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Sean Bloomfield

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  • in reply to: Making mistakes and forgiving yourself #47177
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Dee I
    feel your situation could not have been put more honestly than the heartfelt honesty with which Matt has described your journey of your family life until now.
    I feel as a man and husband aswell as a father Matt has awakened in me the dormant and hidden honesty that refused to notice the true value of parenting and the absolute selflessness it requires. There are many men who should pay attention to the rigorous unconditional physical and emotion demands that is required from mothers every waking hour of every day and the ego driven ignorance of us husbands can only lead to sadness and at times loneliness for a wife who is so under appreciated in heart that she feels so ignored and unnoticed.
    Every woman deserves the opportunity to flourish in her personality and has much to offer an every aspect of the family relationship and men would do well to understand that eventually the are at the real helm of family life.
    Dee you will recover and eventually your loving light will guide all your family home safely…
    Matt..Thank you ,your wisdom is beyond honesty
    You opened my eyes ,my heart, and my soul ,everything you described in Dee was absolutely the honest truth and I feel I should have seen it all in my own marriage instead of the cowardice I showed in blaming her..and everyone else
    “Eternally great full to you both”
    Sean

    in reply to: how to attract abundance in life? #47107
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Sia
    I have no where near the soft and calming language that Matt skillfully and gently uses to slow your exhausted heart but I also agree with his kind advice
    Your challenges are real to you and perhaps with careful practice and compassion for yourself you will see that the abundance you so desperately seek exists inside of you.
    Warmth and love
    Sean

    in reply to: Learn from others #47027
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Dee
    While I was driving back to my moms where am building my emotional strength again ,I was listening to a guy called earl nightingale on the subject of how we think and more importantly what we think about internally reflects externally in our behaviour,oura ,or whatever word is used to discribe this truth.
    It’s about what we think about and how it more than any other aspect of our life truly determins the outcome of our overall present state of being.
    Now I have to be careful as there are far more eloquent writers and wordsmiths on this site than I , all I can do is speak from my heart.
    I am 53 years old have one son at university doing a masters degree at the age of 28 after surviving what’s called a “subdural empiema”
    He caught sinasitus through the airline airsystem whilst on holiday to Greece with friends at the age of 17. When the surgeon explained it had travelled through his eye ducts and came to rest on his brain and subsequently had spread vigorously behind his skull.,I was beside my self with terror not fear because to be told he may not survive the operation was the lowest point of my entire life and as I write this to you now Dee and relive that episode of true fear I am almost embarrassed at my unmanly weakness of falling almost apart by the breaking of a relationship where we all are in such good health,eyes to see,ears to hear,mouth to speak,
    Limbs to work effortlessly, and above all a brain so magnificent and full of so much ” UNTAPPED ” ability and wonder it leaves me cold to feel at times so pittyful in my heart.
    My Sean emerged 5 weeks later with a 4 inch titanium plate covering the hole in his skull from his ordeal of drips ,injections,monitoring equipment,24 hr vigilant nursing to go on and last year get a first in his university degree and now like I say studying for a masters degree. ” proud” and eternally gratefull does not even come close to how I feel but you get the picture (sorry for the photo reference )
    My second son Ryan is 24 yrs of age and is holding his life together by thread sometimes it feels, as he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder this year after be sectioned against his will to a state of the art mental hospital. I spent today with him and every free day he will allow me. He and his brother are from a young relationship and when that ended it wasn’t long before I found what I thought was the holy grail of true love.
    The following 16 yrs of life where driven by people pleasing, trying to prove I was good enough and compromise of my nature,intelligence ,honour, self esteme and ability not to loose or let go of the burning pain in my heart. All of this was driven by me ” me”
    I could justify all day long the behaviours of myself and the manor in which I had no self control over the crutches I leaned on from alcohol , to self pity and to blame everyone and anyone ,this circumstance and that circumstance was always easier than to do what was truly needed…that was to do the right thing.
    I guess in the end the powers that be …after 16years conspired to save me from myself and my wife and her 3 children from a tortured future.
    (I have to include my wife introduced soul wrenching pain to our marriage but that is her burden and her demon to deal with.)
    Believe me as I right this the honesty burns deep because we have a 14 yr old beautiful daughter to add to the collection.
    So that’s 6 children between us .
    I believe deep within all of us we want and crave one thing through out our existence here on earth and that is to be loved and to be able to share what we have learned through our life experiences what that true love means to us .
    However unless we can love ourselves we will always come from the position of “do as I say …not as I do…”. and if we wouldn’t except that principle from anyone else , then why do we impose philosophy on others…Wow where did all that come from..sorry
    I’m getting tired of my own self pittyful waste of the precious short lived time we have on this earth, and at present like you desperately pushing to unlock that self imposed emotional prison cell so I can once again strap on my armour and pick up my sword in the defence of this truly wonderful life we have been gifted with.
    We are I believe exactly where we are supposed to be until we learn what it is we need to learn ….in order to find the wisdom and grace needed to be a true and honest part of this great existence ,we need to lead our children through the murky clouded waters of emotional trials and tests that they “will” encounter
    By our own example of courage, determination,strength, will,and most importantly love of thy self….to end I realise why on an airplane they at the beginning of the safety instruction they explain when the cabin looses pressure and the mask falls from above, you should put your on mask on first before the child ..even though that goes against your instinct…fix you …then when they truly need it you can fix them.
    I hope Dee my outpouring did not detract in any way from how you feel but I do hope you feel your journey is not so lonely
    You matter just as much as everyone else
    Warmth and love
    Sean

    in reply to: Making mistakes and forgiving yourself #47021
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Dee
    While I was driving back to my moms where am building my emotional strength again ,I was listening to a guy called earl nightingale on the subject of how we think and more importantly what we think about internally reflects externally in our behaviour,oura ,or whatever word is used to discribe this truth.
    It’s about what we think about and how it more than any other aspect of our life truly determins the outcome of our overall present state of being.
    Now I have to be careful as there are far more eloquent writers and wordsmiths on this site than I , all I can do is speak from my heart.
    I am 53 years old have one son at university doing a masters degree at the age of 28 after surviving what’s called a “subdural empiema”
    He caught sinasitus through the airline airsystem whilst on holiday to Greece with friends at the age of 17. When the surgeon explained it had travelled through his eye ducts and came to rest on his brain and subsequently had spread vigorously behind his skull.,I was beside my self with terror not fear because to be told he may not survive the operation was the lowest point of my entire life and as I write this to you now Dee and relive that episode of true fear I am almost embarrassed at my unmanly weakness of falling almost apart by the breaking of a relationship where we all are in such good health,eyes to see,ears to hear,mouth to speak,
    Limbs to work effortlessly, and above all a brain so magnificent and full of so much ” UNTAPPED ” ability and wonder it leaves me cold to feel at times so pittyful in my heart.
    My Sean emerged 5 weeks later with a 4 inch titanium plate covering the hole in his skull from his ordeal of drips ,injections,monitoring equipment,24 hr vigilant nursing to go on and last year get a first in his university degree and now like I say studying for a masters degree. ” proud” and eternally gratefull does not even come close to how I feel but you get the picture (sorry for the photo reference )
    My second son Ryan is 24 yrs of age and is holding his life together by thread sometimes it feels, as he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder this year after be sectioned against his will to a state of the art mental hospital. I spent today with him and every free day he will allow me. He and his brother are from a young relationship and when that ended it wasn’t long before I found what I thought was the holy grail of true love.
    The following 16 yrs of life where driven by people pleasing, trying to prove I was good enough and compromise of my nature,intelligence ,honour, self esteme and ability not to loose or let go of the burning pain in my heart. All of this was driven by me ” me”
    I could justify all day long the behaviours of myself and the manor in which I had no self control over the crutches I leaned on from alcohol , to self pity and to blame everone and anyone ,this circumstance and that circumstance was always easier than to do what was truly needed…that was to do the right thing.
    I guess in the end the powers that be …after 16years conspired to save me from myself and my wife and her 3 children from a tortured future.
    Believe me as I right this the honesty burns deep because we have a 14 yr old beautiful daughter to add to the collection.
    So that’s 6 children between us .
    I believe deep within all of us we want and crave one thing through out our existence here on earth and that is to be loved and to be able to share what we have learned through our life experiences what that true love means to us .
    However unless we can love ourselves we will always come from the position of “do as I say …not as I do…”. and if we wouldn’t except that principle from anyone else , then why do we expect that from others…Wow where did all that come from..sorry
    I’m getting tired of my own self pittyful waste of the precious short lived time we have on this earth, and at present like you desperately pushing to unlock that self imposed emotional prison cell so I can once again strap on my armour and pick up my sword in the defence of this truly wonderful life we have been gifted with.
    We are I believe exactly where we are supposed to be until we learn what it is we need to learn ….in order to find the wisdom and grace needed to be a true and honest part of this great existence ,we need to lead our children through the murky clouded waters of emotional trials and tests that they “will” encounter
    By our own example of courage, determination,strength, will,and most importantly love of thy self….to end I realise why on an airplane they at the beginning of the safety instruction they explain when the cabin looses pressure and the mask falls from above, you should put your on mask on first before the child ..even though that goes against your instinct…fix you …then when they truly need it you can fix them.
    I hope Dee my outpouring did not detract in any way from how you feel but I do hope you feel your journey is not so lonely
    You matter just as much as everyone else
    Warmth and love
    Sean

    in reply to: Making mistakes and forgiving yourself #47005
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Hi dee
    You sound not as low as perhaps you feel and that’ is I think part of the fake it till you make it syndrome unconsciously .
    I’m 53 and struggling with a very painfull realisation that my 17 yr family life will never be the one I had planned for due to my impending divorce and to my many struggles with myself and my lack of ability to take responsibility for my negative habits .
    Sexual abuse in childhood, aswell as domestic violence, aswell as growing up in an environment in N.ireland rife with violence of political and war like in its nature, gave me the perfect excuse to adopt numerous selfish habits which then became crutches of different disguises .
    On the outside I was desperately craving love and affection and strived to show a constant drive and passion for work to secure a future for our family.
    However on the inside a tortured existence hidden behind a mask of ignorance as to why I felt this way.
    I understand you can never hide what or who you truly are , and to have a life of loving existence you have to start inside, deep inside , forgiving yourself is the only way you can ever be true to yourself and when you learn to do that your whole life will honestly open up in front of you .
    I had a look at your site and more importantly your photos …they really say a lot about the inner beauty of your heart ..you truly have a gift of presenting reality in an honest view ..in the form of a photograph
    I wish you to know life ,the world and the people in it are truly wonderful we all just have to find a way of seeing it that way
    Love and a heartfelt hug
    Sean

    in reply to: mental illness #46805
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Hi Stacy
    I wholeheartedly agree with ann
    My son Ryan 24yrs old was diagnosed with bipolar 2yrs ago, in some small way it was a relief ,as he was living on the street ,surviving on his wits, living a life that as his dad leaves me ashamed because I had for so long thought as did his mum and stepdad this was a boy totally out of control.
    The remorse and sadness is so consuming at times , that it is difficult to try and put into words.( this is my 3rd attempt in 4 hrs to write this reply to you)
    Ann is absolutely on the money “you” hold the key and while that must seem so daunting you have to follow to the letter her advice ,keep calling, keep writing ,keep talking, whatever.you have to do . And if you need proof that you can be heard ….look at these heartfelt responses every person here is with you .your frustration is felt by me because I feel it for my son he will have my unconditional support and in a strange way you ..yes you..have helped me because while I was trying to shop for Christmas with my son purely to get him out in public , I had a tx message from a friend telling me to look at your post on tiny Buddha as I may find it relevant to myself ….now I realise that reading this some may feel I am the one who needs the support and help , they could not be more wrong ,ryan is the one who needs constant motivation ,monitoring ,and simple honest reassurance and love that will help him to feel he will not have to do this journey alone.
    Stacy you are not alone anymore as we have got your back ,you have by your very post allowed me to express to the very people who understand bipolar and mental illness my frustration with the system which is supposed to be there to help and which instead is found lacking in a true commitment to make a difference.
    Strap on your armour, pick up your sword and fight for you . Educate yourself in every way you can to understand your condition and also educate those who are prepared to listen, but also include those people who you feel aren’t listening but ” should”
    Never give up on you , you are here to be loved and be an important part of this great universe,
    You are in my thoughts and in my heart .
    Sean

    in reply to: Finding peace while spouse is still unhappy #46803
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Hi Renee
    I am truly sorry for your pain,
    I am truly touched at the courage and strength you compassionately show
    In the manner you talk about your husband. I’m not quite sure how he’s spiralled downward only to perhaps suggest if I’ve understood you, that his remorse has absolutely consumed him.
    I don’t have the knowledge or understanding of who he is, nor would it be right to to make an ill informed judgment on him as I don’t know how his mind is truLy working . However….
    Anyone reading your post would be hard pressed not to see or hear the depth of your love and the soul searching position you are now faced with , you have invested all of you in your life thus far and the pain for you is immense and the path you need to follow has to come from within your heart.
    When I was told my marriage was over the actual words were never said and I am now 4months still trying to come to terms with the facts that most aspects of my life including and especially the relationship with my daughter will be changed forever. Everyone in my family suddenly has become lawyers ,psychologists,psychiatrists,doctors,social workers,parenting experts,accountants and although well meaning all come from a place of
    ”not” having the courage or knowledge or heartfelt bravery to retake control of their own lives.
    Renee no one can tell you or should want to tell you what to do , but know that I genuinely feel your emotional honesty and although the pain and loneliness is unbearable at times you still found the compassion and bravery to publicly cry that you love him , and if he could find a way of feeling that in his soul
    At least he and you could begin to work together in rebuilding a different better future for all your family .
    I know in my heart the answer your looking for is inside you and only you,
    And while I know you will have heard this over and over , and over it doesn’t
    And won’t help your current position,
    I’m here as are many others and as part of this life warrior site which you are now a member , it is refreshing I hope that to know that you are being heard with loving honesty in a way that will not leave you feeling so alone .
    I want to share with you my son reminded me of when he was struggling with life while embarking on university life for a masters degree.
    I was sending YouTube motivational videos and what ever nuggets of wisdom I could , steal,think up ,read,or talk down the phone to him.
    When he felt my pain over the unwanted and unprepared for divorce ….he sent me one back…!
    It’s from the movie rocky 5
    I love you unconditionally, . Wherever I am in the country or world I’m always here for you and that will also never change. This is where all those motivational speeches and videos need to be remembered…need to be processed and need to be brought into the bigger picture. One that ALWAYS sticks with me (that you showed me) is…
    ”Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward.
    Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!”
    I love you
    Renee your in my thoughts and I hope my words helped even a little
    Sean

    in reply to: Need Some advice pls help #46339
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Hi Surabhi
    I understand how alone you must feel, but if you stop ……for just a moment and notice the speed by which all these people responded with compassion ,care ,and I know ” love” in their hearts to your cry for help
    The world can at times seem unforgiving when it’s forcing us to look deep within our own hearts and minds to help us to find out who we truly are.
    My son is doing his masters as we speak and I know the commitment and dedication it requires to apply yourself. But above all else you need a certain amount of intelegence in order to comprehend the course… So my point is this,you sound so intelligent and your plea to this site proves you have an understanding of loving intelligence . Now you have to start educating yourself as to how important ” YOU ” are , because you deserve the opportunity to live the best life you can and the only people allowed to prevent that ..are the people you allow to prevent that.
    By learning to love yourself it will empower you to start fight back . When you start wining small battles your confidence will grow and so will you.
    Good luck and be the pussycat who looks in the mirror and sees the “lion” looking back
    Sean

    in reply to: Trying hard to let go and move on. #46029
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Long time in between Matt
    But 2 months is far too long to come back and ” Thank you”
    Still on the road less travelled but breathing fresh wonderful air when I can raise my head above the emotional choking stench of unloving greed and self service of others imposed control of current events, but only for their moment.
    It isn’t about how hard you hit its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward wow what Macho reteric
    Truthfully
    Just taking each day as it comes and all the new friends and life warriors I now have to share with and understand the love filled existence we share here on tiny Buddha . Pain still there but it will go eventually and I look forward to the day when the universe arranges a accidental on purpose collision between me and the loving soul I want to share my life with.
    Thanks again Matt
    Your warrior friend Sean

    in reply to: Taking away sadness #44230
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    You sound pretty low and I frustratedly understand why. After a 4 year search for the the holy grail of life I feel you have been looking to find not only ” the ” secret , but “A” secret to the elixir of life. The bad news is …in the physical sense of the word …it doesn’t exist..I know this because I too have been searching via the same route.
    I have read ,listen to, talked about, sang about,asked about, and watched everything and anything I felt would give me a key or at least help me to find it in order to unlock the mystical path to contentment in life.
    What I have found is that living in England it “rains” a lot… But without the rain we would not enjoy the true richness of the “green” grass..without the constant challenge to our comfort zone we would be sheep..life for those who don’t wish to be sheep following each other.. has to by its very nature… be challenging.
    Growth inside can only come about by the pain of challenge..wether it’s physical or emotional. And I have found absolute understanding in the simplistic attitude of a little known book called “Dear Sebastian” it is the true result of a request made by young 34 year old Irish dad who after discovering he had terminal cancer ,struggled to come to terms with how he would leave his young nine year old son without fatherly guidance . He wanted to find a way to teach his son the rules of life after he had gone. He decided he would create a book and he needed the participation of every successful person he could think of in Ireland . He wrote to the priminister, ,his cabinet , the leader of his opposition, the head of the bank of Ireland, the head of the brewing giant Magners,race horse owners,famous sportsmen and women,actors ,poets,artists, dancers (Michael flatly ..river dance), TV personalities ,singers,talkers, and really anyone who had made a success in and of their lives.
    The young dad asked these people if they would write a short letter as a contribution to a book of letters explaining the secrets to their successes in their lives. This would serve as a legacy of guidance to this dads 9 year old son.
    To the dad’s absolute belief in the power of love and compassion they “ALL” in due course replied….they each had some amazing answers and suggestions as to their successes in life and the book is available from amazon and most other book stores., however the letter which resonates with me every single day and gives me the belief that life can be truly wonderful in the end ,even though you feel lost at times and your faith in life seems to be consistently challenged . is as follows….
    A famous tv executive having a drink with his friend after a days fishing started to ponder…he turned to his friend and asked the question…”what’s it all about .?”
    To his amazement and quick as a flash his friend replied…” Oh that’s easy..it’s about doing the right thing ” without thinking the first guy said
    ” yeh but how do you know. Your doing the right thing..?” To which his friend confidently replied … ” that’s just it you always know…! ”
    So Charlotte if you are wondering the relevance of my response …here it is …I am in my 53rd year of a trust challenged life suffering from childhood trauma of various kinds some so unpleasant I’m not sure how or why I got this far..but what I know is this the success or failure of my life can never be the responsibility of anyone else but me ..,and I can not go through my life saying ” I’m not where I want to be because of him , or her, or anybody, cowards do that and that ain’t me. All my life in my struggle for self acceptance , I truly believe with ” all ” my heart that doing “the right thing” wether the right word , the right thought , or indeed the right action , can and will eventually lead to an experience of life which will eventually lead to an acceptance of love….love of thy self because you will only do the right thing no matter what it is.
    I have been involved and worked tirelessly to create a family business for 10 years. I tripped and fell many times in my quest to find my self worth in my world and have come to an unplanned fork in the road where I have been ousted from the business , the marriage, the parental role and above all a secure or so I thought.. future.
    Sometimes in life the universe conspires to make the decisions for us that we refuse to.. And it sometimes as painful as it can be has to do with the betterment of the people we love as well as us ourselves .
    So provided you fix in your mind to always be mindful of doing the right thing….then eventually the universe will absolutely find you and give what you’ve been seeking for so long…you just need to recognise it when it comes.
    Love and warmth wrapped in a hug
    Sean

    in reply to: "staying off the foot" #43562
    Sean Bloomfield
    Participant

    Hi snap…
    Truly sorry to feel your pain. I joined this site just a week or so ago looking for some kind of help, support, wisdom, crutch, love, empathy, kindness, compassion, understanding, and a sense of somehow not feeling alone……although I am new to the technological participation it gives me an amount of peace and connection to like minded people who care enough about there world and the people in it,to share their pain, their support, and their “love” ( love in the true sense..that being of your fellow man or woman) and in the crisis filled well of emotion, confusion, and hurt…what comfort that is.!!
    The world truly is a wonderful place and what is even more surprising ….so are the people in it.
    The best example I can give you is the this very site.
    My name is Sean and as the name suggests I’m ” Irish” I’m not fully up to speed with your personal situation as I’m in the middle of my own unwanted dismantling of a 17year relationship with 9 year marriage children , step children ,dog, guinipigs,rabbits, cat,extended families,friends and a joint small business that I passionately thrive in….well at present feel like I’m thriving on the surface with a coat hanger in my mouth to force the smile that masks the incessant heartache and spence of loneliness .
    For now though enough about me..
    Ireland is magical, …leprechauns running freely,granting wishes,pots of heartfelt gold at the end of every rainbow ,
    Everywhere you go you can hear fiddle players romantically filling the the air with beautiful sounds of romance …while everyone practices the river dance with such passion and fire you can’t help yourself from joining in.
    As well as the overflowing vessels of Guinness spilling from the hands of those who’s attitude is always……
    ” Ah don’t worry about it …cause if it doesn’t get done today ,sure we can always have another crack it it tomorrow ”
    If you find yourself short of words …seek out Blarney castle near cork..there you’ll find the world famous “Blarney Stone”and legend has it once you’ve kissed this stone…. you’ll never be stuck for words ever again…
    Thank for allowing me to find the romance of life inside that I almost felt I lost in my heart…and finally as they say in Ireland..
    ” May you be in heaven at least half an hour before the devil knows your dead”
    Love to all us life warriors
    Sean xxx

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