter
ParticipantThanks for sharing more of the story and I apologize for being harsh – Sometimes when I go through the relationship posts I come away wondering why we make life so difficult for ourselves.
If I read your post correctly your trapped in a relationship that you are unable to get out of and are, in this moment of time anyway, accepting that that is how it must be?
However, its this acceptance that is behind the ‘loss of faith’ in…. yourself, relationship, love, universes ‘love’, others??? Which begs the question is this acceptance or reluctant giving up to the fate’s?
You’re in a difficult position stuck in the present imagining a future that cannot be… “the most painful state of being is remembering a future, particularly the one you’ll never have.” – Kierkegaard – The only way I know of to move forward from where you are is from where you are, dealing with the immediate issues of your current relationship where you are, one step at a time. It’s the projection into the imagined future and desiring everything change all at once, that is behind much of your distress and ‘loss of faith’. (You haven’t lost your faith or your hope though. )
Change happens slowly then all at once.
Peter
ParticipantI thought I had found a true relationship that I could trust and received constant love and words of encouragement and positivism
What makes that a definition of a ‘true relationship’? The naivety may no be so much ‘seeking out to see only the good in others’ but in your expectation of relationship and love.
Sorry I don’t mean to be harsh just that… this problem seems to be in almost every relationship post on this site… and I can’t help but wonder if those stuck this way don’t enjoy not enjoying the drama they create and feeling bad about it. Eventually you would think that we would get to get to a point where we wake up to what isn’t’ working and stop doing it. Yes it hurts, but so does the drama we stay stuck in.
The universe is talking but we don’t like what it has to say, or what the ‘signs’ point to, so we lose faith. ????
Faith is never lost it is revealed. Faith is not the same as belief. Beliefs can and will change, should change as we learn better. What one lean’s on in times of doubt and uncertainty is faith revealed. (Sadly, the faith we actually lean on remains unconscious. We would rather pretend and hold onto the shifting sands that are belief/words.)
Let it go and be happy.
Peter
Participantbut I have been at this point so many times before and everything I do will always lead me back to it sooner or later
I think the words we use matter as well as identifying and becoming conscious of the cognitive distortions laced through out the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. (Cognitive distortions such as all or nothing thinking and projecting into the future, like everything I do will always lead me back…. You don’t know that… but you can create that)
Your post indicates that you know what you want to do and the path you want to travel however become overwhelmed. Perhaps wanting to change everything all at once and having immediate results as well as the cognitive distortions are getting in the way and leaving you overwhelmed?
I believe we create what we fear so should be careful about the story we tell ourselves. I’m not saying just think positive, bla, bla, bla… not that that’s a wrong attitude but that It takes time to get to get there. A step to getting there is to catch yourself telling a story and stop telling it, breath and let them go. You will be tempted to “fill the vacuum” with more stories but with practice you will find you don’t have to. Focus on changing one thing, one thought, one label, one fear… at a time. Be kind to yourself.
The good news about the reality that we create what we fear is that we can also create what we hope for.
Peter
ParticipantGreat Question Greg
I think this is something a great many people struggle with. I know I do.
I think to show compassion to others one must start by being able to show compassion for one self. Be the change you wish to see.
I also think that many people mix the concept of compassion with the misunderstood concept of ‘unconditional love’. A misunderstanding that if I love you I must also like you and everything that you do. (Unconditional love is not unconditional allowing. Love allows who we are and our actions to have purpose and meaning. Without accountability and responsibility our actions would not matter and there would be no purpose meaning or Love.)
I think Compassion and this perspective of Love work together as it removes the connection between the concepts of compassion and love from the ego. One can be loving and compassionate towards those they disagree with without getting angry or mean or having to be right and still stand for what they think is right without getting their sense of self all wrapped up in it. Its when the sense of self gets wrapped up in things that the trouble starts and the difficulty of being compassionate and loving begins.
Peter
Participant“In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer”. Albert Camus
Took a walk around the neighborhood last night. Many of the homes had lights and Christmas trees in the windows. I love the story a Christmas tree tells.
The Ever-green, the bitter sweet promise of the cycle of life… that it is in the depths of winter that new life is made possible, a promise of spring. At the top of the tree a star or angel lights the way. The ornaments of the tree connected to memories of the past, hopes for the future, connection to others… all reflecting the light draped around the tree. A reminder to reflect and perhaps notice, how even the slightest change in perspective changes what we see… experience allowed to flow, we let go.
Letting go we fall, genital as snowflakes, and find ourselves underneath the tree protected by the branches and promise of the ever-green… Their boxes wrapped with ribbon, gifts of unknown possibilities, stirrings of some newness we have only dimly dreamed of… and if nurtured given birth to in the spring.
“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, “Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.” ― Lewis Carroll
-
This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by
Peter.
Peter
ParticipantYes, mindful compassion for ourselves and others is a door way to healing
December 15, 2017 at 9:25 am in reply to: Pretty much wasted 2 years of my life. Any Advice? #182393Peter
ParticipantNihilism – nothing has intrinsic meaning or value… including this thing we call nihilism.
If you find yourself on path of nihilism, open the door and walk thorough, don’t fight it. On the other side of the door is Absurdism. Life in all its complex simplicities is absurd especially when we try to measure it (control it). Awakening to the absurd one might laugh or cry or both… and when the laughing and crying subsides, smile. The greatest absurdity is our measuring and labeling. The greatest absurdity is us. When we awaken to absurdity that is I we can choose to be happy.
Say Yes to life as it is and choose to be happy. Free. Happiness no longer linked to this or that desire, this or that understanding of meaning or purpose. Just happy because you can.
Peter
ParticipantYes, its possible.
Anxiety shows up when we notice something is off. Usually when something doesn’t conform to the way we want things to be. As such Anxiety is neither good nor bad, its information. Anxiety becomes a problem when consciousness becomes fixated on a problem and becomes a story we start reacting to and labeling ourselves. Anxiety no longer only information to responded but a condition/story we react to and start to become.
I think your on the right track if you can step back from anxiety, yours or others, and respond with compassion, for yourself and others. That could create enough space to see that anxiety was about control… desire, doubt, uncertainty.
(Could it be that anxiety, uncertainty, doubt, and desire are all about control? Anxiety, uncertainty, doubt, and desire none of which is bad our good in themselves, just information. Its when we label our emotions as good and bad, wanted or unwanted that we start loss contact with our center.)
Peter
ParticipantYou are in a time of transition and something many people experience in the early twenties
Having goals is great but having so many can be overwhelming especially if your attempting to get through them as an act of pure will. There is an art to goal setting and creating a practice to achieve them. When setting goals try breaking them down into doable steps and celebrate the small victories.
Like will attract like – so if you remain open, honest and supportive with yourself like friends will appear.
“It is when we are most lost that we sometimes find our truest friends.” ― Cynthia Rylant
“Not all those who wander are lost.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien
“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.” “If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ― Joseph Campbell
December 14, 2017 at 10:51 am in reply to: Pretty much wasted 2 years of my life. Any Advice? #182161Peter
Participant“Nothing we learn in this world is ever wasted.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
So
“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” – H Ford
“The dogmas of the quiet past, are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise — with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew.” — Abraham Lincoln
To sit to long in the wound of regret will leave you no energy to rise to the occasion. There is a time for all things. Learn what you need to from regret and move forward.
“I used to be a very opinionated person, but now I realize that nothing is for sure, so don’t really have any strong opinions” “Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” – Plato
There is no need for strong opinions to stand and do what you feel and think is right for you in the moment. What more can you ask of yourselves or others? Uncertainty and not knowing, if we do not fear it, opens the door to wisdom and compassion, certainty the door to fanaticism. You are in a moment of transition, a tipping point, walk through the door that affirms your authentic self and you will see that nothing you have experienced will have been wasted.
“When an ordinary man attains knowledge, he is a sage; when a sage attains understanding, he is an ordinary man.”
Peter
Participant“Is it too radical to ask if perhaps we should expect absolutely nothing and if, in doing so, we are inevitably not going to strive as hard, but perhaps that is taking it too far.”
Great question. I have always felt that a problem with Buddhism was that when you learn to accept life as it is, (accepting that nothing is either good or bad and that all labeling is unskillful…) that there was a loss of energy to work toward outer change. That is of course not the intention but a trap many who practice fall into.
How do you say Yes to Life as it is, even Yes to what you may not like, and still continue to stand and act for what you feel/think is the good? Act out your truth
You continue to act with the expectation of nothing because how things turn out is not a concern for those that act on what they feel/think is the good, open to learning better to do better. It is enough being authentic to the Self without having to measure the outcome. We do not create meaning, we become meaning.
There is a Hermetic Riddle As above so below as below so above. We are influenced and we influence. Though we may not be in control of change we are co-creators. Who we are does play a role in the world we experience and create, for ourselves and others, its just not in ways easily measurable. (Especially if we demand the outcome of change to be only that which we desire it to be. It is said that ‘Man is the measure of all things’. That may or may not be so however, what is true is that we really suck at measuring our experiences.)
“The Riddle” – Five For Fighting Lyrics
There was a man back in ’95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him
Wait, what’s the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me
He said,
Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see… You will see
Then he said,
Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…
Picked up my kid from school today
Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can’t live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me
He said,
Dad I’m big but we’re smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we’re nothing at all
Still every mother’s child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me
And Hey Dad
Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…
I said,
Son for all I’ve told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world…
Who am I?
There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we’re not wise enough to see
He said… You looking for a clue I Love You free…
The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel’s eyes
A song plays on while the moon is high over me
Something comes over me
I guess we’re big and I guess we’re small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we’re all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely
Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…-
This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by
Peter.
-
This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by
-
AuthorPosts