Hi Care,
I am glad to hear my message helped you. I just wrote that plan out to give you ideas. You could choose to take what you like from there.
I am happy to have this connection with you. Please know that you have not set yourself up for failure. You haven’t failed yet. You did what you could do best. You are viewing your life in a bubble without acknowledging the conditions that pushed you to make the decisions you did. Sure, fear is a factor to shy away from challenges, as are many others you could work on, but also acknowledge that your external conditions and internal conditioning from childhood led you to where you are at. And you can define where you want to go.
People have let you down, so there is nothing wrong in being cautious in that regard. I honestly don’t see a problem with that. My bigger fear for you is if you settle for people in your life that will bring your energy down and tire you out. You having boundaries is a good thing. All you have to change it to is from fear of to a casual disdain for terrible people. Constantly vet the people in your life, it is worth it. How people have treated you so far should tell you how you don’t want to be treated and not as something to lose hope and take as evidence to not expect good treatment from others. Set standards for who is allowed your time and energy.
I hope you feel better too, I’m sure you already do a great job – Thank you for the compliment. But in all honesty, I have had ups and downs since I was your age in this matter. I have become a little more centred in how I look at my situation. Before I used to view all my problems from the past and in the present, in a vacuum, and I used to struggle with their existence or how to fix them by myself as I took them as a reflection of me. Now, I have learnt to assign responsibility for it to other parties and this has helped in relieving the pressure I felt. I have also been partially successfully in peeling aways the parts of my identity that were tied to my job. I only look at it as a way to earn. And the worry to do well is only to keep earning. This is the only progress I’ve made. Once I peeled that layer off – the one where my career had to compare to others, or I had to get married and have babies like others in my family, I have reached the most painful part of myself, where I can’t simply define myself by outcomes or the lack of them. I now see what I’ve had hiding underneath. A very anxious and scared person that wants to feel safe. This I cannot fix by having a better career or finding love. I am actively working on feeling better this year. I hope you do as well. Take your life into your own hands and drive it.
I would love to continue this communication as well. Thank you!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.