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We just had a conversation and wow and I totally was surprised.
He pretty much said: “I lost feelings for you three months ago but I was scared of losing you so I kept it up.” “My best friend helped me realize three months ago that I wasn’t happy in the relationship and that we aren’t good for each other and that I lost feelings.” “The girl made me realize that what I was feeling was true and that I don’t wanna be in this anymore. I know I gained and lost feelings fast but it’s been in my mind since the summer.” “Well now for my next relationship I’ll make sure to actually get to know the person I’m gonna date.” (Sounded passive aggressive to me.) “I’m sorry you see me as that terrible guy.” And I asked if he had anything to say to me. He didn’t. What a immature child honestly.
i gave him the best advice and I really struck him hard, as he was speechless wheh I said that I’m glad that he showed me his true colours and I’m glad that I know when things get hard for you, you seek comfort in someone else. You showed me your true character.” And that hit him hard, he even admitted it. I also said “here’s advice for you since you have some to me: please stop seeking validation from others. You have to get self love from doing things for you and making yourself feel good. You don’t realize that you’re a good person. You can’t live through others peoples emotions and actions, cause at the end of the day you feel your own emotions your own happiness and your own sadness.”
I think he doesn’t want to admit that I hurt him when I told him I was questioning the relationship, so he told himself all these things to make himself feel better for doing this to me. One day he’ll realize that he was a true douche bag.
Man glad it’s over I deserve someone so much better. I wish he was honest with himself and me but I can’t fix that. I hope he apologizes to me one day, but I’m not counting on it or waiting. For his sake he should grow up as if he enters intoned a relationship with that girl he’s gonna have to figure himself out.
- This reply was modified 4 years ago by Sierra.
I guess it’s good to have this relationship end, although honestly I wasn’t ready for it to end . But what a plot twist! Last week, he told he was going to be by my side through it all which gave me hope. And he just changed his mind so quickly.
it does show his true colours, thought. When I felt myself questioning the relationship, I stayed and tried. When he questioned it, he ran away and seeked comfort from someone he barely knows.
I see myself as someone very unique, and I know people have a hard time losing me. So I know he’ll regreget giving up but I’m glad I’ll be able to love on and grow and work on myself. I shouldn’t be held back anymore, it’s just not fair!
- This reply was modified 4 years ago by Sierra.
I agree that I can’t change how he feels. And I know me wanting him to feel regret is a waste of valuable time.
I do need to focus on myself. It’s just gonna hurt to see them in the hallways with one another.
I am a nice and caring and patient person, so I know I don’t deserve to feel this way and I have kept my self worth. It still feels quite terrible.
I hope to hear an apology one day, though. As throughout our relationship, he barely apologized for how he made me feel.
Im feeling like I should end it. I thank you for thfor the insight, I guess I just need time to think about it before making such a drastic decision.
I don’t want to become the “good girlfriend”. Because I know I wouldn’t be happy, I don’t like being talked down to, or being told Im not trying, it makes me not want to try. I see him noticing it, he says the last two weeks there has been some fighting and tension.
I guess breaking up is just so permanent that im too afraid. I also don’t feel like I am trying, I’m being super distant and cold, which is also not good. I guess the reason I am like this is because I’m not sure if I want to save the relationship, but I’m scared I might regret it if I don’t try.
Thank you so much! It’s funny cause you actually helped me a lot this year, considering you responded to my posts in the past! I really appreciate the help, and I guess I do have to end it, I just don’t know when and how.
I feel sometimes that I may be overreacting and telling the story wrong, so that’s why I’m always hesitant. My friend told me to not excuse my feelings cause I’m afraid of being dramatic, which is true, but I tend to second guess a lot, and that’s my struggle.
But I really appreciate your view on it, it changed my perspective and made it easier for me to deal with the feeling that maybe my relationship isn’t what I thought it was.
I also had a flashback of anothe relationship I had at the beginning of this year, and there are similar traits that are coming out with my ex and my boyfriend.
They call me crying when they are drunk, and they sob and tell me how much they love and care about me. With this boyfriend I thought it was sweet, but I don’t think it’s healthy.
Also, he tells me that I “make” him, and I “make” him do things. I feel as if maybe it’s a lack of taking responsibility, as he never apologizes to me, even when it’s simple things like accidentally stepping on my foot and hurting me.
Thank you for telling me about your past, and I’d like to know how you got out of it and how you approached the situation?
I agree that the things he says are terrible. I don’t know how to go about how I’m feeling, or if I’ll regret and decision I make. He has his nice side of course , everyone does, but I’m scared to throw away something so quickly but at the same time I feel like as time passes it may get worse.
I haven’t mentioned those things to her yet.
he also over reacts about what I wear when I go out. I like to dress how I dress, and he gets so mad. A few days ago, I was getting ready and my friend posted a picture of me, he calls me, angry and tells me “so my friend sent me the picture of you, I just don’t get why.”
He kept saying that I should do what he tells me, he doesn’t get why we are fighting and that he doesn’t like what I’m wearing. I apologized, saying that I can change clothes, but he kept saying “it’s not about that Sierra.” Everytime I offered a suggestion he’d turned it down as if nothing was good enough. Another time I went to the club, I wore something he didn’t pike, and his friends say to him “you can’t let her dress like that, it ruins your reputation, my reputation and her reputation.”
He says I make him super happy, but then he says that I don’t do the things he wants me to do.
my friends and my mom said I should suggest taking a break, seeing how things are and the coming to a final decision. I am not sure what is best to do.
So Shoe and I have spent some time together this week.
In class, my friend kept telling me “Sierra, he keeps staring up here, I’m pretty sure he’s staring at you.” And even other people in my group project said he was looking up here. At some point he even came and started watching my team perform and I felt him staring at me.
My friend just said that “everytime you walk in or out of the room he looks at you right away. He’s obviously interested.”
The day before, I walked by him and his friends in the hall and his friend said to me “Hey, I know you!” I said “haha hey I know you too.” Shoe then asked me “so where do we meet up tomorrow for the photoshoot?” His friend then said “meet up against the lockers so you guys can make out.” I responded “you can meet me in English class.” And his friend started to tease and say “ouuuu look! Shoe is talking to a cute girl. Shoe look at you talking to a cute girl.”
His friend always teases him about me! I read that it’s a sign that Shoe could possibly like me. I just feel like he’s a natural flirt, just like a super suave Latino that charms a lot of girls so I don’t know, maybe he might like me a little more as things just point me to think that.
We had a photoshoot and we spent like a full 3 hours together. We were getting to know one another so well that time went by really quickly (unless it did just for me). He asked me a lot of personal questions and I feel like that’s a very big sign. He asked things like “so tell me all about you” or “tell me some stories we’ve got a lot of time” or “so what are you like.” He asked me so many questions I began re-evaluating myself at times ?.
He mentioned this girl that we both know. He asked “Hey, you know this girl right?” I said “yes, we sit next to one another in Spanish class!” And he nodded as if he already knew that me and her sat next to each other. To me it seemed like he talked to her about me.
He even stood up for me when this teacher was being rude to me. I don’t know if it was a “I’m truijg to show off my manliness” or it was a genuine act of being nice and helping me out. During the shoot he’d act kinda sexy, I wasn’t sure if it was just for the photos or he was trying to show off in front of me.
He just did little things that sometimes I wonder. He keeps asking me about his hair and if I think a certain hairstyle would look good. He may just be self obsessed?
Also at the end of our day together, he came in and gave me a hug when I really was not expecting him too because I didn’t think he’d want to.
My friend told me she saw him talking to this other girl later that day (the girl he talked to at the bar that I mentioned in my other post). She said it looked super friendly and nothing flirty as he wasn’t sitting next to her directly but I still felt jealous. I also remembered that he’s a single man and if he wants to talk to others of course he can but I guess it still sucks:’)
Before his show, he noticed me walking and he looked away from me. It was in a way where I knew he noticed me but I think he was a too shy to make eye contact. Or maybe I’m just dreaming who knows.
Also, after his show yesterday, he came up to me and thanked me for coming and we both hugged again!
I again need to get things off my chest as it helps my mind clear. But now I don’t know what to do. I feel like the photoshoot was my last chance to really talk to him. My friends told me that they feel that we’re probably gonna talk again! I really hope he wants to try and keep me around. I wanna make a first move but I’m afraid he might be weirded out as he seems the type to be extremely friendly with everyone. He’s supposed to collect the pictures I took of him from me but I’m not sure if I should text him or wait so he texts me.
There’s also many MANY coincidences that I’m just super taken back by. I’m trying not to let those get to me as they could just be happy coincidences and nothing more, but I keep them in mind.
Do I just let things be or maybe try to communicate or send signals in some way.
Thank you for the advice, and for understanding my rant. I needed to clear everything out because I’ve been keeping it in, and I feel much better now.
I do believe that Shoe is inexperienced. He just turned 18, and he is doing the things he wanted to do.
From what people tell me, they think that maybe he isn’t the best with girls and maybe his friend is trying to help him.
Im honestly kind of nervous for our session Wednesday. I don’t know if it’ll be awkward or actually really great. Do I show him I’m interested or will he think I’m weird?
I do just wanna wait for him to make a move. It may be a while, but I’m honestly not ready for a resl relationship. I would like to be friends with him first, we hang out occasionally, and maybe if things go further they do. But I actually want to aim for friendship. I hope he does too!
well he maybe he realize that I actually do want kids and a family. Before, I wasn’t really sure If I wanted to raise children, but after my time with him I’m kind of excited for it. I also never imagined getting married, I didn’t really believe in marriage, but after us being together I’m excited for a possible marriage.
I realized that I’d have to sacrifice some things in order to be with my partner, and vice versa, and maybe I’m more ready for that now.
He changed my view on how my future will go.
I agree. I shouldn’t take these signs too strongly. They are little signs of hope but they can’t determine my future. I wouldn’t wanna give myself false hope.
We all need to talk to someone, it’s normal. He thanked me for not thinking he was crazy, and it’s true I really don’t think he is. Him and I are very similar in those ways.
Its hard to say that self healing takes a long long time, in reality I don’t want it to take that long, but I have to accept it.
It’s also sad because I’ve been realizing these passed few days that he’s changed things about me, and I didn’t even notice.