Sia
I have no where near the soft and calming language that Matt skillfully and gently uses to slow your exhausted heart but I also agree with his kind advice
Your challenges are real to you and perhaps with careful practice and compassion for yourself you will see that the abundance you so desperately seek exists inside of you.
Warmth and love
Sean

Dee
While I was driving back to my moms where am building my emotional strength again ,I was listening to a guy called earl nightingale on the subject of how we think and more importantly what we think about internally reflects externally in our behaviour,oura ,or whatever word is used to discribe this truth.
It’s about what we think about and how it more than any other aspect of our life truly determins the outcome of our overall present state of being.
Now I have to be careful as there are far more eloquent writers and wordsmiths on this site than I , all I can do is speak from my heart.
I am 53 years old have one son at university doing a masters degree at the age of 28 after surviving what’s called a “subdural empiema”
He caught sinasitus through the airline airsystem whilst on holiday to Greece with friends at the age of 17. When the surgeon explained it had travelled through his eye ducts and came to rest on his brain and subsequently had spread vigorously behind his skull.,I was beside my self with terror not fear because to be told he may not survive the operation was the lowest point of my entire life and as I write this to you now Dee and relive that episode of true fear I am almost embarrassed at my unmanly weakness of falling almost apart by the breaking of a relationship where we all are in such good health,eyes to see,ears to hear,mouth to speak,
Limbs to work effortlessly, and above all a brain so magnificent and full of so much ” UNTAPPED ” ability and wonder it leaves me cold to feel at times so pittyful in my heart.
My Sean emerged 5 weeks later with a 4 inch titanium plate covering the hole in his skull from his ordeal of drips ,injections,monitoring equipment,24 hr vigilant nursing to go on and last year get a first in his university degree and now like I say studying for a masters degree. ” proud” and eternally gratefull does not even come close to how I feel but you get the picture (sorry for the photo reference )
My second son Ryan is 24 yrs of age and is holding his life together by thread sometimes it feels, as he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder this year after be sectioned against his will to a state of the art mental hospital. I spent today with him and every free day he will allow me. He and his brother are from a young relationship and when that ended it wasn’t long before I found what I thought was the holy grail of true love.
The following 16 yrs of life where driven by people pleasing, trying to prove I was good enough and compromise of my nature,intelligence ,honour, self esteme and ability not to loose or let go of the burning pain in my heart. All of this was driven by me ” me”
I could justify all day long the behaviours of myself and the manor in which I had no self control over the crutches I leaned on from alcohol , to self pity and to blame everone and anyone ,this circumstance and that circumstance was always easier than to do what was truly needed…that was to do the right thing.
I guess in the end the powers that be …after 16years conspired to save me from myself and my wife and her 3 children from a tortured future.
Believe me as I right this the honesty burns deep because we have a 14 yr old beautiful daughter to add to the collection.
So that’s 6 children between us .
I believe deep within all of us we want and crave one thing through out our existence here on earth and that is to be loved and to be able to share what we have learned through our life experiences what that true love means to us .
However unless we can love ourselves we will always come from the position of “do as I say …not as I do…”. and if we wouldn’t except that principle from anyone else , then why do we expect that from others…Wow where did all that come from..sorry
I’m getting tired of my own self pittyful waste of the precious short lived time we have on this earth, and at present like you desperately pushing to unlock that self imposed emotional prison cell so I can once again strap on my armour and pick up my sword in the defence of this truly wonderful life we have been gifted with.
We are I believe exactly where we are supposed to be until we learn what it is we need to learn ….in order to find the wisdom and grace needed to be a true and honest part of this great existence ,we need to lead our children through the murky clouded waters of emotional trials and tests that they “will” encounter
By our own example of courage, determination,strength, will,and most importantly love of thy self….to end I realise why on an airplane they at the beginning of the safety instruction they explain when the cabin looses pressure and the mask falls from above, you should put your on mask on first before the child ..even though that goes against your instinct…fix you …then when they truly need it you can fix them.
I hope Dee my outpouring did not detract in any way from how you feel but I do hope you feel your journey is not so lonely
You matter just as much as everyone else
Warmth and love
Sean

Hi Stacy
I wholeheartedly agree with ann
My son Ryan 24yrs old was diagnosed with bipolar 2yrs ago, in some small way it was a relief ,as he was living on the street ,surviving on his wits, living a life that as his dad leaves me ashamed because I had for so long thought as did his mum and stepdad this was a boy totally out of control.
The remorse and sadness is so consuming at times , that it is difficult to try and put into words.( this is my 3rd attempt in 4 hrs to write this reply to you)
Ann is absolutely on the money “you” hold the key and while that must seem so daunting you have to follow to the letter her advice ,keep calling, keep writing ,keep talking, whatever.you have to do . And if you need proof that you can be heard ….look at these heartfelt responses every person here is with you .your frustration is felt by me because I feel it for my son he will have my unconditional support and in a strange way you ..yes you..have helped me because while I was trying to shop for Christmas with my son purely to get him out in public , I had a tx message from a friend telling me to look at your post on tiny Buddha as I may find it relevant to myself ….now I realise that reading this some may feel I am the one who needs the support and help , they could not be more wrong ,ryan is the one who needs constant motivation ,monitoring ,and simple honest reassurance and love that will help him to feel he will not have to do this journey alone.
Stacy you are not alone anymore as we have got your back ,you have by your very post allowed me to express to the very people who understand bipolar and mental illness my frustration with the system which is supposed to be there to help and which instead is found lacking in a true commitment to make a difference.
Strap on your armour, pick up your sword and fight for you . Educate yourself in every way you can to understand your condition and also educate those who are prepared to listen, but also include those people who you feel aren’t listening but ” should”
Never give up on you , you are here to be loved and be an important part of this great universe,
You are in my thoughts and in my heart .
Sean

Hi Surabhi
I understand how alone you must feel, but if you stop ……for just a moment and notice the speed by which all these people responded with compassion ,care ,and I know ” love” in their hearts to your cry for help
The world can at times seem unforgiving when it’s forcing us to look deep within our own hearts and minds to help us to find out who we truly are.
My son is doing his masters as we speak and I know the commitment and dedication it requires to apply yourself. But above all else you need a certain amount of intelegence in order to comprehend the course… So my point is this,you sound so intelligent and your plea to this site proves you have an understanding of loving intelligence . Now you have to start educating yourself as to how important ” YOU ” are , because you deserve the opportunity to live the best life you can and the only people allowed to prevent that ..are the people you allow to prevent that.
By learning to love yourself it will empower you to start fight back . When you start wining small battles your confidence will grow and so will you.
Good luck and be the pussycat who looks in the mirror and sees the “lion” looking back
Sean

You sound pretty low and I frustratedly understand why. After a 4 year search for the the holy grail of life I feel you have been looking to find not only ” the ” secret , but “A” secret to the elixir of life. The bad news is …in the physical sense of the word …it doesn’t exist..I know this because I too have been searching via the same route.
I have read ,listen to, talked about, sang about,asked about, and watched everything and anything I felt would give me a key or at least help me to find it in order to unlock the mystical path to contentment in life.
What I have found is that living in England it “rains” a lot… But without the rain we would not enjoy the true richness of the “green” grass..without the constant challenge to our comfort zone we would be sheep..life for those who don’t wish to be sheep following each other.. has to by its very nature… be challenging.
Growth inside can only come about by the pain of challenge..wether it’s physical or emotional. And I have found absolute understanding in the simplistic attitude of a little known book called “Dear Sebastian” it is the true result of a request made by young 34 year old Irish dad who after discovering he had terminal cancer ,struggled to come to terms with how he would leave his young nine year old son without fatherly guidance . He wanted to find a way to teach his son the rules of life after he had gone. He decided he would create a book and he needed the participation of every successful person he could think of in Ireland . He wrote to the priminister, ,his cabinet , the leader of his opposition, the head of the bank of Ireland, the head of the brewing giant Magners,race horse owners,famous sportsmen and women,actors ,poets,artists, dancers (Michael flatly ..river dance), TV personalities ,singers,talkers, and really anyone who had made a success in and of their lives.
The young dad asked these people if they would write a short letter as a contribution to a book of letters explaining the secrets to their successes in their lives. This would serve as a legacy of guidance to this dads 9 year old son.
To the dad’s absolute belief in the power of love and compassion they “ALL” in due course replied….they each had some amazing answers and suggestions as to their successes in life and the book is available from amazon and most other book stores., however the letter which resonates with me every single day and gives me the belief that life can be truly wonderful in the end ,even though you feel lost at times and your faith in life seems to be consistently challenged . is as follows….
A famous tv executive having a drink with his friend after a days fishing started to ponder…he turned to his friend and asked the question…”what’s it all about .?”
To his amazement and quick as a flash his friend replied…” Oh that’s easy..it’s about doing the right thing ” without thinking the first guy said
” yeh but how do you know. Your doing the right thing..?” To which his friend confidently replied … ” that’s just it you always know…! ”
So Charlotte if you are wondering the relevance of my response …here it is …I am in my 53rd year of a trust challenged life suffering from childhood trauma of various kinds some so unpleasant I’m not sure how or why I got this far..but what I know is this the success or failure of my life can never be the responsibility of anyone else but me ..,and I can not go through my life saying ” I’m not where I want to be because of him , or her, or anybody, cowards do that and that ain’t me. All my life in my struggle for self acceptance , I truly believe with ” all ” my heart that doing “the right thing” wether the right word , the right thought , or indeed the right action , can and will eventually lead to an experience of life which will eventually lead to an acceptance of love….love of thy self because you will only do the right thing no matter what it is.
I have been involved and worked tirelessly to create a family business for 10 years. I tripped and fell many times in my quest to find my self worth in my world and have come to an unplanned fork in the road where I have been ousted from the business , the marriage, the parental role and above all a secure or so I thought.. future.
Sometimes in life the universe conspires to make the decisions for us that we refuse to.. And it sometimes as painful as it can be has to do with the betterment of the people we love as well as us ourselves .
So provided you fix in your mind to always be mindful of doing the right thing….then eventually the universe will absolutely find you and give what you’ve been seeking for so long…you just need to recognise it when it comes.
Love and warmth wrapped in a hug
Sean