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samy

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  • January 12, 2022 at 5:37 am in reply to: Am i too clingy or is he pulling away #391189
    samy
    Participant

    This may sound rude but nobody is in an almost relationship. You are either in one or not. And you are not. Don’t let people drag you along. If he wanted to, he would. And he doesn’t want a relationship. You are just lurking on the sidelines waiting for him to give you the validation of being his girlfriend/boyfriend

     

    Nobody should have you on your toes. A relationship should be about belonging and companionship. I don’t really care about attachment styles. If someone is triggering anxiety in you it is best for you and them to put an end to it.

    He has already shown you what this is:

    he takes longer time to reply, and the answer is usually short – not interested
    2. the frequency we text each other has declined a lot – not interested
    3. we still share lunch photo daily – is the bar this low?
    4. he no longer ask questions and cares about me – not interested
    5. our interaction has gotten less fun than before – not interested
    6. we no longer wish good night sleep daily (occasionally yes) – please, stop this!

    You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel secure, wanted and loved. I wish him well and hopes he finds that too. But I want to help you. The attention he gave you in the start had you hooked and you have let 2 years go by with crumbs of hope that you will “get” him. He is not a prize. Stop chasing people when they have shown you what they think of you.

    Please work on your self-esteem. Why are you accepting almost relationships. For 2 years? You are lacking a healthy sense of boundaries and standards. I did too, so I am not judging. Please wake up. And you may get advice to communicate but this I am against. Some things are bare minimum. Even if you got into a relationship with him, you already know what it’s going to be like – not fulfilling and anxiety inducing.

    I’m always worry about him getting close to other girls especially now that he got back into office. So by my paranoia mind I always assume to the worst case scenario, which in this case, it felt like he is pulling away. So I’m not sure if i’m being too clingy or he’s just getting busy with the ‘new normal’ life. – he is not your partner so you are wrong here to expect anything. But in the future, if a partner makes you insecure about loyalty, introspect on if it is really you or if that person is not meeting your needs. Don’t try to be the “cool girlfriend”. You trust people when they earn your trust.

    Your anxious attachment style is tied to your self-esteem issues. Do work on that.

    This person is not even a proper friend. Take your time and energy back. If you need to cut contact to recover from the almost relationship. Do it. Focus on you. Be with people and invest in activities that fill you up with joy.

    Sorry if it hurt your feelings but I need you to recover from this and fly high. I know you deserve good things, please believe that.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by samy.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by samy.
    January 11, 2022 at 11:10 pm in reply to: My notion of truth #391185
    samy
    Participant

    Hi Tommy

    I would like to discover further if you don’t mind.

    To be sad of feel sadness is human. To have problems is human. If you feel love or pain then that is human. – I was using the literal meaning to understand. But, I need help with this. I understand loving without attachment. But, is there sadness without attachment? Isn’t wishing something was one way and not another the root of sadness. Whether it is health, or how the world is, or how your situation is – if you wish it was different, it would cause sadness. But isn’t wishing also desiring? I understand it is human. And human existence is one of experiencing dukkham. This is a truth.

    I understand the definition of annica. This is a truth as well, we see it in our experience.

    Annata you’ve helped give me some clarity on this. Please correct me if I have understood it wrong. Would it mean that we should not assign meaning to who we think we are in this body. Taking birth in this body, in this time, in these circumstances gives us a particular “identity” – of being an individual – defined by our experiences, desires and attachments. But that is not who we are? When the body dies, that identity dies. This identity is tied to the body. It cannot exist without a body. There is no atma, our nature is not one of having atmas, individual “energies” without bodies – an-atman. We are not a collection of atmas. Instead, there is one of some kind and we are all that? And there is no “we”.

     

    January 11, 2022 at 6:13 am in reply to: My notion of truth #391161
    samy
    Participant

    Thanks for mentioning the truths, Tommy.

    I am writing what I understand currently as I have been meaning to explore Buddhism.

    Dukkha is suffering, sadness, problems.

    Anicca is Anityam – not daily, so in this case, not to be expected daily – it is not forever. So it’s not going to be around forever – hence, impermanence.

    Annata is anatman in sanskrit, which would mean without an atma- so this would mean “not a soul” or “does not have a soul”?  You are not a soul? This I am not sure how to interpret. Searched the internet but it is not clear yet.

    January 11, 2022 at 5:08 am in reply to: I want to be normal #391159
    samy
    Participant

    Hi creation impeccability

    Thanks for elaborating. I understood you correctly the first time. Language was not an excuse, I don’t really need an excuse here. Nor am I trying to argue.

    I appreciate your perception of your life and the way you are living. You seem to have discovered and truly felt a deeper truth. I am yet to feel or experience that in my life.

    I’ll pray for your life partner and you.

    Samy

    January 10, 2022 at 10:13 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #391097
    samy
    Participant

    Hi creation impeccability,

    Are you saying we shouldn’t think about what is normal? You said release adherence and resistance to the norm? Aren’t they opposites? I thought you were telling me to resist the norm. You might be conveying something deep, but English isn’t my first language, so I am really confused by that. I’m sorry.

    January 10, 2022 at 10:07 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #391095
    samy
    Participant

    Glad to know I made your day, anita 🙂

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by samy.
    January 10, 2022 at 5:45 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #391082
    samy
    Participant

    That’s awesome, anita! I am really happy. My moment of happiness as soon as I wake up 🙂

    Hope you have a good night’s sleep!

    Girija

    January 10, 2022 at 12:48 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #391048
    samy
    Participant

    If what I pasted above doesn’t help. This video has a different approach

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlQFSYkuO0k

     

    January 10, 2022 at 10:11 am in reply to: I want to be normal #391049
    samy
    Participant

    Ok, anita. Good luck. I tried posting a link to a video that might help, but it says awaiting moderation. Please search on youtube, you will find videos that are easy to follow, and it would be easier to follow along and pause the video than follow written out steps.

    Hope you have a great day.

    Girija

    January 10, 2022 at 9:59 am in reply to: I want to be normal #391045
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    The initially paste I did was badly formatted. I’ve edited it in the same reply.

    January 10, 2022 at 9:55 am in reply to: I want to be normal #391042
    samy
    Participant

    Could you try the below steps. And let me know if your screen looks different than what the steps suggest.
    Step 1

    Sign in to your Hotmail account using your email address and password.

    Step 2

    Click the “Options” button from the menu at the top right of the screen and select “More options” from the dropdown menu.

    Step 3

    Look for the “Junk e-mail” section of the “Options” menu that opens. Click the “Safe and blocked senders” option. You can view email addresses marked as safe and email addresses that you have blocked here

    Step 4

    Click “Blocked senders” to view a list of the blocked email addresses.

    Step 5

    Select the email address you want to unblock from the list of blocked email addresses and then click “Remove from list.” The email address you removed is now unblocked and you can receive email messages from this address.

     

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by samy.
    • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by samy.
    January 10, 2022 at 9:37 am in reply to: I want to be normal #391040
    samy
    Participant

    Before, I respond to everything else – I am sorry you weren’t able to sleep well. I hope you are able to rest during the day. Is something on your mind bothering you?

    And were you able to unblock that person or do you need my help unblocking them? Tell me which email provider – gmail, yahoo.com, etc and I can find and link ways to unblock. I will wait around for your reply.

    I feel bad too when I think my actions hurt another person or caused them problems. But it might help to think how you would react when someone made a mistake that impacted you, if they were genuinely sorry and trying to fix it or fixed it and it did not cause you real harm. It might have hurt your feelings but you would understand that it was only a mistake. I am sure the other person will understand too. Please don’t feel bad.

    Girija

    January 10, 2022 at 8:57 am in reply to: I want to be normal #391036
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    I will not quit. Not this time.

    But I feel so tired and “sore”. I wish I could be happy while doing this work. I have said that I don’t know what will make me happy, and we’ve discussed earlier as well that healing myself would be the way the work I need to do to be able to experience joy. But, I’m miserable. I have to tear my focus away from the tornado in my chest and use it to get my work done and it is so hard. And there is constantly new stressors that get added. I wish I could figure out how to get my body into a happy state, soothe myself. I am not able to do that.

    I tried setting an intention today first thing in the morning, that I will fight anxiety. It did help. I was able to dismiss a lot of fears emerging from meetings at work. But, I am simply swinging between neutral and miserable. I want to feel lighter and happy. I want some happiness. Happiness that doesn’t threaten to hurt. Just a moment of happiness.

    Girija

    January 9, 2022 at 8:04 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #391025
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I understand it will be hard but I won’t quit. I can’t afford to. My life in this state is too hard.

    Girija

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by samy.
    January 9, 2022 at 6:40 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #391012
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Thanks for the detailed response. I will practice to better deal with this.

    Girija

     

     

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