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SannParticipant
Dear Anita,
First of all, sorry to hear you were sick, and thank you for still taking the effort to write here that you would reply later. You are so kind and considerate. I hope you are better now.
Yes, the therapist. I still have my doubts about it. Even though i think i need it, it’s a lot of money and money is hard coming in… But i’ll give it a chance because i need to do something.
This emotional time about my colleague has made it again clear, how destructive i am towards myself. How hard and rigid i am towards myself, and how impossible i make my life for myself.Ok, i had a very nice feeling with this guy and i am missing him, that hurts and i think i have to allow that pain and sadness to be felt, instead of running away from it, like i usually do.
What also hurts, is that i was working with him for a year (we didn’t see each other everyday, and in the winter we didn’t see each other for some months, and the last months we saw each other almost daily and we worked together for 2 nights per day), and all of this time, i kept running away from him, i had such a huge difficulty to let him come closer, i did a lot of pushing away on these little moments where he was just making a nice contact. That is also what hurts me, and what makes me sad. The self-sabotaging of pushing nice people away, of not knowing how to allow myself to be close and real with people that i connect with, and not knowing how to just enjoy that connection.
I did make some effort to change that, and we did have some nice times as well, so i think i did make a litle bit of progress. But still, not like i would like it to be. Something i need to learn from, to learn to be nicer to myself, so that the next time maybe i can manage a little bit better.The fact that he didn’t come, yes it doesn’t feel very good. I don’t know why he didn’t come, of course.
But i can’t be too judgmental, looking at the fact how i would, for most of the time, trying to get closer and then run away or push away again. I didn’t act too normal or healthy either. In the last week of work, after my notice, i barely spoke to him anymore (because i was overwhelmed with sadness about not seeing him anymore), neither did he. I would have liked to ask him then, if he would like to stay in contact, but i didn’t. I just left and said ‘seey you’. And then suddenly, 2 weeks later i phone him and ask him over for tea. That might be a bit strange as well.
It might be that he is not interested – which is probably the case.Anyway. I sent him a text yesterday, that i didn’t hear from him Tuesday, that i would have liked to keep in touch, but it seemed like he didn’t want, so i won’t annoy him anymore. That he is always welcome if he wants to say hi, in the hostel or in the shop. And that i wish him all the best, that it was very nice to work with him.
And i think, now i have to let go of it.
Just after sending that text, i felt my emotions going up, fear, embarresment, anger (because i already imagined that they would be having a good laugh about me and seeing me as a stupid ridiculous little girl…), so i phoned to that phoneline again, to look for some help to see things in perspective.
She helped me to see that i am actually very strong, living in a foreign country without anybody, and i keep going, with so much difficulties. She also said that she thaught that text was ok. And i guess i think so as well, apart from all my fears and feelings that it looked ridiculous or pathetic. I expressed something of disappointment about him not showing up. I left the door open if he would like to meet again – which of course, i would still hope, i can’t just let go of missing him immediately. And i expressed some appreciation and good wishes – i feel that people could see that as pathetic, but i guess that would be very strange.
I feel that i was imposing or ridiculous with sending this text, or that is what i am afraid of that they will think about me. But i guess i did what felt right for me, honestly expressing that i would have liked to keep in touch and expressing that i enjoyed working with him. That is something that i wanted to say to him anyway.So, now i need to let go of it, and start focusing on myself again. Getting used to my new job, and finding nice things to do for now and where i can meet nice people (i phoned finally to a teacher in the yoga centre, that holds classes about mindfulness, apparantly the meditate together, and listen to a podcast about mindfulness, and have a little break in between, which sounds exactly what i could use, so i will go for the first time this evening), and start to think about going to school again.
I want to be grateful that i met this lovely person, and i wish him all good, but i shouldn’t keep hoping for further contact. And i need to stop feeling bad about leaving that workplace because of missing him. For some reasons i decided to leave that job, so now it is time to use that in a positive way. I feel a lot better having some contact with costumers and i feel that does more for my self-worth (even though, my self-worth shouldn’t be dependent on that..). If a friendship was or is meant to be, maybe it will, but i will stop hoping for it. I guess people come in our lives to teach us something, and to help us along, and i will try to learn some things from meeting him.I’m still hoping to become a bit more active on this site, but there are only 24 hours in the day, and right now i want to take some more time for myself, relaxing and doing positive things, away from the computer.
Thank you very much Anita, for your support. You have helped me to take the phone and ask this, and to be real, and i think i will remember this, the next time that i might meet somebody nice ๐
SannParticipantDear Anita,
Thank you so much again for your reply and your wise words.
Yes, i do have therapy actually. I was still in contact with my therapist from my home country, through skype, although irregular and i haven’t spoken with her since november, due to lack of money and then having no time and no internet in the house. But, i’ve been going to her since ten years and i feel that this kind of therapy (DGT) is not enough. Although, i must say that she has helped me a lot during those years. But i feel that now i am ready for an other kind of therapy, so i contacted a therapist here in the town, that i thought might be a good fit. I have seen him 3 times and this afternoon again. He works with mindfulness and seems to have a similar way of looking at things as me. He doesn’t care about my labels as borderline, he says that i am just a human being sitting in front of him. And he told me that he gets therapy as well, which makes me feel more confident. So even though i am feeling quite lost at the moment, and i am finding it hard to believe that this is going to make real changes, i am quite hopeful (because he is hopeful, and he is confident, out of his own experiences, that these things can really change). Still, i am aware that i have to do the work myself, but now i have support again, from somebody that i feel that can understand and is able to deal with it.About the reason why he didn’t call me: no, that’s nothing to do with it. He has a house, he lives there with his friend, an other colleague, and i think that he would love to sleep there more often. He usually sleeps 5 days per week (on his workdays) in the hotel where he works, because they need somebody to sleep there and nobody else wants to do it. He is too good, doesn’t say no.
That day on the phone, was his day off, and the girl that usually sleeps there on his days off, wanted to go somewhere, so he had to go. He told me that he didn’t mind because she will sleep there on wednesday and thursday. Still, it bothers me that he has to sleep there so much and i don’t think he is very happy with it.
So in this case, i think you are making interpretations.
I was wondering if it was true that he had to sleep there that night, or if it was just an excuse not to have to come, but i try to be more trusting.In relation to him not showing up, and if i should try further, or let go of it, and accept the fact that he doesn’t want to keep the contact.
A part of me feels rejected and thinks that this is clear, that he doesn’t want to meet up with me and that i should understand the message, and accept that. That he said yes on the phone because he is nice and doesn’t like to say no. And that i should let go of the people of that previous workplace, where i probably got way too attached to everybody because i don’t have anybody else in my life. That i need to focus on myself, finding hobbies to meet other people and investing more in what interests me.
An other part still wonders, i find it was just a rejection. If maybe he is also very shy and maybe also don’t know how to do that. It feels ridiculous whilst writing here actually. But it hurts, because i felt so good around him, he has been very nice and very supportive towards me and i got to like him a lot. Maybe i should just accept that it was a good contact during the worktime there. Or that he is just a very warm, kind person who is nice to people and that i have taken that more personal than it was meant. Or that he is intelligent, and does effort to get along with his colleagues because that is better for him. And that maybe in his culture where he is from, they have a different approach to people, they are nicer and being not so much lead by if they like somebody or not. Well, i don’t know all these things. What i mean is that, i got to like him a lot, and felt very supported by him, and now i am very sad that i don’t see him or can’t talk to him anymore. That hurts, and that will probably take some time, which is ok. But maybe, it would be better to tell him that. The whole year that i worked there, i have been running away from him, avoiding him, often not responding when he was initiating contact, but starting about something stupid about work. I have also created a certain image about myself like that. Because i was afraid and anxious. Imagine that it could be true and that he indeed does like me, then i think my behaviour was quite awful. For myself i think it might be good to tell him, that i like him, that i am grateful to have met him and for all his support, and that i miss him. And that i find it hard to let somebody come closer, even though i felt really close around him. That i felt so frustrated that i always ran away or started about work, while i only wanted the opposite. Something like that. I think that might be good for me, to learn to be more open and honest with people that i care about. and to help me, to let go of it. But maybe also towards him, to explain him why i always behaved like that and what i lovely person that i find him. Maybe he doesn’t care about hearing all of that, and i would be boring him, and he would be annoyed or find me an idiot. But, maybe i need to take that risk to say what is on my heart and risk looking like a fool.
With him, i felt it was always a struggle, inside myself, to choose for love or for fear. The fear to act normal to him, while all my beliefs said that i was just a stupid cleaning lady, who works to slow and has to do the cleaning work because whe is not good enough for anything else. The fear of my beliefs that say that i am not good enough, that somebody so lovely as he wouldn’t want to be near somebody so stupid and annoying as me. Writing this, it seems obvious that this can not be reality, but i will need some time to truly work on those ideas – which i think will happen, i am wanting it more and i have found a good therapist. That was the fear. And the love was just all the warmth that i felt for him, and to try to talk to him or to smile at him. I felt that i usually was hiding in the fear (he was a supergood worker, he is the only one who does all the jobs in the hotel, and is superfast, so i would always tell myself that he looks down on me, that i need to become superfast and maybe then he will think differently about me), and that he was starting the contact and helping me to act like a normal human being. Maybe that was not personal towards me, maybe that is just the way he is.
Ok, i am getting it messed up with this text, it probably looks very messy. But i still write it because it seems to help me to become more motivated to actually do say it at some point, and maybe somebody has some insights if this would be a good idea or not.I’m not sure why i wrote this above about the fear and the love. I think it was a big struggle for me to act normal with somebody that i like so much. I am so sad because of the feeling that i messed it up again. I try to tell myself, i was just a colleague for him whom he say had some difficulties, and he tried to be supportive. But for me, he was a human begin with whom i felt a profound connection in a way that i usually don’t feel with people.
Maybe i should stop writing about it and just either say something to him or not and move on. If i say it, it will take a few minutes and in the worst case i make myself look like a complete fool. But then, is that the worst thing in life? Then i can probably be more happy with myself because i have done what my heart wants to do. Choosing for myself and caring for myself instead of feeling desperate about a man, missing a man, and hoping for more contact, and waiting in vain. I totally agree with that. But i think, choosing for myself, in this situation might also mean that i choose to express something, instead of keeping to lock myself up. So i guess i should try it. I don’t think i will phone him, maybe i have to wait until i meet him on the street or something, and can hope that the universe will help a bit in that to put us together in a good moment.Ok, sorry for all the rambling, it seems that i am using this writing to collect my thoughts and that i am writing too much. I don’t know. I’ll post it anyway.
SannParticipantHi Cookie,
Thank you for your nice reply and you are welcome.
About the quote, yes i understand that, i meant that i find it difficult, that it seems to me that there is a pressure on you not to bring up your feelings. On the other hand, i don’t know much about relations so maybe it is normal that we should’t bring up everything, i don’t know. I can also understand that it is hard for him, especially since you say you have brought it up already.For your question, although i want to be a bit careful answering about my situation, because everybody’s situation is different.
Yes, i was happier aferwards, i think i felt relieved, i probably didn’t feel like being in a relation since a while. In my situation, I had always found the contact very difficult and I never felt that i could really relax with him, which might also have been due to my emotional problems. After I broke up, he asked me why i never talked to him about the way i felt. But i was so used, that if i brought up something like that, that he immediately told me that i was just insecure and that i ‘didn’t understand it’ and that i needed to think differently. So i didn’t feel like he listened to me when i brought up something like that, so that’s why i didn’t want to try anymore, to change something. That kind of reaction is probably out of insecurity and maybe a similar kind of defense mechanism as your partner asking you not to bring up these issues. If you understand what i mean?I didn’t regret my decision and i didn’t miss him. Maybe i bit, because he was a good and interesting person and i was hoping we would stay friends. But now we don’t have contact anymore and i am not missing him.
The only thing about regretting, is that i felt guilty, i felt that i had done him short and hurt him, and that i should have tried longer and more, that he had been so good for me and that now i dumped him just like that. He had told me how much it hurt him and how much he hoped to get back together. I felt bad about doing it so suddenly, even though i had that feeling since a couple of months, didn’t know how to talk about it, and realised that it didn’t make sense to me anymore to keep trying longer.
But for that feeling of guilt, i kept telling myself that it was the good thing to do, that i had chosen what is good for myself, and that i should be the first person i care about (which i’m not used to). Because i don’t think it is good to make decisions based on what somebody else wants and neglecting myself. Ok, this sounds maybe black or white, but i have to run to work now, no more time to write it more properly.
If you have more questions, please ask and i will try to answer. If it can help you to hear somebody else’s experience, i’ll be glad to share it with you, but please remember that every situation is different and there is no general recipe.Take care.
SannParticipantDear Anita,
Thank you so much for your wise and supporting words.
Actually, 2 days ago I wrote a whole reply, and it didn’t get posted.
This happened a few times before the past weeks, the few times that i did try to write a well-thought and thorough reply to somebody. That is quite frustrated.
Right now i don’t have the energy to type everything again, and i don’t remember everything i wrote.
So i will try to keep it short. Monday night i decided to phone him. I had an other phone call with that helpline, and she help me to see some things by listening and by the way she responded to me. I told her, that indeed i needed to do something, because i want it so badly (to keep in contact with S, to become friends or something else..) and that i kept making excuses not to. In the evening, walking back from town, I met him on the street close to his house. He smiled faintly back and me and turned his head away – which made me sad because i told myself he turned his head away because he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. Back in the hostel, i realised, that sadness is there because of the thoughts that i tell myself, not because that is necessarily the reality. I had actually bought myself a nice beer (quite strong) just to give myself a treat. When i was drinking it, and kept thinking about your words, I decided that i should just phone him, that i probably wouldn’t have the courage to go up to him (in his workplace probably) to ask him that. So i decided, having a beer might just be a little help to gain some courage. That was a terribly difficult thing for me to pick up the phone. He even answered. He asked if he could do anything for me. And i with nervosity, giggling a bit and stumbling a little bit, ask if he would maybe like to come and have a cup of tea with me in the hostel. He asked immediately when? Today? But then said that he couldn’t, because he had to go to his work to sleep there, he asked me how my new work was going and i actually answered honestly that it wasn’t going to great and why (i probably shouldn’t have said that, but i didn’t feel like putting up a facade at that moment), he said something about why he had to sleep there on his day off, and then asked if i’m off the next day (so yesterday), so he would phone me the next day. I was so happy, partly because i made the step, which is a good thing for myself, and partly because it actually sounded as if he wanted to come.
But, yesterday i didn’t hear anything from him. So today i am really overflown with sadness again, sadness that is paralysing. Because i am sad, because i like him so much, and i never felt so amazing to be around somebody, i feel that he is so full of light inside, and i am not used to feel that with somebody. And i felt, even though the contact often felt awkward and nervous, often it felt so real, and such a connection, even often without many words.
I know, this is how it goes in life and i will get over it. Right now it hurts and i have to let that pain be there, and feel it. I still keep hoping that he was just shy and that i will hear something from him, but i guess i have to stop telling myself lies and making up stories.
And, the other reason why i am so sad, is because this makes me think that my thoughts about myself are true, that i am nothing and that i am something ridiculous and that people just make fun of me and play games with me. The fact that i write it in this way, seems that i already have a bit of distance towards that thinking, but still, this is my basic belief in life and this comes up hard now and i have to be careful with it. That is why i have such a huge difficulty to approach a guy i like (which luckily doesn’t happen every year), because i am always so afraid that his rejection will be a proof of that thinking.SannParticipant(sorry i don’t know why i always need so much words to write something…)
SannParticipantHi Cookie,
Others have already given you good advice, and i don’t feel that i am a wise enough person to give you advice, because i don’t know, and i think the only person to make that decision is you, obviously.
But i can relate to you a lot when reading this, that i do want to reply.
I ended my long-distance relationship last December, after nearly 3 years. The only substantial time we had spent together was 6 weeks while visiting his family (that’s another story, probably irrevelant). For quite a while i wanted to wait for him and be with him, and there was motivation to wait. People would often tell me that they would end the relationship if there wasn’t a prospect to be together soon, or live closer to each other. And i would always reply that apparantly he was worth to wait.
But that feeling changed, i didn’t look forward to skype, first i reduced it from daily to every other day and then less, i would often find excuses not to skype. And i didn’t feel like phoning anymore either, while for a long time i didn’t mind to spend my money on it, but then i didn’t feel like spending my money. I often felt absent during the conversations, and was waiting for him to end it (he had a strong leading role in the relation).
For a long time, i had been trying to help to look for solutions as how to manage to live here and to make ends meet. But gradually, i started to notice that i didn’t look forward to him coming back anymore, that i always hoped that he wouldn’t come back too soon, so then i realised that was a bit strange. I also fell in love with a colleague, which helpen to make the decision for myself.
Sorry i am tired and in a busy place so i can’t think very clearly, that is why i am writing it with too many words.I relate with you, that you feel obliged to give him a chance, that you owe him that.
My ex had offered me a lot of advice (unasked, actually!) and patience, so i felt that i owed it to him, to wait for him and try. But, what did it matter how it had been in the past? It didn’t feel good for me anymore and i didn’t feel that the relation was good for me, which i had actually felt from the beginning. So why forcing myself and waiting until he comes back and then try again, when the motivation was already not there?I also felt awful when he wanted me to do things for him sexually, which was usually me doing for him and not vice versa, i didn’t know how to say no, and i don’t think it should be like that.
On the phone he wonโt accept it and he has politely asked me to never bring the issue of feeling not in love and disconnected again, because it hurts him and makes him feel unsure about himself and us.
This quote bothers me a little bit. He won’t accept it on the phone, but if that is what you want, is he not going to have to accept it? (sorry, this might be a naieve question, i have actually very little experience or understanding about how it works in relations). And him asking you never bring up such an important issue again, that sounds a bit like putting you in a deadlock. If you feel like that, and you can’t talk about it, and he doesn’t want you break up.. what can you do? He forbids you these things because he doesn’t want to deal with his insecurity. I can understand it, i also find it very hard to deal with these feelings, but how is it for you, not being able to talk about it, is not going to help you to do something about it?
Ok, i need to get away from here, i can’t formulate my thoughts properly, it is too noisy here. I hope you get my point. I guess what i am trying to tell you with all these paragraphs, is that just from reading your posts (obviously i can’t read your mind), i feel a bit similar as where i was in my relation, which also happened to be long-distance. That like me, you might be putting more emphasis on what he wants and needs, than on yourself? Does that sounds like it could be the case?
SannParticipantOh and i forgot to say, thank you for the welcome back Anita. I am glad to read your responses again, as well.
I am hoping to be a bit more active again at some point, but at the moment it seems to be hard. I had to move to the hostel, my new job gives me a lot of stress and the hostel is also less privacy. At the moment i am typing this while there are some children running around and the stresslevel is piling up quickly actually. I think it’s time to get away from my computer and trying to meditate in the tent (hopefully i don’t hear them there..). In this situation i need to look after myself first, before trying to support others – that is what i need to learn in my life anyway, to look after myself in the first place.SannParticipantHi Anita,
Thank you so much for your kind reply.
And thank you for being fine with it, but it bothers me a bit, because i am a kind of person that likes to contribute, here i don’t do it much because i often feel i don’t have enough insights to give advice, and also, at the moment i seem to need all my energy to keep my own head above the water.
Yes you have a good memory, i remember that as well, that was interested, i did that inner selves exercise on paper and actually had an interesting experience where they started to talk with each other, and getting things straight, haha!Thank you for saying that i do have things to say. I guess everyone does. I guess i just like to put myself down because i can’t talk about a lot of things, and i’m not good in social talk, and i tend to block easily. But i’m probably not the only one with that. And i forget, that with some people, i just like to be around them, having much to talk about or not.
I mailed about it to a friend in my home country as well, and she replied that if he didn’t do anything to look for further contact, she thinks he is not interested, but i think that’s very easy. That’s what i have done my whole life, waiting until the other takes initiative (also about (potential) friends or acquintances), so i’ve missed a lot of sociale contact because of that.
I don’t have any friends where i live, since a few years, because i’m so insecure, so that also doesn’t help to gather the courage to ask this to a guy.I had a day off today and tried to enjoy it and relax a bit, but i just keep jumping from one option to the other. I guess you are right, it would be best to ask it. Even just for myself, to take myself seriously enough and to give myself a chance. And if it is no, then i know it and i can stop hoping and fantasising, then i have the pain and can get on with my life after that. And, as we say in my language “You have a no already, a yes you can get”.
I keep looking for proofs that he likes me, or on the other opposite, that it was all comedy. I hate that paranoidness, i like somebody so much and then i tell myself that he plays comedy with me, which would make him a really awful person, to play with somebody for so long. And he isn’t an awful person. It could be that he just likes me, but nothing more, but then also i need to know that at some point. If he doesn’t want to keep in contact, or does in a friendly way. I think it is the worst, to keep going on in my head making interpretations and fantasies because i’m afraid…Thank you for the encouragement. That is actually what i have been doing for so long: i have to appear perfectly to other people for them to accept me, so i used to put on a fake smile and being hyperactive, because that is what other people seemed to do. I am slowly starting to see that i can be, and need to be myself, even if that means that i am serious and my face looks serious.
It probably makes it harder that i will have to ask this at his work, because if i wait for a random moment to meet him by coincidence and get to talk to him, that might be difficult. So at work i need to have a good moment, quiet and nobody around that shouldn’t hear that – i am quite mistrusting towards many people there, i feel there is a bit a hypocritical atmosphere, and anyway, that is not everybody’s business. But i should stop thinking about it, because the more i think about it, the bigger it might become. Maybe i should just visualise me doing it, so that it seems more natural, i don’t know.
And then i am afraid that he is shy (which he is, towards me anyway) and doesn’t say anything, but then that is his responsability.On the other hand i wonder, this has been going on for a year and haven’t manage much to talk to each other, does it makes sence to still try it?
Aaargh, and that is how i make myself crazy. I keep thinking about it, in order to avoid feeling it or having to do something, and that way i make things such a big mountain in my head that nothing ever happens.
I can choose to do it, but then, will i manage to do it as well?
I should probably stop thinking about it (ha ha, as if i could!) until Thursday, and then decide if i go or not, with the excuse to ask again for my document (i also don’t want to look like obsessed with that document, which i’m not ๐ ), because Thursday is the weekday that would work best i think, having a slight idea who works when and when it is more busy..
Because i can’t plan everything anyway, it will also depend on him. If i go and he avoids contact, then it will be a different story, then if he talks enthousiastically and seems happy to see me as well.
Pfffff.. Stop thinking about it, and be in the moment.SannParticipantHmmm… I just see the text after posting it.. Wow, it is really long.. Probably not necessary for such a simple story..
April 5, 2016 at 8:04 am in reply to: How is it to be in a relation with a person having superiority complex #100921SannParticipantHi,
First of all, sorry to interrupt this thread with a side-issue.
I read it a while ago and since I don’t have internet in my house, i didn’t find the time to reply yet.
I’m afraid that I don’t know how to contribute to your question about this man – i’m struggling too much about it myself.@ Elletinker, thank you for writing you story about your work. I am very, very slowly starting to see how sensitive I am and how much the energy of other people influences me. I am struggling a lot with that at work, i found it interesting and helpful to read your post. I’m thinking to start an other thread to write about this, maybe to ask you or other people for you experiences – when I have more time. Anyway, thank you for contributing and helping me a little bit along in learning to cope better with different people in the workplace.
SannParticipantHi again Kasun,
I just saw this topic again. I’m actually starting my meditation practice again, since about 2 – 3 weeks. I’m not a student, but I am doing some online courses at the moment, which means i’m also spending some time studying. I meditate one hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon, and i haven’t really figured out what if most beneficial for the studying mind.
But i also think, that it the benefits are most important in the long run. That it calms your mind, making it more clear and will make it easier to retain the content. Because it is a gradual process that transforms your mind, which gives you much more than just how you feel or how your cognitions work better after an hour of meditating. So even if you’re not meditating in the best time, if you maintain the practice it will help you.But, these are just my personal thoughts, and i’m definitely not an expert on medidation.
Have you made any progress actually, on finding out what works best?
Good luck, and good luck with your studies!
SannParticipantOh nice idea Pomplemous ๐
And, how did it go with the Bible group?I had a massage today. Perhaps sounds a little bit lame, and was not completely new, i had one or 2 before, but it’s not something that i’d usually do. And this massage therapist was so nice and gentle, took the time to first talk about what’s wrong, and during the massage we had a little chat and i could express easily to her one of the things i’m struggling with in my life right now, and her reply were the kind of words of encouragement that i needed to hear.
So this is also not me, self-nurturing and allowing people to treat me gently and carefully. And i will go back (as long as there is money for it… )
Nice initiative, it is good for us to do different things more often ๐
SannParticipantI was thinking, while i was ‘meeting’ them and listing them up, that i need more of this or that type, so that i could create some guys that could help with creating some more balance. But now that i’m looking at it, i think that’s wrong. I think these other guys are there already, there are just pushed in the corner for years and years and never given a chance because of the dominance of the others. So it’s about digging them up, giving them the space and the acknowledgement.
Wow, this is exciting.SannParticipant* Sann, feel free to let loose an inner self or two of your own. Donโt let your inner critic tell you that you have to produce some fancy inner self, any old inner self will do.
anita
Thank you Anita.
I might ๐
I started writing them yesterday, and was very surprised that i had 30 already. This morning i was in a little course and got my notebook out to write down 2 more. I have the feeling there are quite some more coming. Wow! That’s a lot!
The good thing is: i am much more richer than i thought, ha ha!
But, i didn’t know, it was so complicated in there. Nice to get to know myself ๐It will be interesting to visualise it, to put the ones together who are family or good friends, or the opponents, and the ones that always stay away from each other… That would be very complicated though..
SannParticipantAnita
your analysis is absolutely brilliant and keeps me motivated.
I donโt think I couldโve done so well without your interest
and please go ahead with your idea about using your inner selves to deconstruct Marvin
thanks again ๐I agree.
Both of you are amazing.I was smiling with the hot seat idea actually. Because a while ago i did an exercise called ‘three chairs conversation’ where you let 2 parts of you talk, the criticiser and the criticised, let’s say in your case it would be Marvin and perhaps Ron, and then on the third chair you put the healthy, compassionate, wise you to guide it. I love that exercise, and when i told somebody about that, she told me the first time about this concept, what you are doing here.
The 2 of you are just brilliant, thank you for all the free lessons and therapy sessions ๐
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